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RE: how far do you go - 5/19/2006 6:51:47 AM

blondangelique

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline

Dear understud,

I went far. Some friends and relatives even think I went too far. My ex wife/Mistress started to change me from her slave into her slavegirl. This was a step by step proces. A contract was made up in wich my changes were described and the goals I had to achieve. There were rules about clothing and make-up after work and in the weekends at first. Later I had to wear make-up always and was onlu allowed to dress uni-sex at work. Ther were also goals set such as being marked with a owner mark and haveng larger breasts.
So you can say I was partly feminized. This isn't reversabel. Due to circumstances I've become a single parent. And yes it isn't easy to start a new relationship with my now feminine looks.
I don't regret the life I lived and what I am now but it does have some consequenses. In the past I was a rather shy person. I was always concerned about the opinion of other people. Nowadays I don't care about that. People should take me as I am.
How far am I willing to go in the future? When I meet the right person (relation of owner) I know I would go all the way. I want to become the object, barbi, animal or whatever a new person in my life want me to be. This only if I love and trust this person.
With love,

angelique

(in reply to understud)

Post #: 21

RE: how far do you go - 5/19/2006 10:11:44 AM

understud

Posts: 102
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

I do like that approach to winning others over. Still it's hard when you are the butt of snitty remarks. But why not try and see if i can at least ...out kindness them... thanks

always respectful; respectfully

understud...

_____________________________

If you don't love and respect yourself; how the hell can you love and respect anyone else

(in reply to PhoenixLM)

Post #: 22

RE: how far do you go - 5/19/2006 11:08:01 AM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

This lifestyle will never be accepted by society at large. To complain about that is pointless. If it bothers you that much, move to a part of the Country that is more tolerant.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to understud)

Post #: 23

RE: how far do you go - 5/19/2006 11:53:15 AM

scratchingpost

Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

I dont hide it I dont flaunt it I am who I am it is part of me like having brown eyes...I do not point out the obvious and if people choose to criticize me that is their issue I will offer education on it if they like...but nothing more. (unless it piques their interest).

_____________________________

be safe and smile
purrrs kitty
(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

(in reply to understud)

Post #: 24

RE: how far do you go - 5/19/2006 12:01:44 PM

DivaZya

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline

Greetings, I heartilly agree with PhoennixLM - I'm currently in Social Services Mental Health classes. My current assignment is a powerpoint presentation on Fetishism and Masochism, coz a nice lil butch already snatched up the Sadism presentation.
We've talked about how not to squick the small town kids while still opening their eyes to what is Out There in what is to us, "normal play". I'm aiming for a glossy pictorial to do most of the impression - hey, who doesn't like shoes just a little?
Every one I know has some choice about the shoes they wear - (no I don't hang out with homeless.) and many people really, really, REALLY enjoy shoes, boots , high heels - how many of an item constitutes a fetish ? No - a Fetish is something, or some action that you must have in order to get aroused.. short description.
Collection is listed in the handbook for diagnosing mental illnesses under compulsive-obsessive disorders.
I'm pretty sure the proffessor only wants a quick explanation from the handbook - but I feel it's important to let the rest of the class know that not every BDSM activity and fantasy scene is certifiably insane.
Right - the boundaries between "safe, sane and consentual" (I rather enjoy the "RACK" Myself) and those individuals who are unhappy victims.
Now, I really -must- work on that powerpoint! *waves*

_____________________________

~ D/s isn't based on fantasies- it may be motivated by them, but reality must be dealt with, and sometimes sharply! ~

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 25

RE: how far do you go - 5/19/2006 1:16:07 PM

petcerina

Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Just because my family understands doesn't mean others will.

Your family understands? How did you manage that? Please do tell as i'm still working on mine.

(in reply to denika)

Post #: 26

RE: how far do you go - 5/19/2006 1:19:07 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petcerina
Your family understands? How did you manage that? Please do tell as i'm still working on mine.

Some of us have family who are in the scene. That was more amusing than anything.

Coming out is a personal process. Sometimes no matter HOW comfortable you are with it, it's not the right choice to come out to your family about it. That's your choice to make.

But generally, do it slowly, over time. Expect some questions, answer simply. Above all, be comfortable, calm and secure. If they see that you are truly happy, then that matters more than anything. And reinforce how it doesn't change who YOU are.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to petcerina)

Post #: 27

RE: how far do you go - 5/19/2006 1:31:59 PM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: understud
Yet this is real life; and i have to make a lot of accommodations to protect the oversensitive values of of my neighbors and peers. So, how far do you go in maintaining a civil atmosphere. Do you ever go to the rallies shown on television? Have you ever gone to the large gatherings at Disney world and the like? What do you do to establish yourself as a responsible alternate lifestyle in you community without alienating everyone. Or do you even think that is possible in today's society. How did it make you feel when you had to or thought it best to accommodate the vanilla view of how you should act in public.

