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Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/18/2006 12:19:51 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
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i have been noticing a couple of threads on Daddy Doms and it got me to wondering. A Daddy/girl relationship has always been something that i have avoided because my relationship with my father was not the best (slight euphemism there).

So i was wondering if anyone could tell me if you have had a Daddy/girl relationship, how it was affected by childhood experiences or did it help to heal or overcome some bad childhood experiences.

The reason for the second part of that question was that i have been told on more than one occassion that it might be a cathartic experience for me.

Thank you in advance for your answers.

heartfelt

Post #: 1

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/18/2006 12:24:34 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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While I have always enjoyed the nurturing/freedom/different headspace that age play provided to me, I was always staunchly opposed to doing anything explicitly "daddy/daughter" until my current local partner. And it's not something we set out to do- we didn't go "Well I've always been really against this, but we're gonna push through it and make it happen." No. We were fine and dandy without that type of dynamic.

But, with him, the energy and security just works right and I feel good about it. It blossomed.

Am I re-creating something and working through some daughter issues I had with my father? Probably. I'm not "overcoming" things so much as coming closer to terms with them and understanding.. But that's not the only reason for our age play and it's not why we both enjoy it so much.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 2

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/18/2006 12:25:26 PM

darq

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Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
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I wouldn't enter any sort of relationship based on the idea that it might be a cathartic experience. If you need a cathartic experience, see a therapist ...

Now, with that in mind, I will say that I became more emotionally balanced and healthy when I found myself in relationships with good dominants, especially daddy doms. I don't believe that a dominant is a therapist, however, being with the right dominant can be theraputic.

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 3

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/18/2006 12:47:39 PM

heartfeltsub

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i'm not looking to get into a relationship for therapy, and i understand that that is not the point of a D/s or M/s relationship. i was just if as LA said, if it did bring some closure or coming to terms with things and that maybe i have been wrong in deliberately avoiding it.

(in reply to darq)

Post #: 4

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/18/2006 1:53:41 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darq

I wouldn't enter any sort of relationship based on the idea that it might be a cathartic experience. If you need a cathartic experience, see a therapist ...

Now, with that in mind, I will say that I became more emotionally balanced and healthy when I found myself in relationships with good dominants, especially daddy doms. I don't believe that a dominant is a therapist, however, being with the right dominant can be theraputic.

Hmmmm, its just me but I have cathartic experiences all the time and they never had anything to do with therapy, I found therapy to be a huge waste of time when I was having panic attacks that were organically based and not at all related to my mom or dad (my therapist was freudian... sighs.. and he was wrong... and I fired him and got better with diet/exercise...but thats me and others may have a different experience).

I am reading a lot on this thread about age play and the Daddy Dom phenomena, I did not know the two were synomomous. I thought it could be a mindset more than age play. I call the dom I am seeing Daddy, and I enjoy it VERY much. I am also still getting used to this term instead of Sir or Lord or Master, but I am already liking it better because of the intimacy that it inspires.

As far as what it means for my past relationship with my father, well he passed away when I was 14, is there a connection to my enjoyment of calling someone else Daddy? Perhaps, and if that is the case I am ok with that....lol. There is nothing psycho in my mind of wanting to feel nurtured and protected and cared for. There is definitely nothing wrong with the man that desires to feel this for the lady in his life.... Daddy/daughter is to me a lovely expression of something deep.

I am going to respectfully disagree with those who think that relationships with others do not heal us. We need to be well enough emotionally to consensually submit, this is true, but there is nothing wrong with healing ourselves through our interactions with others. I am not just speaking of D/s, but of being a parent, a sibbling, a friend.... All these relationships have healing qualities of we learn the lessons that come with them. If my relationships were not cathartic then I WOULD need a therapist.... since they have been so healing I find I do not need one after all...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to darq)

Post #: 5

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/18/2006 2:18:41 PM

littleone35

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Status: offline

Hey if it works for you and it make you fell good why not do it. its not like anyone is being hurt. Personally for me i could not call anyone daddy i got a daddy and he is still alive. I love my dad but looked for someone different from him. What works for some does not work for all. If it works for you great.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/18/2006 2:40:32 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
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My relationship with my Dom is very much Daddy/little girl. I did have a very turbulent relationship with my father and still do. He let me down and was not there for me in many areas of my life as I grew up.

My Dom is the complete opposite of my father. He is involved in helping me reach my potential. He is nurturing and supportive, wise and approachable. I do see it as a cathartic experience in many ways. I am growing into the woman I should have been with the love and guidance of my Dom. It works for us and we are both incredibly happy with the roles we play in each other’s lives.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 7

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/18/2006 2:44:38 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Hey if it works for you and it make you fell good why not do it. its not like anyone is being hurt. Personally for me i could not call anyone daddy i got a daddy and he is still alive. I love my dad but looked for someone different from him. What works for some does not work for all. If it works for you great.

Matt's littleone

I didnt say he was anything like my father, I really hadnt thought about it... But I could do a hell of a lot worse than to find someone like my dad, who was the best man I have ever known.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 8

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/18/2006 3:15:27 PM

CanadianGuy

Posts: 219
Status: offline

It can be an incredibly healing and strengthening relationship on both sides. It can even help fulfill needs that one didn't know they really had. This kind of relationship is amazing and people shouldn't avoid it because they think it makes them incestuous, a child molester (or enabler of child molesters), or pervert. Not that most of us are worried about being perverts... ;)

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 9

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/18/2006 3:51:25 PM

littleone35

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Sorry Julia i was just speaking in general terms not of you in particular. the quick reply thing made it seem like i was replying to you i was not.

