RE: The Natural submissive (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/29/2011 4:21:21 PM)

At least the second time that I've said this in the past week.  No, I really don't care for people's personal ads and/or journal entries on the boards.  If a person can't figure out how to use one as a springboard for an actual discussion, leave it on your profile where people will read it if they want to.  Otherwise, it just looks like an OP is doing nothing but trying to draw attention to themselves because nobody is really paying attention to them.

My thanks to Heather for an actual TOPIC.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather
1. Is it equally important for a submissive to learn and study the various aspects of D/s - S/M - WIITWD as it is for a Dominant? Or should they simply learn to obey and please their particular dominant?

In My opinion, yes it is.  I happen to be a RACK player.  That means Risk Aware Consensual Kink.  How does any bottom make an informed, consensual choice to play if they don't know the risks involved.  To Me, that says you should be just as educated as the top.

quote:

2. As a Dominant, would an experienced submissive be considered a plus or minus in your eyes?

As a leather person, by far an experienced submissive is a plus.  Chances are that I don't have to start from scratch on such things as leather care, high protocol, the importance of community participation within the lifestyle, and at least a dozen other things that I could rattle off here.  All I have to do is fine tune the differences between their prior experiences and how I want things done in My house.

quote:

3. Would it matter to you, as a Dominant, if a submissive were more experienced?

No.  Three reasons for that.  I *started* with a s type who had more experience than Me.  If it didn't bother Me when I was brand new, it sure isn't going to bug Me now that I've been doing this for over a decade.  Speaking of which, why should it bother Me that they have two decades and I have only one?  Depending on where they have been, things are done differently all over, so chances are we're going to get to teach each other at least one way and learn at least one way from the other.   

The last one doesn't apply to Me. 

quote:

There, now we have questions!!!! Queries, interrogatives, inquiries, even.

Thank you very much, Heather.



DesFIP -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/29/2011 4:40:55 PM)

Some of us don't have s & m play with people playing a dominant roles. We have relationships with people who are dominant to us.

What you talk about is topping a stranger and accepting that they might not have understood how hard you play before agreeing to play with you. Of course many of us need to struggle, we can't just lie there like a sack of potatoes while being hurt. Perhaps you ought to learn to talk to a new bottom before beginning play. Just to see if you're compatible.

And of course, many people quite enjoy resistance play both tops and bottoms.

And about that necessary politeness you talk about. Pity you don't practice what you preach. Because coming here with the assumption that we're all clueless happens to fall squarely in the rude category. We didn't ask you to lecture us, and it's rude to harangue strangers as though you were standing on a street corner shouting at passerbys.



littlekitten1 -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/29/2011 8:27:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather


One salient point, that is implied, rather than overtly stated, is that while Dominants must learn their trade over time, carefully honing their skills, the OP seems to be of the impression that this isn't really so for submissives. even the title implies this: The Natural submissive <this phrase always makes me wonder just what an unnatural submissive is [:D]. >



I dont know what an unnatural sub is... but I DO know what a TRUE sub is. It is a sub that has organs and is made of flesh :) Hopefully that helped.



winspiritsbaby -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/29/2011 10:28:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather


1. Is it equally important for a submissive to learn and study the various aspects of D/s - S/M - WIITWD as it is for a Dominant? Or should they simply learn to obey and please their particular dominant?

I think it important for a submssive to be well informed of the various aspects, if they aren't then there is no way that they can make the best possible choices. I also beleve that it's ok to ask and learn from the dominant, however there are those domnants that will only tell it from their point of view and a submssive needs to learn to tell the dfference. That is one thing I love about Win. He will give me as complete of an answer on anything ask him. He does interject his preference or opinons on the matter, but also makes sure that I understand the whole picture the best of his ability.

2. As a Dominant, would an experienced submissive be considered a plus or minus in your eyes? n/a
3. Would it matter to you, as a Dominant, if a submissive were more experienced? n/a
4. As a submissive, would it matter to you if you were the more experienced? I can't honestly answer this question. Without that
actually being the case, have no idea how I would feel about it. If I were to take a guess I would have to say that it would depend upon the dominant involved.There, now we have questions!!!! Queries, interrogatives, inquiries, even.




Awareness -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 5:05:33 AM)

  Too long, didn't fucking care enough to read.

Consider that a dreary, unending monologue is not only a stupid way to commence a conversation, it's also an impolite one.  Before tossing out essays on irrelevant topics, you should consider the virtue of getting your own house in order.



Kana -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 6:45:54 AM)

And to think that Hemingway once said that "Brevity is beautiful."




poise -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 6:57:50 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterdx2001
A good sub won't approach a dominant and, uninvited; descend
to his or her knees at his or her feet.


Darn darn darn!! I knew I was doing something wrong.

I am however, an All Natural Submissive.
No fillers, no preservatives, no additives, no by-products.

Uhhh, can someone please help me up? [8D]



leadership527 -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 9:02:18 AM)

As other's have noted, your use of the word "natural" is suspect. I'm unclear what an un-natural submissive would look like. The closest I've com to that concept is:

Dominant personalities that submit (which I call either BDSM submissives or else relationally submissive).
Submissive personalities who submit (which I call generally submissive, socially submissive, or submissive by personality).
Sexual submissives (which I call bottoms).