I don't do a damned thing to protect any over sensitive values of my neighbors and peers. Screw that. If I spent my entire life finding out other people's values and then taking the time and energy to protect them, when would I get the chance to protect my own values and those of my family? I don't bend to anyone's view of what or who I should be or how I should act in any particular situation. I am who I am, and I'll act how I choose to.
I've been to large events and I've marched in pride parades. It really took no guts or risk to do so.

But I am also adult enough to accept the consequences of not conforming to vanilla standards. Sometimes people don't want to be my friend. I'm not up for any community awards, and I probably won't be on the PTA board anytime. And I'm ok with that. It's a very small sacrifice (if it even is a sacrifice at all) to be who I am and live as I please.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to understud)

Post #: 28

RE: how far do you go - 5/19/2006 3:21:56 PM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petcerina

[Your family understands? How did you manage that? Please do tell as i'm still working on mine.

I was blessed with an amazingly open minded Mum *s* Which is ironic because my Father was a very tightly wound a-typical Brit. I have a feeling they had a few 'adventures' of their own. (we had a Nanny that lived with us for about 15 or more years, same age as my Mom and her best friend and no one can really remember just which room Aunty Alice slept in)

My Mum discovered I was bisexual as a teenager and what could have been a really ugly event turned into a show of my Mothers grace, she didn't understand some of my choices but she loved me and wanted me to be happy. Rob and I started our relationship with the understanding that we were both not cut out for monogomy. I tended not to talk to my parents about my sex life *s* but she was pretty smart and cought on fast expecially when we started bringing our first partner to family dinners and gatherings. I think it might be a Brit thing to ignore the obvious and just grin and nod but no one in my family was ever rude and just accepted her as part of mine and Robs relationship. lol. I think what works best for us is I don't want to know about their sex life (ick!) any more than they want to know about mine. They know we live diffrently but they have never asked any questions. Some families will have more obsticle tho, especially if religious beleifs or culteral background are present. My parents were Anglican Agnostics (heehee Dad got excommunicated.. I never did find out what he did to deserve that) so there were no biases or conflict of beleifs.

The best advice I can give you is be yourself, you don't have to announce your choices but don't secret them away either. If you answer any of their questions with genuine pride and knowledge they are going to know this isn't just a fad.If you are in a poly relationship, introduce your partners, if it is a Master/slave Dominant submissive relationship, you can use diffrent terms infront of friends or family if they are uncomfortalbe with the term Master or Mistress.

Unlike friends, lol we can't chose our families. I have an older brother who is just isn't happy unless he can make someone else feel miserable as well so I chose not to spend time with him, I still love him but I don't particularily like him.

I hope that helped, good luck

denika

(in reply to petcerina)

Post #: 29

RE: how far do you go - 5/19/2006 11:21:16 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: understud
miss typed; sorry that large park in central Florida, you know the one with the large mouse lol, Disney world, or Epcot center or whatever they call it now...be well and thanks for the correction...

Last I heard, the park with the large mouse (might you mean Mickey Mouse?) is an entertainment center that is dedicated to families with children. Somehow, that just does not seem the best choice of venues for a large BDSM gathering to me.

I know Disneyworld has hosted gay pride marches, as well as other "alternative" causes. Because it IS a family and children centered park, it caused quite the uproar and gained media attention. While it is not the best venue for BDSM and other sexual content type of gatherings, they still exist. In a recent thread about public display, there were some who encouraged the shock value of putting what we do in the face of others. What better way than a family park?

I do not subscribe to it personally, but yes, it most definitely exists.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 30

RE: how far do you go - 5/19/2006 11:34:02 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMalinche

I always knew that Minnie was a Domme. . .

Best,

LaMalinche

Did you hear about Mickey and Minnie in Divorce Court. Mickey's saying to the judge, "No your honor, I didn't say she's crazy. I said she's fucking Goofy."

(in reply to LaMalinche)

Post #: 31

RE: how far do you go - 5/20/2006 5:02:11 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

There is an intelligent and graceful way to present yourself and there is the obnoxious way to present yourself. If you feel that you absolutely must let everyone in the world that you meet or that will see you know of your personal predilections and that you cannot be yourself without advertising your lifestyle, then I would hope that you would choose to do so intelligently and gracefully. Why? Because obnoxious offends people and the lifestyle will never gain a modicum of acceptance that way.

