RE: In Defense of Financial Domination

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RE: In Defense of Financial Domination - 7/15/2011 5:59:48 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
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quote:

My biggest concern is that the OP feels somehow that the findoms are more sincere than "lifestylers" but I don't think that's a reasonable conclusion for anyone to make. It's like thinking just because a prostitute in bed says, "You are SO HOT" she means it the same way a girlfriend or lover does. It's not sincerity, it's good business. More importantly, it's a fast track to fake intimacy and intimacy feels good; but real intimacy takes TIME, trial and error, a lot of pain. For some subs, there's an illusion that "submission" to a femdom may speed up that process or make intimacy available to them at low effort/low risk -- since, after all, they aren't technically calling the shots, they are just a passenger. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Akasha

Very nicely stated, Akasha.

About a week ago, I changed my profile b/c I would like to have a service submissive. The profile text is explicit about wanting the person to be local, and details the kind of service I am looking for. I also state what I can offer in exchange.

This has been my response so far:

Numerous messages stating how sexy, dominant, attractive, or whatever I am. (ho hum)

Numerous messages from those who ignore the fact that I am looking for someone local. I'm so sorry, the Czech Republic is NOT local.

Numerous messages designed to garner wank fodder from me.

Numerous messages saying "hi" or "how are you today?"

A message from a past play partner looking to see if we can get together.

Zero well written well stated messages from anyone local to me who could actually provide the service I seek.

I have been on CM for a few years (and since I switch as both a sub and a dom), and I have found that 99% of all communication from males puts the onus of finding a topic of discussion on the female. The male may take the initiative and put his interest out there, but does not take the time to come up with something that the female can latch onto as a discussion point. That means they have just made the female have to think about what to talk about. A huge strike against you, we get too much mail to have to think about a response. And yes, I know that seems harsh, it's not meant to be. It's meant to show you how things are.

If you are not getting good responses from your target group, then you need to alter your sales pitch, so to speak.

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RE: In Defense of Financial Domination - 7/15/2011 6:00:55 AM

Muttling

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KneelingSub25

Akasha, once again you raise some excellent points and I agree with almost everything that you said. However, perhaps I am naive, but going back to the original topic of the thread for a moment, I don't think that being a successful FinDomme simply involves telling submissive men what they want to hear.

I think you're missing a very key aspect to any form of kink relationship (be it a prodomme-client, play partners, or 24/7 relationship.)   That aspect is trust.

Many submissives like having consequences hanging over their heads and FinDomme seems to me like an extension of that.   The problem I have with it is the concept of giving away blackmail or other very controlling information to someone you really don't know well so early in a relationship.   How does the sub end the relationship if it doesn't work out for whatever reason?   How does the sub know that the Domme is truly interested in the sub's needs and well being?

ProDomme-client and Lifestyle partners are VERY different relationships, but are still built on the principles of trust and meetings each others' needs.   That doesn't happen overnight.

In addition, the seeds for abuse are planted in a relationship when one of the two isn't able to exist without the other.   Strong relationships are built on a pair of individuals who could be apart if they had to but are together because they both choose to be. You describe the example of a FinDomme who relies on that as her sole income, that's a major red flag to me as this woman needs that money to pay the rent and will struggle to survive without the relationship.   She is likely to be highly abusive to maintain that income even if she was caring of his needs in the beginning.

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RE: In Defense of Financial Domination - 7/15/2011 12:10:35 PM

MistressDarkArt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
I have found that 99% of all communication from males puts the onus of finding a topic of discussion on the female. The male may take the initiative and put his interest out there, but does not take the time to come up with something that the female can latch onto as a discussion point. That means they have just made the female have to think about what to talk about. A huge strike against you, we get too much mail to have to think about a response. And yes, I know that seems harsh, it's not meant to be. It's meant to show you how things are.

This!! And might I add that somewhere in that 1% remaining, the discussion topic is inappropriate. Case-in-point, I was recently contacted by someone who inquired about my recent surgery. The entire experience was beyond painful, at one point life-threatening, and extremely traumatic. Somehow this guy turned my edited-for-appropriateness-while-talking-to-a-stranger-summary into something completely inappropriate: kink. He suggested if I'd had a kinky sub for a nurse who did x, y, and z for me while in the hospital I would have had a much better time. It may have been a joke on his part, but my experience was no joking matter and I was completely disgusted with the direction he chose to take it. That was the end of my communications with him.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 7/15/2011 12:11:33 PM >

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RE: In Defense of Financial Domination - 7/17/2011 10:53:17 AM

vanessa48

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i'm not sure if this is the right place to post or ask, forgive me, i've been gone from this site for years.....but is there such a thing as a finsubmissive? i don't mean to hijack this thread, i should probably create a new thread. i've done a search and i can't find anything.

i don't see anything wrong with financial domination, to each his/her own. Having said that, i also don't see anything wrong with a submissive being given a financial reward for his/her submission. Does anyone else feel this way? Is there a thread or information about this?

vanessa

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RE: In Defense of Financial Domination - 7/18/2011 5:08:16 PM

ChasteDream

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Joined: 7/17/2011
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Tits are good........
However; are we actually talking about pro-dommes here? To me, a financial domme and a pro-domme are a bit different. The former just wants you to get turned on by giving her money (Its a bit like marriage, actually.........) while the latter actually gets her tits out and straps you down for a good belting! (Ok; maybe the tits bit is wrong, but we all have our sad little foibles........)
My only experience of a financial domme was getting married and then (expensively!) divorced. I know a number of pro-dommes, and most of them are very good at finding out what a prospective sub wants and quietly delivering it under the guise of doing exactly what THEY want. Result - happy sub who will comeback again. I do also know one terrible pro-domme who really dislikes men and takes every opportunity to belt the hell out of them; but it suits some.......
I agree that the bdsm world does attract a number of women (and men) who are just in it for themselves, and really don't care very much about a prospective sub getting anything out of it, other than the wonderful pleasure of doing their ironing or boarding out their loft before being given their marching orders. (That is what we grammarians know as a 'complex sentence'.) There also some very decent people - like me, folks! - who do actually give a damn, and are looking for a good sub to enjoy their play and maybe even lives with. (Well, slave in my case). But there is an endless variety in people. I sort of operate on the assumption that most of the people out there in the vanilla world are brainless twerps and users; and obviously, my jaundiced opinon translates with at least equal force to the dark area in which you and I currently get our kicks (Whether to the balls or not........)
OP, you may have just been unlucky in the lifestyle dommes you've met; maybe its time to try a guy! Alternatively, as in life, you just have to go on doing the best you can, and hope for the best. Some of the people are decent; you just gotta keep on looking, and someday you will find. (You may of course be 147 by that time, but what the hell!)
So anyway, can we get back to those tits now..........

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RE: In Defense of Financial Domination - 7/18/2011 5:14:07 PM

hardcybermaster

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I know I am missing the point but do it for love,not money

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RE: In Defense of Financial Domination - 7/18/2011 5:18:08 PM

Lockit

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ChasteDream.... LOL Says the guy that expects a submissive/slave to add to the household economy... very understandable by the way... but... lol... the little tidbit about pimping them out to other guys for rough usage if they have no other way to pay... kind of blows a bit of the perspective.

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RE: In Defense of Financial Domination - 7/20/2011 10:12:00 AM

MasterSlaveLA

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Financial Domination:

My name is Poncho
I live on the Rancho
I make 4 pesos a day.

I go visit Lucy
She lets me lick pussy
And takes my 4 pesos away!