Profile DO's and DOnt's

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Profile DO's and DOnt's

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Profile DO's and DOnt's

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 6:44:20 AM

PainObjectForUse

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/10/2011
Status: offline

I created a profile a few days ago, met interesting, fun, good and straight to the point people. I find it good to be opened to healthy, constructive criticism, because there is always room for improvement. And I don't break easily. Once you learn something the good or the hard way, improvement readily follows if you are up to it.

First of all let me thank Y/you all in advance for any answers, if any answer at all.

I was wondering what is or what constitutes a good profile to A Dominant Female / Mistress. What is deserving of your attention in a profile, speaking of the general elements of a profile. What, in your opinion are the don't do's or the things you absolutely abhor in a profile. And what would be an ideal submissive profile.

Thank you

Tony.

_____________________________

"I may be submissive, but I am not your slave" by me.

- Yes , I suffer from the syndrome of over-generalization.

It's not so much what I write, but the way I write it.

Post #: 1

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 7:32:14 AM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

Now I am not a dominant-type, more of a switchy bottom, but I would like to share my opinion.

The thing that jumped out at me the most was I, I, I, I, me, me, my, my, my

In other words, your whole profile is focused totally on YOU, what YOU want from a kink relationship, how proud YOU are of YOUR sexy body, and what YOU are looking for in a partner.
Of course there is nothing wrong with outlining what you are looking for, but the entire focus of your profile seems to actually be on you, not even who or what you are seeking.
Personally, I think your first paragraph is good, but it just kind of goes downhill after that.

Again, just my opinion.

Also the y/Y thing drives me bonkers.......

(in reply to PainObjectForUse)

Post #: 2

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 8:28:27 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

There's a reason there's a FAQ at the top of the forum screaming READ THIS FIRST. What, you thought we just put it there a a part of some clever marketing ploy designed to trick you into wasting a half hour of your life? Go read it.

Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman
CMail Help: How to Contact a Dominant Woman

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 3

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 9:13:27 AM

PainObjectForUse

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/10/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

There's a reason there's a FAQ at the top of the forum screaming READ THIS FIRST. What, you thought we just put it there a a part of some clever marketing ploy designed to trick you into wasting a half hour of your life? Go read it.

Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman
CMail Help: How to Contact a Dominant Woman

Yes, I guess I missed it. I'm kind of a spaced out person. And I tend to do some things in a spur-of-the-moment attitude. Even though it doesn't make this post less legitimate. Even if there are these helping topics. I was interested to hear directly from a Dominant/Mistress. That was my main intention.

AND IT DOES NOT, have to do with my profile. I am not gathering views for my profile, because that would be low, meaningless and demeaning doing it this way. I still have my pride.

Oh, and It doesn't demean a person to share a personal opinion on a topic, whatever denomination they choose to give themselves.

Thank you siamsa24 for that straighforward and honest reply.

P.S.- If this OP by whatever reason should not be here, by all means, take it down.

_____________________________

"I may be submissive, but I am not your slave" by me.

- Yes , I suffer from the syndrome of over-generalization.

It's not so much what I write, but the way I write it.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 4

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 10:43:52 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

We get this question a dozen times a week. That's why it's in the FAQ. It doesn't matter whether or not you want to know for yourself or simply as a general topic of discussion. We've already given you the answer if you bothered to look for it. Why should we waste our time answering the same question, yet again, just for you, when we've already answered it? Your laziness is not our problem. It's yours. You still have your pride so you don't feel you need to read the section of the FAQ that applies to this question and employ the advice contained therein. Yet you're still searching for a partner. Do the math.

Edited for typos

< Message edited by SylvereApLeanan -- 7/14/2011 10:45:22 AM >

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to PainObjectForUse)

Post #: 5

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 11:08:55 AM

PainObjectForUse

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/10/2011
Status: offline

I see this is going nowhere, but it is entertaining nevertheless. I already said that I was somewhat of an absent minded and acknowledged that I overlooked several things when starting this thread. But explain to me how I become all of a sudden a self-centered lazy person and how are both things connected? And what I am looking for here is for me to know and others to find out. Period.

Oh yeah, as a courtesy, I read Your profile, and don´t feel the need whatsoever for you to read mine. Not that you would anyway.

I am introverted and enjoy solitude also but enjoy self-respect and treating others in the same way they treat me.
Well, nice rant if I do say so myself. Whowever reads this should intepret it however they want. Phew! that was nice. And fun.

Nevertheless, I made a mistake, I acknowledged it, everyone had a laugh on me, I had a laugh on me, all is well that ends well, and so on and so on I'm not gonna let it ruin my day. Well, only codfish for dinner would ruin my mood.

It was nice fight... I mean, changing pleasantries with you miLady. Until then ...

