Am i doing something wrong on this site? (Full Version)

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Corvidae21 -> Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 1:27:34 PM)

i've been on here for a while now looking for a Domme - I'm very serious about this, am an actual real man and not some crazy con artist in another country, and am more than prepared to meet up in person, yet i get very very few responses and those i do talk to are not prepared to follow through and meet. Is this a common experience, do i just need to persevere?



LadyPact -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 1:34:01 PM)

I couldn't say if you were doing anything "wrong" exactly.  I haven't read your profile and have no idea of how you handle yourself in your email communications here.  (See the FAQ for more information on that.)

I will, however, let you in on something that you probably don't know.  There are literally a hundred males a day who join this site who check the submissive box on a profile in the United States alone.  That means there are lots of you and no where near as many of us.  If you want to meet people, you really have to be proactive.  That means having a good profile, writing good first contact emails, and participating on the forums.  Don't think that if you sit back and do nothing that people are going to approach you often.  It doesn't work that way.

In the meantime, go to a munch in your local kink community.  While the internet can be a great connection tool, far more people meet the old fashioned way.



Hillwilliam -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 1:34:37 PM)

Advice from an old Dom. Get out to some munches and meet folks. Fill in some more stuff about your interests. Tell the ladies what you like to do in nilla life. Do you have any talents they might be interested in? Are you handy? Can you Fix things? Are you a good cook? Are you a musician? Can you paint or do other art? you get the idea.

All the above could be seen as service oriented. Dommes (and subs LOL) love a man who can help them out in nonsexual ways and Im not just talking about money.

Fix a wonky ceiling fan or a squeaky door for a woman or cook her a gourmet meal and you impress her a LOT more than kneeling and kissing her boot. (OK, most of em LOL)

Dommes are people first.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 1:39:23 PM)

Is it common? Yes.

Are there ways to maximise success? Yes. They include not bitching about scammers etc in your profile (the negativity puts the real human beings off) not overusing the words 'real' and 'genuine' (everyone says they are real; if it doesn't show through in your text without you stating it then it's not worth saying) and talking about yourself as a whole person rather than a set of kinks.

Are there alternatives? Yes. OKCupid's good - it's a vanilla site with but it has a lot of kinkster profiles.

Or you could just turn up to the Slug and Lettuce on Hanover Street tomorrow evening. Go up the stairs (there'll be a sign on them saying 'reserved for Patrick [surname redacted]') and look for the slightly awkward and gaunt-looking pale bloke in a suit. (That's Patrick, not me, although I'll be there.) (And don't tell him that's what I said about him, but it's a pretty good description.) Theoretically it's his job to introduce you around. Sometimes he doesn't suck at it.

Trust me, that way will be a gazillion times quicker and easier.

ETA: find the official version of that information here: http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/306976/



Corvidae21 -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 1:42:37 PM)

Thanks for the advice so far - absolutely i agree, just to be clear i'm not some fantasist nut, obviously the BDSM scene has strong sexual connotations but what really what is a real person, with all the complexities real people have.

i am getting into the whole non-internet side of things, there are some good events in london, but it takes a while to get over the 'chopped liver' syndrome and sites like these seem to offer a good way to cast the net wide. Perhaps I just need to be patient!



Corvidae21 -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 1:45:04 PM)

Thanks Vaguelycurious! I can't make tomorrow, I'm out of London - but I aim to be at the next U35 London Munch - have you been and is it worth the tube fare?



VaguelyCurious -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 1:55:11 PM)

I've been, yeah. I'm a regular-ish attendee. And I met my other half there (the first time either of us went, actually - I was chatting to a friend and she came over and asked if she could sit down with us), so I'd say it's worth it. [:)]

Maybe I'll see you around sometime.

---

Also, I've been thinking. On ic and fetlife you get a lot of people who bash CM and the CM personals, and I can see their point, because the personals are a nightmare. But then in the next sentence or two they often admit that it's actually the site they've met the most people from.

So the signal to noise ratio is dismal. Utterly, utterly dismal. But actually I suspect that you still get considerably more signal here than you do in other places. I've met some good men through CM, which means I can state with certainty that there are good men meeting people. So don't give up, yeah?

