RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves

RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (Full Version)

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snappykappy -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 6:09:08 PM)
hey puella hope that you are having a very enjoyable end to this weekend

DeviantlyD -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 6:13:41 PM)
For those who have never been subjected to the type of unwelcome objectification described by the OP, consider yourselves lucky. I have found this type of behaviour more prevalent from online sources than in real life, but it isn't completely precluded in real life, perhaps just a bit more subtle. And for the others who, in essence, have suggested the OP should just suck it up, my question to you is why? Why should any of us accept boorish behaviour just because it exsits? That really isn't a reason.

SteeleMagnolia -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 6:22:20 PM)
I have been faced daily with a stack of emails in which the men writing have wanted to know what my kinks are-proving they have not read thoroughly read my profile-how often I masturbate, all sorts of personal things. I tend to tell them off. I am usually not here to talk about my kinks or anybody else's kinks for that matter. Things have slowed down the past few days. I guess I've told everybody off and now they don't want to email me. LOL

sexyred1 -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 6:45:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD For those who have never been subjected to the type of unwelcome objectification described by the OP, consider yourselves lucky. I have found this type of behaviour more prevalent from online sources than in real life, but it isn't completely precluded in real life, perhaps just a bit more subtle. And for the others who, in essence, have suggested the OP should just suck it up, my question to you is why? Why should any of us accept boorish behaviour just because it exsits? That really isn't a reason. I don't get the rant. The above bolded line is why. Why ask if should accept boorish behaviour? That means that you are shifting the weight of the problem onto to those who are creating the problem, instead of dealing with it yourself, which mean you only have control of how you respond to things, not how others behave. If someone treats you boorishly or misogynistically or sexist or any other way and you don't like it? Don't accept it. Tell 'em off. Ignore them. I doubt that there is a woman alive who has not dealt with assholes; I have known this since I was 12. The difference between being treated badly and letting it get to you vs. being treated badly and not letting it get to you is your response to this behavior. My question to the OP is why on earth would you say we bring it upon ourselves?

ElderKnight -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 6:50:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JanahX At what point? About the same time I concluded that Dominants are misogynists/misandrists. quote: At what point? About the same time I concluded that Dominants are misogynists/misandrists. Well, I may be the rare exception then among the Doms, and would argue I am no misogynst, In fact quite the opposite. There is nothing more beautiful then the curvature of a woman's body, and should be celebrated. (IMO) I would not take what is not given (or submitted), but then again, everyone has their own way of living the dream :)

LaTigresse -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 7:34:39 PM)
Hello Puella, it is nice to see a post from you again. It has been awhile and I have missed seeing you. I dislike seeing any woman being treated as an easy slut, even when it is the woman herself doing it. I would like to hope that in my communication with submissive women, I treat them as equals and with courtesy. It has nothing to do with me, how they manage their personal relationships and whether they are dominant or submissive within their relationships. Now.....if they make utterly blithering, stupid fool of themselves.........all bets are off[:D]

domiguy -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 7:56:04 PM)
Hello LaT, it is nice to see a post from you again. It has been awhile and I have missed seeing you. I think what Puella is referring to is the protection of these Doms when out in public events. The online crap is fairly easy to dismiss and there is no way to begin to police such nonsense. i have read about shit transpiring in the local chicago scene where people, mostly men, have been accused of some fairly serious shit. It seems to get quickly swept away if not totally ignored. Another story has a friend, not from Chicago, whowas at a bdsm dungeon and some douche grabbed her and pushed her down to the floor. She froze up, not a typical response, but that is what she did and nothing was said or done to the jackhole that assaulted her. in any private place of business this type of conduct would never be allowed. The dude would be immediately shown the door, an if he grabbed and fondled a women he probably could find himself under arrest. Now I don't frequent bdsm haunts because the thought of community events sounds like it would be worse than church. So, I am speaking from slight ignorance due to my lack of intimate knowledge, but it seems that much of the Dom/sub shit should be set aside in these places where the participants are unknown. However, that would require a common sense that is all too lacking in this wonderful community of ours.

LaTigresse -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 8:11:02 PM)
Hello DG, always a pleasure to see you also. I wasn't differentiating between online or face to face. I don't see any difference between a woman getting drunk and flashing her tits in a full bar, thinking that the attention she gets is wonderful.......and some of the behaviour I see online. I don't see any difference between a guy that treats the drunk tit flasher's quiet, not tit flashing friend as a slut and the emails that many of the s-types get.

Missokyst -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 8:22:06 PM)
My question to you is what is the alternative? Bores exist. People who make assinine assumptions exist. If you don't learn how to deal with it, then what, find a new universe? quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD And for the others who, in essence, have suggested the OP should just suck it up, my question to you is why? Why should any of us accept boorish behaviour just because it exsits? That really isn't a reason.