Tony, your friendly neighbourhood spider... I mean scatterbrain.

< Message edited by PainObjectForUse -- 7/14/2011 11:45:40 AM >

_____________________________

"I may be submissive, but I am not your slave" by me.

- Yes , I suffer from the syndrome of over-generalization.

It's not so much what I write, but the way I write it.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 6

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 12:39:17 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Why do you ask if you don't want the answers?

As for rant, check out the archives how often we get asked to look at profiles when there are links giving most of the answers, but they get cheerfully ignored... It's like writing a manual for an appliance, people get it delivered with the appliance only to ring the customer service and say "It doesn't work!" Customer service "Have you read the manual?" Customer "No...."

It can be frustrating...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to PainObjectForUse)

Post #: 7

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 1:01:07 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm with Syl on this one. Through the FAQ and the various links contained within, there are a good number of folks who used these forums have said what they look for on profiles and also what they respond to when contacted by email. It might mean doing some reading of the research, but it really is there for you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 8

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 1:12:12 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Tony,

quote:

I was wondering what is or what constitutes a good profile to A Dominant Female / Mistress. (snip) What, in your opinion, are the don't do's or the things you absolutely abhor in a profile. And what would be an ideal submissive profile.

To a large degree, I believe siamsa24 nailed it. But, I'll add a few comments.

There is no such thing as an "ideal submissive profile". Each woman is unique and has her own interests and things she looks for in a partner or partners. Remove the fact you're writing a profile specifically to attract a dominant woman. Now, consider the question again: what constitutes a good profile? You likely already know the answer to this.

Lists about only things you want (or that your potential partner must live up to) tend to be unattractive. Similarly, lists solely about what you have to offer are just as unattractive. What works, in my mind, is a subtle, *carefully worded* balance of both and showing a balance of interests. Note my emphasis on the phrase "carefully worded". For example, if you want a partner who has certain BDSM interests and/or physical attributes, you're better to imply this subtly and politely than to say "must have breasts of size triple-X". Consider (also) that leaving all readers (your target audience and those not in your target audience) with a sense of grace wears well on you.

Some other things to think about? Demonstrate communication skills, a sense of humour, a general level of intelligence and interest in learning, approachability, a positive attitude, empathy, courtesy, and the attributes of a gentleman - all of these never hurt. In short, presenting yourself as a well-rounded, enticing and endearing human being is about the best answer I can give. Spelling and grammar count so write as well as you can, use a spell checker, and proofread more than once (looking for and correcting errors). Add some vanilla pictures that show you dressed well and looking good.

Partially nude (or nude) photos are an optional addition to vanilla photos and can work, however, keep in mind classy works better than "head on". I don't think I'm incorrect in saying few women want to see your "junk" before they know your mind and if they do want to see your stuff, they'll let you know. Class and courtesy never go out of style.

Side notes specifically about your profile content: (1) It's okay to be proud of your body, but excessive pride is a turn off so keep that one in check. Generally, if your pictures show your body, nothing really need be said. Women are visually astute when it comes to noticing these things. (2) The phrase "online play" is a turn off for a great many dominant women. Consider what you mean my this, describe it more clearly, and remove the catch phrase. If you literally mean you're looking for someone to satisfy your fetishes online only, I suggest looking for a legitimate, professional dominant and pay for this service... or... you may find someone who feels similarly, but you'll need to take time getting to know her such that she becomes interested and invested in your personage. The "hey, I'll let you watch me do stuff on cam" routine won't endear you to anyone around here. That's what is known as a "wanker" and we get dozens, hundreds, thousands of them at CM every month.

Joining in on discussions on the forums is an excellent way to get to know people. I see Arpig and Hannah are already in your friend list so you've already been socializing. This is a great way to meet people and break the ice. Welcome aboard and I hope you enjoy it here.

Elan.

(in reply to PainObjectForUse)

Post #: 9

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 1:21:09 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PainObjectForUse

I was interested to hear directly from a Dominant/Mistress. That was my main intention.

Out of interest, who on earth do you think *wrote* the FAQ? All that content is user-generated, and most of it was written by dominant women.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to PainObjectForUse)

Post #: 10

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 1:29:12 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Tony,

I've been reading your replies and it's my assessment you're trying too hard. Hopefully it doesn't seem I'm picking on you because that's not my intent. Slow down a bit, relax, and just take in the environment for a while. When someone responds, don't reply immediately. Take the time to consider what they wrote and why they might have written it before replying. Nobody is giving you a spanking here, however, telling us all "hey, I couldn't be bothered to read the FAQs" doesn't exactly invite stewardship. Here's an appropriate reply: "Oops. Sorry. I missed that. Thanks. I'll take a look at those."

