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LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/6/2011 6:23:27 PM)
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My pain has gotten so bad in the last few months that I can only do small amounts of housework in small amounts of time. There are days when I can push myself to do more in spite of the pain, but there are also days when I just gotta say FUCK IT & hang out in bed with a good book & drugs. I started looking for the solution to this in April when my Medicare went into effect. I had no medical insurance for the 18 months I was homeless, so I just had to wait. Since April there have been tests & different drugs have been tried. Last month I had bilateral hip injections of steroids. I was out of pain for several days!!! It was most delicious!!!! Of course, I overdid it, trying to get everything done here that I'd had to neglect. Next week I go in for another round of injections.
As Kirata said, if they thought it might help I'd most definitely put cream cheese & chives in my ears to alleviate the pain. So I keep trying. And here's the hardest lesson I had to learn: to accept & live within the limitations of my physical ailment!! Yeah, it's frustrating that I can't dance anymore. I hate that I can't work 16 hour shifts day after day after day. Hell, it pisses me off that I can't even work enough to have enough money to pay for the necessities. I have to choose sometimes between meds & food or rent. But I'm learning humility. I'm learning that I was blessed with a physical ailment that limits me. I can no longer do it all, do whatever I want in this life. I just don't have that many spoons in a day.
In my world, my daughter always came first. There were times when I thought that I could have what I wanted, but when it conflicted with raising her properly, guess what got tossed out??? Not her, that's for sure. In my world, when you give birth & choose to raise the child(ren), that's your number one priority. You say that your going to school is necessary for your soul. That you're determined to get off disability & make your own way. Guess what? That's not always possible. Sometimes our bodies won't allow that. I'm going through that realization & acceptance right now myself. I've finally broken down & applied for food stamps & medicaid for the first time in about 35 years. Because for right now, every time I try to work for money, my disease gets exacerbated. So I can maybe work a whole shift & then I'm down for the count for the next week.
I'm learning to pace myself & to accept what I've been offered in this life. I refuse to allow it to depress me. I can go there just fine anytime I choose to & half the time when I don't choose it. So I pace myself. I make sure that I get enough rest each day & don't overdo the physical activities. I surround myself with positive people. And I'm learning to ask for help, as humiliating as that is for me.
So you can beat your head against that brick wall over & over & cry about your head bleeding or you can work with what you got to work with. And make sure those kids don't suffer!!!!
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