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How to begin? - 7/22/2011 6:41:43 AM

curious1too

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/21/2011
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How does someone that believes she is a submissive begin down the path to a fulfilling lifestyle?

I do not know where to start and would greatly appreciate a road map or a compass.

Help

< Message edited by curious1too -- 7/22/2011 6:42:54 AM >

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RE: How to begin? - 7/22/2011 6:44:59 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Google BDSM Munch and your area. Meet some people. Talk to other "s-types" get the 411 on things, and then go on some dates... that's all it is really.

oh yes, and HAVE FUN! That part is required.

(You have to move to Colorado for Steven, too

)

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: How to begin? - 7/22/2011 7:02:35 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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some local groups have mailing lists or presences on fetlife; they can provide a nice way to get familiar with some of the people in your community, but without the instant shell-shock some people are worried about with going to a munch, particularly by themselves.
but you really don't have to get into the community to have a fulfilling relationship, they're just great ways to network, meet people, and learn from the life experiences of others. there are lots of decent people who just aren't interested in the "community," but who are still perfectly wonderful people.
if you go googling, you can find websites and books about all sorts of BDSM topics, so you can start absorbing information and figuring out what submission means to you. when you're new, there's sometimes so much stuff going on that it's easy to get overwhelmed. it can also be hard to figure out just what you're after when you don't have lots of experience, but even so, working out your own thoughts is a good way to start -- even if some of your opinions change, taking the time to really think about it can never hurt you.
submissiveguide.com is a cool little site -- some people think it's cheesy, but i really liked it when i was keeping up with it. a lot of the articles are great thought-provokers.

just remember, keep your wits about you and use common sense. the rules of engagement that you learned from "vanilla life" still apply. you don't have to play with people or have sex with people in order to learn anything in the lifestyle. if you DO want to play and have sex with people, then have fun -- but don't let anyone tell you "you're not a real sub because you won't do X." =p if, in the vanilla world, you wouldn't meet a man you barely knew in a dark alley in the most provocative outfit you have, you don't have to do it in the BDSM world, either. =p

welcome and hopefully you'll enjoy yourself. ^_^

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"Obey your Master." Metallica

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RE: How to begin? - 7/22/2011 7:11:48 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Google bdsm checklists and see what sparks your fancy. And fantasies.

Date people and be honest about what you like in a relationship. Date men who make you feel submisive, ones who have dominant personalities. Then tell them what you would like to explore sexually. Those who also want to try these things, keep dating. The ones you don't have much in common with, don't.

The rules of how to have a healthy relationship don't change just because one person pitches and the other receives.

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RE: How to begin? - 7/22/2011 5:11:19 PM

winspiritsbaby

Posts: 141
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Everything everyone else has said, and especially this:

quote:

if you go googling, you can find websites and books about all sorts of BDSM topics, so you can start absorbing information and figuring out what submission means to you. when you're new, there's sometimes so much stuff going on that it's easy to get overwhelmed. it can also be hard to figure out just what you're after when you don't have lots of experience, but even so, working out your own thoughts is a good way to start -- even if some of your opinions change, taking the time to really think about it can never hurt you.

I spent about 3 years trying to learn as much as possible about submission before I ever even contemplated coming to collarme. In that time I learned a lot about what submitting would mean to me and what I felt I needed in a Dom.

Then... I met Win... I still had a lot of confusion because of many conflicting thoughts and ideas of the Doms that I had previously talked to. Win and I exchanged some very thought provoking emails filled with questions and answers from both of us, not at all one sided like most of the experiences that I had had with the previous Doms. I tell you this because when you have collected the information available to you through books and other sources, the next important step is COMMUNICATION!!!! I don't necessarily mean with just Doms, talk to other subs and get their viewpoints and experiences as well.

When beginning your search... remember this quote from ChatteParfaitt

quote:

submission is inspired, not forced. If someone does not know how to inspire you to submit, they are not for you

Good luck!!

< Message edited by winspiritsbaby -- 7/22/2011 5:12:30 PM >

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RE: How to begin? - 7/22/2011 6:27:19 PM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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In addition to going to munches/local events, I highly recommend "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns" and hanging around the forums here.

You might learn valuable things like not being stupid during sub frenzy and "never make someone a priority who considers you an option."

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