new dom issues

new dom issues (Full Version)

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deepenough11 -> new dom issues (7/13/2011 2:11:58 AM)
I am a fairly new dom and im having troubles finding myself a sub. What would be the best way to go about finding one? Im not into extreme pain or bondage quite yet. I do enjoy control w reward, center of her attention, also them knowing what i want before i have to say it.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 3:39:17 AM)
Welcome to the message board side of CM. Your issue is a common conundrum: How does a new dom get experience, when he has no experience? You can't just waltz into subsRus and pick up a starter sub. Sooo...how would you go about finding a non-sub female? Those same skills will serve you well in this search. Get out to munches, meet some BDSM people with experience, try to find a mentor. While you search, work to be someone a wonderful sub female is looking for.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 3:41:06 AM)
You don't have to be into extreme pain, or extreme bondage, to be a good dom. As for the last thing you listed I suggest calling 1-866-326-3798 as in my experience very few subs are psychic.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 3:43:20 AM)
Hey MIP...nice to see you posting again. Is that the psychic hotline? Or the new number for subsRus? Curious Chatte.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 3:45:40 AM)
Hello, Chatte. It is nice to out of the hospital and back to posting [:)] Yes it is a psychic hotline good guess [:D]

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 3:47:47 AM)
I did not know you were in the hospital, MIP. My commiserations. Hope you are now feeling as fine as you look.

Aileen1968 -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 4:24:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain [:)] Yes it is a psychic hotline good guess [:D] I just knew that without even calling. I must be a perfect sub.

deepenough11 -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 4:28:33 AM)
Welk tha k you all for your advice... but a physic hotline??? The dots are just not connecting... and where is munchies?

deepenough11 -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 4:30:08 AM)
Nevermind being with out sleep in a day and a half isnt helping...

DarkSteven -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 4:57:24 AM)
So you decided against my advice about seeing if your current gf is a sub? http://www.collarchat.com/m_3765712/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3765712 Dude, if you're willing to dump her because you're too chicken to even ASK her, how Dom is that?

Buzzzz -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 5:05:38 AM)
wow.. take that from DS !!

deepenough11 -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 5:32:52 AM)
I cant find out... she is w her step dad in different state for a couple months... and im not going to dump her... im just trying to figure this whole thing out cause im not even really sure how the heck it works.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 6:08:08 AM)
if you're not sure how the heck it works, then what exactly got you interested in the first place? did you just hear the words and thought it "sounded neat?" what is your motivation? and seriously man ... [sm=alarm.gif][sm=alarm.gif]GOOGLE IS YOUR FRIEND.[sm=alarm.gif][sm=alarm.gif]

DarkSteven -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 6:08:15 AM)
Okay. You're obviously talking to her over the phone. Try telling her to do things over the phone. Tell her you miss her face, and want her to stroke it for you. Tell her where you want her fingertips to brush - her lips, her eyebrows, her cheeks. Work down from there - tell her to stroke her neck. The rest is left as an exercise for your imagination. The idea is for her to do as you say. And for her to get turned on by the actions themselves, and because you're the one telling her. That's what being a Dom is all about. Forget about her knowing what you want before you say it. That will come later.

LadyPact -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 7:00:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: deepenough11 I cant find out... she is w her step dad in different state for a couple months... and im not going to dump her... im just trying to figure this whole thing out cause im not even really sure how the heck it works. I don't mean to be offensive, but this is kind of tacky. Does your girlfriend know that you're looking for a sub? Since you don't plan to dump the girlfriend, does that mean the sub gets dumped when the girlfriend comes back? Have the two of you talked about your interests in power dynamics? If you have and this is something that she is interested in as well, you just have to make it work for your relationship. There's nothing that says you have to do it like everybody else does it. You do what make the two of you content in the relationship, where you happen to be in charge.

OsideGirl -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 7:08:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: deepenough11 I cant find out... she is w her step dad in different state for a couple months... and im not going to dump her... im just trying to figure this whole thing out cause im not even really sure how the heck it works. I don't mean to be offensive, but this is kind of tacky. Does your girlfriend know that you're looking for a sub? Since you don't plan to dump the girlfriend, does that mean the sub gets dumped when the girlfriend comes back? Which brings up the whole honesty thing......

MasterGreg43 -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 8:32:17 AM)
well one thing you have to define if you are a real time Dominant or online, then you would need to join a few community in the Lifestyle, do some munches, make friends with other Dom's to use as a mentor in your journey, I would look for newbie subs that want a newbie Dom to grow together and learn together

sexyred1 -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 8:41:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: deepenough11 I am a fairly new dom and im having troubles finding myself a sub. What would be the best way to go about finding one? Im not into extreme pain or bondage quite yet. I do enjoy control w reward, center of her attention, also them knowing what i want before i have to say it. Sigh. What you are asking for comes with time and comes with developing a relationship. If you find a sub who immediately makes you the center of her attention and who claims to know what you want before you have to say it, then I would be very concerned for you both.

DesFIP -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 9:53:32 AM)
First it might help if you made up your mind as your profile says you're a sub. Beyond that, no one can ever know what you want except maybe you. What you're asking for is a mind reader. And they don't exist. Become someone who others are happy to give over control to. Because nobody worth being with will submit to someone who does not deserve to be the dominant in the relationship. And then be prepared to earn that deep trust and attention. Which takes not weeks, but years. And if you aren't willing to invest years in creating the relationship that fulfills both of you, don't waste her time by starting. A D/s relationship is not for people who demand instant gratification or who don't want to do the work involved. Actually no worthwhile relationship is.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: new dom issues (7/13/2011 10:17:55 AM)
Apparently he changed his profile since this morning. You know "after a long time of thinking." Young dude just wants to get laid. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but he is perhaps going about it all wrong.

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