Serial bullies (Full Version)

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orchid77 -> Serial bullies (7/23/2011 2:34:42 PM)

They say half the population is being bullied and don't even know it.
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm



SuzeCheri -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 2:38:53 PM)

Why on earth would anybody want to be mean to Cheerios?



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 2:41:41 PM)

I recently read a book called 19 Minutes which is about a boy who is bullied all his life and ends up shooting walking into school and killing almost all the kids who bullied him so relentlessly. The "voice" changes with each chapter so we get inside his head as well as those of some of those who survive, his lawyer, the prosecutor, etc. It's fiction but because it's so well researched it's easy to forget that.

Zeph



lockedaway -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 2:42:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri

Why on earth would anybody want to be mean to Cheerios?


Ya...and think about the killers too.  Who would want to kill a box of Frosted Flakes!  sick!



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 2:43:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri

Why on earth would anybody want to be mean to Cheerios?


Must you make a joke out of everything? It's really tiresome.



MissImmortalPain -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 2:45:59 PM)

Personally I like Cheerios, but Rice Krispies...those things never shut up so I could see someone being mean to them. Oh by the way, op, that profile doesn't fit anyone I know. I'm not sure why but it doesn't. I think maybe I am lucky and in the number of people that don't get bullied.

ETA- Laughing is a good way to teach people that the opinion of a bully is not one that they really need to pay attention to.



smartsub10 -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 2:52:37 PM)

I was well aware that I was being bullied by my manager.  She made my life miserable and somehow got others  involved in bullying me.  I was in the process of looking for another job when she had finally pushed me over the edge and I just walked out and quit.  In over 30 years of working many places I never quit a job without having something else lined up.  No other job made me so stressed and sick. Luckily, I was hired at another job within a few weeks.

Every job has it's shit to put up with and assholes we have to learn to tolerate but this experience was psycho-crazy.  It still makes me angry to think about it.



DavidLee44UK -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 3:00:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

I was well aware that I was being bullied by my manager.  She made my life miserable and somehow got others  involved in bullying me.  I was in the process of looking for another job when she had finally pushed me over the edge and I just walked out and quit.  In over 30 years of working many places I never quit a job without having something else lined up.  No other job made me so stressed and sick. Luckily, I was hired at another job within a few weeks.

Every job has it's shit to put up with and assholes we have to learn to tolerate but this experience was psycho-crazy.  It still makes me angry to think about it.



all to familiar story at least now in uk they know got laws which allow for compensation but still the onus in on the one bullied

i used to work in uk govt and cause it has grades lots it there

im a higher grade so im better than you



LadyPact -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 3:03:03 PM)

That is a really extensive article.  I was actually surprised at how often deception was mentioned over and over again.  Also, I was quite interested in this observation:

"c) Feigning victimhood: in the unlikely event of denial and counter-attack being insufficient, the bully feigns victimhood or feigns persecution by manipulating people through their emotions, especially guilt. This commonly takes the form of bursting into tears, which most people cannot handle. Variations include indulgent self-pity, feigning indignation, pretending to be "devastated", claiming they're the one being bullied or harassed, claiming to be "deeply offended", melodrama, martyrdom ("If it wasn't for me...") and a poor-me drama ("You don't know how hard it is for me ... blah blah blah ..." and "I'm the one who always has to...", "You think you're having a hard time ...", "I'm the one being bullied..."). Other tactics include manipulating people's perceptions to portray themselves as the injured party and the target as the villain of the piece. Or presenting as a false victim. Sometimes the bully will suddenly claim to be suffering "stress" and go off on long-term sick leave, although no-one can quite establish why. Alleged ill-health can also be a useful vehicle for gaining attention and sympathy.

Really good stuff in there about how this can happen in the workplace.  Thanks for sharing.



DavidLee44UK -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 3:14:51 PM)

quit 3 jobs cause bullying

5 yrs been on anti depressants

not pleased about this but 3 yrs ago contimplated suicide

but hey people its ok were all feigning it

gives people right to do it

some serious weird reasoning




sirsholly -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 3:17:41 PM)

quote:

Personally I like Cheerios, but Rice Krispies..
Rice Krispies are heavily on my shit list.....they sound too much like my knees when i get up in the morning
[image]http://www.millan.net/minimations/toolminis/people_grammy.gif[/image]



lockedaway -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 3:20:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

Personally I like Cheerios, but Rice Krispies...those things never shut up so I could see someone being mean to them. Oh by the way, op, that profile doesn't fit anyone I know. I'm not sure why but it doesn't. I think maybe I am lucky and in the number of people that don't get bullied.

ETA- Laughing is a good way to teach people that the opinion of a bully is not one that they really need to pay attention to.


Let me tell ya something...you should see what I did to the last person that called me Grape Nuts!!



lazarus1983 -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 3:22:58 PM)

Admittedly I skimmed the link, but it looks like manipulation is being considered a form of bullying. I had never thought of that.



lockedaway -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 3:23:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

That is a really extensive article.  I was actually surprised at how often deception was mentioned over and over again.  Also, I was quite interested in this observation:

"c) Feigning victimhood: in the unlikely event of denial and counter-attack being insufficient, the bully feigns victimhood or feigns persecution by manipulating people through their emotions, especially guilt. This commonly takes the form of bursting into tears, which most people cannot handle. Variations include indulgent self-pity, feigning indignation, pretending to be "devastated", claiming they're the one being bullied or harassed, claiming to be "deeply offended", melodrama, martyrdom ("If it wasn't for me...") and a poor-me drama ("You don't know how hard it is for me ... blah blah blah ..." and "I'm the one who always has to...", "You think you're having a hard time ...", "I'm the one being bullied..."). Other tactics include manipulating people's perceptions to portray themselves as the injured party and the target as the villain of the piece. Or presenting as a false victim. Sometimes the bully will suddenly claim to be suffering "stress" and go off on long-term sick leave, although no-one can quite establish why. Alleged ill-health can also be a useful vehicle for gaining attention and sympathy.

