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Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/16/2006 10:04:23 AM

sephisurrender3d

Posts: 37
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

Hello Everyone,

My question is to 24/7 subs/slaves.. How do you keep sight of your submission and who you are with all the pressures of everyday nilla life intruding? ( I.E societies views on whats considered normal or acceptable behavior)How do you recenter yourself so you dont loose sight of who and what you are ?

I am at a point in my life that im so wrapped up in taking care of Master , the Housework, the running , the bills, Scout meetings, making dinner, dealing with His ex and my ex, doctors, dentists, cuts , bruises, Home repair , ect ect ect.With all the constant watching what i say and do or how i do it ,im a bundle of nerves.. I cant seem to relax and if i try im always waiting for something to happen that i have to jump and go do something else...Im not sleeping much or sleeping to much and my health and moods are reflecting those changes.. I have tried to talk to Master though im not sure He totally understands sometimes..I know some of it might be depression and some just im so worried about everything i have no time to unwind or think straight..

I have been with Master 2 years , and just had our first wedding anniversary.. At this point i feel like a failure in being His sub/slave because i just dont feel it in me anymore... I feel kind of selfish because i need some me time before their is no me left ..Am i being selfish, unsub/slave like or am i just not a submissive at all..?

Help!!! Someone let me off this crazy ride im tired of feeling empty and confused...

sephi..

Post #: 1

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/16/2006 10:34:05 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Taking care of yourself is important- no matter what relationship you are in.

Take away the Ms- how would you answer this question if a friend came to you and said "I'm so overwhelmed and burnt out, how do I find my happer center again?"

There's a gazillion things, take a trip, take a nap, meditate, take a bath, read a boo, exercise, eat a chocolate...whatever you do, do something NICE for yourself, take time to breath and focus.

You're not a bad person if you take time for yourself, and you're not a bad submissive or slave just because you need a break- not from slavery, but from tension and work.

You're still a slave soaking in a bathtub. You don't need to prove your worth and usefulness by constantly doing and providing for others actively. As you can see- that only leads to you having nothing left to give. In order to be able to continue to give in the long term, you have to make time for yourself.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sephisurrender3d)

Post #: 2

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/16/2006 10:58:43 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Worries about money, pressures from work, the list of things to do and the short amount of time it takes to get things done?
Drink Heavily!

Seriously, LA is right in the respect that you must take care of yourself, or you will be unable to take care of anyone else. You have to slow down a bit. Write a list of the things that you would like to get done the next day and prioritize it. If you don't complete them all, start from there the next day. Continue to communicate with Master, sometimes it takes more then once to be truly heard, but by coninuing to communicate effectively, you will be heard.
Lots of people begin their days by reading a spiritual passage or something along those lines that prepares them for the day ahead by starting them off in the right frame of mind. Lastly and most importantly, know that you are in the same boat as millions of other people. Society's pace is not what it once was and we all tend to struggle a bit, so remember that as there is comfort in numbers. Kevin grabs the Bottle, Good luck!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/16/2006 11:50:20 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

First of all you are not a failure. Yes you are a slave but you are a human being. Just step back take a breather if you dont take care of yourself how are you going to take care of everything else. Just because you feel burnt out does not mean you are not submissive it just means you need a break from everyday pressures. Just take some time and pamper yourself a little. Best of luck.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 4

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/16/2006 11:53:51 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

Kevin grabs the Bottle, Good luck!

Jack Daniels?

