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Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 7:42:25 PM

Jaspersky

Posts: 10
Joined: 8/24/2010
Status: offline

Ok I have a problem, I had a dom, he was amazing and perfect to me in everyway (mind you this was awhile ago and my view on him has changed dyrastically) and he left me, just left with no warning at all. He goes and dates and stuff that really vanilla but around the same time every year he tries coming back and tries to be with me again and we get close then he just leaves again and everytime it gets worse and worse on me. I even have a new Sir now and my old dom still has power over my emotions to the point of just seeing him makes me want to cry and beg for him to come back. I dont know what to do, I want this connection I have with him to go away so I can please my Sir and be happy with him but the dom just keeps ruining everything for me and ive been looking back on it recently of what me and him did and i noticed, he really just treated me like a piece of sh*t and really didnt care about me in the least except I was a way to get his rocks off. He used to hurt me worse than any dom should hurt their sub but I still loved him no matter what he did. I want to stop feeling anything but hate for him. Can anyone help me?

Post #: 1

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 7:46:54 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yeah. I can help. Change your contact info.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 2

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 7:51:01 PM

Tristan

Posts: 330
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline

You say that he was amazing and perfect to you in every way but your views have changed. Maybe you need to focus on who you see him to be after he left you. It sounds like you are focusing on the image you had of him before he left you.

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 3

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 7:51:22 PM

Jaspersky

Posts: 10
Joined: 8/24/2010
Status: offline

That wouldent change anything we live in a small town its hard to avoid anyone especially someone that is going to the same collage you are and have the same area of study.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 7:55:01 PM

Jaspersky

Posts: 10
Joined: 8/24/2010
Status: offline

And no I hate him but just seeing him hurts something in me, I even tried not talking to him snd even just being around him in classes and just walking past him in the halls depresses me. I really dont know why i still feel anything for him ive tried my hardest to hate him i hate him with everything that i have but he just depresses me now and something makes me want to go back to him. it just hurts.

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 5

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 7:58:25 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Yep. Find a nice pair of big girl panties and put them on.

You are the only one who has power over your emotions. You say HE has power over you, you want the connection to go away, HE keeps ruining everything, HE treated you like a piece of shit, HE hurt you, you don't want to feel anything but hate, and you can't be happy and please the new guy until the old one has magically disappeared and you're suddenly emotionally mature enough to handle an adult relationship.....blah blah blah blah blah.

Everything you said absolves YOU from all responsibility, no, it's ALL HIS FAULT, wah wah wah. Grow up and take responsibility for your own actions. Tell him....and mean it....that you don't want to see him anymore. He is not to call you. You will not take his calls. You will block his number or change your own if you have to. And then stick to it. No one can do it for you, it's time to grow up.

And break it off with the "Sir" that you're stringing along so that he can find someone who really wants him. It's not fair to him. When you're emotionally available to be a decent partner in a relationship, that's when to start looking for a new "Sir".

Yeah, this is blunt and not what you want to hear, but this is the way adults do it.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 6

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 7:58:28 PM

Tristan

Posts: 330
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline

What do you think the attraction to him still is?

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 7

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 7:58:55 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Which means what? Has he tied you down and forced you to talk with him? When he approaches you, is your ability to walk away somehow impaired?

The only power this person has over you is what you are willing to give him. Stop giving it and you won't have a problem anymore.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 8

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 8:04:21 PM

Jaspersky

Posts: 10
Joined: 8/24/2010
Status: offline

I dont know thats the problem, and when he approches I actually freeze up, like its almost like when your so scared you just lock up and cant move but I dont really feel fear when i seem him. The only thing that cheers me up remotly after seeing or talking to him is my Sir talking to me about it, he just thinks me being with him should help, and yes it did when we were together the first time it helped me alot actually but we havent been able to be together since and its like taking meds, if you only take a med once and not keep taking it regularly it only helps you get better till its out of your system it dosent heal you completely.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 8:25:37 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaspersky

That wouldent change anything we live in a small town its hard to avoid anyone especially someone that is going to the same collage you are and have the same area of study.

But he manages to avoid you until he wants to stir you up... .

I am guessing that this was your first D/s relationship.
Because it was your first can't really see the truth of it:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaspersky

Ok I have a problem, I had a dom, he was amazing and perfect to me in everyway (mind you this was awhile ago and my view on him has changed dyrastically) and he left me, just left with no warning at all. He goes and dates and stuff that really vanilla but around the same time every year he tries coming back and tries to be with me again and we get close then he just leaves again and everytime it gets worse and worse on me. I even have a new Sir now and my old dom still has power over my emotions to the point of just seeing him makes me want to cry and beg for him to come back. I dont know what to do, I want this connection I have with him to go away so I can please my Sir and be happy with him but the dom just keeps ruining everything for me and ive been looking back on it recently of what me and him did and i noticed, he really just treated me like a piece of sh*t and really didnt care about me in the least except I was a way to get his rocks off. He used to hurt me worse than any dom should hurt their sub but I still loved him no matter what he did. I want to stop feeling anything but hate for him. Can anyone help me?

