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RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 5/20/2006 9:20:42 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: scratchingpost

Think of the care She puts in the lawn....something that if died can be reseeded and started again...can the slave be so easily replaced? no of course not. I am also farily certain that in order to have someone serve You, You have to care about them want them desire them on some level....a level a bit higher than wanting a lawn.

Or if you are me, you also have a husband who can mow, you can mow yourself, you hire TrueGreen and a professional gardener.

I never even asked Fox to mow let alone told him to. He saw that it was a pain for Tom, saw I have allergies that act up when things get too wild, and he and Tom negotiated on lawn mowing.

Frankly I think part of him mows cause he wants the lawn to look nice -- his father is lawn maintaince freak so he may have inherited.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 21

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 5/20/2006 9:25:08 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PhoenixLM

Please understand that it is not my Mistress' standards but mine, my training, and my concept of properly serving.

I think this says a lot! I think it applies to Fox and many other slaves and submissives I've known.

There is the dominant's idea of what should be done and how then there is the slave/submissive's idea.

Some dominants like to be more hands on or micromanage and so they have trained their people to only do things they way they wish.

Some of us prefer a more.... laid-back approach. Things are the goals, these are the areas, I know you are capable of serving well, etc. and we let these things fall into place without firm oversight.

I don't have a problem with that until it results in injury or denial in the slave/submissive. Because that always effects the dominant to some degree.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to PhoenixLM)

Post #: 22

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 5/20/2006 9:43:20 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

I've got nothing to add except that I hope to have your problem one day.
If he is obedient, I'll have no problem telling him move away from those dishes, leave them unwashed, or I'm going to hurt you now.

M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 23

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 5/20/2006 9:46:58 PM

kittensmailbox

Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline

That is how i treated my former Master... i never asked for things for myself and it drove Him crasy... Of course now, it does not matter... i miss serving so badly...

_____________________________

~softly smiles

~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 24

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 5/22/2006 8:54:06 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox

That is how i treated my former Master... i never asked for things for myself and it drove Him crasy... Of course now, it does not matter... i miss serving so badly...

I've tried with Fox (and those I've trained too) to attempt to get them to see it as another form of service to me. Giving me information about what you want and need is giving me the information so I can make decisions and carry out the authority you recognize I have.

I never, ever, do things exactly how someone wants but I can make things even better when I have information which is use to make decisions.

Let me give you an really recent example based on why I started this thread.

We finally had the time to do a mummification of Fox. I decided which clothes to wear that made me comfortable and sexy feeling and I added black cat ears cause I know Fox is a furry. I used this other information to turn his desire to be mummified into my topping him my way.

Guess what? It was so much better my way for both of us. He was so turned on, he was so floating he was so relaxed. Later, completely unbidden, he came to me, hugged my feet, planted kisses on them and thanked me over and over again. It was wonderful!

I know that telling your owner or dominant what you want or need can feel like you are topping from the bottom. But I really think that a dominant cannot be topped from the bottom -- only a service top or a service dom can be topped from the bottom.

If one is dominant, if one is with a good match, you'll do things cause you want to, do it as you want to, and with the goal of mutual benefit in mind. Being denied information from the submissive or the slave feels like having an eye blindfolded -- how can I drive us through this life if I can't see the road clearly?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to kittensmailbox)

Post #: 25

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 5/22/2006 9:11:41 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

Maybe she'd be better able to deal with her limitations if she didn't get the sense that she isn't able to serve you "properly" at times? If she has physical limitations that keep her from doing things "properly" (what does that mean, exactly?) then maybe letting her know that serving completely to the best of her ability is what counts, not that she do things "properly." Just a thought.
</hijack>

Greetings,
My girl suffers from a laundry list of physical handicaps ranging from carpal tunnel in each hand which due to server asthma and an allergy to any metal prevents them from doing surgery to repair her hands and thus the inability at times to hold a cup, dish or pot and the ability for detail finger work like sewing or picking up something small. She also has dizzy spells and has blacked out, which the doctors can't figure out the cause With only 38% lung capacity (up from 33%) combined with asthma she is often gasping for breath walking across my house. She is unable to shop without use of a power cart to get her around the store. Since she is no longer able to keep up with the house work and the daily running of the house she is no longer able to serve me properly, her words not mine. Her loyalty and desire to serve is priceless. She still has the ability to manage my house and teach others what they need to know to be of service. So while she condemns herself for what she can not do, I strive to find other ways in which she can be of service to me. Recently she rearranged my bedroom and just about crippled herself for the next three days. Her answer was, "since I had to clean under the bed I might as well just rearrange the funiture while I was at it". MelissaMistress of Ds Havenwww.dshaven.com

This must be very hard for both of you. I've had slave in the past with handicaps and in the long run it just didn't work out. Mainly because my lifestyle is so busy and physical. Tammy I think this is insecurity. I gte this a lot.