Actually good advice. Mine was always set up so that 90% of the time i was only dealing with people who knew or knew enough not to ask. Now in my current collar with the kids gone it is that way all the time.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 5

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/16/2006 12:02:12 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sephisurrender3d

...How do you keep sight of your submission and who you are with all the pressures of everyday nilla life intruding? ( I.E societies views on whats considered normal or acceptable behavior)

by recognizing the intrusion as what it is and not giving it power to affect this slave's perception of herself or the relationship or Him. this slave really isn't all that concerned about society's views...for that matter, she is "abnormal"-looking right out the gate--less than 2% of the population have naturally red hair, this slave wears no make-up, no bra day-today, the only exception is when in costume and there is a constant deference to and reverence of Master, public or private, it matters not who is around.

quote:

How do you recenter yourself so you dont loose sight of who and what you are ?...

this slave took up the practice of meditation long before meeting Master as a means of reducing anxiety and maintaining sanity with 3 unmentionables to care for 24/7. He has incorporated meditation into part of a daily ritual that also includes an oral recitation of our contract--it takes about 30 minutes and Master has made sure that this slave has the opportunity to do it without interruption, daily. it is one of the most calm and peaceful half hour segments of this slave's day.

(in reply to sephisurrender3d)

Post #: 6

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/16/2006 2:30:28 PM

MrRodgers

Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

Iam with LuckyAlbatross here, don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to Vegas, the beach, even a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is. Seems your effort to serve is exemplary and that's the key, the rest of your well being is somewhere inside you and some relaxation is in order. Do not fret, as it certainly would seem by what you write here, you are doing just fine young lady..

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 7

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/16/2006 2:46:23 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I agree with beth, learn meditation...also, go get a massage or a facial.....they can work wonders

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to MrRodgers)

Post #: 8

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/16/2006 2:55:05 PM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

Take time for yourself. Take care of yourself so that you can serve him. We all run out of time in the day but it is so important to take some time for you and you alone. It will re charge you.

Take care,
sub tara

(in reply to sephisurrender3d)

Post #: 9

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/16/2006 2:59:06 PM

WantonThroat

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/14/2006
Status: offline

I too feel overwhelmed sometimes with the constant go go go. So here are a list of things I do to keep myself mentally sound & happy aka better frame of mind to serve Him.

1. I walk the dogs for about 15 minutes each morning to clear my head.
2. I walk the dogs for about an hour each night with a friend or two, get some exercise, clear my head, had a good laugh, bond.
3. Have your own space...it could be a room or a big closet. It is your space, your things, your photos, your thoughts and ideas, a place to breathe in (if your Master allows this).
4. Set aside time each week as "slave time". On Sundays at 1pm Master turns on Nascar. I go do laundry, go swimming at the pool, coffee with a friend and/or go for a spa treatment. Sometimes he even allows me to fetch dinner instead of making it.

I believe I probably have more alone time than most slaves. Master is a loner by nature and does like his vegetation time. Yes, I too get bogged down, mostly because I commute. However, I am open and up front with Him when I do need a nap, a few more hours sleep or just to vegetate at His feet. Usually he will say "no problem" or tell me to get a couple things done, then relax.

All the best, please contact me if you wish to talk further.

Tom's girl s.

< Message edited by WantonThroat -- 5/16/2006 3:00:53 PM >

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 10

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/16/2006 5:07:28 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
You're still a slave soaking in a bathtub.

It does really come down to this. A slave is who you are, not what you do. Just because I am not actively submitting to anyone at this moment in my life, doesn't make me less of a submissive. It's not the kneeling, or the cuffs and collar, that make me who I am.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
there is a constant deference to and reverence of Master, public or private, it matters not who is around.

If the deference and reverence are in your heart while you are running the kids off to school, or dealing with the other hundred chores a day, then you haven't lost sight of the submission. Getting a handle on your moods and frustration is just a matter of finding some stress release, and perhaps some help in getting things done.

Hang in there.

Cin

< Message edited by Vancouver_cinful -- 5/16/2006 5:09:06 PM >

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/17/2006 4:38:44 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Life, even M/s life, is not BDSM, all BDSM all day. By taking care of the daily tasks and errands, the chores, you are in service. Those things are a part of everyone's life, they're not "vanilla". Self-segregation serves no purpose. You're not different than anyone else, except in your relationship with your Master/Husband. And that is none of anyone's business but yours and his. If it helps, make a list of the things you've accomplished in a day, in the name of making your Master happy, from making the beds to making dinner. Would he be happy with you if you didn't excel at your job, didn't keep up with the kids, didn't keep up with the bills, etc.?

