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RE: possessiveness? - 7/27/2011 11:56:31 AM   
Arpig


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quote:

For a group of kinky people who, presumably abhor judgmentalism of their lifestyle choices, there is an awful lot of that going on in this and many, many other threads.
You're right, I do abhore judgmentalism of MY lifestyle choices, and I suspect the vast majority of others on here do as well, but that really doesn't mean that we are under any obligation to extend the same courtesy to you or anybody else.

quote:

I honestly don't understand why some of you can't simply answer the question asked (What is your personal preference as to the use of the word "MY") without being complete dicks/cunts?
Being just a little bit judgemental there aren't you baddaddy?

And did it ever dcross your mind that maybe the reason some of us can't answer without being complete dicks/cunts is that some of us simply are complete dicks/cunts? Something to ponder the next time you feel like coming on here and lecturing us all on how we should be posting.

< Message edited by Arpig -- 7/27/2011 11:57:37 AM >

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RE: possessiveness? - 7/27/2011 12:54:04 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: baddaddy2009

For a group of kinky people who, presumably abhor judgmentalism of their lifestyle choices, there is an awful lot of that going on in this and many, many other threads. So far we have:

"it's a total fucking non-issue invented by insecure twatwaffles"

"Seriously, some people need to get over themselves."

"Drastic overinterpretation of the language."

I honestly don't understand why some of you can't simply answer the question asked (What is your personal preference as to the use of the word "MY") without being complete dicks/cunts?


I prefer to think of MYself as one badass, blood thirsty bitch....thank you very much!

As for the tone of YOUR post.....pot meet kettle. It's your problem, not theirs. We all have the freedom (until the mods remove it...) to express our opinions in whatever way we see fit, within the terms of service. Nothing you criticized violated TOS, as far as I am aware.

As for the OP, as a general rule it doesn't even phase me. There is no human being, or even animal, in my life right now that I feel ownership of. There are however many human beings and more than enough animals, that I share my life with. Yet I may say "my son, grandson, daughter, dog, cat, horse, etc". For ME, in that context, it is not a indication of ownership. Moreso a separation of those that share my life, rather than some anonymous other.


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RE: possessiveness? - 7/27/2011 1:00:59 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		[hijack]

quote:

ORIGINAL: baddaddy2009

For a group of kinky people who, presumably abhor judgmentalism of their lifestyle choices


Do you know what I mildly dislike? (I did have the word 'abhor' there, but it was melodramatic.)

People who presume that kinksters, just by virtue of being kinksters, must abhor judgmentalism (or just 'judgment', if you want a less loaded (judgmental?) word choice).

Judge me. Go ahead. I'm intelligent enough to be able to work out whether or not your opinion of my 'lifestyle choices' (whatever that really means) is valid or valuable. People all judge - it's a processing tool that's pretty intrinsic to human communication and interaction, and being kinky doesn't stop that. You're like white people who are surprised at racial tensions between Indian and Pakistani communities in Britain - the implication that people who undergo negative judgement must automatically denounce judgement is both stupid and demonstrably false.

[/hijack]

As for whether or not 'my' is possessive/implies ownership - that depends on context. There was a big argument about this recently and I've no particular desire to get back into it. But the fact is that (most) relationships are reciprocal - maybe not even, but reciprocal to some degree. So anyone saying that he/she has a person who is 'his/her' submissive but that he/she is not 'that person's' d-type of some description probably doesn't have an interaction that I'd recognise as a relationship.

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RE: possessiveness? - 7/27/2011 1:02:59 PM   
baddaddy2009


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/17/2009
Status: offline 		Epytropos, I think as you almost started to allude, the construction, "This is XXX and I am his slave" avoids both confusion and possessiveness in my opinion.

Pig, I'm well aware that many of you are intentionally dicks/cunts and abrupt, and blunt, as am I, and I knew that no one professing to be dom would be even remotely offended by being called such (in fact, most would probably interpret it as a compliment). II know that no one in any seedy corner of the internet is under any obligation whatsoever and my point wasn't so much lecture as it was an observation. No one with any amount of intelligence would for a moment be so self absorbed as to think he could effect change in people's behavior on the internet through a forum post!

Tigresse, I'm not above accepting irony, but if judging the judgmental is wrong, I don't wanna be right! :)

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RE: possessiveness? - 7/27/2011 1:20:35 PM   
agirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

God it pains me beyond measure to agree with Aileen but ... yeah... what she said.

If not "my husband" or "my master" how exactly is Carol supposed to refer to me? "That guy over there?" "The guy I'm married to?" it all seems too complicated.


