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RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/3/2011 12:52:59 PM

JanahX

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Next time she mouths off, punch her in the mouth. And if you knock out her front teeth, that will be a good reminder that she is to obey her all knowing and almighty master at all times.

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Post #: 21

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/3/2011 1:46:56 PM

Arpig

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Hmmm...maybe this might be instructive?

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Post #: 22

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/3/2011 2:22:36 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Hmmm...maybe this might be instructive?

Don't know about helpful, but that is an awesome tune. ;) And, admit it Arpig, you agree with the thought of just playfully taking her over the knee too.

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Post #: 23

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/3/2011 5:07:16 PM

coookie

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I personally love to joke around playfully and ask all cutesy like "who made you the boss" and then he in turn pushes me into my place equally as playfully. Its part of our little dance and i would be sad to not have it personally. It is one thing to play tease and quite another to be all like "Oi fucker who the fuck died and made you boss?" said with contempt and disdain.

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 24

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/4/2011 6:18:22 AM

Master09

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Joined: 2/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

So maybe she feels she has some control over some of the decision making, and the way that things have progressed has led the both of us feeling like authority in the relationship is shared on 70/30 or 60/40 basis and respect has not been properly established in a way that would allow a transition to a absolute M/s relationship. If that is the case then anyone who has encountered these similar issues and knows where I'm coming from I want to ask what are some things I can do to reestablish the level of respect and authority in a way that allows the slave to transition smoothly without the belief that she has done something wrong or that I have overlooked this behavior pattern of hers. I know that the fault lies with myself, as I caught the behavior early and addressed it but instead decided to allow it because I did believe at the time that it was harmless but I feel there is a good opportunity to fix this now, I know she is willing to change for me I just want to make sure I help her make the change effectively rather then run into an unwanted resistance.

Well, don't go throwing out the baby with the bath water. You hooked up with her because you liked who she was, right.. and she is still that person so trying to change her rather than tweak her behavior is only going to cause something to get bent. If you work on your consistancy, she will most likely fall into the line you establish. That's on you, dude.. not her. You want the reins, take them and control them. That's your job. If she thinks she's being entertaining rather than annoying, then it's up to you to let her know the difference.

Michael has a 42 minute button pushing limit. I know that for 42 minutes, I can poke, tickle, be a wise-ass etc., before that turns from cute to annoying. Once in a while, on an off day, he only goes 38 mins.. those days I pay for my mouth, but it's all good. I knew the risk when I took on the job. "Enough" out of his mouth is all it takes to turn me from entertaining slutling to obedient slave. If that "enough" word didn't work, then he would probably consider me not as an entertaining little slutling but an obnoxious, disobedient brat and that's not at all the person with whom he wants to deal.. nor is it the person I want to be.

I'd say let her entertain you to a point, but try to be as consistant as you can within the set and allow her to be the woman who attracted you in the first place without putting out her spark with a firehose.

Good luck

THIS is what I was looking for. I don't want to take out the joy that we have. I like the flirting, and the teasing etc. But I wanted what you just described, a limit, a stopping point. Sometimes I just want to transition into something that's different where I can let her know it's enough and me not having to deal with some resentment or fuss. I can't tell you how glad I am that this girl is not BORING some girls you just can't feel any energy and I'm not going to change that.

< Message edited by Master09 -- 8/4/2011 7:09:40 AM >

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Post #: 25

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/4/2011 11:49:53 PM

Asherscorp1

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Since you have had a lot of very insightful advice into the intricacies of your relationship I will only address the part that relates most closely to my personal experience... I am sarcastic, very sarcastic, and generally have a playful, spirited way of bantering. Master has some tolerance for this but not much. In no way do I have to squash my spiritedness but I do have to make sure I am careful to always be respectful, never demeaning or "bitchy" when playing. Even so, Master doesn't enjoy my teasing very much and he clearly communicates it. Once he's had enough he simply tells me, "Pet, done talking." Or will give me that look with his eyebrow raised which lets me know that I'm on soft ground and better back up. If for some reason I ignore a look or keep talking Master will usually firmly pinch my septum to get my attention and just that action reminds me that no matter how softly spoken, Master was giving an order not making a request. I think I understand why you would be upset at your sub seeming to be "lippy" with you. I wouldn't want to ever be disrespectful of Master and if his definition and mine are different I would adopt and live up to his standards, not my own. Communicate how you feel when she speaks in certain ways, lay out some basic guidelines and absolutely step-up and let her know when she's out of line. It sounds like you have a sweet, submissive and obedient girl, if you explain to her what you find inappropriate and the consequences I bet she will do her best to be careful of how she speaks to you.

