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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 9:25:45 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I had to peek where you live, we're roughly the same age but I can't recall having it heard in Europe (in the US I was never at church wedding), even at Catholic weddings in Germany and Austria (not the 2 countries that tend to be the fore-front of the female liberation movement) I can't remember having ever heard the equivalent of obey, the cherish seems to do the trick and seems to be the standard version. I've been to a few weddings in Italy (family there) and I think it was also cherish (didn't pay that much attention, was busy to discretely use my inhaler as the amount of incense they used triggered asthma attacks, I felt a bit like a smoked ham), though I can imagine if you do go further South and more rural, that they might use obey there.

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 9:29:16 AM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_vows

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 9:50:06 AM   
LadyConstanze


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Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Which explains why I haven't heard obey in marriage ceremonies...

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 9:55:45 AM   
RapierFugue


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Which explains why I haven't heard obey in marriage ceremonies...


In the UK I've heard it three times in maybe a dozen or so weddings, so it does still get used.

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 10:03:09 AM   
LadyConstanze


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Status: offline 		I've been to about 4 or 5 church marriages in the UK (I try to avoid sad occasions), I think it depends possibly on the background of the people and their age? Most young women who are also having careers possibly will frown on the "obey" thing, whereas somebody who wants the traditional family with raising children and all that will like the old fashioned wording? Dunno really, but whatever makes them happy. It's possibly as realistic to expect a modern woman to obey the husband as the vow "till death do us part" - or that's just the cynic in me.

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 10:34:19 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I don't know if it's a cultural difference, a new age difference, or maybe another reason.  When MP and I were married, we were given the option of doing our own vows or choosing which version we wanted to have.  The obey/keep bit (I guess you'd call it the traditional version) was one of our options but it didn't really suit us.  We chose a version where the vows were the same for each of us.  It was something we went over as part of the rehearsal.


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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 10:43:52 AM   
LadyConstanze


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Status: offline 		LOL, I'd possibly choke on the obey bit, though what I find odd is that quite a few "youngsters" seem to go back to really odd relationships, you know girls who ask the boyfriend if they're allowed to go out or meet their friends why the guys just tell the girls they're going to meet the friends. Makes me wonder where that comes from?

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 11:01:37 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I always saw it as common courtesy in a relationship to ask your partner if they're ok with it. <shrug>...again could be how I grew up and the culture in which I was raised.

When my daughter first got into her current relationship she would just go and do what she wanted but as they became serious they now ask each other if it's ok which I find refreshing. It shows me they're serious about one another and really care what the other does and where they go and who they'll be with.



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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 11:11:43 AM   
LadyConstanze


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Status: offline 		We don't so much ask but tell the other where we're going, seems a bit stupid to ask him if he'd be OK if I'd meet up with some friends or him asking me if I mind that he meets his friends, we usually ask each other if the other wants to tag along and check if there was nothing planned. A bit like "Oh on ....day I'd like to see ..... for a drink/chat/outing, that's alright or is anything else happening?"

2 grown up people, if he'd tell me that I can't go because he doesn't like it or the other way round, I think we would both rethink the relationship, it would be far too much living in each other's pocket then.

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 11:14:38 AM   
juliaoceania


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

LOL, I'd possibly choke on the obey bit, though what I find odd is that quite a few "youngsters" seem to go back to really odd relationships, you know girls who ask the boyfriend if they're allowed to go out or meet their friends why the guys just tell the girls they're going to meet the friends. Makes me wonder where that comes from?



I can understand a submissive Christian woman wanting to use these vows, for some people this is a part of their religious beliefs which are based upon the scripture as they understand it...

I see Taken in Hand as having a completely different basis than D/s.... which is largely due to religious differences...

And as far as individual articles, users that sound half baked, etc... there are people who post here that we all think are slightly cracked (I know I am a little cracked, but as Cohen says, that's how the light gets in)

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 11:21:30 AM   
LadyConstanze


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


And as far as individual articles, users that sound half baked, etc... there are people who post here that we all think are slightly cracked (I know I am a little cracked, but as Cohen says, that's how the light gets in)


TIH is simply not a dynamic that appeals to me at all, but if it's somebody's idea, fair dues, their life and not mine. That's why I didn't make comments about the individual articles at all, though I do have to admit that skimming a few, I raised my eyebrows a few times quite a bit, but again, not my dynamic at all.

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RE: LMFAO - 7/20/2011 11:26:46 AM   
RqrCompanionS


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Status: offline 		TO be "taken in hand" is no different than to be controlled, ordered, owned, etc. It's all part and parcel of the same desires to submit, be submitted to, order people about, be ordered about by people, etc. There is nothing either good or bad, inherently, with those things. It's what you do with them that counts.

So, yes, I've seen the site. No, I do not find it laughable. When it is something both people want, it is laudable. If only one of them wants it, it is boring, sad, frustrating, or, etc. Same as any other relationship.

