trying not to give up

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

trying not to give up

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> trying not to give up

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

trying not to give up - 7/9/2011 10:11:24 AM

Mastersbunny93

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/7/2011
Status: offline

ugh i have been trying my hardest to become the best subbie possible or atleast half good and yet it seems like since im new im still a failure . I know great things take time and patience and hard work but why is it so hard to get my lifestle intact for my self and my Master. :/

Post #: 1

RE: trying not to give up - 7/9/2011 10:16:31 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mastersbunny93

ugh i have been trying my hardest to become the best subbie possible or at least half good and yet it seems like since im new im still a failure. I know great things take time and patience and hard work but why is it so hard to get my lifestle intact for my self and my Master. :/

To be the "best" is subjective... it depends on the person you're with, as one person's "best" is another person's "worst", and visa-versa. (shrugs)

BTW... it might help us -- to help you -- if you offered some examples of where you think you've been a "failure"?!!

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 7/9/2011 10:40:11 AM >

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to Mastersbunny93)

Post #: 2

RE: trying not to give up - 7/9/2011 10:35:35 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I've read your other threads and all your issues seem to be communication based. So, work on your communication with him.

Your communication here has been rather vague - if we are confused probably he is too.

(in reply to Mastersbunny93)

Post #: 3

RE: trying not to give up - 7/9/2011 10:53:17 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

1) He was your fiance long before he was your master; why the switch and why now?
2) How was your communication as a couple before he became your master?
3) Are his expectations of you clear to both of you? Does he have clearly defined expectations and has he effectively commuicated to you what they are?
4) Learning is a process... remember having a subject in school that you struggled with and because you practiced you got better? Not doing something perfectly is not failure. Not doing something at all would be failure, but sometimes failures within a D/s context are shared. Presumably, your fiance/master knows you well. Is he perhaps forgetting that? He should not be setting you up to fail.
5) Why do you think you are having a problem?

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Mastersbunny93)

Post #: 4

RE: trying not to give up - 7/9/2011 11:23:52 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I've read your other threads and all your issues seem to be communication based. So, work on your communication with him.

Your communication here has been rather vague - if we are confused probably he is too.

Exactly!

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 5

RE: trying not to give up - 7/9/2011 1:15:06 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

Having been fortunate enough to interact with new Doms and more experienced Doms, one thing I noticed was that some of the new Doms seem to think that dominance equates to being hyper-critical and sparse with the praise.

I notice from the OP's profile that they are both young and seem to be new to the whole BDSM thing. Maybe a chat with him about your progress and his expectations of you, and also let him know you're feeling disheartened and like you're failing him, and see if you can find a way to balance the praise/criticism scales a little more.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to Mastersbunny93)

Post #: 6

RE: trying not to give up - 7/9/2011 4:44:55 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5173
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Excuse me but the blame is not yours. The Master has the responsibility to make sure his slave can be successful. If the slave is always failing then the Master has failed to teach his slave properly.

So it's time you BOTH chat together to figure out how success can be achieved.

(in reply to Mastersbunny93)

Post #: 7

RE: trying not to give up - 7/9/2011 5:30:48 PM

HannahLynHeather

Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline

holy madonna of the manure pile, just give up, for fuck's sake.

first you're pissed off because you got punished for not doing what you were told to do, now you're a fucking failure at everything? you say you're new, but your profile says you were raised in the lifestyle, which is it, can't fucking be both? something sure as fuck is rotten in denmark if you ask me.

if you can't succeed there's three fucking possibilities
1 - he sucks. he can't set realistic goals and is just trying to make you feel like shit.
~solution: shoot him.
2 - you suck. you are a fuck up and won't amount to fuck all as a sub.
~solution: shoot yourself
3 - the two of you are doing this shit wrong. nobody knows what the fuck they want out of it.
~solution: talk to the dim witted fucker, not us.

take your pick.

look bunnybuns this shit isn't complicated, it really isn't. its just fucking with whips and chains thrown in for flavour. the master/slave shit is just a game, in the end you're in it to get your fucking rocks off and so is he. it's supposed to be fun, so if it isn't then sit your beau down and start talking to each other and don't stop till till you get this shit sorted.

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to Mastersbunny93)

Post #: 8

RE: trying not to give up - 7/9/2011 6:13:14 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

f you can't succeed there's three fucking possibilities
1 - he sucks. he can't set realistic goals and is just trying to make you feel like shit.
~solution: shoot him.
2 - you suck. you are a fuck up and won't amount to fuck all as a sub.
~solution: shoot yourself
3 - the two of you are doing this shit wrong. nobody knows what the fuck they want out of it.
~solution: talk to the dim witted fucker, not us.

You left out possibility 4:

Neither of you suck, you are both simply incompatible. You want different things.
~ solution: Break up.

Also the solutions should be suckie learns, not suckie gets shot.

But Hannah did get one thing right - I don't think you should ask her for advice. In fact, I don't think anyone should.

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)

Post #: 9

RE: trying not to give up - 7/9/2011 6:13:51 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

You gotta love a girl who can throw that many "fucking"s into a post and still use an old fashioned word like "beau".

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)

Post #: 10

RE: trying not to give up - 7/9/2011 6:23:44 PM

coookie

Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline

Holy Fuck Hannah makes Ron look sweet and fluffy!!

lol on a side note ... shes mostly bang on. (except the shootings ... for ffs Hannah she lives in Texas!)