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Post #: 26

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/5/2011 6:40:39 AM

Kirata

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Master09

The thing that's bugging me is I feel she's being a bit bratty from time to time... like the other day I told her that what I expect from her is her complete obedience and she jokingly replies that I'm going to be disobedient, etc.

I once had a girl very much like the one you describe, and I can tell you without reservation that she was a prize. But I didn't respond as you do. And while we are different people, of course, for whatever it might be worth to you here's an example of how that sort of thing went with me:

"I'm going to be disobedient." "No you're not."

I knew she wasn't, and so did she. But she needed to know that I knew it: that I knew her. Because otherwise she might as well be invisible. And that's a very lonely place. Don't let your insecurities leave her hanging out there alone. Know her, and let her know that you know her.

K.

(in reply to Master09)

Post #: 27

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/5/2011 9:52:04 AM

Master09

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Thanks for all the advice guys I mean it. I'm finally getting a grip on all of this and I can say right now life couldn't be more grand. Recently I see how sometimes she doesn't just obey me but goes beyond what I tell her to do literally speaking to my desires. I just get fucking captivated by it, and it has nothing to do with sex most of the time. It's been hard work on both our parts but man it's so worth it. If you're able to get past some of the social conditioning that clashes with this type of lifestyle it's amazing. And without some playful disobedience from time to time I think I wouldn't find it anywhere near as challenging or rewarding or fun as I find it now.

(in reply to Kirata)

Post #: 28

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/5/2011 1:02:58 PM

lally2

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Joined: 4/16/2009
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most everyone has given fab advice and it sounds to me like you guys have something really great going there.

IMO i wouldnt go the route of spanking her when she's playful, i think that will take you down a route that just spirrals around to her controlling you to suit her needs and that i dont think is where youre wanting to go here.

it is all about fun and just crafting the give and take to suit you and her is all that matters there really is no time scale and people who adopt some rigid persona completely miss out on the dance.

have fun, i know you will.

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Post #: 29

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/6/2011 11:16:44 AM

SirWforkitten

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Very salient points raised here. My kitten has a playful side as well, I love it. O/our dynamics leave room for the human factor in O/our D/s relationship. It only takes a look of disapproval or a reach for My pen and she knows when it's gotten to be enough. Other than that I could not imagine not enjoying the beautiful and playful side of her submission. The thing to always think about is quite simply, the times your slave obeys and shows loyalty and respect to you (which goes both ways from M to s, s to M) most certainly appears to outweigh any of the events you have written here. I offer, relax, enjoy the human (vanilla) side of her as well, it's part of the attraction you have of her. Also there are numerous ways to use her playful side in a scene/training which can be very enjoyable and fun as a couple. Cheers.... Sir W for kitten

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Post #: 30

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/6/2011 12:08:17 PM

Epytropos

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I'm not going to speak to the OPs relationship because I feel like I don't have enough information to impart anything valid, but I will say that the bratty, playful stuff can be fun and charming at times, but it can also get annoying in too large of doses, and I also think it can be indicative of an issue of real obedience in some cases. Not all, probably not even most, but there is sometimes an element of truth in jokes and it's important to be able to tell the difference between coquettishness and actual reservation.

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Post #: 31

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/6/2011 12:39:17 PM

lally2

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Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirWforkitten

The thing to always think about is quite simply, the times your slave obeys and shows loyalty and respect to you

i had to quote this because its so important. there is nothing more destructive IMO than a Dominant who only seems to notice and respond to the 'off' moments in their sub.

to be forever criticised and pulled up for getting things wrong when so much of the time they get it so right can get seriously demoralising.

to squash playfullness will only result in a squashed sub.

id agree that sometimes in some cases with some situations the playfullness isnt so much playful as pushing, testing and challenging but i think when that happens its often because the sub needs to feel more direction and control from their Dominant. and/or there just isnt enough of the play she/he as a sub needs to 'settle' them.

some subs arent good at asking for something to happen more or harder or for there to be consequences to their actions. but beyond a masso playing up for funishment, its not so hard to establish that bad behaviour results in something they are going to hate and good behaviour will result in something they enjoy.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to SirWforkitten)

Post #: 32

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/7/2011 12:22:00 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master09

The thing that's bugging me is I feel she's being a bit bratty from time to time... like the other day I told her that what I expect from her is her complete obedience and she jokingly replies that I'm going to be disobedient, etc.

