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LafayetteLady -> RE: Much younger man (7/25/2011 5:58:30 PM)
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I don't want to echo what Leadership said, but...
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ORIGINAL: RqrCompanionS
Now, understand, regardless of what you think, I am dealing with this from the perspective of a person who does not believe in having sex outside of marriage, who does not believe in marrying unless it is for love, and, who thinks that purposely leading people into lustful situations counts as sex. And, I believe he understands this, as well. Certainly, we have discussed it, more than once. Though, I am not sure he fully understands it, as, most people do not - not even the vanilla ones, not even the ones who claim to be Christian and attend religious meetings regularly, mostly.
Anyway, during the conversation, it was brought up that, of course, the logical alternative to him not serving me, because we are attracted to each other, is that we get to know each other better, see how that works out, and, if it works out well, get married and then he could serve me as my slave boy, including sexually, if that's something I wanted.
Your decisions on whether or not to have sexual involvement with someone is irrelevant only in so much as the person you would be involved in is ok with it. In other words, while some of us may not want to follow what you do, we aren't looking for a relationship with you. As long as whoever you are involved with doesn't care, it doesn't matter.
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The other thing is that, I fell madly in love with someone, once, and, I never fell out of love with them. This young man reminds me of the other slightly less young man. So, I worry that somewhere in my subconsciousness, I am simply trying to make a substitution. I mean, I know I like him as a person, but, maybe all the feelings that go beyond that are really still for someone else. And, I worry that this other person may some day come back into my life, and, if they do, what will happen then.
Mind you, I worry about it, because, it has happened before, but, I don't think it is going to happen again, because, he is attempting to do the honorable thing and avoid making me suffer alongside him as he dies from his illness. But, it has happened before, that I met someone, I began to enjoy their company to the point of thinking that maybe this would be alright and maybe I was over him, and, then, he showed back up and, with one little sentence, really just by his existence, upset the whole balance of my life, all over again. Not in a bad way, except, it is bad to wait and want, where there is a great unlikelihood of there being a furthering of the relationship.
The above screams "not over my other love!" To a certain extent when we lose someone we love (either by death or break up), there is a certain degree of "comparison" that will happen, initially. If we are truly ready to move on, then we come to care about the "new" person for themselves, not any similarity they have to a former love.
There is also the reality that we all tend to go for a "type." So this guy reminding you of the other guy is because he is the same "type."
As for the other guy being "honorable," I find that just more evidence that you aren't over him. If two people are truly in love, then they aren't going to be "honorable" and say "I'm going to go and die by myself." Add to that how he has left and returned before, and...well, there isn't much honorable about that.
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So, this is not about a rational choice, wherein I can say that Subject A is right for me because and Subject B should only be a friend because. This is about dealing with the fact that, about a decade ago, I met someone where this was this immediate connection, that never went away. There is no such thing, even if he is not physically in my life, as him ever not being a part of my life, as his existence colours mine.
His existence can color your life, but that is nothing like him being a "part of" your life. I realize it sounds harsh, but he isn't part of your life, and you can either accept that and move on, or you are going to continue to pine away for a lost love who has a habit of coming in to ruin any new relationships you have. Went through that with someone, and when I finally had enough, I realized that no matter how "connected" we are, no matter how much we were "soul mates," at the end of the day, I deserved and wanted a life free from wondering when the other shoe would drop.
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To be with someone, I have to know that this is a person where I could sit in the same room with the man I fell in love with before them, and, be glad that they are my lover and he is my friend. For their sake, as much as mine.
Only, I don't know how to know that, without doing it, and, I do not know how to do it, if he is off being noble and out of touch.
These are the thoughts swirling around in my head.
Well that is the point, isn't it? You don't know if someone is going to be a good fit in your life until they are actually IN your life. Know what? Sometimes it just doesn't work out even after you try.
Honestly, it would seem to me that you should not get involved with this guy. It isn't fair to him. Not because of his age or maturity. But because you aren't over your lost love, and to be honest, you seem to have a very deluded few of how relationships are supposed to develop that have nothing to do with when two people engage in sexual activities.
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