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Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 5:39:30 AM

sublee

Posts: 11
Joined: 1/8/2005
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Hi,
can anyO/one please tell me, why is that a Dom will play with you then turn around and tell you that there isn't a connection but wants to keep in touch???
i'm really confused.

sublee

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 5:49:57 AM

fastlane

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It depends on the Dom. Some Dom's have multiple play partners with no emotional attachment. Some will only play with those where there is an emotional attachment and some will only play with one partner, who is their sub/slave.
You describe the example of the first Dom, he only wants to play, but not get involved, you need to step back and determine for yourself, if you are willing to do that or not?
I wish you luck in your search to find what you seek and the perfect Dom for you.

winks, Kevin

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 6:00:34 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublee
Hi,
can anyO/one please tell me, why is that a Dom will play with you then turn around and tell you that there isn't a connection but wants to keep in touch???
i'm really confused.

sublee

Well sometimes it's because he just wanted his quick turn on and that's it. Guys do that. It's immature and unethical, but unfortunately it happens. And trust me, subs do the same thing all the time.

However, he could just be being honest, that he wanted to play, enjoyed it, but really didn't feel anything and doesn't want to continue.

The only thing to do is accept it and decide whether you're ok with playing casually or not yourself.

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 6:02:41 AM

Lordandmaster

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Why don't you ask HIM? Really, what are we supposed to say? Maybe he's just taking advantage of you. Maybe he doesn't like your body odor. There's no way we can possibly know what's going on in his mind.

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 6:22:08 AM

sublee

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i was seeking what other Dom's thought He may have ment, is that a crime???
Lordandmaster, i did ask Him and all He said was that there was no connection and He didn't know why but He still wants to keep in touch....... i didn't think i would get a respones like Yours (no disrespect intended).

sublee

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 6:26:13 AM

fastlane

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I don't think he meant it disrespectful...sublee?
We are often misunderstood on here, because the typed word doesn't convey the full intent or emotion with which it is meant or how it sounds when spoken.
Anyway, I do think that you have a play partner and not one who wants to have a relationship, so you have to decide for yourself if that's what you are happy with?

my best, Kevin

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 6:26:46 AM

MrDiscipline44

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublee

Hi,
can anyO/one please tell me, why is that a Dom will play with you then turn around and tell you that there isn't a connection but wants to keep in touch???
i'm really confused.
sublee

Seems rather straight forward to me. What are you confused about? Why he played with you? He test drove you. Why he told you there wasn't a connection? He didn't like your model type or year. Why would he want to keep in touch? Your on a back burner list. If he doesn't find what he's looking for soon he'll come back around to you and se if anythings changed to make you more desirable. If not, he may settle on you till something better comes along.

Now granted, all this is supposition. The best advice you got came from LordandMaster. Talk to him, not us. I don't know about everyone else but I put the crytalball away a long time ago.

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 6:43:25 AM

sublee

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Thank You all, i don't wish to be anyones play thing until someone better comes along.

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 6:44:41 AM

heartfeltsub

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Maybe He was looking for that special click and He was saying that didn't happen, but that He did enjoy playing with you and would like to play again from time to time. He may have also said it so that you didn't think it was more than that, (ie He didn't want you thinking that He is the "One").

Or it could be what LA said.

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 7:01:08 AM

RavenMuse

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I think some of the responces have maybe been a litle harsh, but thats upto those posting and goodness knows I've came over harsher than some on occassion when I've viewed it as appropriate.

Bottom line, yep, you should speak to him as for his reasons.

However, to answer your actual question. There is a big diffrence between a 'Play partner' and a girl you wish to collar. Looks like he was maybe working on the former, you where viewing it as the latter.

Play partner, two people who enjoy the same activitys (one from the Top, the other from the bottom) having fun and going their seperate ways, probably staying on friendly terms and possibly playing again at some point in the future when it is convenient. No emotional ties and, whilst some here disagree, personaly I see it as nothing more than BDSM as for ME D/s comes from that emotional spark which is more than simply play.

Now I'm looking for a long term, D/s relationship, the dynamic between myself and the girl that I will collar is quite quite diffrent than between me and any play partners I have fun with along the way.