_____________________________

(in reply to MistressMelissa)

Post #: 26

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 6/9/2006 10:12:48 AM

slavebutterfly

Posts: 10
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

i am so glad to have had the chance to read these post. i am a new slave curently under consideration to one of the Owners here, (not sure if i am supposed to say) although i am a new slave that has not yet served, i would finf it VERY hard to even think iam allowed or am supposed to have my own desires, yest alone tell Ma'am about them. After reading these post however i will do my best to keep Ma'am fully informed. Thank You everyone for the education.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 27

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 6/9/2006 10:34:52 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

No you are not weird, my girl is much the same. The problem isn't getting her to do things, it is stopping her when she isn't in any state to do so.

We got back here the other day, poor girl was dead on her feet for several reasons stemming from other parts of her life. She actualy doesn't remember walking back here from the train, She was almost begging to be given something to do, so I got her to fix us both a cold drink and bring it into the lounge.

She just about managed to drink a third of it so I told her she was laying down and catching her breath..... She's a good girl and of course, what I knew would happen did. Fast asleep within seconds.

An hour or two later, her first words on waking where "Where did this duvet come from" then as she realised she'd fallen asleep she started to appologise.... till I stopped her and pointed out that she'd done EXACTLY what I'd told her to do.

So yes, your boy isn't the only one like that Tammy. They are lovely but really do need looking after otherwise they keep trying to give till they physicaly fall over!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 28

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 6/9/2006 11:51:52 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I just looked at him and said firmly but softly, "You know being my slave does not mean you give up the things you want or need. Being my slave does not mean you do things when you are injured or in pain."

He turned his head as much as he could, winced and replied, "Yes, Mistress."

It made me reflect. He does this a lot. He'll express a desire he has (which is difficult for him because it still feels improper to him at times) and then he'll find other things that need to be done or he'll cushion his desires with lots of devaluing it and refering to it being completely my decision

Anyone else have similar experiences?

Or are we just weird?

A slave is whatever you desire a slave to be; it is of course ultimately your decision how you treat it and care for it, as one who owns. I personally fully enjoy a slave's enthusiasm to please and serve. So long as said slave's will to serve is about truly pleasing me and not an egocentrically based thrill ride or some form of introspective escapism, I find such a passion to be ideal.

As one who served and aspired to attain that elusive ideal of reality in my youth, I know it is important for the slave's entirety of purpose to be realized by its owner. Subjugated with too light a hand, a creature made for servitude is condemned to live in half-light when they would rather exist in the tyranny of complete shadow. It is not a matter of ego, incapacity to be loved or tendency toward knowing subversion of authority—it is a visceral desire to embrace their nature fully, even—and sometimes particularly—during times when it is painful to do so. It is an instinctual and masochistic need to understand place—to want to be made and used, as is in their design of being. Water some plants too much and they die, one could say. I'm not sure if this outlook has any relevancy where your case is concerned, but your post inspired me to express this.

< Message edited by amayos -- 6/9/2006 12:45:13 PM >

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 29

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 6/9/2006 12:05:07 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear thetammyjo, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I do know the type of slave you speak of. So, when I find a slave that is making slavery harder than it needs to be, I call them over and have them sit with me and just cuddle them. Hugging bondage. I have slaves give me a menu of what needs to be done as to be off and running again. So, I just cuddle them and give them love and affection, talk gently and say--I am being served now. They usually take a deep breath and relax.

Sometimes, I feel it is due to being self imposed 'overwhelmed.' I don't mind having a schedule of service, where the slave doesn't have to dust every day and clean so much it wears the spots off the tile. Slaves who are extremely dedicated and honest just don't seem to know when or how to relax until you direct them to.

God love 'em!

