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Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 2:58:30 PM   
benbear


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/7/2011
Status: offline 		Hi there, first off Id like to say hello to everyone out there and as a new member I look forward to meeting you all. Secondly i would like to inquire about your thoughts on the subject of a first message, specifically regarding the use of compliments. I have read here that many woman get irritated and fed up with men sending the first message with a compliment about their appearance (i.e "your hot" "i like your body ect.) My question then arises, if I should not bother with a least some sort of compliment?, it would seem rude not too. Is a physical compliment tailored to the specific individual appropriate? (ie eyes, hair, look, tatoo, ect.) or is this also bothersome.

P.S. I would love to hear what you think about my profile, constructive criticism or what I got right.

Thanks
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 3:39:27 PM   
OMGlikegagme


Posts: 18
Joined: 1/22/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: benbear

Hi there, first off Id like to say hello to everyone out there and as a new member I look forward to meeting you all. Secondly i would like to inquire about your thoughts on the subject of a first message, specifically regarding the use of compliments. I have read here that many woman get irritated and fed up with men sending the first message with a compliment about their appearance (i.e "your hot" "i like your body ect.) My question then arises, if I should not bother with a least some sort of compliment?, it would seem rude not too. Is a physical compliment tailored to the specific individual appropriate? (ie eyes, hair, look, tatoo, ect.) or is this also bothersome.

P.S. I would love to hear what you think about my profile, constructive criticism or what I got right.

Thanks


Have you never spoken to a woman? Do you think there is some magic paint by numbers schematic to approaching a woman anywhere whether it's a bar, the internet, or her favorite aunt's funeral? Just be honest and do and say what comes naturally. If it comes from the heart it won't be creepy and irritating, unless you're creepy and irritating deep down in which case work on that.

(in reply to benbear)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 3:45:15 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		This is not a bar, and a 'your hot' isn't going to work with a sober smart chick, vanilla or otherwise, especially someone who will lean over with a red marker and put in the apostrophe. Compliment her brain, which she cultivated, not her body, which is a genetic accident, so talk about her profile or post. A 'nice tits' e-mail gets an eyeroll and a delete from me.

Check out the FAQ section for other profile do's and don't's, and how to approach a Domme.

Actually, your profile *does* sound like a typical porn-contaminated engineer: a brief vanilla bio is good, but your profile is all about you, and nothing about what you can bring to a relationship. Yes, I said the 'r' word; this ain't hentai, unless you're looking for a pro/ho to scratch your kink itch.

And in case you hadn't heard, a 'bear' is a fat-and-furry gay guy, so you should re-think your ID.

That said, if your heart is pure and your intentions are honourable about learning to be a great sub, say so, and good luck!

(in reply to benbear)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 3:51:37 PM   
OMGlikegagme


Posts: 18
Joined: 1/22/2010
Status: offline
quote:

This is not a bar, and a 'your hot' isn't going to work with a sober smart chick, vanilla or otherwise, especially someone who will lean over with a red marker and put in the apostrophe. Compliment her brain, which she cultivated, not her body, which is a genetic accident, so talk about her profile or post. A 'nice tits' e-mail gets an eyeroll and a delete from me.


nah, it works all the time with sober, smart girls. smart girls have the right to be as vain and capricious as anyone else, after all. the key is to mean it, and for a guy to be charming in the way he says it. the power to charm is everything.

(in reply to Tantriqu)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 3:57:13 PM   
AneNoz


Posts: 263
Joined: 4/26/2011
Status: offline 		A compliment is of course welcome at all times, but to comment upon one's looks or figure is an insult more than a compliment, for it reduces the recipient from woman to but female. If you must compliment, and it is a good thing if you must, then do so with the aim to give the woman a sense of betterment. Compliment her choice of attire, the brooch or necklace, or her shoes. Yes, this would be the course ideally taken, compliment her shoes, for shoes are to a woman much as a sports car is to a man.

Be at peace
Aneka

< Message edited by AneNoz -- 7/9/2011 3:59:24 PM >

(in reply to benbear)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 4:02:18 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		Generic compliments are your problem, it seems.
 
I get "Hawt pic, Master" at least once a week.  My auto response is "Thanks for writing."  Now, if they read my profile and say something like "Sir, I used to go to Mensa meetings.  I found them boring.  I'm wondering if you still go to them, Sir."  WE HAVE A WINNER! DING! DING! DING!
 
Compliment?  Not one in sight.....
 
Read the FAQ (frequently asked questions) post that's at top of "Ask a Mistress" forum.... :::SIGH:::
 
===========
 
Bear = big, furry, gay man?  Well, sorta, kinda..... Do not lie, Lance.... c'mon..... okay
Bear = big, furry, gay man?  Yeppers.

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to OMGlikegagme)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 4:40:28 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		Nah, like I said, 'nice tits' and 'nice shoes' don't work; life ain't a Sex in the City or other tv show.
If you notice shoes, it means you're bi- or a foot fetishist.
Go volunteer or to night school; that's where dommes hang out.

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 5:43:18 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		You're asking the wrong question.  You're asking whether compliments are appropriate on a first message when you should be asking what is appropriate in a first message. Note what Lance said - the best icebreaker is one that derives from the recipient's profile or posts here.  If it asks a question, so much the better.

I've done some odd things, such as commenting on one woman's picture of a flower and asking her about it.  If I were writing to MCLady or myprettybaby, I would ask about how a relationship with a male sub would fit into their existing relationship.

Any woman here who got a message saying "I think you're hawt/pretty/sexy" would assume it was mass mailed and would likely delete it instantly.

