RE: cannot figure out a Dominant

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: cannot figure out a Dominant

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: cannot figure out a Dominant

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: cannot figure out a Dominant - 5/21/2006 4:39:43 PM

Tamerofwild1s

Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

one thing you can besure of . he is not meeting your needs at all . as a Dom/me we must realize the needs of the submissive or slave. thats why they need us . we must be there to help them grow and feel fullfilled. this man is taking care of his own and running off. thats just wrong on many levels . I also agree with the ones mentioning after care . thats a very important part of a session. you as a submissive are very vulnerable at that moment and need to feel that your still carted for and wanted and that we as Dom/mes are there for you. I would suggest one lest time of getting your needs across to him . if they are not met yet again . it's time to rethink YOUR needs girl. what is your motivation to serve if your own needs are not being met. I always say a happy slave will serve better then one who feels nothing anymore. I wish you luck in your future

(in reply to bridget2)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: cannot figure out a Dominant - 5/21/2006 5:52:51 PM

iliv2servher

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

I'm afraid that most men are that way in vanilla life as well. After lovemaking they either want to go to sleep or grab a beer and watch TV. I think that caring and romanticism are often learned behaviors with men...and I are one. But a sensitive man will always try to understand his lady and give her the love and affection that she so despirately needs, both before and after a sexual encounter.

_____________________________

Dating sucks!

(in reply to bridget2)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: cannot figure out a Dominant - 5/21/2006 6:05:54 PM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

one thing you can besure of . he is not meeting your needs at all . as a Dom/me we must realize the needs of the submissive or slave. thats why they need us . we must be there to help them grow and feel fullfilled.

Romantic claptrap.

Healthy s-types are fully realized human beings, just like healthy d-types.

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: cannot figure out a Dominant - 5/21/2006 10:20:02 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
Being able to walk the talk is a life skill. Maybe this man has inner ideals about somethings but is incapable of actualising them yet.

Re the running off: ....are you sure he isn't married?
Great point, but he needn't be married; he may simply be someone who is uncomfortable with all the emotions that the acts of intimacy arise in him, and after the fact, needs to withdraw.

I don't think you should settle for the sweet man if he lacks the desire and ability to connect emotionally and give you what you need; so don't drop him since you say he's a kool guy... Talk, talk, teach and reassure him when you are together, and for Godssakes, don't have sex if you are feeling empty and cheapened by the act/after the fact.
Good luck, M

I have actually met those (not in successful relationships) that believe that intimacy and emotional attachment have no place in a D/s relationship and can ruin a sub by making them "forget their place". Personally I think it's a load of crap but hey different strokes and all that. I would ask him outright why this happens and how he would prefer you publically demonstrate your affection for him. If he blows you off move on.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 5/21/2006 10:29:33 PM >

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: cannot figure out a Dominant - 5/21/2006 10:28:14 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Or, someone hurt him 5, 10, 15 years ago and he's never gotten over it emotionally and never will, plays the lothario and always will. It's safe that way.

You forgot my personal favorite, he's scening with you having sex, enjoying it as are you and he feels guilty because "good boys and girls don't do those things".

(in reply to windchymes)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: cannot figure out a Dominant - 5/22/2006 5:28:12 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

from the OP ...."Am I asking too much of Him?"

It may be that you are wishing for him to give you something that for one reason or another is not part of his make-up and you then need to ask yourself how important is affection to you? It sounds like it is important to you so how satisfying will a d/s relationship be with this man if one of your strong needs isn't met? Yes being a sub is about pleasing your dom and meeting their needs and wants however (in my opinion) it also is about them pleasing you, and being able to meet your needs as a submissive, and yes, for some relationships, dom and romantic go together. Always trust the little voice inside you.

best wishes

wanders

(in reply to bridget2)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: cannot figure out a Dominant - 5/25/2006 7:09:14 PM

spectreandnectre

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: nebraska
Status: offline

i personally feel that communication is the key and without it you have nothing, i have been in this exact spot at one point and how i dealt with it was to write a letter and explain my reasons why i need those things and alas it worked.
Proven fact some men are not good at face to face romantic gestures.
But in all honesty if He isnt listening to what you have to say then its probably not worth your time. Someone said it when they said you need to have what you need in order to want to give.

_____________________________

"When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you."

(in reply to subrob1967)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: cannot figure out a Dominant - 5/30/2006 9:27:06 AM

Tamerofwild1s

Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

I am the last one to be called romantic . although I do like cuddling for a bit ... I am not a very romantic person . and as a famous comedian once said "why won't you talk to me ....... CAUSE I'm finished .. ohhhh" but meeting theafter care needs of a slave or sud is very important .. they need to know that what they did was an important part of the growth . and they also need to know that you still love and respect them.

(in reply to iliv2servher)

Profile

Post #: 48