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RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/19/2011 11:50:35 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

An additional thought, a collar for us is a lifetime commitment
He wants her to accept a collar, "lifetime commitment", on the first meeting.

A D/s relationship that makes it long term is kind of a rarity. A D/s relationship that starts with making a commitment on the first meeting making it long term is a needle in a haystack. In the majority of situations it's going to fail. So, if it's meant to be, what's the harm in taking it slow? Because there's a lot of harm to be had in taking fast.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/19/2011 11:51:21 AM >

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/19/2011 2:33:38 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Being a cynic, my first thought is that he wants to have the right to tell her now that she's collared, he doesn't have to abide by a safeword or her hard limits.

If that's not it, then I guess he's just a romantic and wants the fantasy of the first time to live up to his imagination. If so, just get a play collar. Because it means whatever they both agree it means, and for a first meet, that isn't much.


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(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/19/2011 3:20:23 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subcurious74

Thanks for your imput your view is the same as mine and his as well that collaring is a lifelong commitment. Which is why I question why first. We have talked online and texting recently we both found out we have a mutual friend who was my former dom. He wants him to train me before this .


Look you asked for other's "thoughts' on ths situation. You got them. The majorty (when not making jokes) are tellinng you this is a bad idea.

You never met this man, only chatted online and on the phone. You both have this mutual friend who is a dom, who happens to be your 'old dom." That didn't work wout, so why would any training he does because suitable for this new guy.

You "know" this new guy based on his abilit to type what you want o hear and the sound of his voice. Would you consent to being a mail order bride? Would you accept an engagment ring from a blind date? Changes are you wouldn't, so why would you do this.

Further as Oside said, suspiciousness that there is not "new" dom but an old dom looking to get back with you is a strong possibility. Relationships are not to be taken likely. You don't know if you will even find this guy physically attactive.

Meet him for coffee, have a couple of dates. Talk about your goals. See if they mess. You are under NO obligation to this man regardless of what has since occurred. At this moment, all contol lies with you.

(in reply to subcurious74)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/19/2011 10:56:32 PM   
scarletsubbie


Posts: 31
Joined: 10/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'm going to make the assumption that you mean a conventional collar, not one that is worn during play or a collar of protection, etc.

IMO, there are a lot of ways that a couple should grow together prior to collaring, and play is one of them.  I can't imagine collaring someone without knowing if our play styles are compatible.  I also get the feeling like he has no experience and may not appreciate the depth of commitment a collar represents.

OTOH, some people get married while still virgins....


yes, virgins marry, but I suspect most had a date or two (arranged marriage communities excepted).

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/20/2011 8:02:39 PM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: scarletsubbie
yes, virgins marry, but I suspect most had a date or two (arranged marriage communities excepted).


Even in arranged marriages, they still go on dates these days to see if they're compatible. An ex-coworker of mine got an arranged marriage (she came from a culture where that's traditional), and I know she dated that guy for a few months before they tied the knot and moved in together.

(in reply to scarletsubbie)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/23/2011 10:32:41 AM   
RqrCompanionS


Posts: 76
Joined: 7/16/2011
Status: offline 		When I started out, I was a slave. And, the way I became a slave is that we both discussed needs, pussyfooted around the subject lightly, and, then I told him I was his slave, found the collar, put in on, and, made him aware that there was no going back, so it was time for him to step up and be the Master.

It surely was not the conventional way to go about things, and, I would not recommend it for most people, but, there is a point to me telling you that.

I could do that with him, because, I knew I could trust him. He had already shown me, kindness, consideration, respect; protected me from someone else who would have done me a great deal of harm; given me his time and consideration; and, we had mutual goals.

If you have that, pleasing each other is inevitable, even if it means muddling through some bits and learning as you go.

If you trust him, and, he wants a honeymoon effect, it is probably not for some creepy reason. He's probably a romantic. Romantics tend to be more open and less selfish, than some, in their pleasures, to begin with. So, while I would not recommend most people take a collar before any play time, I would suggest that you consider it all very carefully, as regards your trust of him and whether that trust is because of what he has shown you or only because of a lack of current bad, the length of time you've known each other, what you know of his goals, and, what you know of what he wants from you once you are owned by him, and, make the decision based on your knowledge and gut instincts.

For me, personally, a slave who comes and takes my collar based on who I am, rather than what we have done together, is an endearing creature that I will cherish. Some people will simply use and abuse that same creature, assuming it is worthless for having been so easily gained. If you know him, you know which type he is, already.

