RE: learning about your sub/slave (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress



Message

SexyBossyBBW -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 12:18:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LovelyLady39
how and what are the best things to ask your sub/slave to learn about them without them necessarily realizing what you're doing.
If you want to learn about your sub/slave, without talking, though talking is a very good thing, and you ought to try it, watch/observe behavior. Actions again...

quote:

Tantriqu
I ask two vanilla questions, and I give them two vanilla tasks. They speak volumes!
Absolutely! If he doesn't do vanilla, I definitely don't do kinky. M



ElanSubdued -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 12:59:50 AM)

Hannah,

quote:

so yeah, the answer, to me, is elephant talk, that's how the fuck you do it.


You're quoting Belew, Fripp, Levin, and Bruford?  I realize this is outside your point, but... that's majorly cool.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 4:48:37 AM)

that's the song i linked to back on page 1.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 4:53:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

Hannah,

quote:

so yeah, the answer, to me, is elephant talk, that's how the fuck you do it.


You're quoting Belew, Fripp, Levin, and Bruford?  I realize this is outside your point, but... that's majorly cool.



Peel back Hannah's fuck, fuck, and fuckity fuck layers...and you get some good fucking stuff.

Just fucking saying.



ElanSubdued -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 10:22:14 AM)

HannahLynHeather and ChatteParfaitt,

--- HannahLynHeather:
--- that's the song i linked to back on page 1.

Are you arguing with me?  Babble, burbble, banter... bicker, bicker, bicker, bicker!  Broo haw haw!  Balderdash!  Arguments.  Agreements.  Answers.  Articulate announcements.  Oh, whatch out for that advice now!

-- ChatteParfaitt:
--- Peel back Hannah's fuck, fuck, and
--- fuckity fuck layers... and you get
--- some good fucking stuff.

Ah.  Oops.  Now I fucking get it. :-)

E.



MissImmortalPain -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 11:52:20 AM)

LovelyLady, If I can hazzard a guess here. Do you not want your sub to know you are interested in them because you think a dom showing interest means they care and if they care about their sub it means they are not as dom as they would like the sub to think they are. As sad and messed up as that is going to sound to many here I know doms that think in the same manner. Most of them are pro and feel they have to hold up some big badass impression of themself or they aren't doing their job. I (really sadly) also know a couple of subs that think the same thing.



ElanSubdued -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 12:21:50 PM)

ElanSubdued:
--- Oh, whatch out for that advice now!

Fucking Collar Me cluster fucks me.  I so HATE the edit timeout on this site.  "*Watch* out for that advice now."  :-)

E.



ElanSubdued -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 12:42:36 PM)

quote:

MissImmortalPain:
LovelyLady, If I can hazzard a guess here.  Do you not want your sub to know you are interested in them because you think a dom showing interest means they care and if they care about their sub it means they are not as dom as they would like the sub to think they are.  As sad and messed up as that is going to sound to many here I know doms that think in the same manner.  (snip)  I (really sadly) also know a couple of subs that think the same thing.


I'm not sure if the OP has any of these feelings, but I don't think MissImmortalPain is far off in a more general sense.  I've met too many dominants who seem to think showing they care and using grace and courtesy aren't part of the Dominant's Toolkit.

To the OP:  Why does it matter whether your submissive knows what you're trying to achieve?  Actually, I think it's better that the submissive knows exactly what your goal is because then they can help you achieve it.  Communication is one of the essential ingredients of successful BDSM.  I see nothing wrong with straight-out asking your partner in such a way they know you're trying to learn about them.

E.



waterloverlol -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 6:14:58 PM)

this is all taken way out of context. I was reading screw the roses give me the thorns and a lady in there talked about how she was speaking to a dom she was going to spend time with and not until after did she realize his questions were a ruse to learn about her without her knowledge thats all.



seekingOwnertoo -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 7:01:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LovelyLady39

how and what are the best things to ask your sub/slave to learn about them without them necessarily realizing what you're doing. I was reading screw the roses give me the thorns and it talks about how one Dom would ask his sub questions about her to learn about her but doesn't go into any great detail.




Well, to begin with, Your profile is not found ... so I do not even know if this thread is for real! [:D]

That said, the Ladies before You, pointed out one thing.

Do You talk with them?