And come on! You don't want people to read your profile because of this thread? Really? That's highly unlikely! There is nothing wrong with attracting attention to your profile through posts on the forums. Do this in an intelligent, gracious way for the win. :-)

(in reply to PainObjectForUse)

Post #: 11

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 1:32:39 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

VC,

quote:

Out of interest, who on earth do you think *wrote* the FAQ? All that content is user-generated, and most of it was written by dominant women.

You make far, far too much sense. Just sayin'.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 12

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 2:10:42 PM

PainObjectForUse

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/10/2011
Status: offline

Actually I didn't realise when I started this thread that the FAQ's would have an answer. I am a litle absent minded like i said and I do appologize learn something and move on.

I never intended things to come all this way and I don't intend to cause trouble. I might as well leave this site for good.

To ElanSubdued :

Yes, I already mad some friends and you made good and pertinent points. And I didn't ignore the FAQ's because I wanted to ignore, I just made an error, that's all. If I didn't want to fit in I wouldn't be trying in the first place.

To tell you the truth, and this is not intended as a provocation, your words were the more understanding and polite here, and you didn't lose face because of it.

I understand completely that people in this forum are tired of the same threads day after day, and I am in no way making excuses for myself or my behaviour, because I am the one at fault, but for the love of god, lighten up. If you want you can kick my ass down the alley and shove it in the garbage container.

I usually tend to get suspicious around people who think too highly of themselves, but I understand the value of being a gentleman and being subtle. With the help of ElanSubdued's valuable tips , I can improve even more.

And I repeat again, I am not here to satisfy some raging hormone thing of the moment. If I wanted to do that I would go to the red light district and spend a few hundred dollars. I am not here to create trouble either, just looking to know people for the time being. And I didn't choose to ignore the FAQ's. I can be clueless sometimes. I am a guy, it doesn't get better than this.

P.S. - I don't know if it's my english that is bad, but I tend to be somewhat misunderstood when I write something. Must be my imagination, right?

< Message edited by PainObjectForUse -- 7/14/2011 2:32:01 PM >

_____________________________

"I may be submissive, but I am not your slave" by me.

- Yes , I suffer from the syndrome of over-generalization.

It's not so much what I write, but the way I write it.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 13

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 2:23:15 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

I possibly would have missed it too, not the first thing I look for...

On the other hand consider the repeat question about the profile again and again and again... We might get snappy after the same thing has been asked so often...

Relax, enjoy yourself, and heck, a few of us don't have English as a first language, don't sweat it...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to PainObjectForUse)

Post #: 14

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 5:04:10 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

OP, you keep addressing the fact that you didn't see the FAQ.

Just read it and act on it.

That said, I found your pictures very good, but your profile to be a bit stilted. Overall, it's not that bad though.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 15

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 5:11:04 PM

theGuideGoddess

Posts: 135
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

Clearly (this is assuming you are honest and this is your first profile here) you are just a beginner and it will take some snooping around to find all the things that some believe you should have found first. I was fortunate enough to have someone I know show me the ropes.

I seldom read profiles. I read yours. If I were to be looking for a on line play partner I would definitely hit you up. I found your profile to be polite and direct even refreshing. Perhaps you edited it after you started this thread? It did not look too I, I, I, me, me, me to me. After all it is YOUR profile: It should be about you and what you are seeking. We all know that everyone has and is entitled to their own opinion. That said, an opinion from a stranger is far less valuable than one from someone who is known and respected. After all you really have no idea why or how any would be qualified to give an opinion. Of course even the unqualified are capable of offering. That is what makes this world a beautiful place.

I have been on this site for a couple of minutes longer than you Tony. I do not come to the forums often as I grow weary of the bitchy a.h. way that the people respond to newbies. Many who have been involved and are extremely active (like I wonder: Do they actually HAVE a life?) with thousands, even tens of thousands of posts under their belts. I dislike when people are rude and snappy without provocation. I see it here frequently. If they are weary of the thread or question then they should PASS IT UP! There is no thread police telling anyone that they absolutely have to post on every or any thread.

Good luck and enjoy your stay.

TGG

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 16

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 5:34:25 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theGuideGoddess

I have been on this site for a couple of minutes longer than you Tony. I do not come to the forums often as I grow weary of the bitchy a.h. way that the people respond to newbies. Many who have been involved and are extremely active (like I wonder: Do they actually HAVE a life?) with thousands, even tens of thousands of posts under their belts. I dislike when people are rude and snappy without provocation. I see it here frequently. If they are weary of the thread or question then they should PASS IT UP! There is no thread police telling anyone that they absolutely have to post on every or any thread.

Good luck and enjoy your stay.

