is this a dumb idea?

is this a dumb idea? (Full Version)

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BogusProfile -> is this a dumb idea? (7/20/2011 6:06:05 PM)
i'm just starting out and things are moving very quickly. i find myself involved with two dommes, one local and one online. they are aware of eachother and even communicate, and they seem to be ok with it. but they each claim to me to be the one ultimately in charge. i don't see this ending well. what do others think, is this headed for a cliff, or can this sort of thing work? the profile name should make it clear that i don't want to take the chance that either of them will know for certain that it's me asking this question. thanks.

LadyConstanze -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/20/2011 6:10:52 PM)
Uhh and they won't figure out by your story?

LadyPact -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/20/2011 6:13:43 PM)
Is one of them willing to not be the one who has the ultimate authority? If they both know about each other and work together well, they might be agreeable to both having some control over you, while one is really the person who is the authority in your life. Not something that I would do personally, but other people might want that situation. As a Domme, I'd pass on it.

LadyConstanze -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/20/2011 6:15:31 PM)
Could make for interesting doubles ;) I just wonder how they are aware of each other and the communication and all that, seems a bit much of a coincidence and could be the local one also the online one and is just playing a bit of a headgame?

HannahLynHeather -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/20/2011 6:52:42 PM)
i don't think i'd go for it either, but maybe if the local was a newb and the online more of an experienced mentor, well i guess it could work. but both claiming to be the boss, nah sorry, ss fucking titanic here. blow off the online and go with the local she's there, she's real, and she can actually spank and fuck you, and that's what you're actually after right? i do however love the fucking honesty of the profile name. when you're done with it you should make it available to anybody who wants to ask embarrassing questions with total fucking anonymity.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/20/2011 8:29:30 PM)
One of three things is happening here. Either these two women are really one woman who is playing you, these two women, who you say are communicating with each other, are fucking with your head by each of them claiming to be the "ultimate authority" while plotting behind your back, or one of these women is really in charge and the other is seriously deluded. Regardless of which it is, I don't see it ending well. This is why I don't share my subs with other dominants. Run away from this situation. Run far, run fast and don't look back.

Giermo -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/20/2011 8:50:23 PM)
The one in the real world probably has more of the authority since the physical is a bit more powerful than the online. But, that is just my opinion.

Lockit -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/20/2011 11:15:17 PM)
If it really was something that could work, both wouldn't be claiming to have the final say. I hope you own and know how to use, a hand glider.

Arpig -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/21/2011 12:21:57 AM)
Yes, very.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/21/2011 12:53:31 AM)
FR Oh, lighten up a little everyone. OP, what does 'involved with' mean? If they're both telling you how many peas to eat with your icecream or what colour of underwear you should be wearing each day and there's a clash, you might have a problem. If one of them's occasionally beating you and the other one's occasionally sitting behind a webcam telling you to beat yourself it is likely to be all be fine and dandy, especially if they really like each other and get on well. Think of that as a spectrum - specific underwear/pea demands to occasional whacks. Where on that spectrum are you? The further to the left the more issues you might have. But if you're somewhere around the right then there's a lot of fun to be had.

BitaTruble -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/21/2011 1:02:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BogusProfile i'm just starting out and things are moving very quickly. i find myself involved with two dommes, one local and one online. they are aware of eachother and even communicate, and they seem to be ok with it. but they each claim to me to be the one ultimately in charge. i don't see this ending well. what do others think, is this headed for a cliff, or can this sort of thing work? the profile name should make it clear that i don't want to take the chance that either of them will know for certain that it's me asking this question. thanks. This one is easy.. You pick the one who is ultimately in charge. Done.

LadyPact -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/21/2011 1:07:55 AM)
I didn't really think it was that bad, VC. Some people can own someone along with another person. I'm not one of them. I'm not even willing to own somebody along with MP, so that should tell you something right there. Pretty much forn the same reason. If I said black and he said white, it creates an immediate power struggle. Stuff like co-topping and such, I'm all for it. There might be a way for the OP to designate certain areas of authority to one and leave the rest for the other or something like that. If they both know each other and are already even talking to each other, there's no reason that they might not make some kind of arrangement where one is the Alpha and the other is the Beta.