Depending on who is around...M's been * my bloke, my boyfriend, my Master, my arse-pain, M= real name, him who ought to be obeyed, the boss........and a few choice ones that I'd rather not admit to here.

As no-one really gives a fig WHAT we are to each other and all they care about it WHO we are to each other.........it doesn't really matter.

Having said that, if he wanted to root out all possessiveness...removing the *my* wouldn't make a jot of difference. It'd just mean I was doing something he told me to. It *could* work, but removing the *my* wouldn't be why, It'd take a little more interest and* investment in the outcome* than doing away with *my*.

agirl




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RE: possessiveness? - 7/27/2011 1:40:22 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: baddaddy2009

For a group of kinky people who, presumably abhor judgmentalism of their lifestyle choices, there is an awful lot of that going on in this and many, many other threads. So far we have:

"it's a total fucking non-issue invented by insecure twatwaffles"

"Seriously, some people need to get over themselves."

"Drastic overinterpretation of the language."

I honestly don't understand why some of you can't simply answer the question asked (What is your personal preference as to the use of the word "MY") without being complete dicks/cunts?


If you think this thread is an example of this group being "complete dicks/cunts"  perhaps you need to do some trolling her strolling through P & R.

This is a subject that gets some of us slightly animated b/c it's so mind numbingly moronic. Here's the entire sentence you found so offensive:

"it's a total fucking non-issue invented by insecure twatwaffles who are so afraid of being seen as anything but superior and dominant that they can't actually be dominant." (From Hannah, BTW.)

It's akin to those femsubs who have to be so uber subby they post everything in slashy speak. It's annoying as hell, and only means something to those who are so thoroughly self absorbed as to think it does.










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RE: possessiveness? - 7/27/2011 2:12:20 PM   
Aileen1968


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Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

God it pains me beyond measure to agree with Aileen but ... yeah... what she said.



Hahaha. I heard Hell was mighty chilly today.

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RE: possessiveness? - 7/27/2011 4:34:50 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
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quote:

As I said before, I'm trying to picture a situation in which you introduce someone as "my master" and people think you mean it in the sense that you would introduce "my dog" or "my car" and it's just not coming to me.
that's because you're not fucking stupid.

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RE: possessiveness? - 7/27/2011 4:50:26 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

What Aileen1968 and NuevaVida said.



Exactly the same here. "My" is just a pronoun. It doesn't indicate that I own Him........luci

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RE: possessiveness? - 7/27/2011 4:58:26 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i'll be totally honest and say that restrictions of an innocuous word like that tend to make me think the person who is requiring it is either insecure or too self-important, but those are only my speculations. whatever works for people works for them, but, like Aileen said, even with the use of the word "my," to me, there's no question who the owner/leader/boss is in the relationship.

i linked it to possessiveness, though, because i know some people do it to cultivate a particular way of thought for the s-type. so sometimes a convention that may seem a bit hamfisted is being used for some particularly fulfilling purpose for the people involved. but of course, with all of the insulting, it's unlikely that anyone who DOES use this convention in their relationship will feel all that welcome to share their point of view.  i like to talk to people with different perspectives because, even if you don't agree, you can still sometimes learn something.


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RE: possessiveness? - 7/27/2011 5:09:52 PM   
kallisto


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Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527


If not "my husband" or "my master" how exactly is Carol supposed to refer to me? "That guy over there?" "The guy I'm married to?" it all seems too complicated.


This .... and agreeing with all others that said it is a non-issue in their relationship. There has never been a question of who owns who in the relationship.

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RE: possessiveness? - 7/27/2011 5:19:33 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: baddaddy2009

For a group of kinky people who, presumably abhor judgmentalism of their lifestyle choices, there is an awful lot of that going on in this and many, many other threads. So far we have:

"it's a total fucking non-issue invented by insecure twatwaffles"

"Seriously, some people need to get over themselves."

"Drastic overinterpretation of the language."

I honestly don't understand why some of you can't simply answer the question asked (What is your personal preference as to the use of the word "MY") without being complete dicks/cunts?



You didn't answer the question without being a complete dick, either.

...Just sayin'

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RE: possessiveness? - 7/27/2011 5:25:11 PM   
Kaliko


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Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: baddaddy2009

No one with any amount of intelligence would for a moment be so self absorbed as to think he could effect change in people's behavior on the internet through a forum post!





Oh, I don't know about that....Hannah's been a bit of inspiration for me to have the occasional more ballsy post. (See above.)


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: possessiveness? - 7/28/2011 4:19:32 PM   
Asherscorp1


Posts: 143
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline 		Master and I are in a production of Equus this September and there is a line where the "God" in a character's head says, "You are mine. I am yours, and you are mine." Master has adopted this attitude. We belong to each other in that I am owned by Him but He is responsible to me, as I am a valuable, cherished posession to be taken care of. I cannot throw off being His, I am owned. But He cannot dismiss the responsibility and duties that are inherent in His position. We "belong" equally to each other. Since neither of us is jealous or posessive this is all the farther we need take it.