<ed 'cuz I'm so tired I managed to say the complete opposite of what I meant.>



PeonForHer -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 1:59:09 PM)

I think I'd put a little about your non-BDSM type interests in your profile if it were mine, Corvidae. You seem like a genuine sort of guy, but you don't show off your personality much. Keep it friendly, though!



WyldHrt -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 2:01:43 PM)

quote:

Also, I've been thinking. On ic and fetlife you get a lot of people who bash CM and the CM personals, and I can see their point, because the personals are a nightmare. But then in the next sentence or two they often admit that it's actually the site they've met the most people from.

So the signal to noise ratio is dismal. Utterly, utterly dismal. But actually I suspect that you still get considerably more signal here than you do in other places. I've met some good men through CM, which means I can state with certainty that there are good men meeting people. So don't give up, yeah?
Don't forget the forums, VC. I've met tons of people from CM, but mostly folks from the forums. [:D]



LadyConstanze -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 2:04:55 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Corvidae21

Thanks Vaguelycurious! I can't make tomorrow, I'm out of London - but I aim to be at the next U35 London Munch - have you been and is it worth the tube fare?


Heck, if it's just the tube fair (though they jacked that up again, haven't they? My Oyster seems to run out quicker) what you got to lose? Hey even if you come from Slough - ooops, sorry, any excuse to get out of Slough would be a good one, I think attending a funeral would sound like fun if it's away from Slough... I might be biased but I spent a few weeks there on a job, the first time that I actually adored and loved British Rail and Virgin Trains...



kalikshama -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 2:05:17 PM)

nvm



VaguelyCurious -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 2:05:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

Don't forget the forums, VC. I've met tons of people from CM, but mostly folks from the forums. [:D]

Different kind of meeting, though - I'm thinking in terms of romantic/sexual/kink involvement of some kind. In those terms I have met exactly one good man from the CM forums, and although he is certainly a top notch whizz-bang humdinger of a man that ain't the world's best signal to noise ratio. [8D]



VaguelyCurious -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 2:07:44 PM)

What's your point, kalikshama? It's a useful resource that people don't always know about if they've not come across informedconsent.



kalikshama -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 2:09:40 PM)

my page wasn't up to date and I didn't realized you had already addressed his U35 question so found my reply silly after I saw yours on top of it



LadyPact -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 2:11:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Different kind of meeting, though - I'm thinking in terms of romantic/sexual/kink involvement of some kind. In those terms I have met exactly one good man from the CM forums, and although he is certainly a top notch whizz-bang humdinger of a man that ain't the world's best signal to noise ratio. [8D]

Trust Me.  She qualifies.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 2:12:14 PM)

Ah, sorry - I thought you meant I was harping on.

Whoops. Now I feel silly.

Looks like we'll both have to embrace feeling silly. Clown hats, anyone?

ETA: right you are, LadyP. [8D]



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 2:14:01 PM)

Your profile is mostly kink related and a bit negative. I agree with the above advice, start going to meetings and such -- London has a huge kink scene.

Read the FAQs, which will help you with some basics like approaching females as people (not merely dommes or fetish delivery devices), once you find someone you have some chemistry with, remember females like to be wooed. And keep a lid on the kink unless and until you are asked.

Good luck. If you were in Indy, (US Midwest) I'd hit you up for sure.



LadyPact -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 2:15:04 PM)

Who says we can't have a little fun?  [8D]

I've heard a lot of folks from across the pond mention Informed Consent.  It seems to be a great resource.



RqrCompanionS -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 2:18:16 PM)

To answer your initial question (doing something wrong): Probably. Who doesn't, though?
There are many people who misrepresent themselves on here, altogether, some who have no interest in meeting anyone, and, almost everyone is horribly picky about something. Sometimes that is a very good thing, and, sometimes, it just keeps them from finding happiness.
Be real, be cautious, keep plugging away, and, at the very least, you'll probably learn a thing or two and make some friends. Maybe you'll find more than that, maybe not.



Corvidae21 -> RE: Am i doing something wrong on this site? (7/22/2011 2:19:55 PM)

Hmmm...actually I changed that profile after a few people wanted to know more about my kink orientations - but let it never be said i don't take advice, I will add more flavour of my personality.

Ironically what I'm really after in a Domme is someone who I can get on with over and above the kink.



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