RE: question of punishment

RE: question of punishment (Full Version)

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Mastersbunny93 -> RE: question of punishment (7/7/2011 9:21:07 PM)
ur all very right i should completly have reacted different i guess i acted on instinct .... and yes i should souly trust my Master and i do i guess me being new its going to take time for me to learn proper way to handle things ty all so much

sunshinemiss -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 1:55:15 AM)
No, you should not completely trust this dude if he is telling you to hang up on someone (be rude to someone) just because he dislikes them. That is an immature thing to do. You are new, and you are being fed a crock of nonsense from somebody. If you are new, maybe you don't realize that relationships of all kinds take time to build trust. He needs to take the time to teach ... he needs to act like a man and not a bully (provided your analysis was accurate). The only person you should completely trust at the beginning of a new relationship is YOU. Your gut will tell you what's what. Sounds like it's talking pretty darned good. That whole, "I should do whatever I'm told whenever I'm told" is either for players who are pretending or for people who are in long term, deeply committed relationships who have taken the time and put in the effort to build up a level of trust that would warrant that corresponding level of behavior. The rest of it? Nonsense. Don't let go of your own good sense just cause you're having a new experience. Any man who is worth his salt will behave, you know, like a man, not a bully or a temper tantrum having little boy. sunshine

angelikaJ -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 3:43:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mastersbunny93 sorry if i offended any of Y/you and ty A/all for your advice i just need to work on communication ty so much Y/you have helped more then you know Where in my post does it say that communication is only your issue? If there are rules within the relationship, then they should be known quantities. Your fiance is new to this and despite the fact that you were "raised in the lifestyle", you are new to this as having it be part of your relationship dynamic. Mistakes are a part of learning. Bu tthe 2 of you need to better define the relationship that you have and what is and is not acceptable for both of you.

leadership527 -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 6:49:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mastersbunny93 should i be mad if i have been awesome the whole day and i get punished for a small things that i didnt do that goes against my morals ? im new to the lifestyle so im seeking advice or opinions on my question please and thank You. You are new to the lifestyle and I presume this is a new relationship. No, you should not be pushed to exceed your limits. I do such things with Carol routinely, but we are not a new couple. She has had ample time (16 years) to size up my own sense of morality and ethics. I did not do such things with Carol when I had newly collared her -- despite us being married for about 12 years at that point. The problem here is complex. No, you shouldn't be mad that your dominant is telling you to do stuff you don't want to do and enforcing that with punishment. Yes, you ought to be at least concerned that he seems to be overspending his trust budget and is unaware of that. You two need to talk.

crazyml -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 9:06:25 AM)
Hello Mb, You've already had some great advice, but for what it's worth (not a great deal) here's my take... The only satisfactory answer to your question is "it depends". If you're committed to obey this person, then you ought to obey. If you doubt this person's motives, then you ought to obey and have a conversation with him to explain your misgivings. If you can't obey, because for you, at this stage in the relationship, it's not something you're willing to do, then don't obey - and accept the consequences of that disobedience. And that might mean a punishment - and if you're not prepared to take the punishment it might mean a renegotiation - or the end - of the relationship. Ultimately, if you want the kind of relationship in which your dom partner exerts complete control, then you're going to have to trust this person completely. This will help explain the very forthright (and totally spot on) comment from Hannah. It goes without saying, though, that if you're choosing a partner then it would pay to choose one worthy of that kind of trust... The key is to talk, and you can get a wide range of views from us, but you know who you really ought to be talking to. I don't know why your dom dislikes this person, but you need to get to the bottom of that. For my part, I'm with DarkSteven (provided I'm not about to misrepresent what he said!), I would always encourage my sub to form and maintain positive friendships, but would intervene if I thought a relationship was a negative one. That said if I didn't approve of a friendship I still wouldn't tell you to "hang-up" on someone, that does seem a little rude to me.

graceadieu -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 12:22:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven littlewonder, her Master told her to hang up on a friend because her Master disliked him. That is what she considered rude. Evidently, she refused and got punished for it. I'm torn. He has a right to expect that she should obey him, but to me it seemed childish for him to do that. Yeah, it's a tough one. I mean, if she agreed to let him control her friendships, then I suppose it's within his rights to tell her to do that - but it's still rude of him. IMO sounds like one of those things where just because the Dom/Master can do something doesn't mean they ought to.

graceadieu -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 12:33:00 PM)
To the OP: I think you need to figure out whether you want to accept him controlling your interactions with your friends in this sort of way or not. And if you don't, you guys need to talk about boundries. It's okay to find out, as you go along, that sometimes what you thought you wanted doesn't really work for you. Hopefully you guys can figure out together what works for both of you and grow together.

leadership527 -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 2:00:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: graceadieu Yeah, it's a tough one. I mean, if she agreed to let him control her friendships, then I suppose it's within his rights to tell her to do that - but it's still rude of him. blinks OK, let me get this straight. You think it's rude for someone to exercise the rights and privileges that have freely and openly been granted to him? Good God! This makes me devoutly glad I'm not your dom. I need to trust the person I'm with. I'm almost afraid to ponder what you think about M/s relationships... You know, Carol must be OK with being mine but I'm being rude for actually owning her, right?

