RE: The Sub/Dom Relationship and Instinct

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: The Sub/Dom Relationship and Instinct

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: The Sub/Dom Relationship and Instinct

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: The Sub/Dom Relationship and Instinct - 7/3/2011 2:52:53 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

It is more often the role of the master to understand what the sub likes without discussing it and even if the sub is unaware of this.

My opinion on that? It's one of the stupidest things I've ever read.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Errastas)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: The Sub/Dom Relationship and Instinct - 7/3/2011 3:36:34 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

~ fast reply ~

Things work best for us when we are both aware of what we're thinking, feeling, wanting, not wanting....and why.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Arpig)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: The Sub/Dom Relationship and Instinct - 7/3/2011 5:22:22 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I came across a quote recently which rung a bell.

It is more often the role of the master to understand what the sub likes without discussing it and even if the sub is unaware of this.

I'm interested in your opinions on that

I have never heard such a crock of shit in my life.

No wonder people fail at relationships so often, if this is the kind of shit that they are paying attention to.

It is the role of ALL PARTNERS to understand what the other likes/dislikes...what's more, it's the role of ALL PARTNERS to DISCUSS these likes and dislikes with each other so that ALL can understand.

Your 'quote' above does nothing more than state that a submissive need not take responsibility in the relationship because according to 'those who know', it is not their 'role' to see to it that their partner(s) know them well enough.

The stupidity of some minds astounds me.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Errastas)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: The Sub/Dom Relationship and Instinct - 7/3/2011 6:59:12 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Errastas

It is more often the role of the master to understand what the sub likes without discussing it and even if the sub is unaware of this.

1) I believe the above quote could have been phrased better.

2) I can't address the Female D-type/male s-type side of things, as it's not my dynamic.

3) With regard to many Male D-type / female s-type dynamics of the D/s, M/s, and/or D/lg ilk, my personal experience has been that YES... it's the "more often" the dominant person that takes the initiative to "understand what the sub likes" via a BDSM checklist, discussions regarding experience (or lack thereof), fantasies, and so forth -- as these sorts of things greatly assist the D-type when training an s-type... providing a road-map of sorts to the s-type's triggers and/or motivations. Additionally, in many M/s dynamics (including those of the TPE sort) the slaves "likes" and "dislikes" are secondary to the Master/Owner's likes/dislikes.

4) To the great horror of the politically correct, many people (of both the BDSM and Vanilla ilk) will take the lead "role" of sexual/non-sexual experimentation -- which is how many a newbie becomes "aware" of certain likes/dislikes they may have been previously "unaware" of, so taking such initiative is absolutely NOT as uncommon as some may think. Again, I believe the quote was simply phrased poorly.

Example: I personally know many an s-type that found (without ANY prior discussion whatsover) they LOVE watersports (i.e., being pissed on by their Owner) -- but if asked prior, would have likely considered it either a limit, or something of no interest to them.

Not everything needs to be discussed ahead of time... but certainly any person (D-type or not) that's worth their salt as a long-term partner will pay close attention to those they're involved with before, during, and after any experimentation. Again, that's how many who were previously "unaware" of certain likes/dislikes, become "aware" of them.

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 7/3/2011 7:16:45 PM >

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to Errastas)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: The Sub/Dom Relationship and Instinct - 7/4/2011 10:56:35 PM

TitanAurelius

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

I disagree, if I may. While I think any healthy relationship will have each being
intuitive as to what the other likes or dislikes, I feel it is more often the role of
the submissive to understand what the Dominant/Master likes. And act accordingly.

Exactly. Let's not forget our roots (pardon the pun)

(in reply to Errastas)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: The Sub/Dom Relationship and Instinct - 7/9/2011 3:35:42 PM

OwnedFemaleFlesh

Posts: 182
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline

Actually I think it is the other way round. It is my job to anticipate what my Owner wants and needs before he even knows he needs it. if he had to ask for every little thing, it would get tiresome quickly.

Studies have also shown that it is the less powerful person in any dynamic who is expected to develop 'intuition' about the more powerful person. i.e. women are expected to use their 'female intuition' to understand men, but men are rarely likely to be required to do the same. Employees will often sense when their boss is in a bad mood and stay out of the way, but bosses rarely perform the same monitoring and sensitivity.

owned xxx

(in reply to Errastas)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: The Sub/Dom Relationship and Instinct - 7/10/2011 9:15:10 AM

Errastas

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/19/2011
Status: offline

quote:

is the other way round. It is my job to anticipate what my Owner wants and needs before he even knows he needs it. if he had to ask for every little thing, it would get tiresome quickly.

Studies have also shown that it is the less powerful person in any dynamic who is expected to develop 'intuition' about the more powerful person. i.e. women are expected to use their 'female intuition' to understand men, but men are rarely likely to be required to do the same. Employees will often sense when their boss is in a bad mood and stay out of the way, but bosses rarely perform the same monitoring and sensitivity.

An interesting synopsis and observation. I shall ponder it.

(in reply to OwnedFemaleFlesh)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: The Sub/Dom Relationship and Instinct - 7/10/2011 11:51:04 AM

Palliata

Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline

I think it's a combination. On the one hand, many many people have no idea what they're going to enjoy until it happens, especially if they're relatively new to the lifestyle, so being able to pick those things out of their psyche without even them knowing they were there is a valuable skill. I think it was JD Salinger who said "if we knew all that was lurking in our minds we would surely be compelled to scrub them quite thoroughly until nothing of us remained." That said, communication can make things simpler, and a "these things make me happy in my down-there parts" conversation is so, so much more efficient than guess-and-check.

All in all, its about getting to know your partner, as is everything else, and that takes many forms. No one way of approaching it is going to accomplish your goals.

_____________________________

I speak not of The Way, but only My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

(in reply to UberBrat)

Profile

Post #: 28