Really good stuff in there about how this can happen in the workplace.  Thanks for sharing.



Certainly feigning victimhood is pretty prevalent too.  Not to diminish from bullying but there are a great deal of false victims; strength in weakness.  There is a good chapter in a book called "Emotional Vampires" that deals with it.



sirsholly -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 3:28:40 PM)

I have a serious issue with this article because it is far too encompassing. The "bully" term is too broad and is used as an excuse (reason?) for other possible mental health issues or personality disorders.

Whereas the tendency to bully or be manipulative is possibly a secondary issue, this articles use of the term can be a smoke screen which hides the real cause.



DavidLee44UK -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 3:31:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lockedaway

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

That is a really extensive article.  I was actually surprised at how often deception was mentioned over and over again.  Also, I was quite interested in this observation:

"c) Feigning victimhood: in the unlikely event of denial and counter-attack being insufficient, the bully feigns victimhood or feigns persecution by manipulating people through their emotions, especially guilt. This commonly takes the form of bursting into tears, which most people cannot handle. Variations include indulgent self-pity, feigning indignation, pretending to be "devastated", claiming they're the one being bullied or harassed, claiming to be "deeply offended", melodrama, martyrdom ("If it wasn't for me...") and a poor-me drama ("You don't know how hard it is for me ... blah blah blah ..." and "I'm the one who always has to...", "You think you're having a hard time ...", "I'm the one being bullied..."). Other tactics include manipulating people's perceptions to portray themselves as the injured party and the target as the villain of the piece. Or presenting as a false victim. Sometimes the bully will suddenly claim to be suffering "stress" and go off on long-term sick leave, although no-one can quite establish why. Alleged ill-health can also be a useful vehicle for gaining attention and sympathy.

Really good stuff in there about how this can happen in the workplace.  Thanks for sharing.



Certainly feigning victimhood is pretty prevalent too.  Not to diminish from bullying but there are a great deal of false victims; strength in weakness.  There is a good chapter in a book called "Emotional Vampires" that deals with it.



this one u mean

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Emotional-Vampires-Dealing-People-Drain/dp/0071381678/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311460241&sr=8-1



LadyPact -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 3:37:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lockedaway
Certainly feigning victimhood is pretty prevalent too.  Not to diminish from bullying but there are a great deal of false victims; strength in weakness.  There is a good chapter in a book called "Emotional Vampires" that deals with it.


There was a comment on another thread that mentioned this as well.  (If that poster sees this one, perhaps she'll put it up here.)  It seems that, often, folks are ready to pull the victim card when they really don't look at their part in what is transpiring.  In this, very much like in the article, there is a great avoidance of personal responsibility.  A number of people don't want to look at that.  I think that's why I'm a bit circumspect of anybody who, when other methods fail, want to revert to the victim and/or attempt to gain sympathy. 

This fits in very well with the points of lies, deception, and manipulation that were covered.  The pity card seems to be used when those other things fail.



LadyConstanze -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 3:43:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

That is a really extensive article.  I was actually surprised at how often deception was mentioned over and over again.  Also, I was quite interested in this observation:

"c) Feigning victimhood: in the unlikely event of denial and counter-attack being insufficient, the bully feigns victimhood or feigns persecution by manipulating people through their emotions, especially guilt. This commonly takes the form of bursting into tears, which most people cannot handle. Variations include indulgent self-pity, feigning indignation, pretending to be "devastated", claiming they're the one being bullied or harassed, claiming to be "deeply offended", melodrama, martyrdom ("If it wasn't for me...") and a poor-me drama ("You don't know how hard it is for me ... blah blah blah ..." and "I'm the one who always has to...", "You think you're having a hard time ...", "I'm the one being bullied..."). Other tactics include manipulating people's perceptions to portray themselves as the injured party and the target as the villain of the piece. Or presenting as a false victim. Sometimes the bully will suddenly claim to be suffering "stress" and go off on long-term sick leave, although no-one can quite establish why. Alleged ill-health can also be a useful vehicle for gaining attention and sympathy.

Really good stuff in there about how this can happen in the workplace.  Thanks for sharing.



Thanks for picking that up...Rather interesting and all too familiar.



RqrCompanionS -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 3:48:12 PM)

Uhm .. interesting article. I just read a very good description of almost everyone I've met on this site, and, most other sites. Not everyone, mind you, but, most everyone

And, no, I am not saying everyone on this site or all other sites are bullies. I haven't met everyone. I think it's more that the bullies go out of their way to be met. lol



slaveluci -> RE: Serial bullies (7/23/2011 3:59:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RqrCompanionS


And, no, I am not saying everyone on this site or all other sites are bullies. I haven't met everyone. I think it's more that the bullies go out of their way to be met. lol

Excellent point. Agreed........luci



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