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Am i the only one? - 10/12/2004 11:06:43 PM

akame

Posts: 64
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Am i the only slave that wants someone to treat me sweetly for a few days after a heavy scene? I mean, the next day, he likes to tweek the marks...while i simply wish he'd hug me and sooth them over with his hand instead of pinching them...am i alone in this or is this something others wish for too?
Thanks,
hugzzz,
me

_____________________________

"We are the people with such righteous ideas" Bob Hollister.
"It's the fact that we are all different, that makes us the same." Billie Myers.

Post #: 1

RE: Am i the only one? - 10/13/2004 4:55:59 AM

MistressKiss

Posts: 295
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

You're not the only one. I think that is part of aftercare - it's just that some submissives require a more lengthy approach to aftercare than others. Hell, I like getting flowers after a great period of scening, but I like the emotionally attaching, loving Ds type of relationship best, as well. I think that makes me a greedy little girl...laughs

_____________________________

"I assure you, Your Honor, I don't have to practice...I'm very good at them..."
(The Marquis de Sade at one of his trials for the sexual perversities he practiced)

(in reply to akame)

Post #: 2

RE: Am i the only one? - 10/13/2004 4:57:39 AM

cynnacent1

Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline

Hello, akame. i'd guess that you are not the only one, not that i can share the complaint. In the days following any play in which marks are evident, i've received my fair share of sweet and gentle pettings of said areas ... and a few tweaks and playful pinches as well. i enjoy the marks and the soreness serves as a reminder that they are there, which in turn brings about flashbacks and yummy memories of exactly how they got there in the first place.

If it is truely bothersome to you, can you not speak to your Daddy, sensiecal in regard to how you feel about his tweakings ?
-- Sounds like good advice, yet at the same time ... if he is anything at all like my Master, INSIDEYOURMIND ... it may simply spur him on even more ! LOL ... Ahh well, sometimes it IS the thought that counts i suppose.

< Message edited by cynnacent1 -- 10/13/2004 4:58:49 AM >

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(in reply to akame)

Post #: 3

RE: Am i the only one? - 10/13/2004 6:06:21 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

Have you thought to ask for the attention you need? Remember, no matter how nice it would be, Dominants are not mind readers. You're hitting the male/female problem here. He doesn't need it, so it probably isn't occurring to him that you do. Talk to him before your next scene. Do not wait till after or you'll be too emotional to handle it well. Tell him about the emotional state you find yourself in for several days after a scene, (and by the way, this is normal.. almost every sub I've ever had needs to reconnect a day or so after a scene for some type of reassurance) Let him know you need positive feedback in the form of hugs or being told you're a good girl and his precious treasure. Submissives have the right to have their needs met too.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to akame)

Post #: 4

RE: Am i the only one? - 10/14/2004 1:14:11 AM

andreaK

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/11/2004
Status: offline

I agree with MistressKiss, i too tend to want to be treated sweetly and especially after an intense session with My Master. It seems that all my emotions are all over the place, i get very emotional and extremely sensitive to anything. But after a few sessions, My Master has become very good in the aftercare part. He wasn't the man that would cuddled much before/after or during a session. One thing important for me is communication, i am always allowed to speak freely. So i guess it doesn't hurt to express yourself in a good manner of course and respectfully to your Dom. Remember, they aren't mind readers :)

But at times, He too likes to be a lil devil and torture (which i love). I see this as His way of sweetly reminding me of who i am and who i belong to.

So this means that i am always looking for a deep/intense session

.

All the best

andreaK

(in reply to akame)

Post #: 5

RE: Am i the only one? - 10/16/2004 9:44:09 PM

ChrisGreen

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/9/2004
Status: offline

Yes, I agree with that, and my Matrons do give me that space, and care that I am well and on the mend; after all, a fit and happy submissive is a boon to a domme, and she is not going to let me become damaged by carelessness, or lack of aftercare.

Regards

_____________________________

Chris Green

Matron, sister or nurse wanted,
to administer discipline to unruly patient.

(in reply to akame)

Post #: 6

RE: Am i the only one? - 10/20/2004 5:22:59 PM

slavejam

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/18/2004
Status: offline

You are definatly not the only one...

I do agree that the marks left are a good reminder.. If it was a punishment.. they help me to remember what you I wrong... If a good experience.. then I love to wallow in that feeling.... It all depends on you though

(in reply to ChrisGreen)

Post #: 7

RE: Am i the only one? - 10/20/2004 5:43:49 PM

susannah

Posts: 79
Joined: 10/19/2004
Status: offline

So far, I haven't HAD any "marks". Ah well, I can always dream, hehe! - Susannah

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" I had been my whole life a bell - and never knew it until at that moment I was lifted and struck".

