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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/17/2011 6:02:51 PM

MsLadySue

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The profile mentions having no experience.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 5:14:26 AM

angelikaJ

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To the OP,
I am wary of the whole instant collar thing: just add sub.

It for me isn't about kink-compatibility but more that until you meet someone and spend time with them how well in fact do you know them?
Would you actually marry someone you have not met?

In the beginning of my explorations I had a partner who gave me a play collar.

Now that I am in a Relationship with my Master, I wish I had not accepted it... because for me a collar would be a serious committment.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 5:21:11 AM

LillyBoPeep

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if he wants a honeymoon effect after collaring you, he does know that honeymoon syndrome wears off, right? it seems like a very silly way to try to pursue a long-term relationship. is that even the goal? have you talked about this?
i would not accept a random "instant collar" from someone. to me, a collar signifies a commitment, which means there's been time invested in getting to know each other, and there's some shared long-term goal.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 5:28:52 AM

SoulPiercer

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Lesson 239 when posting to CM Forums ... Always wait for "the rest of the story" before diving into the debate.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 5:31:15 AM

GreedyTop

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SP!! how have you been???

*cant add anything to this discussion that hasnt already been said....*

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 5:50:26 AM

zephyroftheNorth

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To me, Miss Jellie, not everything has to be so meaningful and permanent, it depends on the circumstances. I've been collared for many reasons, some of them were meant to put and keep me in a submissive state of mind and nothing more serious than that. Not all collars are meant as a statement of ownership.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 5:56:01 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

if he wants a honeymoon effect after collaring you, he does know that honeymoon syndrome wears off, right? it seems like a very silly way to try to pursue a long-term relationship. is that even the goal?

1. He wants to collar her before play.
2. He wants another Dom to train her. Her previous Dom, which makes NO sense.

My bet is that he's absolutely new and is terrified that she'll either leave him or else blab that he doesn't have fifteen years of experience like he told her, unless she's been properly trained and wearing his collar before he starts fumbling around.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 7:31:44 AM

SoulPiercer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

if he wants a honeymoon effect after collaring you, he does know that honeymoon syndrome wears off, right? it seems like a very silly way to try to pursue a long-term relationship. is that even the goal?

1. He wants to collar her before play.
2. He wants another Dom to train her. Her previous Dom, which makes NO sense.

My bet is that he's absolutely new and is terrified that she'll either leave him or else blab that he doesn't have fifteen years of experience like he told her, unless she's been properly trained and wearing his collar before he starts fumbling around.

Or... He is betting that saying "My darling, you must accept my collar prior to me spanking your bottom, because that will create a honeymoon effect" will make her weak in the knees because he's such a hopeless romantic.

Hey Greedy!!! I am doing fantabulous. Are you still breaking names and taking hearts?

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 7:49:26 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subcurious74

Thanks for your imput your view is the same as mine and his as well that collaring is a lifelong commitment. Which is why I question why first. We have talked online and texting

If some guy that you'd been texting and talking to online wanted to get married, would you? Why are you even considering doing this with someone you don't know? And before you argue, you don't really know someone that you're cybering with.

quote:

recently we both found out we have a mutual friend who was my former dom. He wants him to train me before this .

Mind boggling. First off, why would you want someone else to train your submissive before you've ever met them face to face? Second, why would he want you to go back to a relationship that has already failed? Third, are you sure this isn't the same guy? Something stinks here.....

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 8:49:15 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subcurious74
Would you ever let your master collar you before you play with him? He claims he wants a honeymoon type effect for after being collared. My concern isn't trust but what if we can't please each other.

Just as Nueva said, that would depend on what the collar meant. Clearly in this situation the collar means almost nothing so I see nothing wrong with having a "play collar". If, on the other hand, one of you two is investing more meaning in it than simply "a bit of fun & games" then I'd need to know what meaning and do both agree? Carol's collar is a lot like her wedding ring. No, I did not casually ring her or collar her.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 9:39:11 AM

Missokyst

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OR.... that he is the former dominant using online to reconnect.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

My bet is that he's absolutely new and is terrified that she'll either leave him or else blab that he doesn't have fifteen years of experience like he told her, unless she's been properly trained and wearing his collar before he starts fumbling around.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 9:57:22 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: subcurious74