Food for thought.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Post #: 12

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/17/2006 7:25:18 PM

sephisurrender3d

Posts: 37
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

Thank You All for the advise... I have found that because im always on edge and overwhelmed keeping up with doing for everyone else i rarely get time for me..Since reading the posts i made time to get a few books from the local library .. Unfortunately we are doing some home improvements wheich means more work and less time to think so catching a few spare minutes between chores i might manage to read a page or two..Master and i are trying to put our Home to rights and fix a few things here and there... We now have a brand new granddaughter born May 16th, and are gearing up for a trip back Home ... Master has not met my Family yet and my kids and i have not been Home since Dec 17th , 2004...

So everything here is a chaotic mess, as well as me being an emotional wreck..Hopefully things will start to calm a bit and i can recenter myself and deal with lifes curves a bit easier... Thank You All so much for responding and making me feel less a failure ...

A most pleasant weeks end to You All..

sephi...

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 13

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/17/2006 11:41:32 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetbbwsub31

Take time for yourself. Take care of yourself so that you can serve him. We all run out of time in the day but it is so important to take some time for you and you alone. It will re charge you.

Take care,
sub tara

Agreed! I have my time while Master is at the hospital having dialysis. I go shopping, have a facial or even go back to bed and have a nap if my sleep has been disturbed if He has had a bad night.

He encourages me to have my own interests and this site is one, He doesn't come here and only reads the boards if I happen to have left the page open on the computer, though I will point out a thread which may be of interest

(in reply to sweetbbwsub31)

Post #: 14

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/18/2006 6:26:23 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sephisurrender3d
So everything here is a chaotic mess, as well as me being an emotional wreck..Hopefully things will start to calm a bit and i can recenter myself and deal with lifes curves a bit easier... Thank You All so much for responding and making me feel less a failure ...

Recentering isn't something you put off until you have the time for. That's what got you into this mess.

Recentering is something you MAKE the time for so that you CAN get through everything else.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sephisurrender3d)

Post #: 15

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/18/2006 7:03:52 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Hello sephisurrender........I know only too well how it feels when when life seems to be running you instead of the other way round. My husband killed himself 5 yrs ago leaving me with four children and a business to close, plus a LOT of debt...Family life can be such hard work even when your fit and well physically and emotionally, in all the ways you mention, let alone when you're feeling stretched to the limit.

The *me time* is important and it's something my Master insists I get because he wants me to be a fit, emotionally balanced person.

You mentioned that your Master doesn't seem to always understand and I just wondered if it would help to write exactly how you're feeling down.....I do this when things get too much...... and it surprises me how much comes out when I'm alone. It's been of enormous benefit to me.

Another thought....if your think you have depression, it's not a bad thing to chat to your doctor , maybe a short course of anti-depressants may be a help.

I don't think about my *service* to my Master really, being his IS it. I mostly don't feel or think about being *submissive*. I AM his and that really is it.....whether I feel submissive or not....because not *feeling* it doesn't change the fact that I'm owned.

When there are so many things going on in your life it can mask the fact that you may have a clinical depression that could be quickly remedied with medication.

These are just some thoughts that I had when I read your post and I'm not advising, just expressing them to you.

Wishing you well, agirl

(in reply to sephisurrender3d)

Post #: 16

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/19/2006 11:32:39 AM

Nyxalinth2

Posts: 35
Status: offline

Look at it this way: by taking care of you, you're better suited to meeting your Master's demands :) I think that any Dominant or Master/Mistress worth their salt would appreciate this.