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 11:55:02 AM   
RapierFugue


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From: London, England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I've been to about 4 or 5 church marriages in the UK (I try to avoid sad occasions),




I've been to quite a few. They were all really nice, happy occasions. Even did Best Man duties a few times.

I like a wedding. Registry office, church, it's all good.

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 12:22:22 PM   
LadyConstanze


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Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Not much of a fan of weddings, the big affairs is usually the bride being a nervous wreck on her happy day, fretting about seating arrangements and all that, and as I said, a bit of a cynic when it comes to marriages, I know too many couples who do the "I do" for the 2nd time (usually with different partners) and still pay off the debts for the first lavish affair.

Of course I won't voice that as it is their day and all that, it's just not really my thing but if somebody invites me, it would be impolite to not show up or make nasty comments on a day that's so important to them. It's their life and I wish them all the happiness in the world, it's just nothing I plan to do, first of all because white is so not my colour, 2nd because I don't want to wear a dress that makes me look like I should balance on top of a cake, 3rd spend that much money on a day where I'm actually too nervous to notice anything because of all the preparations that went in... I'd rather settle for a quick nip down the registry office and then an informal party with friends.

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 2:09:08 PM   
LillyBoPeep


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Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i'm from a pretty dismal little rural place, and i've heard just as many "love and cherish" vows as i've heard "love and obey" vows. most of the "love and obey" ones were at baptist churches. in my experience, baptists tend to be REALLY serious about the "obey your husband!!!!!!" thing.
i think weddings can be really lovely, and marriage can be, too, as long as the people are together for the right reasons. even if people break up, if it's done in a respectful way, it's not the end of the world.


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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 2:16:52 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


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From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

LOL, I'd possibly choke on the obey bit, though what I find odd is that quite a few "youngsters" seem to go back to really odd relationships, you know girls who ask the boyfriend if they're allowed to go out or meet their friends why the guys just tell the girls they're going to meet the friends. Makes me wonder where that comes from?
Are you seriously asking that on a website where there are people who have to get permission to pee?

As far as the "obey", I don't think I would get married if it wasn't in my vows.

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 2:21:18 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		This place is the most rural I've ever lived and while people refer to it as a town, for me it feels like a village, the next "big" city is Manchester, a place for which I can honestly say I have no great fondness for, though the airport is only roughly 30 minutes away and I live near the train station, I make frequent use of both facilities... I'm not cut out for country life and I guess the people I run with aren't too convinced that a woman should obey the husband...

As I said, whatever makes people happy, a big fat wedding with dress and the whole stuff would just not be my thing, my personal idea of a nightmare...

As for breaking up respectfully, wonderful if that happens, but currently 2 of my friends are going through messy divorces and for them it pretty much feels like the end of the world - there is a lot to be said for pre-nupts. One of them is so depressed that he regularly takes up residence in one of the guest rooms, so my view on marriage and nice break ups might be a bit clouded. Still, whoever wants to do it, they're more than welcome to it, their choice...

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 4:45:45 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		FR~

....sigh. Taken in Hand is what I want.

One day.

ETA - but poly. Poly Taken in Hand. (I know, there's no such thing. ) That's my one beef with it. The monogamy.

< Message edited by Kaliko -- 7/20/2011 5:00:40 PM >

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 5:08:43 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

quote:

LOL, I'd possibly choke on the obey bit, though what I find odd is that quite a few "youngsters" seem to go back to really odd relationships, you know girls who ask the boyfriend if they're allowed to go out or meet their friends why the guys just tell the girls they're going to meet the friends. Makes me wonder where that comes from?
Are you seriously asking that on a website where there are people who have to get permission to pee?

As far as the "obey", I don't think I would get married if it wasn't in my vows.

Agreed! We made sure specifically that it WAS in ours. Also, I confounded the minister by not saying Master's name when I was supposed to repeat the "I, blank, take you, blank" part. He just kind of stood there waiting for me to say the name but we had agreed before hand that I would not since I never call Him by it any other time..........luci

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RE: LMFAO / takeninhand - 7/20/2011 5:36:50 PM   
shorty21


Posts: 126
Joined: 11/30/2006
From: Des Moines
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

when a site has post after post after post of blatant D/s significance but claims to be for god fearing Christians who "hate the corporal spanking discipline" they must hand out, THAT i find hilarious

[edited for clarity]

Perhaps more people would see the hilarity if you posted links and blurbs. I visited the site and get where you are coming from.

Does no one else see the irony?

http://www.takeninhand.com/personal.ads

Anything that would be suitable for a BDSM or spanking site will be immediately deleted.

http://www.takeninhand.com/when.rape.is.a.gift




this is my point so maybe ironic is the word i should have chosen... Even though i got a good laugh from it... To prevent the 5 deqath threats i received i truly meant ironic.... You cannot truly mean that you hate spanking your wife if you get off on it.... Imho

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