RE: HAPPY DOM (Full Version)

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kittensmailbox -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 9:01:18 AM)

i am also uncollared and really it is not bad at all... No one is responsible for my happiness except for me...  If someone comes alone great!!, if they don't, thats great too... i do love my own company and that of my friends...



akisha -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 9:05:22 AM)

No one can fix you but you. A collar isn't going to change issues in your past. It wont fix unhappiness with in yourself, it wont suddenly make you feel like a better person.

Expecting someone else to fix you will never work. Going into a relationship thinking that it will fix somehting missing in your life pretty much just sets you up for failure. IMHO You need to be a whole person before you can be part of a unit.

I'm perfectly happy as I am. I would love to have a Master as part of my life but I don't need one to fix anything in my life. Well might fix my sex life for the better *weg*




dogobedience -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 9:21:21 AM)

I was not sure if I would get the HIGH quality of replies that are here, thanks



MHOO314 -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 9:31:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience


Ok, on a lighter (lol) note, I was a fool one time on the weight issue, for example. She saw that I work out, play tennis, eat correctly, I failed and that bothers me still, no significant weight loss. She is a fantastic property, was for me and still is now for another, and still BBW! Weight is somewhat easy to fix, but even that takes skill and TIME....of which I did not have......sorry yp!


This is a huge misconception---weight for many comes from body type and metabolism--it cannot be fixed "easily"--when I hear that--I think " he doesn't give a damn about My heart, My soul OR My brain"--so pffftttttt.



Bearlee -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 9:41:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

How many of you are happy in your life? I am talking to those uncollared one's ONLY.    

How many of you are hoping to CHANGE your life, thinking an all powerful dom will do that? FIXING all your personal problems, just because you are now collared? 
   

Quick answer…I’m happy now, though it WOULD be nice to have someone with which to share life.  As with all relationships, I think two WHOLE people coming together is the only way they work. 



Phoenixandnika -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 9:50:37 AM)

I should thank you this post inspired me to write a poem so I thought I would share it with you.
 
 
Only I
copywrite@Nika05/19/06
 
I am at peace with myself
I am young and still growing
Life's lessons come with every breath I take
 
I find peace within myself
I find happiness and love with who I am
I am a bright, beautiful person
My future is mine to make
 
I am imperfect
After all I am but a child compared to the age of Mother Earth herself
I know he loves me just the same
Even more importantly though
I love myself
So that he too can love me
 
I may be imperfect
But my imperfections are mine to keep or change
For that change can only come from within
 
No matter how much he aches
No matter how much he tries
He is not responsible for my happiness
Or the flaws and imperfections that may reside
 
Only I
He can be my friend
He can be my Master
He can be my guide
But in the end
Only I.



Bearlee -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 9:57:49 AM)

I have enjoyed all the comments here...thank you.  It's refreshing to see so many strong, independent, responsible, HAPPY people! 

I get impatient with people who think "I'll be happy when I get out of college", "I'll be happy when I get a better job", "I'll be happy when I get married" "I'll be happy when I have a child", "I'll be happy when I find my One", "I'll be happy when..." 

Iffin' a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass



Bearlee -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 9:59:51 AM)

OMG...I'm indecent!!!   [:)]



juliaoceania -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 10:31:00 AM)

You are right dogobedience, you cannot fix anyone, you can only motivate someone to improve themselves.

In the last two years I have finsihed me BA, quit smoking, lost 50 lbs, and I went from letting myself go to exercising almost daily. I did this when I was unattached and not seeing anyone. Subs have to take responsibility for themselves, just like everyone else. The thing is that when we do it on our own we also get all the credit...smiles. If you help us, we share the credit...lol.



merrymasochist -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 11:11:38 AM)

I don't think any human being, dominant or submissive aside, can "fix" another. Nor do I believe anyone can "make" a person happy. A person can only help another to improve and add to the happiness that's already there. To think of a collar as a cure-all to your life's woes is setting one's self up for a major disappointment. Happiness comes from within. The desire to improve one's self must come from within too.

Personally, I can't imagine offering myself to a dominant as a problem or mess to be fixed. It's my responsibility to myself to manage my own problems and create my own happiness. That way, I'm able to offer a whole, stable and happy person who will add to their life's joys rather than drag them down. This is not to say I won't accept help, guidance or advice as needed along the way but the ultimate responsibility of my life and happiness resides within me.  

There are those who like the whole wounded-bird scenario and the idea that they can fix another person and make them happy. (This scenario can happen for submissives as well as dominants.) It's a powerful draw to think you are able to make that much difference in another person's life. Sometimes it works if both parties are willing to work and work hard towards that goal. But more often than not, it doesn't work and both parties are left drained, disillusioned and disappointed.

There's no magic wand and a collar is not a cure-all. Life is what a person makes of it. It's ultimately up to ourselves to manage our lives and find our own happiness.

