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RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 9:01:18 AM

kittensmailbox

Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
Status: offline

i am also uncollared and really it is not bad at all... No one is responsible for my happiness except for me... If someone comes alone great!!, if they don't, thats great too... i do love my own company and that of my friends...

_____________________________

~softly smiles

~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 21

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 9:05:22 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

No one can fix you but you. A collar isn't going to change issues in your past. It wont fix unhappiness with in yourself, it wont suddenly make you feel like a better person.

Expecting someone else to fix you will never work. Going into a relationship thinking that it will fix somehting missing in your life pretty much just sets you up for failure. IMHO You need to be a whole person before you can be part of a unit.

I'm perfectly happy as I am. I would love to have a Master as part of my life but I don't need one to fix anything in my life. Well might fix my sex life for the better *weg*

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 22

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 9:21:21 AM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

I was not sure if I would get the HIGH quality of replies that are here, thanks

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 23

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 9:31:10 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

Ok, on a lighter (lol) note, I was a fool one time on the weight issue, for example. She saw that I work out, play tennis, eat correctly, I failed and that bothers me still, no significant weight loss. She is a fantastic property, was for me and still is now for another, and still BBW! Weight is somewhat easy to fix, but even that takes skill and TIME....of which I did not have......sorry yp!

This is a huge misconception---weight for many comes from body type and metabolism--it cannot be fixed "easily"--when I hear that--I think " he doesn't give a damn about My heart, My soul OR My brain"--so pffftttttt.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 24

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 9:41:53 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

How many of you are happy in your life? I am talking to those uncollared one's ONLY.

How many of you are hoping to CHANGE your life, thinking an all powerful dom will do that? FIXING all your personal problems, just because you are now collared?

Quick answer…I’m happy now, though it WOULD be nice to have someone with which to share life. As with all relationships, I think two WHOLE people coming together is the only way they work.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 25

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 9:50:37 AM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

I should thank you this post inspired me to write a poem so I thought I would share it with you.

Only I

copywrite@Nika05/19/06

I am at peace with myself
I am young and still growing
Life's lessons come with every breath I take

I find peace within myself
I find happiness and love with who I am
I am a bright, beautiful person
My future is mine to make

I am imperfect
After all I am but a child compared to the age of Mother Earth herself
I know he loves me just the same
Even more importantly though
I love myself
So that he too can love me

I may be imperfect
But my imperfections are mine to keep or change
For that change can only come from within

No matter how much he aches
No matter how much he tries
He is not responsible for my happiness
Or the flaws and imperfections that may reside

Only I
He can be my friend
He can be my Master
He can be my guide
But in the end

Only I.

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 5/19/2006 9:58:55 AM >

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 26

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 9:57:49 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

I have enjoyed all the comments here...thank you. It's refreshing to see so many strong, independent, responsible, HAPPY people!

I get impatient with people who think "I'll be happy when I get out of college", "I'll be happy when I get a better job", "I'll be happy when I get married" "I'll be happy when I have a child", "I'll be happy when I find my One", "I'll be happy when..."

Iffin' a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 27

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 9:59:51 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

OMG...I'm indecent!!!

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 28

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 10:31:00 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

You are right dogobedience, you cannot fix anyone, you can only motivate someone to improve themselves.

In the last two years I have finsihed me BA, quit smoking, lost 50 lbs, and I went from letting myself go to exercising almost daily. I did this when I was unattached and not seeing anyone. Subs have to take responsibility for themselves, just like everyone else. The thing is that when we do it on our own we also get all the credit...smiles. If you help us, we share the credit...lol.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 29

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 11:11:38 AM

merrymasochist

Posts: 156
Joined: 9/2/2004
Status: offline

I don't think any human being, dominant or submissive aside, can "fix" another. Nor do I believe anyone can "make" a person happy. A person can only help another to improve and add to the happiness that's already there. To think of a collar as a cure-all to your life's woes is setting one's self up for a major disappointment. Happiness comes from within. The desire to improve one's self must come from within too.

Personally, I can't imagine offering myself to a dominant as a problem or mess to be fixed. It's my responsibility to myself to manage my own problems and create my own happiness. That way, I'm able to offer a whole, stable and happy person who will add to their life's joys rather than drag them down. This is not to say I won't accept help, guidance or advice as needed along the way but the ultimate responsibility of my life and happiness resides within me.

There are those who like the whole wounded-bird scenario and the idea that they can fix another person and make them happy. (This scenario can happen for submissives as well as dominants.) It's a powerful draw to think you are able to make that much difference in another person's life. Sometimes it works if both parties are willing to work and work hard towards that goal. But more often than not, it doesn't work and both parties are left drained, disillusioned and disappointed.

There's no magic wand and a collar is not a cure-all. Life is what a person makes of it. It's ultimately up to ourselves to manage our lives and find our own happiness.

Jut my thoughts on a very interesting question. Thank you dogobedience for posting it.

Sincerely,
merry

(adding here)
P.S. Nika, that is one fantastic poem!

