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PrairieBlues -> RE: Exactly how much time wastage is polite? (7/26/2011 8:41:21 AM)
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I respond to everyone based on what they have written to me. I don't care too much what they say in their profile, because anyone can be anything in a profile.
If they write something obviously stupid like "hi" or "want me to pimp you out and give you 10% of the cut"..... delete unread. Obviously.
If they write something reasonable-sounding, but uninteresting, I tell them "Thank you but I am not interested" in a plain manner.
If they write something more engaging or friendly, but too short, I tell them "Thank you but your message was so short that I couldn't tell if we'd get along or not. Would you like to tell me more about yourself?" That leads to longer and more interesting letters from most of those short no-info ones. But one man did scold me for not reading his profile, in which he insisted I could find out all I ever wanted to know!
If they try to have those annoying small-talk chit-chat discussions by mail, I tell them "I'm sorry but I'm not very good at small talk. I wouldn't mind having a discussion on more in-depth topics, though." Sometimes this leads to them trying to be funny and starting very silly discussions.... I like that, humor is good. Sometimes it only leads to them saying, "What would you like to talk about?" which is a waste of time and boring so I just delete those unread.
I do tend to be honest if one of the "Thank you but I am not interested" people comes back and nicely asks me the reason why. I tell him why. These people are rarely rude in response to it, and usually thank me for my insight. But if they come back in a rude or whiny manner to pester me and don't really just want to know the reason why, I delete their mails unread.
I guess my point is that I can usually tell who is going to be a jerk or a time-waster and who is genuinely trying to have a decent conversation. I don't need to have any rules in place to deal with people's mails. I do just fine responding in a normal and natural manner, the same as if I'd met them in person. Very few people become hostile when I do this. Remember that there are many mentally ill people online (as in real life) who are not taking their prescribed meds for a variety of reasons. If your letter to them was normal and rational, and they respond in an overly hostile or irrational manner, it is best to just not reply to them at all afterwards.... because they can't cope with reality no matter how nicely you say it.
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