I can forward You tons of dating advice .. and it all will talk about COMMUNICATION! [:)]


And if You communicate, You will find, there is a wonderful D or s ... just waiting for you! [:)]

Actually .. this all works ... exactly the SAME AS IN VANILLA LIFE!


So the key questions are the same you ask in vanilla .... and if You get to the ... preference parts ... maybe a few hints of whips and chains! [:D]


Good luck ... yet i doubt you will succeed. Because i doubt this thread is for real.




LadyPact -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 10:42:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: waterloverlol

this is all taken way out of context. I was reading screw the roses give me the thorns and a lady in there talked about how she was speaking to a dom she was going to spend time with and not until after did she realize his questions were a ruse to learn about her without her knowledge thats all.

If you don't mind Me asking, exactly how many profiles do you have?

As for Myself, I tend to store things in what I call the mental filing cabinet.  It's amazing what one can pick up by simply paying attention.  Even here on these boards, I wait, watch, listen, and tuck away for future use.  It is simply a matter of observation.



FelineFae -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 10:58:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

They don't like being put on the spot and feeling pressured to give an answer while you're staring at them expectantly.
syl, you're absolutely right. and that really was why i chose that song, its not about talking so much as communicating.


Ain't Sidhe just clever that way ? [:)]
i wonder where she gets all this fun knowledge ... [;)]



tj444 -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 11:18:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

I'm going to go against the prevailing sentiment and not advocate just talking.  Not that having a conversation isn't a great thing, because obviously it is.  However, there are some people who don't do well with "just talking" about things.  Some do better with the written word.  Folks who do better with writing like having time to think about their answers to a question or their feelings about a situation.  They like having the opportunity to pick just the right word to convey their exact meaning.  They don't like being put on the spot and feeling pressured to give an answer while you're staring at them expectantly. 
 

Well I can articulate better when i write simply because i have the chance to think about what i want to say, however, imo, print is a one dimensional medium, so much can be lost compared to speech, the intoneation, the way one speaks, the body language, etc is missing with print. Just think how many times someone says something on forums and some people misintereprete what that person intended to say.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

I'm an advocate of having your sub keep a journal/blog that you have access to and read on a regular basis.  This can give you a lot of information, but there's no way to keep your partner from knowing what you're doing.  I'm not sure why keeping the sub from knowing you're making an effort to learn about him/her would be important.  It seems counter-intuitive to me. 

Some Doms ask questions just to find out how to manipulate you and they of course dont what the silly little air head sub from figuring that out! lol



FelineFae -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 11:31:59 PM)

There do exist many a person that are quite expressive without ever parting their lips.
i use much more body language than i do of spoken words. Speaking does not come naturally to everyone.



tj444 -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/23/2011 11:39:55 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

There do exist many a person that are quite expressive without ever parting their lips.
i use much more body language than i do of spoken words. Speaking does not come naturally to everyone.

yes, i have had a situation where even tho a few words were spoken, it was actually the body language that i paid attention to and bothered me and indicated a major shift in another womans attitude, it was subtle but it was there. Some people are good at reading body language and others are not, however.



FelineFae -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/24/2011 1:56:55 AM)

That sounds reasonable.


In any situation, be it expressing / interpreting body language ~or~ expressing / interpreting spoken words, compatibility and attentiveness are going to take major roles in keeping communication going smoothly.



MissImmortalPain -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/24/2011 2:41:32 AM)

The dom wanted to know about her so he asked her questions. I am missing the part where this is wily subterfuge. Did he use the information against her at some later date.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/24/2011 3:33:48 AM)

quote:

i use much more body language than i do of spoken words.
the spaces between the words can be really fucking informative as well. when does she pause, when does she shut up, and so on.




tj444 -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/24/2011 9:54:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

i use much more body language than i do of spoken words.
the spaces between the words can be really fucking informative as well. when does she pause, when does she shut up, and so on.

yes indeed. Even a slight hesitation in someones spoken answer can mean much.





Madame4a -> RE: learning about your sub/slave (7/25/2011 1:12:09 PM)

Of course this is what I was thinking...

I'm sort of confused by the OP... "your sub" implies you know this person already... or not?

Simply talk... and frankly, I have to ask you.. "how would you make a new friend?" ... the answer to that would be the right answer in my mind. If you don't know, then I'd start over with some books from early in life... or if you're out of practice.. I'd start right
away... and practice talking to people and getting to know people...


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Am I the only one wondering if people don't just talk to each other anymore?




Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125