If you want feedback on your profile, unhide it.  I can't see it.




_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Tantriqu)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 7:54:00 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		i fucking hate the one line compliment messages. want to know why?

no? well tough shit, i'm going to tell you anyway. the problem with the compliments based on profile pictures is that we already fucking know it. nice tits? no shit, its not like we'd post a pic of them if they were fucking ugly now would we? same thing with clothes, shoes or rings, or whatever the fuck we put up. we put up shit that looks good, we're not going to post a shot of us wearing the once-white-now-grey granny panties with the torn elastic for fuck's sake.

be fucking original and give a girl something to hang a hope on. "nice necklace" gets your ass flushed, "nice necklace, is it lapis lazuli?" might get you a response. "nice necklace, it looks egyptian. have you ever been there?" now were talking a real chance of a reply.

christ on a cupcake, what is with the men around here today. think this shit through motherfucker. think. this. shit. through.

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to benbear)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 8:06:34 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		A compliment online about how a woman looks generally comes off as generic, insincere, and objectifying. If that's what someone has to offer I ignore it....it's the same thing hundreds of other men have to offer and how will the same thing set you apart from the others? Any type of a sexually based compliment, the you're hot type, is inappropriate because I don't know you yet so why would i care if you find me sexually attractive? A safer and more reliable bet is to make an intelligent and/or funny comment on something in her profile.

(in reply to benbear)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 9:05:16 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		On the name, the above posters are right.  You might want to avoid versions of "bear".  Some people who aren't aware pick it because they think it relates to 'bear hug' in some way, but more experienced folks are going to think differently. 

As for the profile, I did like it, but I would tune it up.  I'm one of the folks who won't tell people to overload their profile with vanilla stuff, which you have in abundance.  I always want to know why people are here instead of Match or OKCupid.  There's only a quick mention of that, so I'd balance it out a bit more.

Finally, your actual question.  Compliments on physical appearance are a dime a dozen around here and we really do get sick of them.  You don't want to lump yourself in that category.  A comment about a tattoo, if it's extensive ink, would probably be ok.  I've never had anybody not answer a question of Mine (here or in real life) if I asked them about their tat.  However, that's the key.  Don't just compliment the tattoo, ask her something about it.  Even questions about how long it took will generally get a response. 

Still, compliments about something in the text of the profile do better.  An interest that she has, a hobby, or a skill come across more as friendly conversation.  Those kinds of questions make great ice breakers, just like they do in real life. 

By the way, welcome to CM.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 10:28:51 PM   
lthrpup


Posts: 125
Joined: 4/28/2004
Status: offline 		.

< Message edited by lthrpup -- 7/9/2011 10:30:58 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 10:31:50 PM   
lthrpup


Posts: 125
Joined: 4/28/2004
Status: offline 		Welcome, benbear. You have now experienced the tone in CM forums. Useful information can be found... sometimes.

(in reply to benbear)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/9/2011 10:55:35 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Second time is as many days.

I am completely competent enough to understand how the chronological posting of the collar chats boards work.  Yet, if you have a complaint about what the last person (or previous posters) said to the OP directly, say so.  If you have no other intention than to complain about how people responded, it isn't constructive in the least.  There is no point in coming on a thread just to bitch about the way that other people answered, while completely neglecting the original post.  It is completely hypocritical to do otherwise.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to lthrpup)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/10/2011 12:05:56 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I thought it was just me, thanks, LadyP..

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/10/2011 12:17:41 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		No problem, GT.  Damn.  I'm usually the cynic around here.  

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/10/2011 4:51:03 AM   
BlackTigerDragon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline 		I like the fuckwits that take one look at my profile pic and say 'you have beutiful EYES'! *Facepalm*

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/10/2011 4:53:10 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I'm complimented on my pizza.

A lot.


edited to add: OP, I perused your profile and I thinks it's lovely. If a man contacted me with that kind of profile, I wouldn't hesitate to respond to him. It doesn't hurt that you're a cute geek too

< Message edited by myotherself -- 7/10/2011 5:00:35 AM >

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There's nowt so queer as folk


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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/10/2011 2:48:36 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackTigerDragon

I like the fuckwits that take one look at my profile pic and say 'you have beutiful EYES'! *Facepalm*


Awww, the meds must be getting to me! I just pictured little faces painted on your toes and I thought you had beautiful eyes too! hehe

OP, I am one that hates pretty words. In context, with someone I know, I love pretty words as I know they are real and not said to move me in a wrong way. The best compliment I have ever had came from someone I knew. He was married and had some marital issues I was helping him with and after working with his wife and effecting some change... he said... you are our angel, you saved our marriage and I am in love with your brain. I valued this because he knew me, he meant what he said and my looks had nothing to do with it. All I had worked for my whole life had something to do with it, not just some goods I was born with.

Walk in the door complimenting a woman like me and you will be walking right back out that door if the compliment is about my appearance or seems to be buttering me up. Stick to compliments about the profile and what she says and keep it mild at that. Let her know you see who she is and then the compliments will actually mean something. The men that have gotten my attention very quickly, most often made me laugh or sent an email that showed they read my profile, got some of it, understood how what I said might effect my life and addressed me as Lockit and who Lockit was.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to BlackTigerDragon)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Newbie confusion on Compliments - 7/10/2011 3:43:12 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LockitWalk in the door complimenting a woman like me and you will be walking right back out that door if the compliment is about my appearance or seems to be buttering me up.


Well said, my flame-haired pocket Venus!

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 20
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