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emotional health resources - 7/29/2011 12:38:17 PM   
kiarsia


Posts: 321
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Ill be the first to usually tell people to log off collarme and find google for these sorts of questions. But my thought process is a little off kilter today and I'm having internet browser problems. Stupid crackberry.

Anyway, my husband is retired military so he has VA benefits for service related issues, but he retired from the reserves so he doesn't get full benefits for him or the family until he turns 60. (10 more years)

We're broke enough to qualify for the free/sliding scale public services places, but my county is just as fucked up as the rest of the Nation so public mental health services have an 8 month waiting list to get an appointment.

We could really use a marriage counselor right now but we are running out of options. Can't exactly go to my pastor either and explain how swinging and fetish differences are part of what's tearing us apart.

Anyone have any other suggestions of where to go? Husband refuses to use the VA mental health services for himself because he's convinced he'll lose his gun rights.

Definite possibility. But things can't keep going.

I'm tired. I'm emotionally fried. I've lost 7 pounds since last friday. I can't eat I can't sleep I can't think. I can't even format decent sentence structure to get this post out well. If this is the end I just want it to be over.

_____________________________

If I could get a good firm grasp on reality...I'd choke the fuck out of it.
---
Sticks and stone may break my bones, but words leave psychological wounds that never heal..
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RE: emotional health resources - 7/29/2011 12:47:21 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Mail

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(as deemed by He who owns me)

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

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RE: emotional health resources - 7/29/2011 2:20:08 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		You can dial 211 from anywhere in the US to get in touch with the United Way. Maybe they could help.

_____________________________

yep

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RE: emotional health resources - 7/29/2011 4:34:45 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Husband refuses to use the VA mental health services for himself because he's convinced he'll lose his gun rights.


I imagine he'd have to be a "danger to self or others" for that to happen. I've seen a VA social worker and psychiatrist and nobody took my gun rights away. I make too much money to qualify for free and have an entirely reasonable copay of $15 for most things, but nothing for the social worker, which may or may not be a clerical error.

Mine was BDSM friendly, which was good because I was able to say to the VA GYN, these bruises you are about to see occurred under safe, sane & consensual conditions, and if you have any concerns, talk to Stephen (the social worker), which she did and he reassured her not to worry.

Anyway, sound like he's making excuses - what does he care about more, his guns or his marriage?

Best of luck to you - feel free to PM me if you'd like.

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RE: emotional health resources - 8/10/2011 1:23:20 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		That was one thing that totally sucked about returning home from Petaluma when both us living together cause his landlod wouldn't approve it. I had just found a kink friendly therapist, close by who would see me for a dollar, because her sliding scale could go that low. Our last therapist was not kink aware but she was open to us talking bout those areas if our life and learning about it an asking questions she may have had. Try looking for counsolers who do online sessions maybe?

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 8/10/2011 1:25:06 AM >

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One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

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RE: emotional health resources - 8/10/2011 8:00:46 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		There has to be some kind of low income social services available. What about arranging to talk to a clergyman at a different church? I am not a church goer, so I don't know how that works.
Maybe your husband should call the NRA legal department and find out how serious the treat of him losing his guns is. I personally doubt that a troubled marriage is sufficient reason to have the state take your gun rights away. I think there would have to be a legal proceeding. Sounds more like an excuse than a reason to me.
Sorry for your troubles, I hope you find the help you need.

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 8/10/2011 8:01:38 AM >

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

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RE: emotional health resources - 8/10/2011 10:54:02 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Iamsemisweet, a lot of mental health programs got axed when budgets got bad. To many people in need with to little resources. Though your idea of trying another person not affiliated with her church might help, but I think clergy would frown on activities like swinging and bdsm.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

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RE: emotional health resources - 8/10/2011 11:58:39 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Iamsemisweet, a lot of mental health programs got axed when budgets got bad. To many people in need with to little resources. Though your idea of trying another person not affiliated with her church might help, but I think clergy would frown on activities like swinging and bdsm.


Not all churches. I can think of a few that wouldn't blink an eye.

As for VA services, I've gone to VA services for mental and physical health and have yet to ever have a problem with them except that you wait all day to get in and unfortunately their services are sometimes inadequate which is why i stopped using them but unless they find your husband to be a threat to himself or others they won't take away his gun.

