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I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/29/2011 8:09:39 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

But I'm not Your submissive.

There are 2 threads that have spurred this train of thought.
One is the thread Predators, posted by LadyPact.
The other is The Truth About Kinky Women, posted by Aneirin.

I would first like to state that in my use of the word dominant here,
I am referring to the often described HNG that troll the other side looking for
someone gullible enough to believe he is a dominant simply because he has
the ability to list himself as such.

I am fortunate in that I have no first hand experience in ever having to make
use of the saying “I may be submissive, but I’m not your submissive".
I imagine it became popular because of the vast amount of InstaDoms that lurk the web,
feeling entitled to bark orders at any submissive that they cross paths with.

I also imagine, and perhaps incorrectly so, that this phrase is put in use mostly
by a female submissive to a male dominant, as I am having a difficult time picturing
a male submissive ever having the need to say this, whether to a female dominant
or a male dominant.

My thoughts are that this is because men are more predatory in nature than
women are, and that women are seen as being much more vulnerable than men,
hence they are considered easy prey. While the male dominant may have these
same predatory urges with a male submissive, he is less likely to move in for the kill.

What are your thoughts on the origin of this phrase?
Do you have any experiences in which you had to say this? Were they online only?
Are there any submissive males reading this that actually have used this saying

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

Post #: 1

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/29/2011 8:30:59 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

What are your thoughts on the origin of this phrase?
Do you have any experiences in which you had to say this? Were they online only?

I think I have posted the phrase a time or two on the boards long long ago. I haven't felt the need to since I have found myself single and looking. If men email me and they are not suited to me I delete and move on. I do not spend much time aggravated over pushy men. I do not trouble myself as to how "real" such people are or if they are only HNGs.

I think when I thought about it in the past it was because I felt I was still growing into the submissive role. I was unsure of it and myself dealing with dominant men. I no longer care if men think I should be submissive to them... lots of people have a false sense of entitlement....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 2

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/29/2011 8:56:58 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I admit I am a submissive personality. You will rarely find me taking a lead unless I'm forced to and then I try to get through it quickly so I can again disappear. So the idea of "I am not your submissive" I guess just doesn't work for me because frankly, I am submissive with the world unless forced otherwise.

Now do I suck any man's dick who orders it? No. You see I may be submissive but I'm a monogamous long term relationship type of submissive personality.

I've never used the phrase talked about here though. When I've run into people who try to take advantage of my personality I tend to ignore them or simply distance myself from them. It's easier than actually interacting with them in any fashion at all.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 3

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/29/2011 9:46:52 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

i have to agree with littlewonder -- i haven't really used the phrase in the real world. i've used it to describe a feeling, say in a writing online or something like that. but in real life, i'm pretty shy, and if it seems like someone is trying to treat me inappropriately, i will generally detach from them; wander away and disregard. =p it takes a lot to push me into snapping back at someone, and this kind of behavior usually isn't enough.
in the past, when i got messages that were inappropriate, i would say "i am under no obligation to defer to you" or something businessy like that, but now, it's just not really worth the time. i ignore it.

but i actually have seen female Dominants cause "i'm not YOUR submissive" situations because they view their rarity as part of their power. like "you aren't going to find too many of me, so you'd better put up with my shit." sometimes female Dominants blacklist male subs who don't totally kowtow to them from minute one (i've seen that happen, too) and unfortunately, a lot of male subs put up with more than they should because they buy that, and they don't feel they can protest because they're fishing in a shallow pool, and are just happy to have SOMEONE'S attention.

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(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 4

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/29/2011 10:36:07 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I used the phrase online a few times when I was finding my feet as a submissive and trying to find a partner. That was until I realised it was absolutely ok to ignore, block, delete

In r/l I've used phrases that mean the same thing, kinda...

At a fet club a new 'dom' (who I'd never met before) came up to me and ordered me to go fetch him a drink. I had to use the phrase 'what did your last servant die of?', just because it made me giggle

The other occasion was also in a fet club and went something along the lines of "touch me again and I will rip your balls off and stuff them up your nose".

Did I mention I'm not particularly submissive outside of my relationship?

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There's nowt so queer as folk

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Post #: 5

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/29/2011 10:44:48 PM

Back2theFuture

Posts: 183
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline

I used this phrase on some dumb Dom who started with that "Dom you from the start"crap.

1. Not Gay. Totally straight, I know I know.....*eye roll*

2. I do not appreciate ANYONE male or female acting like they own me the minute they start talking to me.
At least not with out buying me dinner first.

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Post #: 6

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/30/2011 6:01:18 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

Thank you all for the interesting and enlightening responses.
I can see how this phrase would be most beneficial to those that
are first exposing themselves to this lifestyle. And not only was I incorrect in
assuming a male submissive wouldn't use this (thanks Back2thefuture!)
I also never imagined the scenario that Lilly posted.
Thanks for giving me even more to think about!

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Back2theFuture)

Post #: 7

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/30/2011 6:46:03 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Wellllll, I may have said it on line a time or two. I like to believe myself a wee more clever and charming than that in real life, however. Of course it could just be that in real life I'm actually tougher.... Nah!!!! I'll go with clever and charming if I have a vote... and oh wait... yes, yes... that's right. My life is a dictatorship!