TGG[/color]

Gawd, I happen to have 4000 posts, shit, I must not have a life, I guess, how do I manage to have a life and a career? Oh I got, it, I am not a Goddess, so I bow to you and please change the weather and there's that old uncle, he's been dead for a while and I really would like him back, small fry for a Goddess, innit?

So according to you, after all a a goddess you would know about it, especially one who guides - just makes me question the direction but that's another issue - we should ignore questions if we can't give ego stroking answers. That would help exactly how? By not pointing out the FAQ chances are that they find it? Maybe you use divine intervention, us mere mortals don't have those powers, we have to use words. Of course they would be much better off if we wouldn't tell them what attracts us or puts us off...

For whatever it's worth, the OP sent me a rather polite mail, quite charming actually, and thanked me for an answer in another thread and suggested I view his profile, I mentioned that I can see that it would rub some people the wrong way, so I guess I am guilty for bringing the thread on. While some might have been a bit snarky (because instead of not being bothered and ignoring they have guided a lot of people to better profiles and are getting a bit exhausted if people don't use the search function or the FAQ - I understand both sides, I don't head for the FAQ straight away), there was a lot of good advise and a quite improved profile...

But obviously you are so above us, you don't point them to where they can find answers, you just complain how snarky people are and then use a few snarks yourself, but I guess it is different when it comes from a goddess, must be a cult thing and I'm just not into cultish stuff...

But to sum it up, to have been "nice" in your divine opinion, we should have ignored him instead of helping him to improve the profile... Yeah, I can see how that would have worked...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to theGuideGoddess)

Post #: 17

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 6:39:16 PM

PainObjectForUse

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/10/2011
Status: offline

Well, I am not that new to BDSM sites and to Collarme, and I met both good real life and online people. All thanks to Collarme. I admit that I am new to the forums though and Maybe trying a Iittle too hard to please people.

English is not my native tongue, I am not an expert in BDSM or a rocket scientist, ( meaning I would like to participate in the forums to create a positive and subtle impression on me, and also to grow in experience) but am not too confident and self-knowleadgeable as I would like to be.

I have a peaceful gentle nature who is a little naive, and has traits that will please a Dominant/Mistress. I feel well with, and have confidence in my own physical appearence.

From what I already gathered, Dominants don't like tooshie and dangling photos , self-centered and wet fantasy like profiles.

To theGuideGoddess:

Yes, actually I have been updating my profile. It is still a little "stilted", but in time I will make the best of it. Right now I already had valuable help.

To DarkSteven :

It is a little stilted, but thanks for your impressions. Men tend to have a general better impression of my profile than women, not sure why. Arpig does, he's a real treat and fun to talk with.

Heh, maybe I should be the one ot lighten up and join the party. I guess I'm a little too wound up, up tight, or tight assed or whatever the hell applies here for my own good.

Anyway, hope we can all get along and make the most out of it.

By the way. Although I have a malleable, addaptable and generally peaceful naturepersonality, and am not unintelligent ( i'd like to think so at least ) I don't let people walk all over me.

Tony.

Thank you , have a good night, or day's sleep, hope to see you all for days and months to come, and hope to make more and better contributions to this forum. And please don't spare on the crops, at least not on me.

_____________________________

"I may be submissive, but I am not your slave" by me.

- Yes , I suffer from the syndrome of over-generalization.

It's not so much what I write, but the way I write it.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 18

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 9:53:24 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theGuideGoddess

Clearly (this is assuming you are honest and this is your first profile here) you are just a beginner and it will take some snooping around to find all the things that some believe you should have found first.

Unless I'm mistaken, this OP has had other screen names here. I believe they are listed in his sig line.

quote:

Many who have been involved and are extremely active (like I wonder: Do they actually HAVE a life?) with thousands, even tens of thousands of posts under their belts.

This is the second or third time recently that I've heard this drivel about how posting a lot here somehow = bad. One of the other folks who tried to give this line honestly would have done better if he would have spent more time on the forums, considering his household is out of control and his slave made an absolute mockery out of him.

Why on earth some folks care about how much people posts, I honestly don't have a clue. Some people can type up enough things here to equal a couple of hundred posts a week in less time than the average American watches television. There a a number of us out there who know how to organize our households to where we have more spare time than others. Some folks post from work, while they are waiting on the train via phone, as their wake up routine rather than watching the news, or have odd hours.

For example, it literally took Me less than five minutes to post that. Yes, that's all it takes. Means I can shoot off twelve posts in less than an hour.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to theGuideGoddess)

Post #: 19

RE: Profile DO's and DOnt's - 7/14/2011 9:59:10 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

I re-read your profile and the changes are very good (IMHO).

And don't worry about English not being your first language, there are quite a few people on this site who don't speak English as a first language, it's not necessarily a fault

(in reply to PainObjectForUse)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Profile DO's and DOnt's

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.344