He was amazing and perfect to you until he treated you like shit.
He didn't just stop seeing you, he discarded you.
And now he plays with you like a cat with a mouse.

You want it to stop, you need to stop it.
Practice saying "No" in front of the mirror.
Go to counseling.
You are in college, use their services.
Read this E-book: How to Survive the Loss of a Love

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 10

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 8:25:56 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Two main issues I see here Jas.

1. You can't turn feelings on and off like a faucet. Every person alive has had, has, or will have a no-longer appropriate love that gets under their skin and digs in like a blood-sucking tick no matter how much we wish we could just strike a match and burn it out. Once you accept this fact of life, when the feelings continue to surface you acknowledge them in a nonjudgmental manner and let them run their course without repeating the no-longer-appropriate actions. Which leads to part 2:

2. You can turn actions on and off like a faucet. Establish your boundaries, and make them known to Sir Wishy Washy. Though your heart's a little behind schedule, you've identified what no longer works for you and decided that the come hither go away pattern isn't acceptable for you anymore. That's a sign of maturity and healthy self-esteem on your part, congratulations! Painting yourself with a submissive stripe does not mean you are powerless. Clearly state your boundaries to Mr. No Longer Appropriate, then enjoy the glow of empowerment you feel standing up for yourself. Doing so will pave the way for your heart to catch up. New Sir will probably be delighted as well. And don't be surprised if Wishy Washy suddenly comes sniffing around again after you do so, people can be funny that way

Good luck, love.

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 11

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 8:26:04 PM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

You must learn to live with yourself before you can live with another.

He has control because you don't have the strength to walk away and to say no to what is totally wrong about this relationship. You're just a hook up for him, not someone he should respect.

Submission is not giving in to abuse, it is giving away power to one who has respect for it and takes it as a responsibility. If you can't respect yourself enough to flip this guy off then you have MUCH to learn about how to respect yourself.

This is true of vanilla as well as BDSM relationships.

< Message edited by Muttling -- 6/30/2011 8:28:11 PM >

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 12

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 8:30:22 PM

Jaspersky

Posts: 10
Joined: 8/24/2010
Status: offline

Ive tried counciling they just gave me antidepressants which didnt really work, and thanks Mistressdarkart ill keep that in mind :D

(in reply to Muttling)

Post #: 13

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 8:38:42 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I want to stop feeling anything but hate for him.

The opposite of love is NOT hate, but indifference.
~~Think about it.~~

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 14

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 8:38:55 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

change your phone number or block him so he can't call. If he stops by your home then don't answer the door. If you bump into him around town make an excuse on why you're in a hurry and walk away. Block his emails.

It's a pretty easy concept.

If you can't do any of the above then you need to f igure out why you're still hanging on to someone who only wants you when they don't have anyone else in their life. You're the rebound chick.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 15

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 8:39:31 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yes, it is that simple. You turn the hell around and walk the fuck away. Which part don't you get?

The only reason you are "emotionally bound" is because you are allowing it. Vote with your fucking feet!

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 16

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 8:41:34 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

The opposite of love is NOT hate, but indifference.

I want to nominate this for the Sunny quote of the day, 'k Sunny?

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 17

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 8:50:36 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

Change your thoughts. When you think about him, make a conscious effort to think about something else. You can control where your thoughts go. Your current Sir is very patient. When you think about the ex, shift your thoughts to your Sir, and your appreciation for him for hanging in there through this. Also change your actions. Nobody is requiring you to take his calls but yourself. Stop taking his calls. When you see him in public, walk away, even if he is talking. He'll deal with it, trust me. Move on.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 18

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 8:55:07 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Counseling: if one therapist doesn't work try another one and IF you are depressed they can take up to 6 weeks to work and if one doesn't work another might.

However, your issue is not something a pill can fix.
You need to change your thinking and presumably if you could have done it yourself by now you would have... unless of course you weren't trying.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Jaspersky)

Post #: 19

RE: Emotionally Bound - 6/30/2011 8:59:12 PM

DecadentDesire

Posts: 234
Joined: 6/18/2011
Status: offline

Stop being a victim.

It's easy when you are not really one.

< Message edited by DecadentDesire -- 6/30/2011 9:00:41 PM >

_____________________________

I was once a Rabbit, driven Mad, by the Decadence of his Desires...

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 20

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