I know some don't see it that way--I seem to encounter a lot of 'twoo subs/slaves' who think it's the height of heresy to have interests or pleasures outside of service or to take time to recharge oneself. In fact for the longest time I doubted myself: was I a real submissive because I also enjoyed writing and computer games and wanted to keep pursuing those and other hobbies. Now I know that that's just bullshit put out by the self-serving.

Take the advice offered here: that's my advice :)

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 17

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/19/2006 12:21:19 PM

SweetEscravo

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

All people need breaks now and then...why not explain the situation to your dom? I'm sure he has noticed you're stressed and unhappy. See about just taking one evening off..off from everything, off chores...just talk to him and decide how you will go about it. Take those couple of hours (or a day or whatever) to relax, take a long bath, eat at a retaurant you enjoy, get a massage...even just take a long walk.

Focusing so completely on others is a wonderful thing, and is at the heart of submission, but don't forget about yourself. You are still a wonderful human being. Remember to take care of yourself, because if you don't, you can't expect to be a good, happy submissive.

(in reply to Nyxalinth2)

Post #: 18

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/20/2006 7:40:21 AM

subcheryl

Posts: 280
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline

I have been in the very same shoes that you are in at the time. Only thing was I was not married to a dominate man, I became the dominate in our relationship, which was against my very nature. I did pretty much what you did, I took care of the boys,(4 of them) did scouting with them, did gardening, did the housework, ran to drs appointments, specialist appointments, school meetings worked a 40+ hr a week job, he did not work. I raised small farm animals and a garden for food for our family, paid the bills and so much more, and like you I forgot to take time for myself and had a couple of nervous breakdowns. I showed my love for my family and friends by what I did for them and gave of myself. I finally had to decide what was really important to me. If I didn't keep a picture perfect house I figured those who came to visit didn't like it they could pitch in and help, and sometimes they did. I figured as long as it was not filled with garbage, animal dodo, and such was basically healthy that wasn't an area I was going to knock myself out over I kept the floors cleaned dishes done, dusting once in awhile, I determined the quality of time spent with my children was more important than harping at them all the time to pick things up. i would make them help me pick up their things just before supper and then after supper was time for schoolwork, quietdown time and baths and bedtime. I raised a garden and small animals they were my quiet time, beleive it or not. I found work around them was my therapy or queit time. Once in awhile the boys would help with weeding or feeding the animals, which was our time to connect as a family also and talk about anything that was on their mind. But I do agree with everyone you do need to find your "ME TIME" it is very important to your health. I also agree that you should talk to your dr. about the moods and all. You may just need a short regiment of anti-depression drugs, just to help you get thru the house regiment and the everyday living. Also talk with your master and see if there are things you can lighten up on temperarily that wouldn't bug him too much, and than when the house rejuvinations are done you can concetrate back on them again.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)

Post #: 19

RE: Wondering how 24/7 subs/slaves recenter themselves .. - 5/20/2006 7:47:57 PM

sephisurrender3d

Posts: 37
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

Well after nearly a week of rain and set backs we now have the wheelchair ramp done..The front porch is nearly done , roof needs sealed and porch stained plus the railings put up.. In between doing all this and fighting the weather Our first Grandaughter was born...Its really been a busy time.. BUT i did make it to the library and have been stealing a few minutes here and there to read... Yay!! i missed reading alot..

Now once we get the porch and things done its time to start packing for a 10 day visit back Home.. I havent seen my family since Dec 17th 2004.. And Master has yet to meet the disfunctional family im from..Egads along with meeting my ex and deciding if i feel comfortable enough to allow Him a few days overnight with the kids..Lots to worry about and even more to do emotions running rampent and moods, well we wont go there...

Thank You All for the advice im really trying to get the Me time and well Master is working hard to get everything done and understanding that im only one person...

Ok if i didnt make sense im gonna blame it on sore muscles and all the dang rain thats made a few day job into a week and a half of torture.. And not the good kinda torture!!!!!

(in reply to sephisurrender3d)

Post #: 20

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