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necessity vs. convenience - 5/18/2006 8:24:02 PM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

It all started with a smattering of opened emails... a few girls actually curious to Mine and My girls profiles on here about possibly adding a third to the household, instead of the usual doms spamming her telling her how good she'd look at their feet..*chuckles*
One girl in particular caught our eye, we exchanged messenger id's and began chatting every morning for nearly a week.... it seemed to be going well, except for one point I noticed, which was that she seemed much more interested in Me and what I expected from her... when I clearly and repeatedly stated that it was not My approval she should be seeking, but the girl I already have here.
It basically boiled down to personal views on ownership and such...which I suppose could grow and mutate into a whole slave vs submissive issue (which I hope it doesn't)... but I basically told the girl bluntly " I don't view a slave as a necessity... I have them here as a convenience ", meaning that I am fully capable of taking care of Myself, as I'm a grown Man... its just nice to have a girl around the house, but if things go sour I'm not about to keep her here against her will... she can freely walk out the same door she walked in.

Before I had a chance to actually explain Myself and My thoughts behind the words, she stated that perhaps she wasn't what I was looking for and that she was hoping to find someone that would value a slaves presence, and I've not see her since...

so after much deliberation, I decided to come to the source and pose the question here to the slaves and submissives....
Do you believe that you are an absolute necessity to your Owners, something They can't live without.... or merely something there to make Their lives easier on the day to day basis ?

T.R.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

Post #: 1

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/18/2006 8:34:33 PM

texasbutterfly

Posts: 84
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline

hopefully we are all adults and can act like it, although i know that is far from true.

i think any dom worth having would have to be able to take care of himself. if he can't, how can i expect him to take care of me as well.

my purpose is to serve in the capacity he has laid out for me. this may or may not make his life easier..*grin*. i know i have value, but that takes second seat to the value my master will see in me.

not sure if i made any sense, but that is how i feel about it...

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 2

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/18/2006 8:36:09 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Well I would love to romantacize (or however you spell it) about the idea that due to Masters love for me he could never live without me....however...I know thats not true...perhaps his life would be less without me though..considering how absolutely amazing I am *grin*.

On a day to day basis, I think I make his life easier and more happy.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 3

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/18/2006 8:36:47 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Do you believe that you are an absolute necessity to your Owners, something They can't live without.... or merely something there to make Their lives easier on the day to day basis ?

I 'know' I am not an absolute necessity by any stretch of the imagination. I am here for one reason, which is to make his life as pleasurable and enjoyable as possible and to ease those burdens he directs me to ease if I am capable of so doing. If I fail in my tasks, cause him grief, make his life harder instead of easier, knowing the man he is, I would expect nothing less than for him to rid himself of me. I don't want that to happen so I do what I'm supposed to do and hope he'll continue to want to keep me around.

I know though, that even if I do everything that I'm supposed to, he may just tire of me and get rid of me anyway. There are no guarantees here and I knew that going in.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 4

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/18/2006 8:42:18 PM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

i am just someone who is there to make my Doms life easier. That is just how i see it. Everyone has their own view on it.

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 5

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/18/2006 8:49:43 PM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

Excellent responses from all of you, but Bita has stolen My thoughts right out of My head....

I was also thinking along the lines of Devils Advocate... if things weren't comfortable for the girl in the situation... why would it make sense for Me to try and convince her to stay ?

Wouldn't her displeasure only result in the displeasure of the house as a whole ?

T.R.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 6

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/18/2006 8:54:22 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

well...I suppose...unless you made her a *real* slave and kept her locked in the basement...then she couldnt annoy anyone *gin*

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 7

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/18/2006 9:02:44 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TolerableCruelty

so after much deliberation, I decided to come to the source and pose the question here to the slaves and submissives....
Do you believe that you are an absolute necessity to your Owners, something They can't live without.... or merely something there to make Their lives easier on the day to day basis ?

T.R.

Does it have to be either/or? As a slave/submissive (or when I have been one), I believe that I am there to make my owner's life better, but at the same time, if I wasn't a necessity to my owner, I wouldn't be serving her in the first place.

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 8

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/18/2006 9:05:14 PM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

aaahhhh if it were only that easy.....

but then I'd have to go and have the whole house soundproofed to muffle the cries for help... and then -constantly- come up with background stories and alibis for those pesky missing person search teams poking and prodding around the house day and night...
and don't even get Me started on what it would cost in manicure fees from the girl scratching at the walls and basement door trying to get out all the time...

T.R.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 9

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/18/2006 9:30:16 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear TolerableCruelty, Ladies and Gentlemen;

As a dominant, I am approached much like you. I would not use the words "necessity" as like you said, I don't see a slave as a necessity, as I can take care of myself and others. Nor, would I select a word of "convenience." I rather choose the word as a slave or submissive being an enhancement to my life.

Convenience is a bit of a harsh word in my mind's eyes. True, slaves make it more convenient for me to operate in my mastery. At times, being served and or serving is convenient; just as much as it is not convenient.

I would indeed wish to have a slave or more in my life, as they do give enhancement and enrich my knowledge and skill. If this is not found in the relationship, then it is not working for me, in my mind's eye.

When another wishes to enter into an established household, to which I seem to gather is the case; I agree that those within the household must be involved in the process as it is the "household" that is enhanced or, could be the upset of an established harmony of a household.