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)

Post #: 11

RE: trying not to give up - 7/9/2011 7:28:19 PM

HannahLynHeather

Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline

quote:

Neither of you suck, you are both simply incompatible. You want different things.
~ solution: Break up.

this should read
4 - you both suck, neither of you is the other's cup of cum.
~ solution: shoot eachother on the count of three. one.....two....

quote:

Also the solutions should be suckie learns, not suckie gets shot.

no, sorry, as coookie pointed out, the slut's from texas. i had to phrase the fucking advice in terms relevant to her native culture. you know the old texan saying: "if it ain't a through and through, then the bitch just ain't for you."

if she'd been a fucking canadian i'd have said "exposed on an ice floe" rather than "shot".

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 12

RE: trying not to give up - 7/10/2011 5:39:59 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

* adores Hannah *

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)

Post #: 13

RE: trying not to give up - 7/10/2011 8:32:45 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

Excuse me but the blame is not yours. The Master has the responsibility to make sure his slave can be successful. If the slave is always failing then the Master has failed to teach his slave properly.

So it's time you BOTH chat together to figure out how success can be achieved.

They're both very young and very new. They were already in a relationship when she convinced him to try D/s. So, you can't blame him for not having everything figured out. It's compounded by the fact that she doesn't communicate clearly. So, yes, part of the blame belongs to her.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 14

RE: trying not to give up - 7/10/2011 10:24:32 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

holy madonna of the manure pile, just give up, for fuck's sake.

first you're pissed off because you got punished for not doing what you were told to do, now you're a fucking failure at everything? you say you're new, but your profile says you were raised in the lifestyle, which is it, can't fucking be both? something sure as fuck is rotten in denmark if you ask me.

if you can't succeed there's three fucking possibilities
1 - he sucks. he can't set realistic goals and is just trying to make you feel like shit.
~solution: shoot him.
2 - you suck. you are a fuck up and won't amount to fuck all as a sub.
~solution: shoot yourself
3 - the two of you are doing this shit wrong. nobody knows what the fuck they want out of it.
~solution: talk to the dim witted fucker, not us.

take your pick.

look bunnybuns this shit isn't complicated, it really isn't. its just fucking with whips and chains thrown in for flavour. the master/slave shit is just a game, in the end you're in it to get your fucking rocks off and so is he. it's supposed to be fun, so if it isn't then sit your beau down and start talking to each other and don't stop till till you get this shit sorted.

Wow, somebody is chanelling "CrappyDom"...great fucking advice, fucking clear as female squirt, and brutal but well intentioned. Wish I wrote it!

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)

Post #: 15

RE: trying not to give up - 7/10/2011 11:00:28 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

look bunnybuns this shit isn't complicated, it really isn't. its just fucking with whips and chains thrown in for flavour. the master/slave shit is just a game, in the end you're in it to get your fucking rocks off and so is he. it's supposed to be fun, so if it isn't then sit your beau down and start talking to each other and don't stop till till you get this shit sorted.

Pretty much hits the nail on the head.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)

Post #: 16

RE: trying not to give up - 7/10/2011 11:07:32 AM

orchid77

Posts: 125
Joined: 5/20/2011
Status: offline

My take on it OP is that you need a lot of self reflection. Knowing yourself helps with the process of becoming the best sub, dominant, or switch. Lots and lots of people in the lifestyle who are new start where you are, and hopefully if they are invested in growing will do what needs to be done to find themselves. Once you do this, you begin to realize that you don't have to be like this sub or that dominant. Or need to be into this or that. You just need to be yourself, know your limits, expectations, know what you love and don't love in the lifestyle, and stand firm on them. When you find yourself changing for another person just for the hec of the relationship- then more introspection is needed.

Like with any new change...it takes time to adjust. Take your time, grow, and yes you will be frustrated and someties anxious & scared, but ultimately you may find that it was well worth all the fuss. Good luck!

< Message edited by orchid77 -- 7/10/2011 11:08:36 AM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 17

RE: trying not to give up - 7/10/2011 2:32:45 PM

SlaveKelly4life

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/25/2011
Status: offline

Being relatively new myself, I've discovered that you just have to find that delicate balance between trying your hardest/doing your best, and giving yourself enough time to learn. As with anything, learning to be the best sub/slave for your Dom or Master, takes time and patience. Don't be too hard on yourself. Trust in your Dom/Master to show you what He expects of you and what He thinks you could use improvement in, if anything.

Remember that communication is key and you have to keep that going at all times with your Dom/Master.

(in reply to Mastersbunny93)

Post #: 18

RE: trying not to give up - 7/10/2011 3:15:25 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5173
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

They're both very young and very new. They were already in a relationship when she convinced him to try D/s. So, you can't blame him for not having everything figured out. It's compounded by the fact that she doesn't communicate clearly. So, yes, part of the blame belongs to her.

The problem at the moment is that she is taking all the blame for what is not working. Yes, there seems to be a lack of communication between them. Maybe if he read these posts he'd start to get a clue that something is not right and work with her to figure it out. With her taking ALL the blame, how could she approach him at all? When they both realize that THEY have a problem that THEY have to solve together, then things might be resolved. That is, assuming he wants to continue D/s at all.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 19

RE: trying not to give up - 7/10/2011 3:31:19 PM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Wow, somebody is chanelling "CrappyDom"...great fucking advice, fucking clear as female squirt, and brutal but well intentioned. Wish I wrote it!

Gotta luv when we Canucks get blunt eh!

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> trying not to give up

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.092