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Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 11:04:17 AM

foxling

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You break the rules in a fairly minor way - but still, the line has been crossed. Your dominant party hasn't noticed (or it seems that way to you). Do you point it out and tell them? Or assume that if they wanted to chastise you, they would? Where does the line sit (for you) between being obedient/honest/respectful and feeling like perhaps you're pushing a point that they've chosen to ignore, or provoking them?

I'd like to suggest also that I'm not talking about looking for 'funishment', that any consequences of rule breaking are entirely unpleasant for the purposes of this hypothetical situation.

(I did search a bit. Please don't shout too loudly if I'm repeating something asked before!)

Post #: 1

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 11:24:06 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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Yes I tell Him. He knows it would eat at me until I did tell him. The guilt just kills me so it's just easier to tell him and accept whatever he wishes to do or not do with me. I don't ever feel like I'm pushing or provoking him. I'm simply telling him what I did or did not do and let the chips fall where they may. It's his choice on what to do with the information.

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RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 11:38:05 AM

Kalista07

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Listen to littlewonder she's a smart one. I agree with her. I have confessed everything I have done in past relationships mostly because I do not like living with guilt. If I've done something wrong and he is unaware of it I believe it's my responsibility to inform him of this... Although, I've always been under the impression that I was in relationships that were based on 100% honesty. Therefore the agreement had been made upfront that I would share such details if they had occurred.

My job was simply to let him know what I had done and allow him to decide what he wanted to do with the information.

Kali

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RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 11:46:25 AM

BKSir

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From: Salt Lake City, UT
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Chiming in from the other side of the coin here, but... I fully expect mine to come clean with me about any infractions be they large or small. Especially the large ones. Because, I will find out about them, sooner or later, and if he is honest and forthcoming with me right away things will be far far more lenient than if I find out a week later from a friend of a friend.

If he comes to me with a pile of ceramic in his hands saying "Sir. I'm sorry. I accidentally broke your favorite cup while doing dishes.", chances are pretty damned good that I'll just shrug, kiss him on the cheek, thank him for being honest and assure him that "Things are replaceable, as long as you didn't get cut and are okay, it's alright.". However, if I'm throwing something in the garbage and see pieces of it, or go to look for it later and all I find is a guilty look on his face, then I'm going to be a bit upset.

EDIT TO ADD: Okay, so yes, inside I would be a bit upset that he broke my favorite cup... (What? I really like that cup for my tea) But, the point would be that I know it wasn't done on purpose and that I'm proud of him that he was up front and honest with me.

And if I can't expect him to be honest about something as little as "I broke your cup." or "I was slacking today and didn't do the dishes.", then what bigger things should I expect him to be hiding from me?

< Message edited by BKSir -- 7/17/2011 11:57:17 AM >

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RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 11:47:29 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
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I don't break the rules without a really good reason, so of course I'd tell Hanners. I doubt she'd punish me, but if she decided to, then I get punished. That's the deal.

(in reply to foxling)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 11:49:05 AM

Kaliko

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Absolutely I tell him. That's the deal. He knows everything.

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Post #: 6

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 11:49:07 AM

myotherself

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From: The cold bit of the UK
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What the Smart one said.

A month or two back I started to slack off a bit on some stuff, and it appeared that he didn't notice. A few weeks later I did something stupid, which merited a punishment. He arranged for me to come to him, and as I was kneeling in front of him he told me I was to be punished for the stupid thing AND the earlier stuff I'd slacked off on.

I was quite shocked - I said I didn't think he'd noticed or cared. He said he always notices, that his rules are there for a reason and that if I'd apologised at the time I'd have been told off and that would have been the end of it. But now....

Let's just say I now confess sooner rather than later. And to be honest, it feels a lot better than bottling it up inside

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Post #: 7

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 1:01:11 PM

HisPet21

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Absolutely, I'd confess. I want an open, honest relationship...not just for him, but for me as well, and it takes just as much honesty on my part as on his part to achieve that. Plus, knowing I'll have to admit something I did wrong in the future deters me wrong doing things now.

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 1:11:33 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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From: The Great Frozen North
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I'm not a mindreader so if he doesn't say anything I'm going to bring it up. I would never be in a relationship where complete honestly is absent. Keeping something like that would eventually erode the relationship so yeah I would bring it up.

Zeph

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(in reply to foxling)

Post #: 9

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 1:13:51 PM

LanceHughes

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Joined: 2/12/2004
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RULE #2 - Transparency. Slave is to inform Master of any and all changes to being "centered."

As others have said, the guilt will be eating at the offender, causing them to be off-center.
As almost all others above have said, "Report sooner rather than later."

There's a maturity component not mentioned above. Little kids hid the broken china. Adults come clean.

Simple, simple, simple. (Maybe that's why you couldn't find such a thread - totally basic - no discussion needed. BUT! Good that you asked. NO such thing as a "dumb" question.)

<edited for clarity>

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 7/17/2011 1:17:41 PM >

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Post #: 10

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 1:16:45 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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We do not have rules in our relationship. We're not Dom sub, we're equeals even though I do like to call him Daddy.