Perhaps you may consider, the words that implied that you were not the one to make the decision, thus coming into question who really was the dominant--you or the slave. Perhaps, the wording may have reflected that it would have to be a joint decision but, it would be that it would be your judgment to approve and or disapprove the union. After all, the slave/submissive seeks the collar from the dominant--not the slave. Yet, slaves hold the power to make life happy or miserable for the newcomer and most slaves/submissives who are keen observers know this to be true, as so many dominants fail to see such undercurrents until it comes to a boiling point.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 10

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/18/2006 9:37:22 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I think we all want to be needed... That being said I do not want to serve someone who "needy" either. In other words I want someone that wants me there because he wants me there... But that He feels eventually like he needs me....lol. I am looking for a love relationship though, not a service oriented relationship.

I am unsure of what you wanted in a third coming to you, were you looking for someone to play beta to an alpha sub that is your primary relationship? If that is the case, and she was more interested in pleasing you, and less interested in the acceptance of your alpha sub then you are probably luck it went no further than it did, whatever the reason.

Perhaps this post would be more suitable in the poly forum? I do not know if someone in a monogamous dynamic could emotionally understand the desires of a slave that would knowingly become a third?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 11

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/18/2006 9:42:43 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Lady Hugs, I really love that view, not a convenience, but an enhancement... how lovely that is and yes, it is much less harsh.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 12

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/18/2006 11:44:32 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Well, I had to go ask Himself if I was a 'necessity' and he said.. "No, but you are a desirable luxury."

::swoons::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 13

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/19/2006 1:28:01 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Quote from my profiile......

quote:

I am not looking for someone who needs but rather someone who wants and desires all that a woman will bring to their life.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 14

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/19/2006 2:25:39 AM

CanadianGuy

Posts: 219
Status: offline

I guess we all define our own relationships going in, and re-evaluate them as we go. I love my girl so much but I'm not sure if I'd say she's a necessity in my life. Without her, much pleasure and enjoyment and fulfillment would be gone, although I can survive and take care of myself perfectly well.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 15

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/19/2006 4:18:04 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I like LadyHugs definition the best, an enhancement.

.
Do my owners need me, i mean me personally? No. Do i need them, meaning could i not survive without them? No. Yet if i was not here they would seek another, if i was not here i would still be seeking.

We can all survive on our own. We can also survive without electric, running water, cars, clothes, motorcycles, even clothes. But would we want to?

It is great to be Lord or Lady of the manor but without me who would they be Master of? And while it is great to be a slave without them who would i serve?

I think we each provide what makes the other whole. We enrich and enhance each others lives daily. I know they place a great deal of value on me as I do on them.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 16

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/19/2006 4:37:13 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Do you believe that you are an absolute necessity to your Owners, something They can't live without.... or merely something there to make Their lives easier on the day to day basis ?

Absolute necessity... nope. My absolute necessities would be food and water and with any luck, shelter.

But to be who I am... yes, it is a necessity. I can be dominant all day long, not that an empty house would listen to a damn thing I said. But to be a Mistress, or an Owner... then a sub/slave is necessary. Not only does having twicehappy here make my life and my husbands life easier, it also makes our lives more pleasant. But in the broad picture... having her here completes who we are. She is the other side of our coin.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 17

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/19/2006 4:49:42 AM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

Sure Master could take care of Himself but with all His health problems it would be much more difficult - with me here to help Him His life is easier. Plus He is happier with His life than He was before we met

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 18

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/19/2006 5:03:57 AM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

I can see, LH, where you may be right about her thinking it was possible I wasn't the one making the decision... but the arrangement I already have is somewhat strange, at least when it comes to adding a third party to the household. I did tell her that she'd have to get along with My girl moreso than she would Me... but because My girls is a switch.... so I suppose rather than her being the Alpha slave in the house, we'd technically be more of a Dom/Dom couple (as she's had extensive training, been raised in the lifestyle, and had never fully submitted to any single person completely so far as I know, up until Me).... so in a way, since she does submit to Me, yes, she'd be the Alpha... but since we're not really looking for a "sister" for her, rather than an actual mutual slave... she'd be a Mistress to them, moreso than an Alpha.
yes, I know it gets confusing, hell it confuses Me sometime when I try and sort it out...lol
But all in all, it still came down to where the girl would have to get along moreso with beth rather than she would Me, since I'm pretty easygoing and not nearly as strict as she would be regarding an additional slave in the house.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 19

RE: necessity vs. convenience - 5/19/2006 6:14:12 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TolerableCruelty
it seemed to be going well, except for one point I noticed, which was that she seemed much more interested in Me and what I expected from her... when I clearly and repeatedly stated that it was not My approval she should be seeking, but the girl I already have here.

I'm going to address this first. First off, I think this is normal for female heterosexual not previously poly submissives. Why should they have any affinity or inclination towards forming a relationship with the other woman? They have NO practice with it, no current DESIRE for it, and every natural energy flow within them is going straight to YOU- the male dom.

If you want to make the time to bring in a previously het-non-poly-fem-sub, I really think it's part of your responsibility to actively reach out to her, to be patient, to TEACH her how to relate on that level. To redirect the flow in a natural way.

It's one of the first common downfalls that male doms make when starting up a poly situation- and they end up with forced fake relationships between the females.

quote:

Do you believe that you are an absolute necessity to your Owners, something They can't live without.... or merely something there to make Their lives easier on the day to day basis ?

T.R.

While I don't think I'm a necessity to an owner, I can understand why someone, especially new, would want some sense of long term need/commitment.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)

Post #: 20

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