If you truly do not care how others perceive you and your lifestyle choices, if you do not think their opinions and thoughts matter one whit in the scheme of things, then do what you will do without regard for anyone else. Just be prepared to accept the consequences for your actions, which does include no whining if you don't like the reactions you get.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 32

RE: how far do you go - 5/20/2006 4:19:48 PM

Alacrity

Posts: 40
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline

For the most part, I'm just myself. I neither flaunt my interests, nor hide them. If a friend comes over and sees my floggers (that I didn't put away, because I'm sometimes lazy..) I just say "I'm pretty kinky." Actually this has led to some interesting discussions and a trip to a local fetish party with some friends. I f asked to be on a panel or such, I'd probably agree, but I wouldn't seek it out.

I think that most people, not all, don't really care what their neighbors do behind closed doors...unless that neighbor is really cute...

(in reply to understud)

Post #: 33

RE: how far do you go - 6/8/2006 12:24:57 AM

melnkolybabydoll

Posts: 39
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: understud

appreciate the advice, but it is more likely the typist than he type lol.

Nope, it's definitely the type...it is somewhat hard on the eyes.

As far as how to deal with the ignorance?...You have to ignore or educate, depending upon the circumstances. My own son approaches our own small-minded, small town mentality with the attitude, "love me, hate me...i'm still gonna be me" He was the first in our small county to go to prom with his boyfriend, just this year. Because most around here have known for some time that he is gay, and that his parents will stand up for him, no one made a stink about it. i am terribly proud of him for having the courage to just be himself. Good luck in your own journey. Keep in mind that everyone is rejected by someone, no matter how they present themself.

(in reply to understud)

Post #: 34

RE: how far do you go - 6/8/2006 12:41:14 AM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DivaZya

Greetings, I heartilly agree with PhoennixLM - I'm currently in Social Services Mental Health classes. My current assignment is a powerpoint presentation on Fetishism and Masochism, coz a nice lil butch already snatched up the Sadism presentation.
We've talked about how not to squick the small town kids while still opening their eyes to what is Out There in what is to us, "normal play". I'm aiming for a glossy pictorial to do most of the impression - hey, who doesn't like shoes just a little?
Every one I know has some choice about the shoes they wear - (no I don't hang out with homeless.) and many people really, really, REALLY enjoy shoes, boots , high heels - how many of an item constitutes a fetish ? No - a Fetish is something, or some action that you must have in order to get aroused.. short description.
Collection is listed in the handbook for diagnosing mental illnesses under compulsive-obsessive disorders.
I'm pretty sure the proffessor only wants a quick explanation from the handbook - but I feel it's important to let the rest of the class know that not every BDSM activity and fantasy scene is certifiably insane.
Right - the boundaries between "safe, sane and consentual" (I rather enjoy the "RACK" Myself) and those individuals who are unhappy victims.
Now, I really -must- work on that powerpoint! *waves*

Slightly off-topic but this post reminded me:

When Marcos was overthrown as president of the Philipines, it was found that his wife, Emelda, had 5000 pairs of shoes. Was that a compulsive-obsessive disorder, a fetish, or just a plain waste of money?

Brosco

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to DivaZya)

Post #: 35

RE: how far do you go - 6/8/2006 12:52:10 AM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

A thread on appearance, lifestyle et al...
At work I have a co-worker who let out that he has a penis piercing and catches hell for it, not kinky, just into piercing...my workplace is uber-conservative, actually cut off my hair for this job and never had for any office job I held...even when it was waist-length. Didn't matter, just hair...ok, I miss it but it'll grow out.
Point? Appearance is just that, until you get into permanent body mods, it's mutable...I used to dress and have my hair in such a manner that was viewed extreme, I was comfortable and found the attention amusing...before piercing was big here, I had my ears pierced multiple times and got alot of stares...now I see different facial piercings in the office place.
As for the 'lifestyle' question, there is nothing about my lifestyle i am uncomfortable with...but I am not usually 'in your face' anymore; never felt my sexual life was anyone's business, so that part isn't an issue...I dress casual and am not interested in 'fetish' wear, so that isn't an issue...and I cannot say I noticed any looks downtown with mine at Saturday Market holding her by the ring in her collar...
I realize that for some, depending on their situation, it is an issue...and everyone needs to be where they are comfortable; and I know the 'stoic' view of doing as others without believing it, can cause less upset, turmoil...
I suppose at this point of my life, I strive more for personal balance than worrying about others; oh, younger I didn't worry about others either, just different intent now...hmmmm.
Still, I think it can take extremes to get a balance in social perspective ie gay rights, enviornmental issues, etc...
Though it was funny being enough of a freak that both the goths and skins would cross the street at times. :-)

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 36

RE: how far do you go - 6/8/2006 6:41:03 PM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

quote:

For the most part, I'm just myself. I neither flaunt my interests, nor hide them. If a friend comes over and sees my floggers (that I didn't put away, because I'm sometimes lazy..) I just say "I'm pretty kinky." Actually this has led to some interesting discussions and a trip to a local fetish party with some friends. I f asked to be on a panel or such, I'd probably agree, but I wouldn't seek it out.

