RE: 24/7 in different households?

RE: 24/7 in different households? (Full Version)

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leadership527 -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 7:33:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: coookie Do you think that in order to have a 24/7 power exchange dynamic relationship that the couple has to live together? I think the question gets confused by some supposed added "value" or "reality" to the magical "24/7" label. If we strip all connotations out then it's clear there are two possible meanings for the label. One of them implies clocks -- the dynamic does not start and stop. The other implies cohabitation -- the two people live together. Those two meanings are really different things and I'm not clear what "value" or "reality" either adds to anything -- it's just a descriptor specifying some parameters of the relationship. I care more about the "cohabitation" people because those are the people who's experiences are going to most closely map to mine for a wide variety of reasons.

akinkyone -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 7:38:24 AM)
What LadyPact said...very nicely put. I am not in the position to 'move in' with anyone...nor they with me. However, I am searching for the 24/7 because that is what I want and what I believe I can have. In my opinion, it's a state of mind....not a state of proximity.

leadership527 -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 8:19:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama I'd like to hear from /s business owners like * Rochsub * - do you feel like a 24/7 dynamic is possible when you are the authority figure for the majority of your waking hours? In my mind this seems nuts. So Carol owns a business? Doesn't that just mean that I own Carol who owns a business? If Carol were bossing other people around all day how would that change whether or not I could boss her around -- including business areas were I so inclined? What I really think though is that people build a sense of "total" and/or "ownership" based upon whatever characteristics are important to them. I've seen things all over the map. There is no rhyme or reason to it that I can discern. I know what makes me personally feel like I own Carol but that'd be a fascinating thread -- to see how other people describe that same thing.

OsideGirl -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 11:08:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA quote: ORIGINAL: coookie Do you think that in order to have a 24/7 power exchange dynamic relationship that the couple has to live together? Yeah, I do. It's hard to put into words... but it's just different when you're living together -- which has nothing to do with BDSM, as it's the same on the vanilla side of the fence. I agree with this. If you're in a relationship that relationship exists 24/7, but it isn't a 24/7 relationship.

OsideGirl -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 11:12:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama While I am arguing that an employer is an "impediment to the exercise of the owner's power," I wasn't otherwise bringing leaving the house into the equation - not sure how you are. Yes, but no. I have a career because it is what Master wishes. He expects me to go to work and do well. Part of that involves following the directives of others, part of that is being someone in control. If he loaned me to another Dom, it wouldn't cease being his directive. If he asked me to Domme another sub, it wouldn't cease being his directive.

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 11:48:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA quote: ORIGINAL: coookie Do you think that in order to have a 24/7 power exchange dynamic relationship that the couple has to live together? Yeah, I do. It's hard to put into words... but it's just different when you're living together -- which has nothing to do with BDSM, as it's the same on the vanilla side of the fence. You said that you DO believe that in order to have a 24/7 dynamic, that the couple(s) need to live together. Why? I know you said that it's hard to put into words, but... what makes it different, FOR YOU between physically being in the same house and being separated? As stated earlier, it's "different" for the same reasons it's "different" for any couple -- be they of the BDSM or Vanilla ilk. Here's my shot at an explanation... when apart, each (on other side of the slash) still has a certain barrier of sorts they can retreat to, as well as a certain level of consequence, for lack of a better word. What I mean is... I've found, when you live together, there's simply no hiding from each other -- if you're having a bad day, are miffed about something (or miffed at the other person), there's no place to retreat to. THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE!!! That buffer of a separate place is gone... and the two of you are FORCED to try to sort out any issues. Moreover, the consquences are greater. When living apart, if you change your mind... you just begin your search for another. But when living together, such a decision carries a TON of consequences... from finding a new residence, to finanical concerns, to who gets/keeps what, and so forth. Again, I see it as no different from any couple, in any dynamic/relationship. When things are sunshine and roses, it's easy... but when that fucker called "life" enters the picture, things can get complicated. I know of several, for example, that skipped their way into a 24/7, live-in, M/s dynamic, only to later find it was MUCH harder than they anticipated. Some survived, some didn't -- yet all initially thought it a "dream come true" at first. Living together, under any dynamic, is just different... and often the reason why most do so prior to getting married. It's a mental/emotional thing... the other person is ALWAYS there!!! Mind you, I'm certainly not advocating NOT living together... to the contrary, I think it's the only way people (be they of dominant or submissive persuasion) can truly know if they're compatible -- but it's not for the weak. It takes work, commitment, patience, understanding, humility, and million other little you can't possibly consider ahead of time. And when it's bad... holy fuck, it's REALLY bad -- but when it's good, dammit if isn't absolute bliss!!! When actually living together, there are just certain bonds that the two can build (or break) that I don't feel are possible without having done so. Again, it's just difficult to truly explain.

