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LadyPact -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/15/2011 1:32:12 PM)
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ORIGINAL: Arturas
Cute. But what else can you say in light of reason and truth?
And, why be private now? That's a little like closing the barn door after the horse is out.
Which you could have handled long ago. It never had to come to this in the first place. You lived together how long and now you want to come along with parenting advice?
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It's a common and understandable problem because certainly you cannot school full time and keep up a 2500 square foot house and one horse, four cats, two dogs and two kids and me and my daughter and her boyfriend occasionally here during the summer. You asked for suggestions and got some but this thread was side railed by the usual players, those who can be identified readily by having posted at least once an hour each day except when they are in bed and we all know who they are. I'm glad you did not get flustered with them as was the case when you were one of them well over a year ago. But that was then and now it is certainly different with you offline and real time with roots in the local community and friends you see face to face each day. You changed for the better and have real roots here and real friends but you cannot change everything in a year especially when you have a low expectations to begin with.
Spoken like a man who is reaching to the bottom of the damn barrel to try to find an insult for others when his image is falling apart and can't come up with anything better. Christ, if the woman would have had folks that she could have turned to for help, it wouldn't have become all of this. The parenting advice on this thread could have been obtained from a number of sources. If you look at it, the stuff about being a Mom, putting structure in the household, and how to implement it is pretty darn consistent.
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Knowing you as well as the kids very well I do know the issue boils down to the children living up to your expectations because for the longest time you allowed them to act this way and in fact, for a winter several years ago, they actually ran your home while you were very, very sick and it was not pretty. So, now when you challenge them to act differently than the norm they naturally resist and they test your resolve while expecting little punishment or consistency. Unfortunately they were correct because before changing them you had to change yourself, your expectations in yourself, how you discipline them and how well you communicate and enforce your expectation of them.
And just where were you in all of this? From this thread I can tell you where. Enabling the situation to continue. Even before they moved in, there is no way you coulnd't have seen this issue unless you'd have had a bag over your head. Are you trying to tell Me that you were so little involved in your slave's life prior to moving in together that you had no clue that problems like this existed? That she never mentioned that the situation was that kids weren't doing chores, that she had to do it all, or that things were allowed to slide because the proper alternative wasn't in place?
For future reference, here's how you handle that. You forbid your slave to just shrug their shoulders and do the chores that the kids won't do. In the meantime, they don't watch tv, play X-Box, or still plan on going to that ballgame later in the week. See, I'll tell you just like I tell everybody else. I may not be the Mistress of clip's children, but I sure as hell am the owner of clip. Same goes for My kids. It wasn't permitted in My house for clip to do what was really their responsibility to do.
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Over the last week or so I've seen serious efforts on your part to discipline them but changes like this cannot occur overnight especially with such intelligent and strong willed children. So, clear consistency in your communications and high expectation levels in yourself and them are required over a long period of weeks and maybe even months. In business this is called "elevation" and we are indeed elevating expectations, changing thinking and methods and thus behaviors to achieve success. This will not be so hard if you remember it's harder and more stressfull on you and them to spare the rod rather than use it or to avoid the problem rather than deal with the problem and for the longest time you were all about problem avoidance.
No kidding. It's been, what? A year? That's even if you were completely blind to it before they moved in. Are you seriously saying that you had kids living in your house who weren't being taught any responsibility (the 'aw, Mom will do it' syndrome) when it came to chores and this family expected that to magically change when Mom went back to school?
You don't have to be the disciplinarian in a household to help make this happen. What you do have to be is an authority figure. The picture that's been painted here is that when your slave was too ill in bed to be able to get dishes done, there wasn't enough structure in the household to make sure that they did. If you were the boss at a company and a supervisor, for what ever reason wasn't accomplishing what needed to happen in their department, would you have just said, "oh, that's the other person's responsibility" and let it slide? That's no way to run a business and it's obviously not the way to run a home.
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