I think that most people, not all, don't really care what their neighbors do behind closed doors...unless that neighbor is really cute...

Seconded. However, I have found that if the conversation drifts that way either by Fruedian slip, the fact I mutter to myself (I know, talking to yourself is a bad habit, especially when some of the stuff you say you would rather others not hear), jokes, or simply questions. I answer them, and open up. That is simply how it works. I can't lie so when confronted about my lifestyle, I fess up. I've never been able to hide who I am and how I am feeling.

As such, now Penguin (my safeword) humour has found its way around the Publix I work at, and the Bakery knows what I am. Although a couple associates, find that a bit stranger than the usual drama involving who is screwing who, and when, most don't really care. They just sort of joke with me about it (and I'm sure that may be the reason my manager threatened to hit me with a frozen baguette :P). My coworkers are very cool people. It is amazing the kind of talk we can get away with back in the bakery. Too bad I hate the job.

Occassionally, someone will see what I am drawing. My art is furry. So most of the questions are centered on that, but even then, most people really don't care. Even when they catch an eyefull of fetishy furry art (known as yiff) that happens to have sadomasochistic themes.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 37

RE: how far do you go - 6/8/2006 6:53:32 PM

pinkee

Posts: 487
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: understud

i was curious as to how others in the bdsm lifestyle advance the goal of acceptance; not merely toleration. i would wish some day to live in my small community openly as i am. Sadly that seems unattainable at present. i could just say to hell with everyone and ignore the morals; and values or in my opinion, lack of them, of the rest of the town. Yet this is real life; and i have to make a lot of accommodations to protect the oversensitive values of of my neighbors and peers. So, how far do you go in maintaining a civil atmosphere. Do you ever go to the rallies shown on television? Have you ever gone to the large gatherings at Disney world and the like? What do you do to establish yourself as a responsible alternate lifestyle in you community without alienating everyone. Or do you even think that is possible in today's society. How did it make you feel when you had to or thought it best to accommodate the vanilla view of how you should act in public.

reaching out for ideas

always respectful; respectfully understud...

For valid reasons IMO i am only "out" to my vanilla girlfriends and my D/s friends. i am a private person, and cannot see marching in protest of oppression of BDMS'ers unless a specific piece of legislation moved me.

pinkee

(in reply to understud)

Post #: 38

RE: how far do you go - 6/8/2006 7:01:28 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: understud
...i saw a group being telivised one day at a Disney property and mentioned, it as an example of publicity. Now i realize it was called Gay Daze.....not bdsm daze...stupid me, but the question remains.

As I recall they lost millions due to christian boycott and protesters and aren't likely to do it again. Nothing like gay parents taking their kid on holiday where other kids might get why they have two mommies only to have "good christian folk" screaming that they are an abomination and are going to hell.
Friends went and took their kids, they had to come home early to put their youngest in therapy because "the mean people" said they were going to kill her mommies and let her burn in hell.

(in reply to understud)

Post #: 39

RE: how far do you go - 6/10/2006 6:09:50 PM

DivaZya

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

Slightly off-topic but this post reminded me:

When Marcos was overthrown as president of the Philipines, it was found that his wife, Emelda, had 5000 pairs of shoes. Was that a compulsive-obsessive disorder, a fetish, or just a plain waste of money?

Brosco

Unless her life and social activities were made difficult becauseof her shoe obsession.. (and we are not certain if it was a compulsion for Emelda as we didnt' get to see how they were stored or otherwise set on display)..the lady quite possibly just liked shoes a LOT.
Fetish? maybe, but apparently not a harmfull one for her - tho the cost of those shoes may have decreased available funds for many countrymen..
I get to write in "rule out OC" as well as "deferred" on this one!

oh and P.S. the Instructor has pushed back My presentation twice, is it possible she's not wanting Me to frighten the class?

_____________________________

~ D/s isn't based on fantasies- it may be motivated by them, but reality must be dealt with, and sometimes sharply! ~

(in reply to Brosco)

Post #: 40

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