DesFIP -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 3:21:11 PM)
No, we think it's rude for him to insist that she be rude. That she isn't allowed to say she needs to go and good night, but to hang up on the other person in mid sentence. What if he dislikes his mother in law? Is it okay for him to insist she hangs up on her mother and for him to cause an estrangement in the family? And if he dislikes his mother in law because she confronted him about speaking dismissively to her daughter? If he dislikes the friend because she's seen bruises and worries about the op? The op is 18 and so is her 'master' whom she should trust implicitly despite him not having earned that trust by demonstrating good judgment over time. If you were at work and Carol called you with a problem, wouldn't you think it rude to hang up on her without a word?

LadyPact -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 3:40:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP No, we think it's rude for him to insist that she be rude. That she isn't allowed to say she needs to go and good night, but to hang up on the other person in mid sentence. There are three posts on this thread from the OP. None of them say that. quote: What if he dislikes his mother in law? Is it okay for him to insist she hangs up on her mother and for him to cause an estrangement in the family? And if he dislikes his mother in law because she confronted him about speaking dismissively to her daughter? If he dislikes the friend because she's seen bruises and worries about the op? The op is 18 and so is her 'master' whom she should trust implicitly despite him not having earned that trust by demonstrating good judgment over time. Since we're playing "what if" here, what if Mom is emotionally abusive every time they talk and it was becoming harmful? What if the Master needs to have her be around Mom less because she causes the OP anxiety attacks? quote: If you were at work and Carol called you with a problem, wouldn't you think it rude to hang up on her without a word? I won't speak for anybody else, but I've definitely been at work and said nothing more than "I've got to go now. Bye".

DesFIP -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 4:24:07 PM)
"I've got to go, goodbye" is not at all the same as hanging up in mid word. We've all had times where we had to run. But how long does it take to say "can't talk now, bye"? Beyond that, the master gave the op no reason as to why he dislikes the friend. Just told her to hang up. Not to say goodbye and then get off the phone. Instead she got punished because she wasn't about to act like a jack ass. And I doubt that the 19 year old master could recognize emotional abuse that clearly.

LadyPact -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 5:26:32 PM)
From the sound of it, she didn't get punished because she said, "go to go, bye". She got punished for not obeying when commanded to hang up and/or how she reacted when told to do so.

leadership527 -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 6:20:54 PM)
I agree with LP... too many what-if speculations there. You've constructed a house of cards based upon nothing. graceadieu I just realized I probably misread your post. You mean "rude to the friend" not "rude to the sub". If so then my last post was basically out in left field... please disregard. But I still have to question "so what?" Without any more surrounding detail we can't second guess his decision. I've made similar decisions and I was A LOT more forceful about it and it was family not friends. I'm perfectly fine with being quite a bit more than "rude" given the right circumstances. I think the key question here is whether or not his judgement is sound and only the OP can know for sure.

Arpig -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 9:06:42 PM)
quote: Beyond that, the master gave the op no reason as to why he dislikes the friend. No, the OP didn't answer the question when it was posed, we have no idea if he did or not, for all we know he has expounded his dislike to her over many hours, you are assuming facts not in evidence. quote: And I doubt that the 19 year old master could recognize emotional abuse that clearly. You might want to zip up, your prejudice is showing.

angelikaJ -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 9:28:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP "I've got to go, goodbye" is not at all the same as hanging up in mid word. We've all had times where we had to run. But how long does it take to say "can't talk now, bye"? Beyond that, the master gave the op no reason as to why he dislikes the friend. Just told her to hang up. Not to say goodbye and then get off the phone. Instead she got punished because she wasn't about to act like a jack ass. And I doubt that the 19 year old master could recognize emotional abuse that clearly. We don't have any context available to us to know whether or not she had time to say "Got to go now, bye" or if when he prompted her for his attention she ignored him and he then pressed the issue. Sometimes people leave those details out. But I kind of doubt that she was actually made to hang up on him without having any opportunity to say goodbye... and if she was then I suspect there is a whole other story about that friend that we were not made privy to. My guess is she knows why he doesn't like her friend and this wasn't just an arbitrary thing. However, if she was made to hang up on him without any opportunity to say good bye - without any discussion of the rules involved, given the newness I would be more inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt and not assume emotional abuse. . They need to work on their mutual communication skills. Please note: I know I am making assumptions here. As is the usual, only the OP and the absent other parties know what happened.

HeatherMcLeather -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 9:38:00 PM)
quote: What if he dislikes his mother in law? I'm not allowed to talk to my mother in person, on the phone, or on IM unless Hanners is present. And LadyP's example is exactly the reason. quote: what if Mom is emotionally abusive every time they talk and it was becoming harmful I don't know what the OP's Master's reasons for giving the order was, none of us do, but it IS entirely possible that they were indeed for the good of the OP.

NocturnalStalker -> RE: question of punishment (7/8/2011 9:52:27 PM)
I personally think invading your social networking and holding control over it is stupid. You'll probably find your friend hotter now and you should sleep with him. Don't doubt me.

LadyPact -> RE: question of punishment (7/9/2011 8:18:33 AM)
Who decided the person on the other end of the phone call was male?

OsideGirl -> RE: question of punishment (7/9/2011 9:38:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mastersbunny93 should i be mad if i have been awesome the whole day and i get punished for a small things that i didnt do that goes against my morals ? im new to the lifestyle so im seeking advice or opinions on my question please and thank You. Your morals should have been discussed prior to him becoming your Master. Which shows that neither of you did your due diligence.

NocturnalStalker -> RE: question of punishment (7/9/2011 11:12:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Who decided the person on the other end of the phone call was male? Because you don't date bi-sexuals/whores in the long-term. Every guy knows that.

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