But it's a pretty safe bet that whatever anyone is doing is "natural" to them.

And then, you immediately got into play which tells me we're talking about bottom activities not submissive ones. Overall, I think you are very, very confused but I hope it works out well for you. Perhaps you're not really confused and there is an entire segment that sees things much like you.

In the end, I don't really think I believe in "submissive" as some sort of blanket statement. Someone is submissive to me when they follow my lead. That's all I need to know. That same person may or may not be submissive to other people and there are always going to be "other influences" which, if they become sufficiently strong, will topple the existing power balance.

Honestly you'd do better to be worrying about what makes you a good dominant.



erieangel -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 9:18:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527


Submissive personalities who submit (which I call generally submissive, socially submissive, or submissive by personality).


But it's a pretty safe bet that whatever anyone is doing is "natural" to them.

Honestly you'd do better to be worrying about what makes you a good dominant.


This^^

I'm always too quick to post to form such coherent thoughts. Leadership nailed it though. I'm a submissive personality, though I don't submit to everybody. I don't submit to my kids (though my son tries to be the boss of the house) and I certainly don't submit to my clients. Sometimes I don't even submit to my boss, if he's wrong about something, I let him know it. In other words, my level of submission is totally dependent on the person I am dealing with as well as the situation.

OP, your use of the "natural" seems synonymous to the word "true" as in the so-called "true submissive". Whenever I read states like yours, I'm thinking what the hell is a "natural or true submissive"? Whatever they are, I am certainly not one. I'm just me.

And Leadership is right about another thing, worry about yourself. If you want a woman to submit to you, you need to a dominate male worthy of that submission.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 9:19:57 AM)

bravo to leadership, as uuuuusual. ^_^ 



HannahLynHeather -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 9:20:29 AM)

quote:

Honestly you'd do better to be worrying about what makes you a good dominant.
fuck ya! that's a really good point. why the fuck do so many dominants seem to obsess over what makes a good submissive, that's her fucking job, not yours. take care of your half of the bargain and the let her take care of hers.



RapierFugue -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 9:22:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Honestly you'd do better to be worrying about what makes you a good dominant.


Or even not worry about any of it, and just enjoy.

If my kinks caused me a degree of concern then I wouldn't bother with them.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 9:26:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

why the fuck do so many dominants seem to obsess over what makes a good submissive, that's her fucking job, not yours. take care of your half of the bargain and the let her take care of hers.



omigosh... i'm................................................................. *agreeing* with Hannah.
what the fuck?

so many dudes are so busy obsessing over finding the "perfect submissive" who is weal and twue and perfect, while they themselves have literally nothing to offer. it's like they think this type of relationship won't take any work from them because a "weal submissive" will put up with whatever nonsense comes her way. pfft! work on being yourself and practicing what you preach, better yourself for yourself.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 9:50:41 AM)

ha ha! you're fucked now lilly, i can just hear it....

"wow this lilly makes a good point."
"oh you can't pay any attention to what she says!"
"why not, she seems reasonable and she makes sense."
"yeah, but i was told there was this one time when she agreed with something hannah said"
"omg! how could she?"  <clicks "hide">



OsideGirl -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 10:07:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

Honestly you'd do better to be worrying about what makes you a good dominant.
fuck ya! that's a really good point. why the fuck do so many dominants seem to obsess over what makes a good submissive, that's her fucking job, not yours. take care of your half of the bargain and the let her take care of hers.

Well said!

I also love large manifestos about how a D/s relationship works from someone who presents themselves as one dimensional.



heartcream -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 11:10:29 AM)

You kids reading these million boring words all jammed together blahblahblah? Way too hot here. The tone came off all wrong for me. Full of stupid rules and snorefestiness.



Marisol -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 11:43:51 AM)

Tl;dr

I mean, I hate when people don't fully read something I say, but hot damn...

Seriously though, imperfections are what make us people. I think to have a bunch of ideals already picked out for our submissive or dominant before we even find them is defeating the purpose. You grow together, right? I don't want someone because they are perfect, I want to see their quirks, and our differences and enjoy them. I could always date myself if I wanted a whole check list of things.

If you have a checklist of all these requirements, don't be surprised if you don't get more than a couple checked off.

I'm not perfect and I doubt any sub I have will be either.

You might wanna jump off your high horse, just sayin'...



myotherself -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 11:46:38 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: poise




Uhhh, can someone please help me up? [8D]


*wedges a boot-clad foot under Poise's ass and gives a mighty heave-ho*

Glad I could help. I'm a natural submittive, donchakno? [8|]



DeviantlyD -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 11:50:36 AM)

JWriter, how many different profiles do you have on this site...and why more than one?

I'm the inquisitive type. ;)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JWriter

quote:

But that's not the same as saying someone shouldn't make public statements if they want to.


If they want to make a public statement, it should be in answer to a question, in their journal, on their profile, in their introduction, or, under a thread entitled "Public Statements". This is a thread for questions. It doesn't say "Public Statements for Masters" It says "Ask a Master."

I want to see the question.



leadership527 -> RE: The Natural submissive (7/30/2011 11:55:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream
snorefestiness.

Oh I am SOOOOOO stealing that word.



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