< Message edited by merrymasochist -- 5/19/2006 11:13:54 AM >

_____________________________

"What hath night to do with sleep?"
J. Milton

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 30

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 11:33:18 AM

composer83

Posts: 101
Joined: 2/14/2006
From: Oklahoma City
Status: offline

i tend to agree with the general consensious on here......
but may i propose an alternate view?
the D/s in all its dynamics is still a relationship......& relationships should be a two way street......so just as a sub could rely on their Dom for guidance, advice, etc......could not also the Dom count on the sub for alternate opinions, viewpoints, anecdotes of wisdom & experience?........we all journey different paths......& perhaps in some cases the sub may hold the key to their Dom's particular problem........just because you're sub....doesnt mean that you have to be a mindless robot with no thoughts or opinions of your own.....but i suppose the expression of said thoughts & opinions would depend greatly on the particular D/s arrangement.......
does that sound valid? or am i way off base here?

_____________________________

~Love is Pain~

www.myspace.com/iamthediminished

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 31

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 11:48:02 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: composer83

...does that sound valid? or am i way off base here?

Not off base to me and quite valid! I don't believe anybody, including Dominants, are above utilizing "alternate opinions, viewpoints, anecdotes of wisdom & experience" ...at least if they are the wise One I'd hope they'd be.

(in reply to composer83)

Post #: 32

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 11:50:04 AM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

juliaoceania, CONGRATULATIONS, for taking control of your life and offering an excellent person whom anybody would be proud to know.......you go girl!!!!

A dom can only modify and enhance your life, bringing structure, control, leadership, and instill a desire to follow.

Successful people like you deserve the best and good people are attracted to that!

I like HAPPY PEOPLE, everyone does!

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to merrymasochist)

Post #: 33

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 12:16:13 PM

scratchingpost

Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

I used to believe that a collar would be this magical charm...it never happened though and I learned that the only magical charm to fixing things is hard work...I'm not jaded but when a collar is given or received it should not be used as a band aid.

_____________________________

be safe and smile
purrrs kitty
(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 34

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 1:21:07 PM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

I write these posts to learn, share, and MAKE PEOPLE THINK. I am always happy to see this forum used as a sharing of thoughts and views.

I made my mistakes attempting to "band aid" others, great slaves to the casual dom, a weekend play thing, but perhaps here as an escape and nothing more.To be 24/7/365 requires much more, which is what I and a few others here seek and NEED..

Thanks to everyone who takes the time to reply and offer truthful advise and or feelings.

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 35

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 1:27:56 PM

caitlyn

Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline

Well, I'm not collared. I was thinking to make it past the barrier of keeping a boyfriend for more than a few weeks.

The "dominant to fix them", issue ... who really knows. Part of me wants to agree with the conventional wisdom that a person has to fix themselves, and is self-responsible, but at the same time, can't help relating my own experience of moving in with foster parents, and how much that changed (or even fixed) me.

Some people may be now, like I was at thirteen, where I had no sense of normalcy, no sense that I was worth anything to anyone. While it may sound a bit dramatic, the caring and normalcy offered back then, by two people, is probably the biggest reason I didn't cash in my chips on life a long time ago. When I look back now on my life back then, I realize I was just making it through life as someone's beater.

It doesn't end there. When it's 6am and I don't feel like taking that drive to class, or when I'm out late at night contemplating doing the wrong thing ... the unrelenting drive to make two people proud, tends to carry me.

I can see how a dominant would have that same impact on a wounded submissive. That's probably not the popular answer, but perhaps it's plausable.

< Message edited by caitlyn -- 5/19/2006 1:36:24 PM >

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 36

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 1:32:35 PM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

I was married for 20 years. That didn't bring security, happiness or lessen the need for me to make my own choices and decisions. I now live with my Dominant. We are not collared. We are not married. Neither marriage nor a collar make a twit of difference if one party or the other wants to leave.

As for myself, it is *I* that has to find happiness in myself without the assistance of another.
It is *I* that has to be satisfied in my career.
It is *I* that is responsible for the quietness in my soul.

No dominant on earth can give more than companionship to another. Sex is available everywhere are people who will sexually use you in a kinky way if that is what you desire.

Collaring....no panaciea.

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 37

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 1:39:35 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I'm uncollared presently and mostly happy with my life. I have all the normal problems and challenges that everyone else has and manage to "fix" them all on my own. I do; however, own an apartment building and if a carpenter dom or a tradesman dom would like to collar and fix it, well, that's another matter altogether!

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 38

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 2:16:46 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Bandit,

Perhaps you need a male slave?....Just kidding...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 39

RE: HAPPY DOM - 5/19/2006 2:54:07 PM

bridget2

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline

I am not collared but I desire to be. Not because I want someone to change my life, but to add to it. No one can fix anyone's problems (smiles)...I just hope when I am collared, the Dom will care for me and want to be there just to listen once and a while.
LOL...if simply having a Dom meant life's obstacles would disappear..wouldn't that be wonderful? ..lol You'd all be gods!!

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 40

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