Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

formalities [please take me!]


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> formalities [please take me!] Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
[Poll]

formalities [please take me!]


I am a Dom/Master and I like to be called "Sir" by any sub/slave
  3% (2)
I am a Domme/Mistress and I like to be called "Ma'am" by any sub/slave
  3% (2)
i am a sub/slave and i always address a Dom/mme in the lifestyle
  3% (2)
i am a sub/slave who feels these terms are personal Owner only.
  21% (12)
I am a Dom/mme and prefer only to be addressed like this by My Owned
  5% (3)
I am a Dom/mme who likes this respect, but not needed from strangers
  23% (13)
M/my opinion was not addressed here
  27% (15)
i am a sub/slave who will address a nonstranger in lifestyle this way
  10% (6)


Total Votes : 55
(last vote on : 6/13/2006 12:12:48 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 8:49:20 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		i have had s few Dom/mmes on CM express the desire to be called "Sir" or "Ma'am"

not Master, or Mistress, they are sure to clarify.

They say is is a form of respect, which i dont debate was just curious how everyone else thought about it

_____________________________


"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 9:00:01 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I like to be called Ma'am. I don't expect this from every sub/slave, but I do take note when they do. ;-) I LIKE it, but it's not required.

Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 9:18:14 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I am a Dom/mme who likes this respect, but not needed from strangers


It is fine as a sign of respect but I don't much care either way with strangers. Most subs who get to know me well do so because they respect me and know I like it. The only one who would be required to do so, is one who wears my collar.

EDIT to add: acctualy there is ONE circumstance where I EXPECT to be adressed as Master even by a girl I don't know.... where she has claimed to be Gorean, as one of the free, according to the 'rules' she takes on as a Gorean slave I am entitled to that respect from her.


< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 5/16/2006 9:37:29 AM >

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 9:31:27 AM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		I feel that there can be some inherent problems created in a community when people are treated differently on a social basis depending on their sexual orientation.  I do not feel that it is relevant whether someone is gay or straight, top or bottom, dom or sub, when I am interacting with them on a friendly social basis.  What you do in the bedroom or the dungeon is not my business until I choose to make it my business.  In a basic social interaction, I am not necessarily interested in making it my business.  I prefer that normal good manners be exercised on both sides of the equation, minus any expression of D/s roles in the absence of a specific consensual relationship.

I'll tolerate being called "Ma'am" (though I usually prefer "Sir" unless I'm specifically doing femme drag) at an event if a sub is under orders from his or her dominant to address others in this manner.  In the South, I've learned that it can be simple good manners to address people in this manner with no D/s implication.  So I'll put up with it.  If it's done well, with respect and deference as opposed to it being obvious that I'm being used as a prop for some guy's wank fantasies,  I don't mind it at all.

There are some circumstances where I can even appreciate and enjoy being so addressed.  If I believe the reason I am being addressed by a title is respect for me as a person, respect that I have actually earned in the eyes of that submissive or their dominant, I appreciate that.  If I believe the reason I am being addressed by a title is somebody's selfish, drooling wank fantasy or a mistaken impression that they think it's cool to act like that in the BDSM community, I don't like it much at all. 


(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 10:09:53 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		how is she expected to adress a free woman?

_____________________________


"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"


(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 11:11:25 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I am a switch and would like to be adressed at all times by dom/mes and subs alike as "Supreme Evil Commander Overlord of the Universe... Now With Extra Chicken Flavah!".

Since that isn't happening, I see using "Master" or "Mistress" as names to be terms of endearment only to be used between my husband and I.  I have a severe case of "you're not my master" and "I'm not your mistress" syndrome.  Of course, good old fashioned courtesy, using "Sir" or "Ma'am" to my elders, authority figures, etc. is still the rule for me. 

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 11:16:37 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
how is she expected to adress a free woman?


As 'Mistress', as you would no doubt expect *g*
Unless given good reason to disrespect a free (And I know some Goreans who wouldn't even say then, but there ya go!) a Gorean girl is expected to show respect to all free.

Not Gorean myself, but we have some things in common and I seem to get on well with the saner ones


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 11:24:03 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I so enjoy your posts!

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 1:30:30 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Good poll mixie. Loki is fine informally, in chat I prefer Sir, I am Master to only those I have Mastered. 

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 3:21:36 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Sir or Ma'am is a nice way to address dominants if one so chooses, but it does not mean you're a bad submissive if you don't do so, unless your Sir or Ma'am has instructed you to. I would not allow someone of mine to use either phrase unless I wanted them to, and I can tell you, it would be rare.
 
Level

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 3:32:06 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Hi Mixie,

My opinion was not addressed here. My problem answering this stems from the fact I am presently unowned. My opinion on this is that I do not call anyone anything unless I am in a dynamic with them. I do not play in public either or go to events, as this is something I am only interested in doing once in a dynamic with someone. If I were with someone that expected me to call all Dom/mes by an honorific I would do so of course.

I am seeing a dom right now, and he does not ask that I call him by any of these terms in a general sense, if we deepen into more he does not expect me to call anyone by these terms because I have a "red" name tag and they have a "blue" one.