(in reply to subcurious74)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/23/2011 10:55:49 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		You do realize that they have never met face to face?

(in reply to RqrCompanionS)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/23/2011 1:23:20 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RqrCompanionS
So, while I would not recommend most people take a collar before any play time,
This isn't taking a collar before play time, it's agreeing to a collar before they've even met face to face!


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to RqrCompanionS)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/26/2011 5:28:24 PM   
spankgirl4u


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/5/2011
Status: offline 		whoa a collar to me is a lifelong commitment and it should means something to both the Master/slave , Dom/sub  , its about getting to know that person on a personal level how your likes and dislikes works and how it is sexually to it shouldnt be a jump in n jump out persay then what it would means than? it is an honor to wear your Master's collar it how i view it knowing that he is asking you to be his slave , but it takes times and trust on both end to get there....

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/26/2011 6:57:53 PM   
ellen6723


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/17/2011
Status: offline 		No - not OK? This is a serious commitment... are you a mail away bride? No - so why would you take this step with such limited knowledge of a potential partner? This should be an absolute red flag about this guy!! Why would he, who I am assuming has more experience, want it to go down like this. Very odd.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/26/2011 7:19:10 PM   
sweetLiLspanko


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/28/2011
Status: offline 		Someone's tag line came to mind as the answer to this post. Reading through responses it's about all that's left to say. I don't remember who the quote is from, nor which online person's profile tagged it, but it said "ADVICE IS What we ask for when we know the answer, but wish we didn't." (Or something quite like that).

Why then do you wish not to know this answer? That there's something wrong with taking this guy's collar without at least first meeting in person and discussing life goals and bdsm ideals. IF you answer why you wish you didn't know the answer, maybe you can better come to peace with the answer, which as you've heard by now time and again. "NO."


(in reply to ellen6723)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/27/2011 3:28:06 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Welcome to the two new people above me!



(in reply to sweetLiLspanko)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/27/2011 8:10:21 AM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline
quote:

Would you ever let your master collar you before you play with him?
sure, why the fuck not? assuming you're cool with playing on the 1st meet, then if it gets him hard and gets you wet go for it. the whole "collaring" thing is about as meaningful as "going steady" is. it means nothing really, so you get to define it however the fuck you want, and can imbue it with whatever meaning or symbolism you and your beau want to.

quote:

My concern isn't trust but what if we can't please each other.
you take the collar off and hand it back to him, pack your things and head home, stopping for haagen dazs on the way. i mean really, this should be fucking obvious. him "owning" you is just a fiction between the two of you to make the fucking hotter and sweatier. if it doesn't work out you break up like you would with any boyfriend.

christ's blood on toast! it's hard to believe that people aren't just fucking with us when they ask questions like this.

e2a: after reading some of the "brilliant" replies, i guess they might just be serious when they ask. it all leaves me wondering how many of you fuckers need help getting dressed in the mornings?

< Message edited by HannahLynHeather -- 7/27/2011 8:21:14 AM >

_____________________________

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i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to subcurious74)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/27/2011 9:52:28 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Hannah,

Your new avatar makes my brain hurt. (It's only the animation I'm objecting to, not the words.)

KK

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Collar before first playtime with master - 7/27/2011 12:48:30 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

Would you ever let your master collar you before you play with him?


sure, why the fuck not? assuming you're cool with playing on the 1st meet, then if it gets him hard and gets you wet go for it. the whole "collaring" thing is about as meaningful as "going steady" is. it means nothing really, so you get to define it however the fuck you want, and can imbue it with whatever meaning or symbolism you and your beau want to.

quote:



My concern isn't trust but what if we can't please each other.


you take the collar off and hand it back to him, pack your things and head home, stopping for haagen dazs on the way. i mean really, this should be fucking obvious. him "owning" you is just a fiction between the two of you to make the fucking hotter and sweatier. if it doesn't work out you break up like you would with any boyfriend.

christ's blood on toast! it's hard to believe that people aren't just fucking with us when they ask questions like this.

e2a: after reading some of the "brilliant" replies, i guess they might just be serious when they ask. it all leaves me wondering how many of you fuckers need help getting dressed in the mornings?



If you've got everything sorted out then it's easy, but some people take a longer route and the light bulb goes on at a later date.

I think it's quite easy to forgive people for thinking that everything to do with D/s or bdsm has some inner meaning that they haven't quite managed to stumble upon as yet.

agirl


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See how easy it can be?

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)
Profile   Post #: 55
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