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For me it's not about fault. It's about accepting accountability for my part in something - past, present, or future. If I don't look at the past and accept accountability for my part of what happened, then I risk never learning from it, and then repeating it.

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ORIGINAL: tj444

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ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
As for the list in the OP - Try not to get frustrated with others.  Sometimes people are just not in a place in their lives yet where they're ready to be there.  It took me until I was will into my 40s to really figure it out - I was a great "victim" until then.  Why? Because those lessons have to come from within someone, and some people just have more things they need to go through before getting to those lessons.  It's not up to me to determine when it's time for someone else to get it.

Its called hitting bottom, and it can be hard to watch and know you are helpless to help someone in a downward spiral (especially someone that doesnt want your help/advice).

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ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

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For me it's not about fault. It's about accepting accountability for my part in something - past, present, or future. If I don't look at the past and accept accountability for my part of what happened, then I risk never learning from it, and then repeating it.

Absolutely! I was addressing the issue of having something bad having happened and feeling partially responsible for it. In the case of the past yes it's necessary to accept responsibility for things we've done in the past so that they are not repeated. Then I let them go. I'm very much a live in the moment and enjoy it kinda girl. The past is the past (once dealt with) and the future hasn't happened so I live in the present and look for what's good and enjoy it. While I don't ignore the bad and deal with it if it needs attention, I don't focus on it.

Zeph

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Oh I agree. Resolve the past, learn from it, and move on. Holding onto it and dwelling on it keeps you there and prevents you from living and thriving in the present.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
I absolutely agree, though I am not sure that I would call us victims in all cases, it's just life and it's not always fair. I understand depression is not something people chose to have, but to a certain degree how they handle it is their responsibility. When my brother and grandfather died within 3 month of each other and I was recovering from cancer surgery, I was going to pieces, it was more than I could handle and I just turned into a complete recluse for a few months, diving into work so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain and avoiding all social contact, basically worked 12 hours then hitting the gym until I dropped into bed, trying to deal with it all or just trying to avoid thinking about the loss. Luckily a friend told me to snap out of it, to think of them and if I think they would like to see me like that and that I'm sullying their memory by not enjoying my life and wasting it as a robot.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

It wasn't 3 months, all the shit happened within 3 months and it was too much at once and I wasn't dealing with it at all, I wasn't mourning or dealing with it, I was covering it up with excessive work and workouts, so I was too tired to contemplate and think about it, because I couldn't face it. Being told to snap out of it forced me to deal with my feelings, something that had to be done, a lot of crying after that but it was something I needed to do.

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ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
I don't think I would have without a good kick up my backside, which my friend provided. Sometimes you build walls around you and later realize that it doesn't only keep the pain out, it also keeps you locked inside of them. Thank fuck for friends!