I wanted to make one final point. If I went to a demo or something and a well regarded expert on single tails, or a rope expert was there I would call this person by the honorific they chose. Lord, Master, Sir, or whatever... the reason is that they have earned the right to be called this by demonstrating an expertise in what they are showing, they are in the process of showing it, and it is a term of respect. I call experts of any sort by their professional term (for example Doctor). But someone that shows up at a play party that I do not know from Adam is not getting that respect from me unless my dominant tells me to give it to them..... period.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 4:48:40 PM   
MistressLove999


Posts: 201
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Daytona Beach, Florida
Status: offline 		I don't think a sub should call any one but thier own dom/me master or mistress. At an event or party my collared one does/will call other dom/me's ...sir or ma'am, (never master or mistress.) When I chat with some one it shows me quickly he is into the lifestyle, when he address's me as Ms. Love or ma'am.
Forced, no unless it's what your ONE  requires of you.
Good manners should go both ways though. Talking rude to some one just because they are a sub is childish/snobish.


_____________________________

Play nice & Be Well,

Mistress Love

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 5:18:19 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I had to choose that my opinion was not addressed. After someone has earned my respect, I may call them Sir if they are dominant male though that would more likely be in private correspondence than on the boards. I address women by their given name or screenname, their choice,  but not by a general honorific of Ma'am unless they are old enough to be my Grandmother. ;)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to MistressLove999)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 5:39:54 PM   
MistressWolfen


Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain
Of course, good old fashioned courtesy, using "Sir" or "Ma'am" to my elders, authority figures, etc. is still the rule for me. 


I agree NakedOnMyChain, and I do think there is a cultural component to honourifics in the lifestyle. It is common to be called Ma'am, Ms. or by ones close to me m'Lady. I am called Ma'am or Ms. "Surname" by most aquaintances and colleagues; usually Dr. "Surname" by clients, so I am comfortable with being formally addressed in everyday life as well.

I (like you) also have a real problem with being addressed as Mistress by any but my slave, not only is it presumptious of the adressee it is incorrect as I am not their Mistress. But in the end a smile and polite greeting is all that I require and it pleases me to return same. *grins*

_____________________________

Quoth the raven

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 6:04:42 PM   
ArchangelMichael


Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline 		I'm a switch, so I have certain ways of doing things as a Dom and some as a submissive. As a Dom, I like to be addressed as Sir by any submissive who feels I have shown to be worthy of some basic level of respect. I never require this of anyone unless they scene with me. I do not allow anyone to address me as Master unless my collar is around their neck.

As a submissive, I feel much the same way. I will address a Domme as Ma'am or a Dom as Sir if I feel they have earned my basic respect. If they wish to be called something other than Master or Mistress, I will comply. Examples of this could be M'Lady or Sir (for a Domme). I will not address any Dominant as Master or Mistress unless I wear their collar or they request it during a scene. If it's a scene only, I'll cease calling them Master or Mistress after the scene because I can see this as a sort of "temporary ownership."

Some Dominants have the title Master or Mistress in their name. I prefer to substitute Sir or Miss for those titles. For example, when I address MistressLorelei, I address Her as Miss Lorelei.


_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to MistressWolfen)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/16/2006 11:34:06 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		what about Switches? Did we become nonexistent?

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/17/2006 5:20:00 AM   
rivenmoon


Posts: 330
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline 		I don't mind at all to address others as M'am or Sir,
I have done that all my life.
However, if you show me bad manners on your part,
then you will quickly lose my respect.
 

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/17/2006 5:51:11 AM   
talibahh


Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
Status: offline 		when i was really really new, i called most Ma�m or Sir as a sign of respect. However, it soon became aparent how many wannabes were about and how much of a jerk they could be. So i very quickly adapted my ways.
 
Now in any correspondence with someone i dont know well, i show them respect as a person. If i am treated without respect (for example, by a rude and presumptious email), then they are lucky to get a reply, let alone any respect.
 
i quickly learned that respect must be earned and not taken as a given. For me now, once i get to know someone, i call them what they are comfortable with, their names perhaps, if offered (ie. they sign off in an email with their name).
 
Then if things progressed and they earned my respect (and i could see they were indeed genuine and deserving), i would ask them if they would mind me calling them "Sir" or "Ma'am". If they agreed, then i would... out of respect.
 
Then with only a couple so far, who i have moved even further with (under consideration or more), once, over time, it started feeling natural to address them more formerly as "Master", then i expressed my desire to do so, as it felt the right and the natural thing to do, and then have been granted permission for this.
 
Naturally, once collared i would no longer have a choice, but obey my Owner and call Him and O/others as instructed.
This is just me...
 
tali

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to rivenmoon)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/17/2006 5:55:59 AM   
talibahh


Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul

what about Switches? Did we become nonexistent?


no RS... Y/you are the jeckal and hide (she giggles)... just let us all know which "hat" Y/you wear today and we will gladly accommodate Y/you...
 
cheekily... tali

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: formalities [please take me!] - 5/17/2006 6:08:15 AM   
angelface183


Posts: 688
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		 
tali,

I am new and the way that you describe addressing people makes sense to me.  A few Doms that I met insisted on me calling them Master in our first phone call.  I politely refused because they were not my Master! 

I have a wonderful partner that I have been playing with (or rather He has been playing with me) whom I often refer to as my Beloved.  I am not yet collared, so I would never refer to Him in this forum as my Master.   However, when we play, I do call him Master.  He does not want me to use His first name.  It is not a form of subjugation, but rather elevation...He says that everyone calls Him by his first name and that what we have is special and should be treated as such.  In public I use other terms of endearment, but when it is the two of us and He has me by the hair and is reaching for the paddle, He is my Master...

As far as how I address others, it has not yet been an issue in person as I have had no intereaction with others in the scene (other than my Beloved and a couple of other gentlemen that I had earlier considered).  In emails and in this forum, I have made an effort to be friendly and respectful of all that I encounter regardlees of their status.  I hope that I have succeeded.

angelface

(in reply to talibahh)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> formalities [please take me!] Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094