However Any time I have screwed up and done something bad or wrong , I have told Daddy. Even when I knew I'd be yelled at, or he'd be mad or worse yet hurt. It doesn't matter to me that he'd never find out, I would know and it wouldn't sit right with me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: foxling

You break the rules in a fairly minor way - but still, the line has been crossed. Your dominant party hasn't noticed (or it seems that way to you). Do you point it out and tell them? Or assume that if they wanted to chastise you, they would? Where does the line sit (for you) between being obedient/honest/respectful and feeling like perhaps you're pushing a point that they've chosen to ignore, or provoking them?

I'd like to suggest also that I'm not talking about looking for 'funishment', that any consequences of rule breaking are entirely unpleasant for the purposes of this hypothetical situation.

(I did search a bit. Please don't shout too loudly if I'm repeating something asked before!)

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Post #: 11

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 1:19:10 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
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As usual, I agree with Lance

For me, this is my first M/s relationship. I've gone through 25+ years being answerable only to me. It's a difficult mindset to overcome, even if it's something that I'm passionate about changing. I WILL do it, but I'm just thankful that he's the kind of guy who is really focussed on keeping this stroppy bint in line

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Post #: 12

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 1:50:36 PM

foxling

Posts: 34
Joined: 6/17/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
There's a maturity component not mentioned above. Little kids hid the broken china. Adults come clean.

For sure, and there's a contrasting immaturity to the mindset (mine) that says 'he ought to know, I shouldn't have to tell him'. I don't think it's as simple in practice as it is on paper, though.

And for the record, I'd like to point out I haven't done anything wrong! It was just on my mind today, as I was turning through thinking about the guilt and lack of self respect I'd feel if I tried to conceal something like that from him versus, as I've just said, the element of 'testing' (which I dislike in myself, and work on not acting on) and of thinking that he 'should know' anyway.

Thanks for the input!

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 1:57:01 PM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

What the Smart one said.

A month or two back I started to slack off a bit on some stuff, and it appeared that he didn't notice. A few weeks later I did something stupid, which merited a punishment. He arranged for me to come to him, and as I was kneeling in front of him he told me I was to be punished for the stupid thing AND the earlier stuff I'd slacked off on.

I was quite shocked - I said I didn't think he'd noticed or cared. He said he always notices, that his rules are there for a reason and that if I'd apologised at the time I'd have been told off and that would have been the end of it. But now....

Let's just say I now confess sooner rather than later. And to be honest, it feels a lot better than bottling it up inside

been there as well atr the very start of our relationship. an i was surprise he noticed.

i tell all however little i love how it feels and the guilt would eat at me now and he knows it

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 1:57:03 PM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

FR

I don't know that it would make me feel guilty; I'm just a very upfront kinda girl. That means that I wouldn't be keeping it from him very long - if at all.

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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(in reply to foxling)

Post #: 15

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 2:36:07 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixmoonn13

been there as well atr the very start of our relationship. an i was surprise he noticed.

i tell all however little i love how it feels and the guilt would eat at me now and he knows it

To be honest, in retrospect I was very pleased that he noticed. I feel so secure and happy when my boundaries are well defined and monitored. And if he didn't care, he wouldn't notice. All of that combines to make me feel more content in this relationship than in any other that I've had, including the one where I nearly married the man

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Post #: 16

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 2:45:51 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

What the Smart one said.

A month or two back I started to slack off a bit on some stuff, and it appeared that he didn't notice. A few weeks later I did something stupid, which merited a punishment. He arranged for me to come to him, and as I was kneeling in front of him he told me I was to be punished for the stupid thing AND the earlier stuff I'd slacked off on.

I was quite shocked - I said I didn't think he'd noticed or cared. He said he always notices, that his rules are there for a reason and that if I'd apologised at the time I'd have been told off and that would have been the end of it. But now....

Let's just say I now confess sooner rather than later. And to be honest, it feels a lot better than bottling it up inside

Hahaha, this got me to recalling something similar a former pet of mine did. Pretty much along those same lines. I let the little things kind of slide, waiting, wondering if he'd come forward, but when he scuffed up the paint on the car, and then tried to unsuccessfully fix it instead of just saying something about it so I could go do it... well...

I wander into the bathroom while he's in the shower, reach in and turn off the hot water, leaving my arm on the knobs so he couldn't turn them, making him stand there in the cold water until he explained that and everything else as well, and understood full well that I did know 99.99% of everything that goes on here and expected total honesty about it.

Never had a problem with him after that.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 17

RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 2:46:04 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I do not have many rules. If I broke one of my rules, not only would I confess, I would be falling all the fuck over myself to confess ASAP and explain myself as best I could.

I would not be punished, BTW, we don't have that type of dynamic. It's much worse, he would have to "contemplate his investment in the relationship." YIKES !!

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RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 2:53:45 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

Do you point it out and tell them?

Absolutely.

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RE: Do you confess? - 7/17/2011 2:57:21 PM

NuevaVida

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I'm honest in our relationship. Of course I would tell him. If it was something he knew and had chosen to ignore, he'd tell me. Neither of us would see it as an attempt to provoke on my part; only as me being honest.

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