Jut my thoughts on a very interesting question. Thank you dogobedience for posting it.

Sincerely,
merry

(adding here)
P.S. Nika, that is one fantastic poem!



composer83 -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 11:33:18 AM)

i tend to agree with the general consensious on here......
but may i propose an alternate view?
the D/s in all its dynamics is still a relationship......& relationships should be a two way street......so just as a sub could rely on their Dom for guidance, advice, etc......could not also the Dom count on the sub for alternate opinions, viewpoints, anecdotes of wisdom & experience?........we all journey different paths......& perhaps in some cases the sub may hold the key to their Dom's particular problem........just because you're sub....doesnt mean that you have to be a mindless robot with no thoughts or opinions of your own.....but i suppose the expression of said thoughts & opinions would depend greatly on the particular D/s arrangement.......
does that sound valid?  or am i way off base here?



Bearlee -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 11:48:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: composer83

...does that sound valid?  or am i way off base here?


Not off base to me and quite valid!  I don't believe anybody, including Dominants, are above utilizing "alternate opinions, viewpoints, anecdotes of wisdom & experience"  ...at least if they are the wise One I'd hope they'd be.



dogobedience -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 11:50:04 AM)


juliaoceania, CONGRATULATIONS, for taking control of your life and offering an excellent person whom anybody would be proud to know.......you go girl!!!!

A dom can only modify and enhance your life, bringing structure, control, leadership, and instill a desire to follow.

Successful people like you deserve the best and good people are attracted to that!

I like HAPPY PEOPLE, everyone does!



scratchingpost -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 12:16:13 PM)

I used to believe that a collar would be this magical charm...it never happened though and I learned that the only magical charm to fixing things is hard work...I'm not jaded but when a collar is given or received it should not be used as a band aid.



dogobedience -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 1:21:07 PM)

I write these posts to learn, share, and MAKE PEOPLE THINK. I am always happy to see this forum used as a sharing of thoughts and views. 

I made my mistakes attempting to "band aid" others, great slaves to the casual dom, a weekend play thing, but perhaps here as an escape and nothing more.To be 24/7/365 requires much more, which is what I and a few others here seek and NEED.. 

Thanks to everyone who takes the time to reply and offer truthful advise and or feelings. 



caitlyn -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 1:27:56 PM)

Well, I'm not collared. I was thinking to make it past the barrier of keeping a boyfriend for more than a few weeks. [;)]
 
The "dominant to fix them", issue ... who really knows. Part of me wants to agree with the conventional wisdom that a person has to fix themselves, and is self-responsible, but at the same time, can't help relating my own experience of moving in with foster parents, and how much that changed (or even fixed) me.
 
Some people may be now, like I was at thirteen, where I had no sense of normalcy, no sense that I was worth anything to anyone. While it may sound a bit dramatic, the caring and normalcy offered back then, by two people, is probably the biggest reason I didn't cash in my chips on life a long time ago. When I look back now on my life back then, I realize I was just making it through life as someone's beater.
 
It doesn't end there. When it's 6am and I don't feel like taking that drive to class, or when I'm out late at night contemplating doing the wrong thing ... the unrelenting drive to make two people proud, tends to carry me.
 
I can see how a dominant would have that same impact on a wounded submissive. That's probably not the popular answer, but perhaps it's plausable.



Sunshine119 -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 1:32:35 PM)

I was married for 20 years.  That didn't bring security, happiness or lessen the need for me to make my own choices and decisions.  I now live with my Dominant.  We are not collared.  We are not married.  Neither marriage nor a collar make a twit of difference if one party or the other wants to leave.

As for myself, it is *I* that has to find happiness in myself without the assistance of another.
It is *I* that has to be satisfied in my career.
It is *I* that is responsible for the quietness in my soul.

No dominant on earth can give more than companionship to another.  Sex is available everywhere are people who will sexually use you in a kinky way if that is what you desire.

Collaring....no panaciea.



bandit25 -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 1:39:35 PM)

I'm uncollared presently and mostly happy with my life.  I have all the normal problems and challenges that everyone else has and  manage to "fix" them all on my own.  I do; however, own an apartment building and if a carpenter dom or a tradesman dom would like to collar and fix it, well, that's another matter altogether!



juliaoceania -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 2:16:46 PM)

Bandit,

Perhaps you need a male slave?....Just kidding...lol



bridget2 -> RE: HAPPY DOM (5/19/2006 2:54:07 PM)

I am not collared but I desire to be. Not because I want someone to change my life, but to add to it. No one can fix anyone's problems (smiles)...I just hope when I am collared, the Dom will care for me and want to be there just to listen once and a while.
LOL...if simply having a Dom meant life's obstacles would disappear..wouldn't that be wonderful? ..lol You'd all be gods!![:)]



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