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RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 4:56:54 AM   
TigerLily23


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/16/2005
Status: offline 		To each his own...perhaps the Master is not waiting for the perfect slave, but rather the perfect slave for him....

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(in reply to fastlane)
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RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 4:58:26 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce


That, and I didn't want to have to deal with breaking things off with the one I didn't want when the right one did come along.
 
It's like buying a couch you hate just to have something to sit on until you can afford the couch you really want.  Why waste the money?




What if both people involved know going in that it is not going to be something permanent?

For example, i currently play with a Dom who already had a poly family with Him 24/7. He and i play together from time to time which works as a relese mechanism for me. He know that for me, He is not what i am looking for and He is not looking, so it works for us.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 5:12:02 AM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CanadianGuy

I've never played casually.  For many years (before I was married) it was because I was brought up religiously.  Then I was married through my 20s, and was faithful.  Now, separating (divorcing in the future) I have my girl and she doesn't ask me to be faithful to her but I choose to be.  There are girls (vanilla and otherwise) who are in varying states of love, lust, and submission to me, both in real life and online.  Rarely will I play online to any degree, and never in real life.  I only want my little girl and can't wait to have her in my arms again.

If she wasn't in my life, I'm not sure.  I don't have an overwhelming urge to fuck random females.  I love sex, absolutely love it... but having a connection with the person is very important to me.  It doesn't have to be love, but SOMETHING needs to be there.  Intense attraction, a control aspect, or both hopefully.


Completely agree, dude.  There needs to be at least an element of desire there.  Something, anything, to encourage me to come back.  Some people just have the morals of alley cats in heat, which is their problem, not mine. *shrug*

- Dustyn


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RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 11:29:35 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I know what I am looking for and from personal expoerience, it is far better to have no slave than the wrong slave... Imperfections I expect for the theoretical perfect slave does not exist in this plane of existance.. Having said this about slaves, I am quite happy to have a casual relationship with a play partner for the purposes of furthering my experience in specific areas. There is a vast difference and of course who knows the latter may well in due course turn into the former..

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RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 12:46:19 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What if both people involved know going in that it is not going to be something permanent?

For example, i currently play with a Dom who already had a poly family with Him 24/7. He and i play together from time to time which works as a relese mechanism for me. He know that for me, He is not what i am looking for and He is not looking, so it works for us.


From what I've observed in others, it can and does work very well.  But speaking only for myself, I've never entered any kind of relationship that wasn't at least intended to be permanent.  Some people are just wired that way.  We'd rather be alone than get involved with something we know won't go anywhere.

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Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to heartfeltsub)
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RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 1:08:43 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

Why a Master would continue to wait for the perfect slave/submissive  and not play with anyone in the mean time?

growing older by the second, Kevin


Outside of the fact I do not simply "play", I would rather wait and be very selective—if even to a fault—than deal with a soul who is insincerely submissive, or at best does not contain the correct raw material to be what I want. It is wise to observe the rule of infection; to avoid the unhappy, unlucky, crass, prideful and cynical. Many think it's a fun challenge to engage less likely candidates, but I see it as courting one's own dissatisfaction. That may not always be true, but it has been a reliable rule to live by for me.

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 1:12:16 PM   
DARKDES1RE


Posts: 16
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Finding the perfect "one" applies to both Dom and sub. Casual play just doesn't fulfill the desire of the Dom so why do it? It's like getting a quick fix, sooner or later you'll come down and feel worse than before.

DD

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 1:31:13 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Not wanting to hijack this thread, but what is the definition of casual play. To me casual play means i am not looking for a long term relationship with the other person, but that doesn't mean that i don't have a relationship with them. The Doms that i play with regularly, i have spend time talking with all of them and i would consider all of them to be my friends, so there is a connection. So by your definition of casual, would that still be casual?



Thank you,  heartfeltsub; I couldn't agree more.  I have played with several people where neither of us considered the other 'The One'...but we DID have a relationship.  I think I'm repeating myself...I've mentioned this somewhere here before; I find such play a wonderful way to learn about BDSM, my submission, what I like and can handle.  I find such play educational.  I suppose it's 'casual'...in that there is not really romance involved...or any degree of 'permanance'?

Interestingly, (at least to me), I have included sex with perhaps a third of these Dominants...so, for me at least, the 'casual' part has nothing to do with sex but rather where the 'relationship' is heading?

Anyway, I believe in kicking tires...HOW would one know they found 'The One' if they never played together?  I'm agree with what Celeste said "I'm not much for waiting around for life to begin.. I want to live it while I have it to live."

YMMV

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 3:40:37 PM   
DerLachendeKater


Posts: 35
Joined: 7/17/2005
Status: offline 		As someone who played around constantly from about 18 to 20. I came to realize that while doing so brings immediate gratification in the long run it leaves you wanting something more. Also it usually ends up cheapening your reputation as a serious dominant, sub, pet, slave, etc.
                ~just my two cents

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RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 7:25:15 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

It is wise to observe the rule of infection; to avoid the unhappy, unlucky, crass, prideful and cynical.


Glad to know that you are a rescuer at heart, and that your doors are wide open to the psychotic, terminally ill, narcissistic, cleptomaniacal, Republican voting, sociopathic, amoral, and fundemantalist types who are happy, fortunate, polite, humble, and optimistic.

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 8:11:05 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		What is wrong with having a play partner that you like, respect and enjoy, while you look for you're life partner?
I for one would not remain celibate forever just because I have yet to meet my one true Master. Then again I don't believe in the Soulmate, true love thing.