slaveluci -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 11:49:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama While I am arguing that an employer is an "impediment to the exercise of the owner's power," I wasn't otherwise bringing leaving the house into the equation - not sure how you are. Yes, but no. I have a career because it is what Master wishes. He expects me to go to work and do well. Part of that involves following the directives of others, part of that is being someone in control.If he loaned me to another Dom, it wouldn't cease being his directive. If he asked me to Domme another sub, it wouldn't cease being his directive. Exactly. I love working and have a wonderful job in a field I love. Master wishes that I have it and He doesn't mind the FAAAAT paycheck I get either. I got a promotion to manager last year and just two days ago got a raise that puts me making several dollars an hour more than He does. He loves that I have a job I love that I make so much for us in doing. He's still in full control of me while I'm at work in that it is His desire for me to be there and do my best. It pleases Him for me to please my superiors because that insures my continued employment, my continued pay and His being proud that I am His. My employment is only one of the many reasons for that, He says[:)] luci

Hisprettybaby -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 12:05:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Master and I don't live together but I still consider us 24/7 since he is always the dominant one and I the submissive one and no matter what he says I do it....always. We only live a few miles from one another and he has a key and comes and goes as he pleases. Daddy and I both said "Gee, this sounds familiar." quote: ORIGINAL: youcanchoose I think that the TPE 24/7 is primarily a mental thing (neither of you leave your head spaces), so location is not important. This ^^^^^ quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven By that logic, every time he or you left the house to go to work or shop, the 24/7 would cease. And this ^^^^^ ~Hisprettybaby~

kalikshama -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 2:50:08 PM)
quote: As stated earlier, it's "different" for the same reasons it's "different" for any couple -- be they of the BDSM or Vanilla ilk. Here's my shot at an explanation... when apart, each (on other side of the slash) still has a certain barrier of sorts they can retreat to, as well as a certain level of consequence, for lack of a better word. Did you mean LACK of consequence? This was my experience when in a long distance relationship. I just went around in a big happy fantasy bubble, heeding that which I wanted to heed and ignoring all the red flags. Then I moved in with him, reality intruded, and first M/s dissolved and eventually D/s as well.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 3:00:19 PM)
I found D/s to be a mindset, but I did not live with my domly dude. I was freshly divorced and the relationship was just exactly what I needed at the time. Now, 5 years later, instead of fearing being alone, I have found that I love it. I adore not having to answer to anyone about things I do and places I go. If I want to get up at 3 am and do laundry, I do it and if I want to sleep til noon, I do that too. I still want a D/s relationship. I think there is no going back to one that does not have that dynamic. I also wonder if I could ever give up the freedom I love, having my own place and not having to always meet someone else's ideas of perfection. None of it matters at this point, since there is no relationship on the horizon, but I wonder how I will handle it if and when it comes up. I agree with who ever it is that said when you live together 24/7, it is different. There is nowhere to hide when you have a shitty day.

