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ORIGINAL: leadership527

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ORIGINAL: CalifChick
Training implies that mindless repetition is necessary in order for the sub to be able to do what is wanted.

WFT? Only in BDSM-land.
(and I left the WTF misspelling because I thought it was funny that I could misspell a 3 letter abbreviation and to provide some sport to crazy & ddesire who seem to have recently developed a fetish around such things).

It is, in my considered opinion, one of the fascinating things about BDSM is that nobody needs to be trained or learn anything or improve in any way whatsoever. The doms were all born that way... you either got the magic gene or you don't. The subs ... ditto... even those that loudly proclaim that they don't possess that magical submissive gene. Everyone wants something for nothing and their chicks for free (sorry, I couldn't resist). It is "you should love me for who I am" run amok.

Out in the real world "training" means "The action of teaching a person or animal a particular skill or type of behavior." and it does not carry with it all of this ridiculous burden. I have chatted with, mentored, and trained new submissives. To my knowledge, none of them thought I was using them as anything other than "a student". I didn't spend much time with them on what I personally want out of a sub/slave. We talked about the BDSM landscape as a whole and how that individual might fit into it. When we got some niche narrowed down a bit then we talked about the various mind sets and viewpoints I've heard around that particular niche. If possible, I put them in touch with other people who saw things that way. There was a lot of discussion about authority & obedience (predictable given my interests) and why that can work out well and not so well. In other words, it was normal, healthy, and useful to the people I spoke to.

Out of curiosity, you don't think that me, a guy who had a happy vanilla marriage and then turned it into a happy, high-functioning BDSM authority based relationship might not have something really fascinating to say to another vanilla couple considering the same thing?

sheez.

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ORIGINAL: erieangel

I came to the BDSM lifestyle kind of late in life. Am i in "training"? Not in the sense that i am meeting any Dom for kink. However, coming to see site, other sites, reading and talking to all the new friends i've made i am learning more and more about myself everyday. That, to me, is 'training'.

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ORIGINAL: avena
I'm not quite sure I'd call it training though. For me, mentoring seems a more appropriate term.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Next time you get on a plane, do you want the guy who has read about it or do you want your pilot to have some flight time?

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ORIGINAL: experiment2

are we not all a collection of out experiences in life. some say thay would not accept a sub trained by another, others say only they have it right and your past experience does not really count. to a submissive it seems many Domme/Doms are on a total power trip leaving us in the state of confusion. to me training ( probably poorly labeled) is an ongoing process.

we have to learn from a new Domme/Dom what they expect or desire in order to please them. each Domme i have encounters see things in there own way and a sub must learn and experience new things continually. very few want it to become routine and uneventful. for all boredom can set in. perhaps this is why many relationships fall apart afer an extended period. it is difficult to continually grow, but necessary.

i am sure as a lowly submissive, seeking new areas to explore, will be found in error, but these are my thoughts.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Next time you get on a plane, do you want the guy who has read about it or do you want your pilot to have some flight time?

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ORIGINAL: Amygdalin

To start, this is not a post questioning other peoples' preferences or taste when it comes to a certain type of lifestyle, play, kink or what have you. I know some people gravitate or like certain things just because that is their taste, and that's that. What one likes, another may hate. And that is fine with me. Variety is the spice of life.

And this is also not a question about swingers or people who just play openly. It's about those who enlist in training with one Dom, and in the meantime are looking for a full time, long term Master.

What I have never understood is the sub who enlists herself to a "trainer." And then talks/writes about it as if it's a selling point to potential Doms. As if it makes them better than a sub who has little or no experience. I am not condemning anyone for undergoing "training," but I'd like to explain why I don't understand it.

A sub's training by another means nothing to me. It only means she was trained in a way that another Dominant liked. It could potentially involve a future Master to have to "untrain" her of certain qualities he didn't like. It could prove more of a speed bump than an actual selling point.

One thing I don't understand is why a sub would want to be trained by anyone other than someone she wants to submit to and grow with long term? Knowing that her future owner will most likely be totally different than her temporary trainer, why would she expose herself to it? Is it a lack of patience for finding her true owner? Is it her self driven need to feel like she's serving someone that directs her toward the nearest person who provides her with control?

Being "trained" in this manner seems like a colder, distant way of treating a sub. There is no potential for a life long, growing relationship. It is strictly training, like attending classes at a college. No real emotional committment.

To me, nobody can train a sub/slave better than her Master himself. To be broken and taught by one may most likely lead to a failure of service, or some difficulty, in learning to serve another. It just seems like an unnecessary hardship for a sub to put herself thru.

To me, there are a couple general characteristics a sub should have. And the desire to serve, or feel fulfilled thru serving and pleasing, is probably the greatest. If she possesses that quality, and shares the same "vanilla" interests I do, then training or learning to live together is something we can do on our own at our own pace. An outside force will most likely act as nothing more than a hindrance.

It's hard enough finding someone suitable and compatible as it is. Why would anyone want to be trained by someone they didn't intend on having a long relationship with? And "training" (or perhaps a better way to describe it is learning to live together) is something that is ever evolving. What might be a strict rule now, may differ slightly 10 years down the road. Training is like learning. It's a process that has no definite end. It's not a cold, distant art. There are variables that occur in a long term relationship that would never arise in a no-committment, strictly training dynamic.

And what exactly is a "trainer" going to do? Teach her to enjoy bondage sex? Fisting? To accept rape play? Aren't these things that should be explored with someone trusted that will be there long term? Someone who has an emotional involvement and investment? For me, it's a definite and resounding yes.

Again, I'm not judging anyone for doing this, if it's what they really want and like. I just don't understand that whole process.