Besides as one person here put it, which is more important to him? You/the marriage or his gun? That should tell you  a lot right there.



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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: emotional health resources - 8/10/2011 12:13:18 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		I agree.  I am not suggesting she go to her local Baptist church (no slight intended against Baptists).  But I know there are some very open minded and open hearted churches around. 
If her husband is so inclined.



_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: emotional health resources - 8/10/2011 6:33:04 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Sorry to hear about your situation.

You can try 211 but know that 211 is not funded in all states and all cities.  Locally, our 211 lost their grant funding for awhile, but has recently been re-funded so it's back running again.

Are you employed?  If so, does your employer have an EAP? (employee assistance program)  Many of these offer free services, including couples counseling, at least up to 3 visits, then from there you can get a low-cost referral and/or coverage depending on your plan.

Local health departments (again, depending on your town) sometimes offer support for low-income families.  You may find, however, that the waitlists can be as long as those from social services.

Check out local listings in your free paper for Support Groups. While never a replacement for a professional and one-on-one counseling, there are marriage support groups that may offer you some assistance until you can get the benefits you need.

Check out your local MCC Church if you have one--they are Gay/Lesbian friendly, and I have often found them to be Leather friendly as well.

my best wishes to you both that you can work things out

edited to add: almost forgot---some hospitals offer counseling and support groups for all types of problems--you can also see what offerings they have.  If you have a local university/college that has a social work school, many of them have support groups (moderated) to allow students to do internships.  not the best, but a band-aid solution in the meantime.


< Message edited by hausboy -- 8/10/2011 6:34:36 PM >

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RE: emotional health resources - 8/10/2011 6:37:08 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Husband refuses to use the VA mental health services for himself because he's convinced he'll lose his gun rights.


Is he more concerned about losing his gun rights than his marriage?

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to kiarsia)
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RE: emotional health resources - 8/10/2011 9:40:11 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline 		I'm sorry if this is way out in left field, I really don't know a thing about gun rights or the American health system, but if the VA mental health services could take his gun rights away, then couldn't any mental health person do it as well?

(in reply to dcnovice)
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RE: emotional health resources - 8/11/2011 5:21:05 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Ask your pastor for a referral.  He should understand that you all just aren't comfortable talking to him but he probably has a list of referrals of all kinds of support groups, people etc.  Also, your PCP may have some referrals also.

And while i don't have it handy, i know someone has the link that gives names of kink friendly therapists and doctors in each state.... even if you can't afford them, you may be able to call them and see if they have referrals.

angel

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


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RE: emotional health resources - 8/11/2011 7:23:55 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Yes, if this was a valid concern. Which it isn't, unless there is more going on than she is saying in her thread.
I guess I am still hung up on her being unwilling to go to her clergyman. Why would you be part of a group that disapproves of something that is important to you?
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

I'm sorry if this is way out in left field, I really don't know a thing about gun rights or the American health system, but if the VA mental health services could take his gun rights away, then couldn't any mental health person do it as well?


< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 8/11/2011 7:55:04 AM >

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: emotional health resources - 9/1/2011 7:33:25 AM   
wolf223


Posts: 89
Joined: 3/4/2011
Status: offline 		  His gun rights aren't in any danger unless he is committed
for mental issues or abuse.

(in reply to kiarsia)
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RE: emotional health resources - 9/1/2011 9:39:51 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		FR

YOU ALL SAY his gun rights are OK and he has nothing to worry about, and you are full of shit in most states. There is a charge called "Having a weapon under disability" which could make it a FELONY for him to be in possesion of a firearm. Even in his own home, unless he has the wherewithal to fight it under castle doctrine. THINK you know it all.

Talk about me giving advice.

Look, just bring the problem here. We got nothing better to do. Fuckit, you are totally anonymous unless you decide otherwise. You can say any goddamn thing you want except for very few. This forum is the counsellor.

After all 11,000 brains are better than one, even if half of them ain't working right. Stay away from those suits.

T^T

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RE: emotional health resources - 9/1/2011 10:30:21 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		Kiarsia, there is a VA hospital that has a privately funded program that is exclusively open to Vets to help with mental health disorders and will not cost you one cent. There is no waiting list, however, you will have to pay for him to fly to hawaii to enter the program. If you would like more information send me a mail.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to Termyn8or)
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