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 30

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 6/9/2006 2:23:39 PM

JassWolf

Posts: 59
Joined: 4/10/2006
Status: offline

No, nothing weird here, but a couple of quick points:

**My guess is that, sub or not, the male gene complicates the issue, especially when it comes to "aches and pains" and "the lawn." Boys are taught from infancy to ignore aches and pains and to do the man stuff that comes with houses. He may have chosen submission, but that other crap is still bubbling in the blood. Make him sit down, it will go away, lol.

**Don't we want slaves who are perfectionists and who want to please us? Much easier to cut things off on their mental "list" than it is to deal with someone who is lazy or unmotivated; much easier to select what fetishes and desires to support and pursue for their (and our) fulfillment than to be left with nothing but what a robot could provide. I would imagine that Fox, like many men (here I go again), would rather give up his desires than have you think less of him ... or worse, displease you with desires you found it hard to support.

**I've found it works wonders to sit my gurl down, holding her hands, and talk softly to her. When she still fidgets, in dire circumstances I've resorted to the ever popular back rub. In either case, she loves to hear that she's pleasing me, and often that statement alone is all it takes to relax her. She has admitted that the work load actually goes better when she is permitted to return to it.

I don't know if I've helped but it's good to reflect.
JW

_____________________________

The greater part of what my neighbors call good I believe in my soul to be bad, and if I repent of anything, it is very likely to be my good behavior. What demon possessed me that I behaved so well? -- Thoreau

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 31

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 6/9/2006 2:43:47 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

TammyJo,

You are certainly not the only one. I think sometimes we must save then from themselves. My little one came in from work a few evenings ago and she was just frazzled. She had sales reps in all day, a workmans comp inspector to look the store and warehouse over (new insurance company) and she was simply exhausted. the first thing up she is asking what I need and what she can get for me. I ger her to sit down and at some point she put her foot in my lap. I started rubbing her foot and you would swear I just attempted to kill someone. I hear, I didn't mean for you to do that and she starts getting up, and I have to quiet her back down and just get her to sit and relax and put the other foot up there.

Sometimes I don't think they understand that when they are upset or hurting it affects us also. Their health and mental state is just as important as their service. Sometimes all it takes to make us happy is just their being there.

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 6/9/2006 2:45:38 PM >

(in reply to JassWolf)

Post #: 32

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 6/9/2006 2:57:03 PM

txpet

Posts: 200
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

So I have a return question: Why do sme submissives and some slaves who are in relationships where their desires and needs are valued still hold back on expressing them?

i know that i am human and therefore come with my own desires BUT my goal is to make Master's life easier and to do for Him.
i do NOT want Master to cater to me, nor do i want Him to do FOR me.
It has sent me into a tailspin when Master has gone out of His way to do something truly above and beyond for me.
It is NOT "right"
i am to serve not be serviced, i am to be of use or used not to use.
i enjoy telling Master of my desires because that was one of the first things He taught me to do ... i enjoy telling Him when i know that i can please Him in the telling ... such as an erotic story or sharing a porn picture.
Otherwise, i know i should tell Master because He insists ... but i do not WANT to tell Him.
Master has known what my desires are and has told me that i could but i had to ask.
This is easier for me.
Deep down underneath everything else is this great big fear that Master will say "no" ... if Master is to ever say "no", i would be devastated as i asked for too much and did not succeed in making His life easier. i do not mean saying "no" at this moment for now but a categorical NO ... which could very well lead me to thinking that i am bad for wanting it. Then again, this is just my way of thinking.

_____________________________

Ken's dirty girl,
txpet jennie

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 33

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 6/9/2006 3:01:49 PM

Kedikat

Posts: 680
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline

My personal view is there can be too much of a good thing. Or a good thing at the wrong times.
I take pride and satisfaction in taking care of a lot of things myself. A sub that takes on too much of that, takes away pleasures in my life. I like her to be attentive but not hovering. I give her a lot of hugs and such throughout the day, but like times of physical mental space to myself.
If she was subbing to the point of annoyance, I would inform and enforce. If enforcement took all my time, we would part. she should adapt, and realise that abscence of action is often a part of her being a wondeful sub.
Just my preferance.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 34

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 6/9/2006 4:04:02 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JassWolf

No, nothing weird here, but a couple of quick points:

**My guess is that, sub or not, the male gene complicates the issue, especially when it comes to "aches and pains" and "the lawn." Boys are taught from infancy to ignore aches and pains and to do the man stuff that comes with houses. He may have chosen submission, but that other crap is still bubbling in the blood. Make him sit down, it will go away, lol.