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 8

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/30/2011 7:39:54 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Just remember sunny.... those dictatorships have a bad habit of changing hands in the middle of the night when you least expect it.

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RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 9

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/30/2011 7:41:00 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

that'd be.... in my dreams?

Speaking of which... night people!

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 10

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/30/2011 7:51:33 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I've used it a couple of times in real life and a lot on AOL. In real life it was when a few guys decided to try and "Dom" me at out very first coffee meeting.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 11

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/30/2011 11:53:45 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I have used it a few times because I generally answer all mail, and if my IMs are on I answer out of habit.
Usually I say it when it is clear someone is new and does not know what the heck they are doing. It's sort of my public service thought that sometimes people need training about what is acceptable or not. I don't do it to justify the reasons I am not playing their game, that would be silly. I do it so that maybe they can get a clue about why it is f'ing stupid.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 12

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/30/2011 12:51:49 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I will do it as a public service too.

And after I'm told "you're not very submissive."

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 13

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/30/2011 1:21:44 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I have done it after meeting someone who incorrectly assumed that after the one date, it was a go on all cylinders.

I have also done it online, but usually I tend to use more colorful language than just that simple statement.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 14

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/30/2011 3:42:06 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

...men are more predatory in nature

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah buddy... bring on teh predatory nature!!! SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONS!!!

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It's only kinky the first time!!!

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Post #: 15

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/30/2011 9:03:26 PM

DecadentDesire

Posts: 234
Joined: 6/18/2011
Status: offline

I can't provide much insight into the phrase, but I think it's sad when any demographic feels they need a bumper sticker to justify receiving basic respect.

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I was once a Rabbit, driven Mad, by the Decadence of his Desires...

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 16

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 6/30/2011 9:18:53 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

I've used the phrase recently in real life....a lot...with the same person..... Who apparently had suffered (or perhaps needed to) some sort of brain injury.... Actually come to think of it there was one online as well... He got blocked on all accounts after being told in no uncertain terms.. He got the nice polite respectful gentle reminder first... He did not obey the first hint... His loss.

The real life guy.... He's no longer living.............just kidding. He's still alive.. We no longer have contact for various reasons of my choosing. He expresses much displeasure about this, but I don't care. He expressed a great lack of respect for me when I had to tell him this the first time. By the 784 time.. It was a wash!!

Kali

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“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to DecadentDesire)

Post #: 17

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 7/1/2011 5:18:57 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentDesire

I can't provide much insight into the phrase, but I think it's sad when any demographic feels they need a bumper sticker to justify receiving basic respect.

Who said anything about justifying receiving basic respect. This is about educating idiots. No justification, just simply reminders for people to get their heads out of their behinds.

Would that be a better bumper sticker? Get your head out of your a--.... It does have a nice ring to it...

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to DecadentDesire)

Post #: 18

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 7/1/2011 5:41:59 AM

DecadentDesire

Posts: 234
Joined: 6/18/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Who said anything about justifying receiving basic respect.

From the thread I am reading, quite a few people, but let's use the word "explanation" instead of "justification".

The phrase, based on examples in the thread, is used commonly in response to a "dominant" who is ignoring boundaries and treating someone like their own personal property, bestowed upon them via divine right. The phrase provides an explanation as to why they don't have the right to do this.

I don't find the notion of a submissive using the phrase to be sad, but rather the fact that the above issue happens with enough repetition to justify the creation of a catch phrase to use in rebuttal.

quote:

This is about educating idiots. No justification, just simply reminders for people to get their heads out of their behinds.

Like I said, we can use "explanation" instead of "justification" if it solicits less of a negative response. However, "justification", according to it's definition, does fit the scenarios presented above

a reason, fact, circumstance, or explanation that justifies or defends

Someone believes they have the right to issue commands and order you around. The above statement is offered as an explanation as to why they do not.

I find it sad that this has to be explained at all.

quote:

Would that be a better bumper sticker? Get your head out of your a--.... It does have a nice ring to it...

I won't know. I have such strong contempt for witnessing the above behavior that the individuals in question would receive, at most, a snicker at their expense, followed by not receiving the time of day from me.

_____________________________

I was once a Rabbit, driven Mad, by the Decadence of his Desires...

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 19

RE: I May Be A Submissive...... - 7/1/2011 5:48:57 AM

FelineFae

Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline

One of my fellow sub friends has said to me, " Girl, you wear too many collars. "
Now in context, this referred to my being Chaos's slave, owned by a cat, poly, pagan, and so forth.
When i love, i give everything i am into it.

Now, on the other claw, i have an inner-cat. In regards to people i don't know, there is indifference completely.
Should an unknown person become a threat, they won't be seeing my subbie side.

< Message edited by FelineFae -- 7/1/2011 5:51:54 AM >

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All right reserved by Chaos
: Disclaimer :
Do not expose FelineFae to direct sunlight.
FelineFae cannot spell in any language.
Granting of Fae-Wishes VOID where prohibitededed.
Individual results may vary.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 20

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