I know how you feel about your dad i feel the same way.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 10

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/18/2006 3:52:01 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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I can't bottom any other way then as a Daddy's girl. I need that trust factor as I've had a bad experience while bottoming with someone else. I thought I'd never do it again until I met my current sub. Theres enough trust between us that I feel safe playing with him and as Daddy it just makes me feel more comfortable.
Sound silly? maybe but its how I have to do it.

~Lashra

(in reply to CanadianGuy)

Post #: 11

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/18/2006 5:59:48 PM

SweetEscravo

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
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No, the daddy dynamic has nothing to do with my relationship with my father. Rather, the "little girl" I get to become is just my way of not always having to be so damned grown up.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 12

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/18/2006 7:07:39 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

Hmmm - good question. Although my father is a great man, he was emotionally a bit removed (left that to my MOM who was awesome in that department). Plus, he's a control freak - hehehe.

Geez - guess I just answered your question. The difference is that in the past I picked people who had all of his BAD qualities and none of the good - or someone just opposite.

I've found someone who has all of the good traits - and is contolling - but not emotionally removed. It's a good fit.

It's not a Greek tragedy thing - rather "comfort" and being able to read someone, and respect.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 13

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/19/2006 2:31:34 AM

CanadianGuy

Posts: 219
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babysburnin
my father is a great man, he was emotionally a bit removed...

Maybe that explains things, no?
I have read more than once that girls who look for a "Daddy" lover get a lot out of it because he gives them direct and loving attention, fulfilling a need that was missed.

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 14

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/19/2006 4:41:23 AM

Raethepain

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Joined: 4/21/2006
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I've never been involved in a daddy/little girl dynamic, but I can safely say that if I did it WOULD be a reaction to the loss of father figure. It's probably why I'm attracted to older men too. My Dad suffers from mental illness and was not fit to be around me when I was young due to split personalities (one of the personalities didn't like me at all), and my grandfather who raised me died tragically in my presence. I think both events have probably moulded a need to be looked after by someone older than me, and be nurtured.

(in reply to CanadianGuy)

Post #: 15

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/19/2006 10:06:02 AM

Merritt27

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline

i think for me, i just respond better to a Daddy Dom personality. i dont think that i am trying to heal or make up for anything lacking in my childhood. As a matter of fact, i have always been surrounded by good, strong men....my Father, Grandfathers, Uncles, etc.....always loved, cherished and pushed to do my best. They have always seemed to me to be the "ideal" men....and so those characteristics are what i tend to be drawn to. As far as my part in a Daddy/little girl relationship...it just seems to evolve...it has never been a decision, just something that happens.

_____________________________

Proud Partner to PlayfulOne

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 16

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/19/2006 11:25:04 AM

TNstepsout

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Joined: 8/3/2005
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I've not been in a Daddy/girl relationship but I'm very attracted to it. I don't think it relates to my experiences with my real father. I think it has most to do with a time in my life when I felt the most safe and protected and the world made the most sense. My desire to be a girl returns me to that carefree time not to a relationship.

(in reply to Merritt27)

Post #: 17

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 5/19/2006 11:37:38 AM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Raethepain

I've never been involved in a daddy/little girl dynamic, but I can safely say that if I did it WOULD be a reaction to the loss of father figure. It's probably why I'm attracted to older men too. My Dad suffers from mental illness and was not fit to be around me when I was young due to split personalities (one of the personalities didn't like me at all), and my grandfather who raised me died tragically in my presence. I think both events have probably moulded a need to be looked after by someone older than me, and be nurtured.

Hugs.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to Raethepain)

Post #: 18

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 6/4/2006 3:14:53 PM

lilstarsoul

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/1/2006
Status: offline

first of all thank you all for these posts on Daddy's and lil girls... i've been in this situation now for awhile.. myself brining it on and for my Partner..a nd i am always seeking out more information and how others feel.. to make sure i am.. 'normal'.. chuckle..

my father is still alive.. we didn't have a very good relationship when i was growing up.. i had a meddling stepmother.. who was jealous of me.. but our relationship now is very close i adore him.... and what i have with my Partner.. is something so much more different.. the trust.. and how i can just let go with him... (when i can get past the bratiness of poking and pinching) its an incredible situation..

_____________________________

never stop dreaming, its the only thing to hope for....

(in reply to babysburnin)

Post #: 19

RE: Daddy/girl dynamics vs childhood experiences - 6/5/2006 2:58:40 AM

timeoutgurlie

Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
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Mine just kind of...developed. I knew nothing of Daddy/daughter, really until I saw this site in the past week or so, and this has been going on for a few months now. It wasn't just *bam* smack you in the face obvious from the minute we met, but it did kinda sneak up on us and it just seemed so natural.

I love my Dad to death, and admire the man he is, and knew I wanted a husband who was a lot like him someday...now I have that. It sounds kind of twisted I guess in a sense, I feel like I need to defend myself and say I never thought of sleeping with my Dad or having sexual feeling or anything beyond a really good relationship with him...but I'm sure others here will just "get" what I'm meaning.

A lot like how vanillas find partners like their parents, it's not incestuous, just familiar, comfortable and feels like 'home'.

(in reply to lilstarsoul)

Post #: 20

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