Thanks for your imput your view is the same as mine and his as well that collaring is a lifelong commitment. Which is why I question why first. We have talked online and texting
If some guy that you'd been texting and talking to online wanted to get married, would you? Why are you even considering doing this with someone you don't know? And before you argue, you don't really know someone that you're cybering with

Given your above definition, IMO accepting a collar from someone you only know from online is as stupid as accepting a wedding ring from same.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 10:47:07 AM

littleone35

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It is not something i would ever condiser. I did not get my play collar from Master until 6 months later. I did not ger my everday collar until 18.5 months that was had been together. We waitied until we felt the time was right. To us a collar was a sign of our commitiment, i am not sure what it means to you. It just seems strange you have never even met the guy gonna let him collar you???

As to having your former Dom train you, what's up with that? I assume he trained you to please him how is he going to train you to you news Doms standards. It all sound very fishy to me.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 1:40:48 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

To me, Miss Jellie, not everything has to be so meaningful and permanent, it depends on the circumstances. I've been collared for many reasons, some of them were meant to put and keep me in a submissive state of mind and nothing more serious than that. Not all collars are meant as a statement of ownership.

And this was done by someone you had never met face to face, ever? Regardless of it's "purpose." Because it sounds like you think having a total stranger collar you as part of the first meeting makes sense.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 1:43:20 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Third, are you sure this isn't the same guy? Something stinks here.....

I wish I had thought of that! That makes more sense than anything else she said. Once "trained" and then "collared" (bet it would be a blind ceremony), she is his again.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 1:51:35 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

To me, Miss Jellie, not everything has to be so meaningful and permanent, it depends on the circumstances. I've been collared for many reasons, some of them were meant to put and keep me in a submissive state of mind and nothing more serious than that. Not all collars are meant as a statement of ownership.

My regret over the acceptance of a play collar is not a suggestion that anyone who does it differently is wrong. My thinking has changed on collars and their meaning to me.

The OP did not indicate that this was only a play collar though.
And for a permanent kind of collar to have meaning, I think one should actually know the person they are being collared to, just the way most people know the people they become married to prior to that committment.

Cyber-relationships can be very intense and seemingly intimate, and I think they can provide a foundation for a RL relationship.
But that intimacy is often artificial.

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 5:21:15 PM

rockspider

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Well, in some societies the bride don´t even see the groom before the wedding. So this can´t be that bad. Of course in our society evil tongues have suggested that she doesn´t see much to him after the wedding

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 5:39:20 PM

Kaliko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subcurious74

Thanks for your imput your view is the same as mine and his as well that collaring is a lifelong commitment. Which is why I question why first. We have talked online and texting recently we both found out we have a mutual friend who was my former dom. He wants him to train me before this .

I remember a few years back when I was new to CollarMe and I "met" someone. He said something to the effect of me not having been formally trained yet. (I was a bit green, and I thought I was damaged goods because of it.)

More recently, I was emailing back and forth with a man and, though I certainly wasn't calling him Sir or anything, I suppose I was polite. He took note of the fact that I am "trained."

Personally, I like the idea of being "trained" to behave in a manner to suit a group of men. But I could only see that happening in certain circumstances or in certain circles, none of which I've been in (yet). It doesn't seem to me like you are, either.

And so, I can't imagine why you would want to be trained by this other person. Are your former Dominant and your new one acquaintances? Do they both have the same set of guidelines that you are expected to follow? If not, won't it be confusing? And kind of a waste of time?

I don't know...is it common to be "trained" by someone other than one's Dominant?

< Message edited by Kaliko -- 7/18/2011 5:40:00 PM >

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 9:56:46 PM

kyraofMists

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Let's see, over six years ago the first words I spoke in his presence were "I want to be yours". We had not kissed, no sex, no play, had not seen him play anyone else, and the only touch was a caress on the cheek and a hug.

While not a physical collar, I was his from that moment on and I have not regretted it a day since. For those who know of him and know of his play, they probably don't think I am quite right in the head. Maybe they are right, but for me, what was most important was and will always be his character.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/18/2011 10:01:34 PM

kyraofMists

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An additional thought, a collar for us is a lifetime commitment and he is the only person I have ever played with. However, there is a sexy southern lady that he was going to allow to play me, but she had other commitments for the evening. I am sure when the time presents itself, he will renew the offer.

Knight's Kyra

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