I don't play with just anything or anyone. That's like picking up a stranger  at the bar at the end of the night   icky icky icky yuck

I do trully hope to one day find someone I want to spend the rest of my live with, but i'm not going to stop living while I'm waiting to meet him.




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RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 8:47:22 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane
Why a Master would continue to wait for the perfect slave/submissive and not play with anyone in the mean time?


Because he has standards and he wants something more that casual. Also, if he plays with a sub or slave and he is greatly interested in another, he shows the opposite [that he is NOT interested]; anything worth time and effort, is worth waiting for. If a sub or slave is so 'perfect' playing with another sub or slave would not cross a Master's mind, it would show contempt for the 'perfect' sub or slave that a Master has his eyes on.

< Message edited by slaverosebeauty -- 5/18/2006 8:49:55 PM >

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RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 8:50:50 PM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		Now wait a minute!  The OP said "not play" while you were waiting.  He said nothing about not making friends!  I'm all for making friends, acquaintances, taking in a movie, meeting for lunch, or even just hanging out.  But I'll be damned if I "settle" for playing with somebody else's slave or a submissive that I'm not interested in, just because he's there.  Ick.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMalinche
Because they have all or nothing thinking?  And this goes for Masters, Mistresses, Subs, Slaves. . . they get so caught up in looking for "THE ONE" that they overlook making friends and other aquantainces.  The goal becomes finding a life partner and things such as hanging out togeather, having coffee, or just seeing a movie togeather gets forgotten. 


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 9:21:38 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		It's like buying a couch you hate just to have something to sit on until you can afford the couch you really want.  Why waste the money?

I would never buy a couch I hated.  But I might buy a couch I liked well enough and found comfortable, until I could get my dream couch.  Because otherwise, I'd have to stand while I watched tv. Then my feet would hurt and I'd be pissy. By the time the dream couch arrived, I'd be so exasperated it could never meet my grand expectations. 


(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 10:04:07 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I would never buy a couch I hated.  But I might buy a couch I liked well enough and found comfortable, until I could get my dream couch.  Because otherwise, I'd have to stand while I watched tv. Then my feet would hurt and I'd be pissy. By the time the dream couch arrived, I'd be so exasperated it could never meet my grand expectations. 


Others would just sit on the floor and be content with that. 

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 10:24:44 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

psychotic, terminally ill, narcissistic, cleptomaniacal, Republican voting, sociopathic


You've met my last boyfriend?

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 10:38:16 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

. Then again I don't believe in the Soulmate, true love thing.




That is actually very sad to hear. I'm still working on that 'what is a soul thing' but I do know I wouldn't be a whole person without Rob. I thought love at first sight was the corniest thing I had ever heard, until I met him and for some bizarre reason I just knew I had to get to know him. Lucky for us too the poly relationship we are in just enhance our lives and our relationship.
I'm sure you will find that person that knocks your socks off


denika

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/18/2006 10:42:37 PM   
RexLongBeach


Posts: 58
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane
Is there ever a good reason why a Master would continue to wait for the perfect slave/submissive and not play with anyone in the mean time?

This may be one of those topics where mileage varies widely.

I have always enjoyed play. Even now, going to dungeon parties, someone wants a spanking or flogging, I'm usually happy to oblige. And I have done lots and lots of purely social dating.

For now, on advice of a friend, I've stopped dating submissives I know aren't going to be the "one." I'm not sure I like this newer approach, as it leaves me alone, no girl flesh to touch, no shared physical pleasures to enjoy.

But dating others takes time away from finding the one you truly want to be with for a long time. So, for the time being, I'm sticking with my program.

Good luck to me,
Rex

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/19/2006 4:16:12 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		Also prefacing my remarks:  only found D/s two years ago, so in my 30's and 40's was vanilla.  When the spirit moved me, i engaged in serial monogamy.  Late into my 40's, my libido blossomed, my world changed alot, and i became celibate.  Sex was something i wanted much more from.  Then found D/s and now have even higher levels of desire.....for the right Man. 
 
The question asked by the Op may trigger alot of P/pl's morals, judgments, trust issues, etc., but in fact, i think it's just a choice, partially shaped by circumstance, and each of U/us makes it as best W/we can.  When i find the right Man, i plan to f**k Him blind.  Amoung other things.
 
candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 5/19/2006 4:17:09 AM >

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is there ever a good reason? - 5/19/2006 6:27:00 AM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn

Now wait a minute!  The OP said "not play" while you were waiting.  He said nothing about not making friends!  I'm all for making friends, acquaintances, taking in a movie, meeting for lunch, or even just hanging out.  But I'll be damned if I "settle" for playing with somebody else's slave or a submissive that I'm not interested in, just because he's there.  Ick.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMalinche
Because they have all or nothing thinking?  And this goes for Masters, Mistresses, Subs, Slaves. . . they get so caught up in looking for "THE ONE" that they overlook making friends and other aquantainces.  The goal becomes finding a life partner and things such as hanging out togeather, having coffee, or just seeing a movie togeather gets forgotten. 



Good point. . .

I was aiming for the idea that friendships can lead to a deeper relationship over time.  And the person that you start out as "just friends" with could in fact be "The One".   

I suppose that I did not make myself clear.  Sorry.

I would never expect someone to commit time to that they were not interested in at some level.

Best,

LaMalinche




(in reply to LadyMorgynn)
Profile   Post #: 40
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