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Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 8:07:06 AM   
atticus4


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/26/2011
Status: offline 		This isn't the easiest thing to explain, more so due to my limited knowledge but here goes;

Do you think(from a submissive view) it's at all possible to shall we say, 'self impose' upon oneself some kind of D/s activity? I mean, without someone instructing you to act a certain way, can one be submissive to others without their knowledge, just because they want to be?

If so, how?

I'm sure others can explain that much more succinctly!





< Message edited by atticus4 -- 8/5/2011 8:08:14 AM >

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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 8:10:31 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'm submissive in my everyday life all day long.

I go to the grocery store and I give up my place in line to someone I think could use it more than me.

I go to work and I do what my boss tells me to do.

I help people in pretty much everything if I feel they could use the help, I like them a lot or I simply feel a dominant personality coming from them.

When I wasn't with Master and I was in relationships be they bdsm or any other of whatever you want to call it, I cooked, cleaned, laundry, ran errands for them, etc...whether they knew about bdsm or not.

I'm a submissive personality. It's who I am. Why would I not do these things?



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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 8:23:52 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I see this as asking two different questions.

Do you think(from a submissive view) it's at all possible to shall we say, 'self impose' upon oneself some kind of D/s activity?

This sounds like you are talking about some d/s activity you do to yourself, like masturbation. So my answer would be yes... just like masturbation. (Edit to make this clearer.) I think of self fulfillment on a physical and emotional level and whether it is a physical manifestation or an action of self discipline or structure of some sort (d/s), I look at it pretty much in the same way.

I mean, without someone instructing you to act a certain way, can one be submissive to others without their knowledge, just because they want to be?

This I would have different answers for, depending on the situation. One can be service oriented and can cater to people and that can be an okay thing in my opinion. It helps temper the need to be submissive and serve and hopefully not done in a way that would be pushy or offensive to someone. The latter part of my last sentence is where it gets tricky for me. I can talk to someone and they will place themselves in a submissive position with me. I don't like that. There is no foundation for it, there hasn't been enough learned about one another and they will often try to put me in a position of dominant. When I am ready to be dominant to someone or with someone, I will say so. Until then, it isn't wise to act submissive because it doesn't show me how wonderful they are as a submissive. It comes off in my opinion, with most that do it, as someone positioning themselves, manipulating or trying to manipulate me into a position and is ill advised and ineffective.

I see it rather quickly, call it and correct it right away.

When in doubt... ask. Some of us don't like the excuse.. I am just so submissive that I must do this because I just want a dominant happy. Is that so? Really? I don't think so! It is often done to try to impress and to get something that isn't in place, rather quickly and without merit.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 8/5/2011 8:34:25 AM >

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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 8:44:57 AM   
myotherself


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From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I look after my friends and family because that's the kind of person I am. I quite enjoy having guests over and looking after them. I don't inherently think of this as being submissive, simply good manners.

Could I impose a D/s activity on myself and follow it through? Not really - it would be an unfulfilling empty gesture.

For me, the real submission is initiated by the presence of a dominant personality that I respect/admire/love.

There's no "s" without the "D".

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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 8:45:29 AM   
JWriter


Posts: 67
Joined: 7/27/2011
Status: offline 		Of course! If one is actually submissive, all the way through and not just sexually, it's going to show in your every day life, same as any other character trait one possesses.

My daughter's girlfriend was obviously submissive, and, I could tell that by the way she bagged groceries. It's just there. She wasn't trying to show it, but, she darned sure couldn't hide it.

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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 8:56:51 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
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Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JWriter

My daughter's girlfriend was obviously submissive, and, I could tell that by the way she bagged groceries.


Serious question....how does one bag groceries submissively?

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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 9:01:11 AM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		I should prob say nothing and just laugh.

There's now a submissive way of bagging groceries!!!!!


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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 9:35:20 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atticus4

Do you think(from a submissive view) it's at all possible to shall we say, 'self impose' upon oneself some kind of D/s activity? I mean, without someone instructing you to act a certain way, can one be submissive to others without their knowledge, just because they want to be?



First...welcome atticus4.

On to your question...bear in mind that this might sound more convoluted then I mean it to, so for that I apologize.

Currently I identify as a domme (switch leaning strongly on the D side), but in the past I've approached this from a more submissive side. All that being said, I have a definite service orientation regardless. In the past, as Lockit mentioned, I was able to feed that
need by involving myself in a career choice and various activities that allowed me to be "of service" to others. Totally non-sexual and completely consensual given the job/activities.

However, I never saw these activites and my job as an act of submission. They were acts of service, and therein lies the difference, in my opinion, between D/s service from a position of submission and service for the sake of service.

I don't know if self-impossed submission would have the same affect. Make sense?

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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 11:26:05 AM   
atticus4


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/26/2011
Status: offline 		Thanks for the welcome BonesFromAsh,


... that does make much more sense to me now, as in, it's not submission if it's not to anyone as opposed to merely acting submissive for the sake of it.
One must submit to someone right? Otherwise you're pretty much just being a 'nice guy'?

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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 12:09:20 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I'm submissive in my everyday life all day long.

I go to the grocery store and I give up my place in line to someone I think could use it more than me.

I go to work and I do what my boss tells me to do.

I help people in pretty much everything if I feel they could use the help, I like them a lot or I simply feel a dominant personality coming from them.

When I wasn't with Master and I was in relationships be they bdsm or any other of whatever you want to call it, I cooked, cleaned, laundry, ran errands for them, etc...whether they knew about bdsm or not.

I'm a submissive personality. It's who I am. Why would I not do these things?





