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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/11/2011 7:22:29 PM   
angelikaJ


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

Yet i have serious pain, and the house being a mess is an issue.


Again, and I probably sound like a broken record: get a therapist and work on the house issue as a family issue.

You are losing so much energy struggling with the kids. It is stressing you out and that will make your pain and everything that much harder to deal with, plus it is taking energy you don't have.
I know the path of least resistance may seem to be to do what you have been doing and then get pushed into cleaning it all yourself when they won't.

You did that.
You have the whole set of T-shirts in every design and color... and you know what doesn't work.

So to get what you have never had, you must do what you have never done...and that means the 3 of you will have to learn a new way of being, interacting and functioning as a household.
IF you could have done it on your own, you would have.
You can't do it on your own so get help.

You and the kids deserve to not live in mess or chaos.

Edit: comma

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 7/11/2011 7:23:07 PM >

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/11/2011 7:55:05 PM   
tammystarm


Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline 		okay have the boards gotten that bad, since ive been gone, that you have to edit for a comma? Not trying to be rude, but wow. The kids and i are not doing the same thing..... we are working on it together, and today they just got up and did stuff , without being told! Tomorrow maybe a different story i start school again..........shall see.


maybe a lil crazy works?!

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/11/2011 8:03:54 PM   
LinnaeaBorealis


Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline 		Apparently you don't need to try to be rude. That was rude, whether you were trying for rude or not. Why the fuck would you even mention such a thing??? Oh wait!! Because that way you could deflect the entire message that Angelika was trying to give you. Your rudeness was completely uncalled for!!

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/11/2011 8:26:56 PM   
sirsholly


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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

My entire house is decorated with junque. Yard sales, Goodwill, second hand store
The same here, and i have to tell you...i have some freakin' AWESOME stuff!!
And it's not just the house/furnishings...i also buy a lot of our clothes from resale shops and not to sound arrogant, but we dress well.

Tammy...a great way to spend a weekend with the kids is to head out in the morning with a list of the local yard sales. The stuff you find can be amazing and you'll have a great time doing it.


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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/11/2011 8:38:57 PM   
sirsholly


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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis

Some people, after a period of homelessness, try to replace all that they lost & they accumulate a lot of stuff again. My reaction has been to try to keep the things I own down to a minimum. I worry that I will end up homeless again & I will have to say goodbye to treasures again. It was very heart-wrenching for me to decide what to get rid of & what to keep. So I think that I don't want to go through those feelings again.
I have never been homeless, thank God, but i can relate to the sense of loss.I too am becoming more of a minimalist but for a different reason. Loss teaches you what really matters. The designer labels, new furniture, etc don't mean a thing. The stuff that really matters cannot be purchased at any price.


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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/11/2011 11:11:15 PM   
HannahLynHeather


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quote:

okay have the boards gotten that bad, since ive been gone, that you have to edit for a comma?
yeah they have, so shape the fuck up!

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 12:02:36 AM   
sunshinemiss


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Status: offline 		I'm reminded of this:
Woman, without her, man is lost.
Woman, without her man, is lost.

Yes, commas make a difference.



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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 4:39:49 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
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From: The Great Frozen North
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I'm reminded of this:
Woman, without her, man is lost.
Woman, without her man, is lost.

Yes, commas make a difference.




And yet regardless of where the commas are both are wondrously, beautifully true.


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Profile   Post #: 748
RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 5:15:18 AM   
kalikshama


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I'm reminded of this:
Woman, without her, man is lost.
Woman, without her man, is lost.

Yes, commas make a difference.


Thanks, I'm going to use this the next time I'm snarky about punctuation on the other side!

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Profile   Post #: 749
RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 5:36:46 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: risktaker9

Yes, you have put your kids last. By refusing to discipline them and letting them be 'lucky and spoiled' you are not parenting them. You put them last when you moved in with the bf and let them live through all that drama. You put them last when you are a perennial student. You put them last when you don't get help with your illness.

Things just don't add up. The quantity of schooling for nothing. The pie in the sky attitude that fuels yet more time in school when you should be working. The disease that doesn't seem to be addressed. The sheer amount of excuses given on all these subjects is amazing. Honestly, you seem to like a precarious, drama-filled life. Also, with the amount of schooling that you've had,your postings are riddled with not just spelling errors,but horrific grammar. It just doesn't make sense.

In the real world people don't get dream jobs that fit their own special requirements. Children don't learn responsibilty by themselves and you don't get anyfuckingwhere by picking up and moving on to the next thing that looks good on the outside when the thing you're doing at the time turns out to be not exactly what you wanted. When are you going to grow up?



Wonderful post and welcome to CMChat, Risk !!

I agree, Tammy does not act like a responsible adult, how can she? She has the emotional maturity of a child.

