The Laws of Computing

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

The Laws of Computing

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> The Laws of Computing

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

The Laws of Computing - 7/14/2011 10:11:47 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

Inspired by this thread where Hannah formulated a law pertaining to the proper maintenance of a computer, I thought it would be both entertaining and instructive to post the various laws that pertain to computers and the online world. To kick things off, here is the law that she established:

McRae's 1st Law of Computer Maintenance*: If you don't know what the fuck it does, don't fucking touch it.
*Renamed for more precision..hey I'm the one starting this thread, I'll rename whatever I want!

As well, here is one I formulated many, many years ago (way back when 56k was a FAST connection):

Bob's 1st Law of Internet Searches**: Regardless of the parameters entered into an online search engine, at least one porn site will be returned.
**Also known as Wanker's Law.

(I formulated this law when I made a search for "Soviet Military Hovercraft"...and yup, you guessed it, there was a porn site...

)

So, what immutable truths of the web and computing have you discovered?

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: The Laws of Computing - 7/14/2011 10:53:49 PM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

No matter what you have, it is obsolete.

(how there's one I really can back up in spades)

T^T

(in reply to Arpig)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: The Laws of Computing - 7/14/2011 11:06:06 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

The abovementioned porn site will pop up when you are looking up something with a client or significant other looking over your shoulder.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: The Laws of Computing - 7/14/2011 11:26:20 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

LOL, Good ones, but let's post them properly guys...

Termyn8or's Law of Terminal Obsolescence: No matter what you have, it is obsolete.

Hill's Corollary to Wanker's Law: The aforementioned porn site will pop up when you are looking up something with a client or significant other looking over your shoulder.

Here's another couple of mine...

Bob's Law of Responsible Avoidance: When calling your tech savvy son for help fixing your latest screw up, it is best to start the conversation by saying: "I don't know what your father did, but..."

Bob's 3rd Law of Technical Support (Principle of Lost Opportunities): When troubleshooting a problem over the phone and asking what exactly is in the error error message that popped up, the likelyhood of being told "Sorry I closed it" is inversely proportional to the number of times the tech has seen that particular issue in the past.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: The Laws of Computing - 7/15/2011 2:29:35 AM

RapierFugue

Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

The abovementioned porn site will pop up when you are looking up something with a client or significant other looking over your shoulder.

I have that problem with predictive text. As an example, "aunt" and "cunt" have exactly the same key pattern.

Not my finest hour, it must be said. Thank god she's got a SoH.

Oh and Rule 307b: "When giving large-scale PowerPoint demonstrations to a large audience of your peers, FFS turn off Outlook, otherwise the receptionist you're banging in secret, behind your wife's back, will choose that moment to send you a highly explicit email describing in no uncertain terms what she'd like you to do to her when you meet up later that day, the first few lines of which will pop up on the giant screen, in the bottom right-hand corner, while your back is turned".

And no, that second one wasn't me, but a much despised ex boss. Obviously we didn't laugh, as that would have been bad manners.