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xssve -> RE: Intention of submission (7/16/2011 7:10:15 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: coookie
Well if i went REALLY deep and did A LOT of projecting of my own beliefs i would say that submission isn't as selfless as what some people make it out to be. I act a certain way because there is a payoff in the behaviour. I like to serve because it makes me feel good. Now that is not to say that it is fake imo but it certainly isn't the selfless act that some people have in their heads about what submission "should" be.
PERHAPS, and this is a huge perhaps because i would need so much more context to the conversation, that is what the person was trying to portray.
And why else would you want to do it? I find the idea that people would do things that make them miserable to please others a fascinating concept - that's the kind of shit that happens when you buy into any political system, it's a scam.
we have to do a lot of things we may not like like simply in order to survive, work, etc., when it comes to relationships, I think you should be out to please yourself, and if you can find someone who feels the same and you can mesh, then you have something.
On the flip side, there is whole aspect of fantasy, which applies to everybody, not just BDSM as well, which can take the form of constructing a fantasy that you expect others to conform to, they become objects in your fantasy rather than independent actors.
It's not necessarily a bad thing if there is some upfront acknowledgement that it is a fantasy being played out, even if it is extremely detailed and intense: slavery, etc., i.e., where it's taken past the scene level and into TPE, but all the participants have to be on board with that, or there will be tension.
I can easily see however, where a sub going into these situations, where there are complicated fantasy/expectations might start to become a little cynical about it - what we do is an "act", but more often what we seek is something a little more fundamental than the superficial act, something besides going through the motions - passion, security, intimacy, respect, love - a life.
Cynicism tends to settle in when you start feeling like an actor, a blank canvas for others to project their fantasies onto, instead of a human being with needs of your own - a dissatisfaction with being confined to a superficial role is common element among married people seeking gratification in BDSM outside the marriage for example.
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