SweetShySubgirl -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/21/2011 1:32:17 AM)
I say you all three sit down together and talk in person if you all can meet otherwise, on the phone (Skype, maybe?) and have a chat about how all this is going to work out. Because I'm thinking it could be a ticking time bomb but, on the other hand it might work. You three just need to work it out.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/21/2011 6:25:49 AM)
Stomps her feet and screams I DO NOT SHARE MY TOYS...oh wait you aren't my sub...forget I said that part. Playing is fun and all but I agree with the thought that the person who can actually reach out and smack you is more then likely the one in real power. The idea of you picking what kind of power they each have is nice too, but as a domme it would tick me off and make me think that you are actually the person in power and just playing games. So I guess if you are looking for advice mine would be man up and pick the one you would really rather be in a realationship with.

RqrCompanionS -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/21/2011 9:02:58 AM)
Yes, it is a dumb idea, mostly because, as you say, they both make the claim of being the one ultimately in charge. This is bound to lead to you having to make choices regarding telling untruths to both of them, like, whether you hurt his feelings and make him upset and ruin the session now or if you hurt his feelings when he finds out you've been telling him you believe he is the one in charge when he is not, My suggestion is that, since they are both talking, and, since they are supposed to be the one(s) in charge, you write the same message to both of them, making sure to tell them that this is what you are doing, and, explain the situation from your viewpoint, and, in that message, tell them that you respect them both, enjoy serving them both, but, you are worried about how this will turn out, with both wanting to be the ultimate authority figure in your life, so, you, being the good little submissive sort that you are, will wait for them to sort it out between them. Or, something like that. Or, you could assume that, since both are in denial of reality, and, you are obviously not ready to settle down, it is just never going to work, dump them both, and, be on your way. Or, you could, of course, just tell them straight out that you are still just learning and not ready to be in a committed relationship, as you are exploring, so, you would be quite glad to have them be the ultimate authority, at whatever point you are playing with them, but, that's as far as it will go, until you know more about yourself. In other words, there is a lot of potential for change and growth, in the situation, but, yes, as it stands, as you described it, it is a truly dumb idea.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/21/2011 11:26:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather blow off the online and go with the local she's there, she's real, and she can actually spank and fuck you, and that's what you're actually after right? I agree. Bias warning: I think online only is lame, ymmv.

SuzeCheri -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/21/2011 2:01:54 PM)
quote: whether you hurt his feelings and make him upset and ruin the session now or if you hurt his feelings when he finds out you've been telling him you believe he is the one in charge when he is not, I think I missed the bit where one of the Dommes got a sex change.

PeonForHer -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/21/2011 2:19:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Uhh and they won't figure out by your story? Sorry, Lady C, but I don't think the OP's is an uncommon story. I've heard of femdoms vying for 'overall ownership' many times. Even felt shades of it, at times. For a sub male - or this one, anyway - it's a deeply baffling and screwy feeling. It's very difficult to relate to. I understand that a lot of femdoms feel this sense of ownership of their sub, but I can't grasp how that feels to the femdom.

PeonForHer -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/21/2011 2:23:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BogusProfile i'm just starting out and things are moving very quickly. i find myself involved with two dommes, one local and one online. they are aware of eachother and even communicate, and they seem to be ok with it. but they each claim to me to be the one ultimately in charge. i don't see this ending well. OP, Per my comment to Lady C above: Jesus, tread really, really carefully. All available diplomatic skills front and centre. To me, this looks like a right old minefield. Personally, I'd rather take to the mountains in my tent. Good luck!

LadyRedRose -> RE: is this a dumb idea? (7/21/2011 2:34:23 PM)
seriously, which do you want to be in charge? the one you could be with in the real world or the fantasy woman online, because really that's all online is. she can be the perfect dominant, doesn't burp, have a lousy sense of fashion, a cat that hates you, none of that challenging real life situation thing going on. doesn't complain about the toilet seat, moving her car seat so you can drive, all that annoying messy relationship stuff. make up your mind what you want and stick with that one.

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