I wouldn't say I'm submissive, but the first few examples just seem like good manners to me, giving up my place at the checkout for a mother with kids or an elderly person who doesn't have much in the basket - simple being thoughtful...

Doing what a boss tells you to do - pretty normal if you want to keep your job.

Helping people is also not submissive, it's just being human.

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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 12:10:52 PM   
atticus4


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/26/2011
Status: offline 		Yes, that's what I was unsure of, surely most things labelled as submissive in daily life can just be put down to being polite and courteous.

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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 12:24:13 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		There's nothing wrong with that, and believe me, you don't want to walk through life advertising you are submissive, not everybody is nice or kinky, some people might just take advantage of you, and just being a doormat is also not attractive, being polite and courteous is attractive, now if you got a special somebody in your life, you can always go a step further and be extra courteous...

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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 12:28:38 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atticus4
Yes, that's what I was unsure of, surely most things labelled as submissive in daily life can just be put down to being polite and courteous.

Dom here.

Damn shame that you are trying to somehow label / associate polite and courteous actions as being either submissive or dominant.  And, of course, the unspoken implication is that Dom / Dommes are rude and unfeeling, etc.  I'm DAMN polite and if you're looking for a Dom / Domme and if you find one that comes off as rude, run the other way.  If they are rude, they are DANGEROUS.

Along those same lines... If you yourself are polite, great. If you're NOT polite and were "under my hand," you'd learn to be polite sooner rather than later.

All boils down to WHY are you trying to make the association?  All I can guess is that either you are trying to validate your submissive feelings OR you are looking for an impolite person involved in BDSM because, of course, they are a "twue" Master / Mistress.

Either of those reasons are invalid, so I say:

You've been a bad boy.  Go to my room.


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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 1:01:18 PM   
MasterNeo1


Posts: 27
Joined: 7/29/2011
Status: offline 		Welcome to CM

quote:

ORIGINAL: atticus4
I mean, without someone instructing you to act a certain way, can one be submissive to others without their knowledge, just because they want to be?


-Not so much an answer, but rather, something to ponder.
I'm not a submissive, but this question did make me think of another. I'm not sure how relevant it might be, or how helpful you will find it, but it might give you something to think about. I'm sure you've heard of it at some point: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? The concept is that if no one is around to see, hear, touch or smell the tree, how could it be said to exist? Likewise, if a submissive is left alone, or with someone that lacks a Dominant nature, can he/she still be classified as submissive? Meaning that their submissive traits will surface, regardless of who they are with (Without their knowledge)
Or, as myotherself posted. For others; in order to be in a submissive state of mind, the presence of a Dominant must be felt.

And as previous posts have correctly stated; Indeed, some of these actions and occurances in every day life, can be mistaken for being of a submissive nature, when in fact, the person might just merely be presenting their manners and/or kindness.

Neo

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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 1:22:48 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh


quote:

ORIGINAL: JWriter

My daughter's girlfriend was obviously submissive, and, I could tell that by the way she bagged groceries.


Serious question....how does one bag groceries submissively?


Well, let's assume that there were cucumbers and bananas in the groceries....


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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 1:25:57 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Yup. Daddy used to say I was a good submissive because when I was up I'd ask him if he wanted something, or I'd now and then cook for him and sometimes bring his food to him in our room when he didn't want to eat at the table, and I love spoiling him with gifts, and go out of my way sometimes to do so, but all that I just saw as being a courteous person, and not at all indication of a "good submissive" Especially now as I no longer identify as a submissive. Shoot in our relationship I never really did, I have always, for the entire relationship been a bottom.
quote:

ORIGINAL: atticus4

Yes, that's what I was unsure of, surely most things labelled as submissive in daily life can just be put down to being polite and courteous.


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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 2:58:02 PM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atticus4

Thanks for the welcome BonesFromAsh,


... that does make much more sense to me now, as in, it's not submission if it's not to anyone as opposed to merely acting submissive for the sake of it.
One must submit to someone right? Otherwise you're pretty much just being a 'nice guy'?


I'm glad it made sense to you. You're right...one must submit to someone (or something). By the way, there's no such thing as being "just" a nice guy. Manners, courtesy and social graces (if genuinely offered) will see you far...especially in the eyes of most of the dominant women I know. The important thing to remember is to be genuine, otherwise most people...D or s...will smell the fakeness a mile away.

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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 3:00:23 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh


quote:

ORIGINAL: JWriter

My daughter's girlfriend was obviously submissive, and, I could tell that by the way she bagged groceries.


Serious question....how does one bag groceries submissively?


Well, let's assume that there were cucumbers and bananas in the groceries....



And they also bought extra large donuts...


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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/5/2011 3:14:50 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Are you looking for an outlet for wanting to feel that you are being 'in service' to someone?  If that's your premise, I would highly suggest volunteering your time for charity work.  You will get to be 'in service' to folks who very much potentially need it and most certainly will appreciate it.

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RE: Elements of BDSM in daily life. - 8/6/2011 10:18:53 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I'm submissive in my everyday life all day long.

I go to the grocery store and I give up my place in line to someone I think could use it more than me.

I go to work and I do what my boss tells me to do.

I help people in pretty much everything if I feel they could use the help, I like them a lot or I simply feel a dominant personality coming from them.

When I wasn't with Master and I was in relationships be they bdsm or any other of whatever you want to call it, I cooked, cleaned, laundry, ran errands for them, etc...whether they knew about bdsm or not.

I'm a submissive personality. It's who I am. Why would I not do these things?






smiles i dont have to write anything littles said it so much better than i could have done

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