Also, I do not see her as especially sub or domme. Passive aggressive? Oh yeah. Highly emotionally manipulative? That too. But she has too much uncontrolled ego to be a good sub *OR* a good dominant, IMO.

I see her as more the princess type. Whenever I see that is someone's nick, I do a double take. The princess types are all about me me me. And that's not sub, and it's not dom, it's just selfishly self centered to a degree that makes it hard to relate to others.

Frankly I don't think Tammy is going to take any of the wonderful advice given. She loves her drama filled life, and will wait around for the next "dominant" to rescue her. She will not be the only one, lots of people fall into that category.

The only reason I keep posting on this thread is b/c she has two wonderful children who deserve so much better. It's hard not to have a small shred of hope that she will turn her life around before it's too late for them.


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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 5:40:11 AM   
angelikaJ


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Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

okay have the boards gotten that bad, since ive been gone, that you have to edit for a comma? Not trying to be rude, but wow. The kids and i are not doing the same thing..... we are working on it together, and today they just got up and did stuff , without being told! Tomorrow maybe a different story i start school again..........shall see.


maybe a lil crazy works?!


Tammy, I edited for me, not for anyone else. I edited becase it pleased me to do so and I liked that sentence with a comma in it.
Do you think it possible that the kids did what they were supposed to do because as much as they would like to not have to share you, the thought at the moment of living in a small place (with no bugs) and perhaps no furniture and once a month pizza  ... they might think if they do what they are supposed to do they can stay in the big house where they got lots of treats.
The known is probably looking quite attractive vesus the unknown.
The kids will adjust and adapt so do NOT feel guilty about this... I am just not buying the instantly reformed children.

If you tell the truth to yourself, you know that you need individual counseling and because you still bring up the kids losing their dad, they do to.
Counseling is not a horrible thing.
Are you afraid that behind the doors of a therapist office s/he is going to see you as a terrible mother?
S/he's going to see you as a very human mother who made very human mistakes and is now working hard to do the very best for her kids.

To get what you have never had, you must do what you have never done.

Edit: typos.. or comma  

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 7/12/2011 5:42:34 AM >

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 5:47:20 AM   
sunshinemiss


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Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
angelikaJ

for
Edit: typos.. or comma
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3742544/mpage_38/key_/tm.htm#3764262


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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 5:50:02 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


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Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		You know what Chatte, there was a time when I would have agreed with you. Maybe this will come back to bite me in the ass but it sounds like Tammy really is trying to get her act and life together so I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

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Profile   Post #: 753
RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 6:00:08 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

You know what Chatte, there was a time when I would have agreed with you. Maybe this will come back to bite me in the ass but it sounds like Tammy really is trying to get her act and life together so I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.


I'd love to be able to have some faith in that. With her past history I just don't. Too many excuses for why things are the way they are, and too little willingness to lady up and deal with it.

Tammy can run a good game, for a while. Sadly, I think she is deluding herself and those of us who let her.

JMO, I suspect we will be getting regular installments.


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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 6:02:30 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		Believe me I am well aware of her history. HOWEVER I see a solid plan in there so I'm willing to give her another chance.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 6:20:33 AM   
AlwaysLisa


Posts: 1088
Joined: 10/6/2006
From: Washington State
Status: offline 		I think I am too cynical.  I tend to agree with Chatte.   The pattern I see, is that statements are made, people give suggestions, then it turns out that full disclosure wasn't stated in the beginning...so there is always an excuse to fall back on.  It's a constant pattern within this thread.   I also think that therapy would be a good thing.  If for nothing else then to help her parenting skills.  

One final note, I am not a member of the Arturas fan club, but due to his behavior while this thread was growing to ridiculous proportions, I applaud him for remaining mature and not adding drama.  We don't know what went on in that house, so much could have been fabricated.


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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 6:25:10 AM   
sirsholly


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From: Quietville
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quote:

Are you afraid that behind the doors of a therapist office s/he is going to see you as a terrible mother?
Often it is not the fear of how the therapist will view us, but rather how we will come to view ourselves.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 6:25:50 AM   
VirginPotty


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From: Virginville
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quote:

okay have the boards gotten that bad, since ive been gone, that you have to edit for a comma? Not trying to be rude, but wow.


Some,people,care,about,how,their,messages,come,across,to,others, especially, when,your'e,dealing,w/,the,written,words,and,not,a,verbal,exchange.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 6:27:07 AM   
angelikaJ


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Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Are you afraid that behind the doors of a therapist office s/he is going to see you as a terrible mother?
Often it is not the fear of how the therapist will view us, but rather how we will come to view ourselves.


And the dreaded C word: change.

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RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 - 7/12/2011 6:35:25 AM   
Phoenixpower


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tammystarm

omg, dont go to bed they come back!


yeah, such damn natures of such public message boards

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