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 4:56:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama quote: As stated earlier, it's "different" for the same reasons it's "different" for any couple -- be they of the BDSM or Vanilla ilk. Here's my shot at an explanation... when apart, each (on other side of the slash) still has a certain barrier of sorts they can retreat to, as well as a certain level of consequence, for lack of a better word. Did you mean LACK of consequence? This was my experience when in a long distance relationship. I just went around in a big happy fantasy bubble, heeding that which I wanted to heed and ignoring all the red flags. Then I moved in with him, reality intruded, and first M/s dissolved and eventually D/s as well. Well... lack of serious consequence if not living together -- much easier to move on if one hasn't turned their life upside down and all. Oh, and I'm very sorry to learn of your recent experience. That sucks. [:(]

IrishMist -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 5:45:19 PM)
quote: As stated earlier, it's "different" for the same reasons it's "different" for any couple -- be they of the BDSM or Vanilla ilk. Here's my shot at an explanation... when apart, each (on other side of the slash) still has a certain barrier of sorts they can retreat to, as well as a certain level of consequence, for lack of a better word. What I mean is... I've found, when you live together, there's simply no hiding from each other -- if you're having a bad day, are miffed about something (or miffed at the other person), there's no place to retreat to. THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE!!! That buffer of a separate place is gone... and the two of you are FORCED to try to sort out any issues. Moreover, the consquences are greater. When living apart, if you change your mind... you just begin your search for another. But when living together, such a decision carries a TON of consequences... from finding a new residence, to finanical concerns, to who gets/keeps what, and so forth. Again, I see it as no different from any couple, in any dynamic/relationship. When things are sunshine and roses, it's easy... but when that fucker called "life" enters the picture, things can get complicated. I know of several, for example, that skipped their way into a 24/7, live-in, M/s dynamic, only to later find it was MUCH harder than they anticipated. Some survived, some didn't -- yet all initially thought it a "dream come true" at first. Living together, under any dynamic, is just different... and often the reason why most do so prior to getting married. It's a mental/emotional thing... the other person is ALWAYS there!!! Mind you, I'm certainly not advocating NOT living together... to the contrary, I think it's the only way people (be they of dominant or submissive persuasion) can truly know if they're compatible -- but it's not for the weak. It takes work, commitment, patience, understanding, humility, and million other little you can't possibly consider ahead of time. And when it's bad... holy fuck, it's REALLY bad -- but when it's good, dammit if isn't absolute bliss!!! When actually living together, there are just certain bonds that the two can build (or break) that I don't feel are possible without having done so. Again, it's just difficult to truly explain. Ok. I can understand better why you say this. I can even partially agree. I can't however forget that there are that small percentage out there who would be the exception to this. There are those who truly believe and completely immerse themselves in the 'mindset' of a 24/7-but not living together-relationship. And yes, I do believe that it can be achieved IF...IF...all parties WANT it to succeed. And, I will grant you that it is extremely hard to keep that mindset in place when you are not in the same physical space as your partner. I know for a fact though, that it can be achieved.

kalikshama -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 6:09:35 PM)
quote: Well... lack of serious consequence if not living together -- much easier to move on if one hasn't turned their life upside down and all. Oh, and I'm very sorry to learn of your recent experience. That sucks. I was using "just" in the other sense of the word - I've been over it for years, but thanks!

winspiritsbaby -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 10:01:12 PM)
quote: I'm probably the odd person out on this one because I see power as what is available to turn over to another human being. Without question, some people have more power that they are able to give than others. Employment is one area that demonstrates this. Family situations are another. Some slaves have other areas of responsibility rather than just to a Master or Mistress that they just can't abdicate. In that sense, it's really not the slave's power to give. Just the same as any competent M knows that there are powers greater than they are that really are higher up on the authority chain. You're not the odd person out. I agree 100% with this.

coookie -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 10:46:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA What I mean is... I've found, when you live together, there's simply no hiding from each other -- if you're having a bad day, are miffed about something (or miffed at the other person), there's no place to retreat to. THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE!!! That buffer of a separate place is gone... and the two of you are FORCED to try to sort out any issues. Moreover, the consquences are greater. When living apart, if you change your mind... you just begin your search for another. But when living together, such a decision carries a TON of consequences... from finding a new residence, to finanical concerns, to who gets/keeps what, and so forth. I can absolutely see your point here, especially about hiding places though i am not sure that i agree that there is a greater level of commitment from people just because they live together. I have known people who bounce from place to place with different partners and others who have maintained separate homes but remained very committed to each other. Those may not be the norm however. Great points in general raised.