- Annie Dillard (1945 - )

(in reply to slavejam)

Post #: 8

RE: Am i the only one? - 10/20/2004 10:28:45 PM

Synocense

Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline

Uh oh, looks like i'm the odd slave out again. I suppose extensive aftercare isn't extremely important to me because I know already beforehand that my Master is not doing something to me because he doesn't care for me. In fact, he will do what he is doing because he *does* care for me. I don't need flowers or days of attention to prove this. After a scene of any sort I do enjoy a moments of tender petting while "coming down" - and if the following day he chooses to poke or pinch at any "Master Marks" on my body, he is free to do so, of course. I simply look at it as his pride in himself and his slave. *smiles*

Syn

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to akame)

Post #: 9

RE: Am i the only one? - 10/21/2004 10:43:54 AM

typesgirl

Posts: 102
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

You're not the only one, for sure. This is an issue that my Master, Typewriter, and I have discussed much lately. After we scene, even though he is tender and comforting and makes me feel safe, as soon as he is away from me I feel a terrible loss. When we push limits in a scene the loss is much more intense. We've talked about it and he is sensitive to my feelings and has been careful to allow time for me to "come down" very slowly in a safe place with him. In my case, I think these feelings are a side affect of the vulnerability that I expereince during a scene. If I surrender completely it takes time for me to regain myself afterward. His attention seems to help this, though. I've also begun to plan something that will keep me busy afterward so I don't dwell on the feelings as much.
My Master is extremely attentive and tender after a scene and I still have these feelings so I'd say it's normal and just something you have to learn to handle with his help.
Typesgirl

(in reply to Synocense)

Post #: 10

RE: Am i the only one? - 10/24/2004 8:13:19 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

You mean that sort of aftercare isn't normal? Just goes to show I've been living in the boonies. Back in the day (tries to find a rocking chair to clamber into) when I was a young man, and used to get myself whipped till I was nearly bloody, that sort of care and attention was standard, at least within the odd little community that took me in. Now, after ten years in suburban limbo, I hear stories like this one, and I wonder what sort of a madhouse was it that accepted me? Oh, I know, it's not so bad as all that - you can't hear it over the chattering of my keyboard, but I'm laughing at myself for having been scandalized that MY way isn't the accepted standard.

As Cynnacent and beachmystress have suggested, you should bring this up with your top. This is not a desire that will go away if you ignore it, and s/he will not be able to change their habits if you do not tell them there is something missing from your loveplay. (What's that? Some people don't think of this sort of thing as loveplay? Balderdash!) Eventually, little things like this can gnaw away at you, just as similar things gnaw at the roots of almost every relationship. A little preventative care, in the form of a quiet discussion now, can help to stave off an very nasty breakup later.

Just my twenty five quatloos. Your mileage may vary.

~S

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to akame)

Post #: 11

RE: Am i the only one? - 10/29/2004 8:15:22 PM

kathy43432NAN

Posts: 12
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

I am having a difficult time also...my Master has his needs met and he states that 'my time will come' for my pleasure but after our interlude, I sometimes want Him to just hold me and tell me that he WANTS me.

I am not looking for romance this is not romance, but I want to feel safe in his arms.

I ache at times and feel empty. perhaps we can help each other. I am meeting him again 10/31 and I feel he will receive his pleasure, and i will get his wrath, when all i really crave is his touch on my body. please reply although it might be afew days before i can get back. Thank you

(in reply to akame)

Post #: 12

RE: Am i the only one? - 10/29/2004 8:52:13 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

If your Dom isn't willing to work with you on this, you have the wrong Dominant. I'm gonna tell you a secret. D/s is a two way street. Both partners have to have their needs met. You are a rare and precious creature. You are female and willing to let a man do what society would consider horrid things to your body for his pleasure. While you might not enjoy everything done, you still need the satisfaction of knowing you did well and pleased. You deserve to be valued and treasured. This isn't something that should happen at some amorphous time in the future. It should happen ever time you are together. There is a difference between a Dominant and a user. If both peoples needs aren't being met, it is a user relationship.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to kathy43432NAN)

Post #: 13

RE: Am i the only one? - 10/30/2004 4:59:20 AM

electricnun

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/29/2004
Status: offline

I agree with BeachMystress totally on this one.
I dont think there is any place for selfishness and lack of support in any relationship, more so in BDSM or D/s. I too feel like this after a play session and im lucky that the Dominants ive been with have understood, its a well known thing to need attention after a play session and any good Dominant should know this. Subdrop or just needing affection is completely normal. Its also scientifically been proven that its common to go into a "drop" after play because of all the endorphins that it releases, like the opposite effect after an adrenalin rush. So rest assured theres nothing wrong with you, sometimes its your system going back to normal after an upset of chemicals.
I would like to also add if its any help that sometimes this can go on for days for some people and for me ive found that spending some quiet time after with a blindfold and cuffs (if its your thing) can greatly reduse this from happening to me, usually i have to for several hours or even sleep the night, if you are lucky enough to have a Dominant who is able to stay the night and support etc.

(in reply to akame)

Post #: 14

RE: Am i the only one? - 11/2/2004 2:39:11 PM

blushes4u

Posts: 278
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline

*sighs and joins susannah in dreaming* No marks for me either..

(in reply to susannah)

Post #: 15

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