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RE: possessiveness? - 7/29/2011 3:38:54 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

i'll be totally honest and say that restrictions of an innocuous word like that tend to make me think the person who is requiring it is either insecure or too self-important, but those are only my speculations. whatever works for people works for them, but, like Aileen said, even with the use of the word "my," to me, there's no question who the owner/leader/boss is in the relationship.

i linked it to possessiveness, though, because i know some people do it to cultivate a particular way of thought for the s-type. so sometimes a convention that may seem a bit hamfisted is being used for some particularly fulfilling purpose for the people involved. but of course, with all of the insulting, it's unlikely that anyone who DOES use this convention in their relationship will feel all that welcome to share their point of view.  i like to talk to people with different perspectives because, even if you don't agree, you can still sometimes learn something.


Insecure? Too self-important? It's a speech restriction - you have heard of such things within D/s, no?

Here's the deal, just as I explain it to *my* submissive. My relationships have always been solely monogamous and I like to emphasise an ownership dynamic within my D/s. While my girl belongs to me (as my submissive property), logic dictates that I equally belong solely to her as the relationship is monogamous - we belong to each other. She's just not to emphasise that with "innocuous" (but insecure, self-important) pronouns like "my" when talking with outsiders. That's a restriction I place on my sub - and the majority of subs I've known like restrictions and that their behaviour is being watched over by their owner.

Frankly, I think your "honesty" simultaneously sucks and blows, considering you're the OP. Such a blatant prejudice should've been in your OP since you presented the topic as an open discussion piece, presumably welcoming diverse opinion. Looks to me that now you've seen which way the general wind is blowing, you're now feeling safe enough to express those prejudices you had all along. It's like it became your own little support group. "Insecure" manifests in different ways with different individuals....

Focus.

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RE: possessiveness? - 7/29/2011 5:16:16 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		wow you're kind of a dork Focus =p
EVERYBODY has opinions and makes judgments. and i chose not to put my own in the OP because i was hoping that it would go somewhere neutral, which unfortunately it didn't.
i was hoping for more posts from people who didn't agree with me, but didn't want to post my own opinion at the beginning to avoid setting the thread in a negative direction from the beginning. OP's aren't required to have neutral opinions. so your attitude about someone's opinion that isn't like yours is just as crappy. get off your fucking high horse (but honestly, have i ever known you to NOT attempt to ride in on one? not really.)
i couldn't care less where the "general wind is blowing" on collarme.
i happen to enjoy control, but that doesn't mean i don't have a flash of a bad thought about a rule every now and then. there was a rule my late Person put in place for me that i really appreciated and had even basically asked for, but i still thought it meant he didn't trust my judgment. =p people have contradictory feelings all the time; it's simple human nature. wowzers i'm soooo sorry for trying to explore that. *eye roll*
your obviously over-blown ego and self-appointed status as "defender of truth" on collarme seems to be where your insecurity manifests.


< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 7/29/2011 5:17:43 AM >

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RE: possessiveness? - 7/29/2011 8:51:10 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: baddaddy2009
For a group of kinky people who, presumably abhor judgmentalism of their lifestyle choices, there is an awful lot of that going on in this and many, many other threads...

I honestly don't understand why some of you can't simply answer the question asked (What is your personal preference as to the use of the word "MY") without being complete dicks/cunts?


i thought so too at first. Then i got used to it. If you can look past all the "dickness" and "cuntness", i think you'll find that most posters make good arguments. Is that worth the judgementalism? That's for you to decide.

pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 7/29/2011 8:55:13 AM >

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RE: possessiveness? - 7/29/2011 2:26:21 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

your obviously over-blown ego and self-appointed status as "defender of truth" on collarme seems to be where your insecurity manifests.


Yep, you're undoubtedly right since it's not your generation's way to stick your hand up chin out and own your fuck-ups and deceipts. It's all my fault that you lied by omission in your OP just as it's news to me that expecting a little truth and honesty from those I socialise with amounts to personal insecurity.

Tha Dork. (I really am for getting sucked in by you)

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RE: possessiveness? - 7/29/2011 2:33:44 PM   
IrishMist


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quote:

wow you're kind of a dork Focus =p

LMFAO
Classic
Simply classic



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RE: possessiveness? - 7/30/2011 3:05:55 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Oh yeah; that's quite a corn fetish you've got there.... ;)

Focus.

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Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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Profile   Post #: 40
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