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MarcEsadrian -> RE: Should a Dominant ALWAYS choose the submissive? (8/7/2011 11:38:53 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MasterNeo1
Here's something that I happened to stumble upon while surfing the inter-web:
1. 'As long as I can remember, it is custom that the Dominant waits until a submissive chooses the Dominant. This for the right kind of relationship where the Dominant is adored for His skills and the submissive for her gifts.
2. The Dominant who does not follow this rule is an outcast and therefore not respected as a real Dominant should be.
3. If a Dominant takes a submissive by force then, the what I call; 'negative side of the BDSM' will show in the relationship where pleasure will become abuse and the trust will be fear.
4. The submissive is responsible for the right choice. Therefore, she must decide before the offering if the Dominant is worthy of her gifts.
5. The Dominant has to prove his knowledge and sensitivity for His submissive.
There is a lot wrong with the above, needless to say.
1. Custom? Of which tribe, creed or sect? The BDSM chimera is not so cohesive as to have a singularly recognized set of customs or protocols. Ask what "slave" means in any circle of said enthusiasts, and you'll get a handful of different (and often in-congruent) opinions. The rest that follows in point one lacks substantiation, and is therefore non sequitur.
2. Again, outcast by who?
3. Taking someone by force (without regard to their consent) isn't legal, therefore, the point made here is quite obvious and generally invalid to those with nominal IQs. If another sort of "force" is being implied, it needs to be described, otherwise logic defaults to literal force. Needless to say, "abuse" can be pleasure to the masochistic mind, which invites harsh treatment.
4. This is partially correct, the way I see it. The term "gifts" should be substituted for service, loyalty, focus, etc. "Worthy" isn't exactly the right word, either. I would simply say compatible. Also, the responsibility of the correct choice is upon both parties, not one. Keep in mind this rule applies in F/m just as much as M/f. I tend to hear an awful lot of moralizing about dominant males who need to be this and do that and feel this and prove that, whereas the subject of female domination often seems to evade the entire "worthy" malarkey.
5. I agree, and I do not agree. The way this sentence is fashioned lends the idea dominant men are supplicant to the approval of submissive women, which turns the authority dynamic on its face from the get-go (again, why aren't we expecting to see this sort of condescending rubbish regurgitated by dominant women more often?). Legions of sly females and their smarmy yes men will of course cry balderdash to these sentiments, but patient observation and experience says otherwise, in my Universe, at least. It's suffice to say the dominant entity proves itself by its very nature. Dominance attracts submission. So long as both parties are wise in their respective desires/natures, and ply their judgement with sound observation, there is no need for a "test", at least in the way point five tends to infer. If anyone is to be outwardly tested, it is the submissive party.
As for the title line of this thread, I'll answer with my own preference: the dominant party chooses the one who chooses. In other words, you come to me, affected, moved, driven to interact, and I'll decide if you're worth my time, not vice versa. Not surprisingly, not many precious "kitten slaves" go for that arrangement, but the women who do this naturally without having to be told make the best servants. That is my experience, at least.
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