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 11:14:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: coookie quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA What I mean is... I've found, when you live together, there's simply no hiding from each other -- if you're having a bad day, are miffed about something (or miffed at the other person), there's no place to retreat to. THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE!!! That buffer of a separate place is gone... and the two of you are FORCED to try to sort out any issues. Moreover, the consequences are greater. When living apart, if you change your mind... you just begin your search for another. But when living together, such a decision carries a TON of consequences... from finding a new residence, to finanical concerns, to who gets/keeps what, and so forth. I can absolutely see your point here, especially about hiding places though i am not sure that i agree that there is a greater level of commitment from people just because they live together. I have known people who bounce from place to place with different partners and others who have maintained separate homes but remained very committed to each other. Those may not be the norm however. Great points in general raised. I think you might have misread "consequences" as "commitment".

coookie -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 11:26:40 PM)
Perhaps though the biggest consequence is the end of the relationship. For some people that consequence of ending the relationship and of packing their bag has little repercussions whereas to some though they have no bag to pack the consequence is much greater so i believe that commitment is interwoven into that.

SpiritedRadiance -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/10/2011 11:40:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama I'd like to hear from /s business owners like * Rochsub * - do you feel like a 24/7 dynamic is possible when you are the authority figure for the majority of your waking hours? In my mind this seems nuts. So Carol owns a business? Doesn't that just mean that I own Carol who owns a business? If Carol were bossing other people around all day how would that change whether or not I could boss her around -- including business areas were I so inclined? What I really think though is that people build a sense of "total" and/or "ownership" based upon whatever characteristics are important to them. I've seen things all over the map. There is no rhyme or reason to it that I can discern. I know what makes me personally feel like I own Carol but that'd be a fascinating thread -- to see how other people describe that same thing. While You would be someone who owns Carol who owns a business I know at least in Our company no one respects a supervisor who isnt in control. My Boss is completely controlled and operated by his wife. Theres nothing wrong with their dynamic, its just its VERY difficult to follow his lead when i know his lead isnt what im following its that of his wife. He has very little respect within the company because its so apparent that hes not in charge. Through other means i befriend his wife without knowing of their marriage, and its simple, unless it comes from above my boss, i ask her. If I need time off, i call her and ask if she could "explain" it.

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/11/2011 12:05:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: coookie Perhaps though the biggest consequence is the end of the relationship. For some people that consequence of ending the relationship and of packing their bag has little repercussions whereas to some though they have no bag to pack the consequence is much greater so i believe that commitment is interwoven into that. True.

OsideGirl -> RE: 24/7 in different households? (7/11/2011 7:24:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA Living together, under any dynamic, is just different... I'm going to second this. Prior to Master, I was in a long term relationship (6 years) with my previous Dom. We did not live together. My focus was different. When I went to work it was to pay my bills. He did not have any impact on my finance. He did not choose my car. He had little impact on my day to day schedule. I did my laundry the way I wanted and cleaned my living space the way I wanted. I made my hair appointments, doctor appointments and vet appointments without consulting him. Now Master and I are married. I go to work to contribute to our household because he wishes it. Our finances are controlled by him. What car I drive is permitted by him. My daily schedule is very impacted by him. He is a driving force in my decisions and in how I do things. With my ex, we led separate lives that interconnected at junctures which involved D/s. With Master, we're together most of the time and the D/s is the undercurrent. One isn't better than the other, but they are definitely not the same for me and that applies whether it's vanilla or D/s.

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