I don't if its something in his genes but I do know that his own father is a lawn care freak who mows it twice a week, waters it, gives it fertilizer, etc.

My husband on the other hand had a father who hired someone to mow and then had Tom mow when he was old enough. He hates mowing and lawn care of all types.

My allergies are so bad that mowing would be asking for a sinus headache for days.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to JassWolf)

Post #: 35

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 6/9/2006 4:06:57 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: txpet

So I have a return question: Why do sme submissives and some slaves who are in relationships where their desires and needs are valued still hold back on expressing them?

i know that i am human and therefore come with my own desires BUT my goal is to make Master's life easier and to do for Him.
i do NOT want Master to cater to me, nor do i want Him to do FOR me.
It has sent me into a tailspin when Master has gone out of His way to do something truly above and beyond for me.
It is NOT "right"
i am to serve not be serviced, i am to be of use or used not to use.
i enjoy telling Master of my desires because that was one of the first things He taught me to do ... i enjoy telling Him when i know that i can please Him in the telling ... such as an erotic story or sharing a porn picture.
Otherwise, i know i should tell Master because He insists ... but i do not WANT to tell Him.
Master has known what my desires are and has told me that i could but i had to ask.
This is easier for me.
Deep down underneath everything else is this great big fear that Master will say "no" ... if Master is to ever say "no", i would be devastated as i asked for too much and did not succeed in making His life easier. i do not mean saying "no" at this moment for now but a categorical NO ... which could very well lead me to thinking that i am bad for wanting it. Then again, this is just my way of thinking.

Is it because your previous ideas of what being a slave is overriding what he has taught you?

I know this is a huge part of what can drive Fox to make things more difficult than they need to be and to ignore his own needs.

Even though I'd tried to teach him that withholding information from me is denying me his full submission and service, its still hard for him because it conflicts with his own internal definition of slave.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to txpet)

Post #: 36

RE: Curbing your slave's drive to service - 6/9/2006 4:23:29 PM

txpet

Posts: 200
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: txpet

So I have a return question: Why do sme submissives and some slaves who are in relationships where their desires and needs are valued still hold back on expressing them?

i know that i am human and therefore come with my own desires BUT my goal is to make Master's life easier and to do for Him.
i do NOT want Master to cater to me, nor do i want Him to do FOR me.
It has sent me into a tailspin when Master has gone out of His way to do something truly above and beyond for me.
It is NOT "right"
i am to serve not be serviced, i am to be of use or used not to use.
i enjoy telling Master of my desires because that was one of the first things He taught me to do ... i enjoy telling Him when i know that i can please Him in the telling ... such as an erotic story or sharing a porn picture.
Otherwise, i know i should tell Master because He insists ... but i do not WANT to tell Him.
Master has known what my desires are and has told me that i could but i had to ask.
This is easier for me.
Deep down underneath everything else is this great big fear that Master will say "no" ... if Master is to ever say "no", i would be devastated as i asked for too much and did not succeed in making His life easier. i do not mean saying "no" at this moment for now but a categorical NO ... which could very well lead me to thinking that i am bad for wanting it. Then again, this is just my way of thinking.

Is it because your previous ideas of what being a slave is overriding what he has taught you?

I know this is a huge part of what can drive Fox to make things more difficult than they need to be and to ignore his own needs.

Even though I'd tried to teach him that withholding information from me is denying me his full submission and service, its still hard for him because it conflicts with his own internal definition of slave.

Hmmmm, not really the definition of what i think a slave should be so much as the definition of what i was taught that *i* should be. Not my training as a slave but my training form my mother to become a person and to be of value to the family.
No one is ever truly selfless but people cna be taught and trained to recieve their feelings of worth through their service and *apparent* selflesssness .. the more you give and the more it costs you the better a person you are ... martyrdom.
i am not saying that a slave has to be a martyr but that is what i am constantly struggling against because Master does NOT want a martyr.
i am happier not being a martyr and doing reasonable service because i am then of use longer.
Master's taught me a lot ::smile::

_____________________________

Ken's dirty girl,
txpet jennie

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 37

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