I once had a girl very much like the one you describe, and I can tell you without reservation that she was a prize. But I didn't respond as you do. And while we are different people, of course, for whatever it might be worth to you here's an example of how that sort of thing went with me:

"I'm going to be disobedient." "No you're not."

I knew she wasn't, and so did she. But she needed to know that I knew it: that I knew her. Because otherwise she might as well be invisible. And that's a very lonely place. Don't let your insecurities leave her hanging out there alone. Know her, and let her know that you know her.

K.

Nice, really nice.

Regards, agirl

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Post #: 33

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/7/2011 1:54:28 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master09

The thing that's bugging me is I feel she's being a bit bratty from time to time... like the other day I told her that what I expect from her is her complete obedience and she jokingly replies that I'm going to be disobedient, etc.

I once had a girl very much like the one you describe, and I can tell you without reservation that she was a prize. But I didn't respond as you do. And while we are different people, of course, for whatever it might be worth to you here's an example of how that sort of thing went with me:

"I'm going to be disobedient." "No you're not."

I knew she wasn't, and so did she. But she needed to know that I knew it: that I knew her. Because otherwise she might as well be invisible. And that's a very lonely place. Don't let your insecurities leave her hanging out there alone. Know her, and let her know that you know her.

K.

Really likes this. What is better than having someone "get" you and vice versa?

(in reply to Kirata)

Post #: 34

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/7/2011 3:33:08 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Master09

...I think she is trying to keep some power in the relationship...

That BITCH... cut her tits off!!!

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Post #: 35

RE: Playful Disobedience - 8/8/2011 9:26:33 AM

kiwisub12

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirWforkitten

The thing to always think about is quite simply, the times your slave obeys and shows loyalty and respect to you

i had to quote this because its so important. there is nothing more destructive IMO than a Dominant who only seems to notice and respond to the 'off' moments in their sub.

I so agree with this - my first dominant, and my second (and current)- both would randomly walk into the room and pat me on the butt, or make appreciative sounds at the sight of me. Talk about positive reinforcements!

There is nothing like it to motivate me to trying to please someone, or make me more secure in my perception of their regard!

and when i get a bit cheeky, they both could fix me with their beady eye and raise an eyebrow and stop me in my tracks. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but have a bit of fun.

OP - you just need to have a way to stop the teasing before it seriously pisses you off, because once you are at that stage, you are angry and she will know it no matter how you respond to it. My first dom would fix me with "the look" and if that didn't work, swat me with a cane. After a while , i figured out what "the look" meant, and would shut up quickly. He had a adept hand with a cane!

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 36

RE: Playful Disobedience - 9/9/2011 2:59:13 PM

sweeetD

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Joined: 3/6/2011
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[ talk to your girl. Share your feelings and issues. Don't bottle it up and harp on it out of some fear ](in reply to leadership527)

as others have stated "communication is key" so that misunderstandings and assumptions can be avoided. also, would it be a reasonable possibility that she might be wanting you to use some of that dominance and that is her playful way of asking?....again, talking about it will save a lot of time and frustration.

(in reply to Master09)

Post #: 37

RE: Playful Disobedience - 9/9/2011 3:17:34 PM

deOwner

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Simply assume you have Control. If she disobeys, assume that she is seeking the attention that discipline gives. But always always be aware of her needs. Even the lowest slave needs to feel some control over their situation (even if they claim otherwise).

If you question whether you have Control, chances are you do not. Perhaps not because she is failing to give you Control, but because you're lacking the ability to accept it?

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 38

RE: Playful Disobedience - 9/9/2011 3:29:04 PM

M4S73R

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Joined: 9/5/2011
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I personally dont think shes challenging your authority so much as trying to get you to take some control. Ball gag and a good thrashing would make her happy. Dont let he down.

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Post #: 39

RE: Playful Disobedience - 9/9/2011 5:39:26 PM

Twoshoes

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Joined: 7/27/2010
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I like this concept of playfullness! It sounds almost... playful, and maybe even... fun. Where do I SIGN UP?

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Post #: 40

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