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 7:21:16 AM

Lordandmaster

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The only person in the world who can tell you what he's thinking is this guy himself. If you can't understand what he did even after he tried to explain it to you, then you'll just have to accept that you won't understand what he did. It happens. But asking anonymous strangers for insight is only going to take you backwards. Someone on here might come up with some plausible reason for his behavior, and you might believe it, and it might have nothing whatsoever to do with the truth. No one really knows what happened.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublee

i was seeking what other Dom's thought He may have ment, is that a crime???
Lordandmaster, i did ask Him and all He said was that there was no connection and He didn't know why but He still wants to keep in touch....... i didn't think i would get a respones like Yours (no disrespect intended).

(in reply to sublee)

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 9:34:32 AM

BitaTruble

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Just because he didn't have a connection on a partner level doesn't mean he doesn't like you as a person. I know people into BDSM who I don't want to play with, but I like going out with them to movies, coffee and stuff because they're cool people.

I wouldn't question his ethics however, because he's being up front and honest with you. If you like him as a person and he likes you as a person, there's no reason not to stay in touch unless it makes you uncomfortable. The choices are your own and yes, you can ask him 'why' there's no connection, but he might not know why.. he might just know it's true.

Celeste

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 5/18/2006 9:35:26 AM >

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 1:25:33 PM

DARKDES1RE

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In my opinon before any kind of "play" can happen, there must be a connection or spark. I understand there are those who play for fun. Chalk this up as a lesson learned the hard way and be more careful on those who want to play and be friends.

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 1:56:50 PM

slavejali

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You could see it like this sublee, general bdsm play is kinda like going skiiing with someone, you have fun for the day but it doesnt necessarily mean you are going to form an intimate relationship with that person. Example: Ive flogged someone who 5 minutes after it I couldnt even remember their name ....I am sure there are heaps of men out there could say the same thing about sexual partners they have been with too.

I think what you've realised is, your simply not into casual play, you want intimate relationship...thats cool

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/18/2006 6:27:26 PM

sublee

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Thank you A/all for your respones, some have helpped.... next time i speak with a Dom for two years and He gets me to call Him Master because He Himself beleives He is, i shall take it as just words until He can prove it other wise. A lesson learned and not to be repeated i hope.

sublee

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/19/2006 1:16:15 AM

Estring

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It is possible that he sees no future relationship with you because you have a child. But that wouldn't preclude his having you as a play partner. If that doesn't work for you, move on.

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/19/2006 2:18:15 AM

CanadianGuy

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Seems like a personal matter which didn't need to be dragged into the forum.

Question: Why would a dominant person tell a submissive person there doesn't seem to be a connection?
Answer: Because there doesn't seem to be a connection.

Better luck next time.

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/19/2006 2:44:54 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublee

Thank you A/all for your respones, some have helpped.... next time i speak with a Dom for two years and He gets me to call Him Master because He Himself beleives He is, i shall take it as just words until He can prove it other wise. A lesson learned and not to be repeated i hope.

sublee

Why did it take two years to meet, play and find out there was no connection????

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/19/2006 4:15:45 AM

smilezz

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quote:

Thank You all, i don't wish to be anyones play thing until someone better comes along.

In your profile it clearly states you are not going to live the way you want until your child is grown and moves out. What are you looking for? are you wanting to scene with other people? what kind of connection do you want to have to do that? I don't really know you or the person you were playing with, but it seems that if you have been speaking with him for two years that there is "something" there. Alot of people scene together...perhaps he understands that you are not in the position to do or want anything more than just that........scene together. Perhaps that is all he wants also. Does not mean he is waiting for the next best thing to come along, perhaps he knows you and is being realistic. I don't know, only you can answer that.

Happy Friday!

~smilezz~

< Message edited by smilezz -- 5/19/2006 4:35:05 AM >

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RE: Connection or not?? - 5/19/2006 4:51:21 AM

heartfeltsub

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i may be wrong, but it is sounding more and more to me like it was online for 2 years and then after meeting face to face, the same connection that He may have felt online wasn't there face to face. It happens, that was why i don't put off a face to face meeting, and why i don't do online submission, the emotions start getting involved and then if one or both don't feel the same connection when meeting face to face, people end up getting hurt or disappointed. Just the way it looks to me

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