0ldhen -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 8:59:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD For those who have never been subjected to the type of unwelcome objectification described by the OP, consider yourselves lucky. I have found this type of behaviour more prevalent from online sources than in real life, but it isn't completely precluded in real life, perhaps just a bit more subtle. And for the others who, in essence, have suggested the OP should just suck it up, my question to you is why? Why should any of us accept boorish behaviour just because it exsits? That really isn't a reason. I don't get the rant. The above bolded line is why. Why ask if should accept boorish behaviour? That means that you are shifting the weight of the problem onto to those who are creating the problem, instead of dealing with it yourself, which mean you only have control of how you respond to things, not how others behave. If someone treats you boorishly or misogynistically or sexist or any other way and you don't like it? Don't accept it. Tell 'em off. Ignore them. I've often found looking them dead in the eye and giving a sound fuck off tend to put a screaming halt to the type of crap described in the OP. Bonus is that after awhile folks who display such attitudes get a real firm grasp on the idea that it is not a real good idea with you.

domiguy -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 9:00:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst My question to you is what is the alternative? Bores exist. People who make assinine assumptions exist. If you don't learn how to deal with it, then what, find a new universe? quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD And for the others who, in essence, have suggested the OP should just suck it up, my question to you is why? Why should any of us accept boorish behaviour just because it exsits? That really isn't a reason. and they are often dealt with in private functions. Here they seem to be protected.

domiguy -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 9:01:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: 0ldhen quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD For those who have never been subjected to the type of unwelcome objectification described by the OP, consider yourselves lucky. I have found this type of behaviour more prevalent from online sources than in real life, but it isn't completely precluded in real life, perhaps just a bit more subtle. And for the others who, in essence, have suggested the OP should just suck it up, my question to you is why? Why should any of us accept boorish behaviour just because it exsits? That really isn't a reason. I don't get the rant. The above bolded line is why. Why ask if should accept boorish behaviour? That means that you are shifting the weight of the problem onto to those who are creating the problem, instead of dealing with it yourself, which mean you only have control of how you respond to things, not how others behave. If someone treats you boorishly or misogynistically or sexist or any other way and you don't like it? Don't accept it. Tell 'em off. Ignore them. I've often found looking them dead in the eye and giving a sound fuck off tend to put a screaming halt to the type of crap described in the OP. Bonus is that after awhile folks who display such attitudes get a real firm grasp on the idea that it is not a real good idea with you. so then they prey on someone else unabated.

0ldhen -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 9:14:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy so then they prey on someone else unabated. Ya know...I've been known to defend the defenseless......but there comes a time when each of us needs to put on their big girl panties and stand up for themselves..... Submissive does not nor should it ever mean defenseless..... Buttt....A friend of mine's sig line used to read; "I you play on the train tracks you lose the right to bitch about being hit by a train"

domiguy -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 9:31:49 PM)
who said anything about being defenseless? and not every woman is an old biker chick. How about holding the Doms accountable for their actions, is that too much to ask?

Missokyst -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 10:22:02 PM)
Once again my question is how do you accomplish this? I know if few venues where there are some sort of panel of goodguys. It doesn't take much to learn how to tell a boorish person that something is inappropriate. And you don't have to be a biker chick to kick butt. I once dislocated the finger of a man who refused to take his hands off me. I was polite about it too. No cussing, no excess violence. A simple statement to remove it or I would do it for him. quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy who said anything about being defenseless? and not every woman is an old biker chick. How about holding the Doms accountable for their actions, is that too much to ask?

SailingBum -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 10:32:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: puella At what point did it become a fairly common idea amongst those of this community (and it is VERY common, in my experience) that if a woman is submissive she must therefore be: a. a slut, easy …. or at least, easier... b. so desperate, by very nature, to please anyone that she has no control over herself or her desires and has gleefully surrendered any sort of personal moral compass c. open to and longing for men /women (even those she does not know)to treat her with less respect and common decency than a person who does not identify as submissive d. knowing of this about themselves, so as to not only expect and understand that they will be a less worthy, less important and less deserving person (based solely upon that one aspect of self alone), they willingly submit to it (and perhaps even secretly desire it) Who knows maybe just maybe you portray yourself in that light. As most of the remarks appear to disagree with your premise. So my first thought is that your the problem not the guys. I wish you well. BadOne

LillyBoPeep -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 10:32:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DrakeAndPhoenix This thread seems to be illustrating the other half of the problem really well. "It's never happened to me/There are jerks everywhere/Not my problem/Just ignore it, there's nothing you can do." Not speaking up or saying that this sort of disrespect is wrong just sends the signal that these sorts of jerks can keep doing this, that its okay. It doesn't matter that these types of people are everywhere, because its still wrong. And for ever one true jerk, there's a handful of newbies, people who are very impressionable, who don't know how they're supposed to act, who pick up on this behaviour and assume its correct, and perpetuate the cycle. Every single person deserves respect. Nobody should have to 'just put up with it'. A Dom/me who can't respect s-types simply because they're s-types is no Dom/me at all, just a power-tripping jerk. (ETA: This is Phoenix, the sub on this shared account) i agree, especially with the bolded part. i get what people are saying when they say "you can only control how you react" sure sure, BUT i think people are just too willing to excuse it, and make it the responsibility of the victim of it to change his/her perspective. so guys like this float by because people just simply won't do anything.

DeviantlyD -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 10:47:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD For those who have never been subjected to the type of unwelcome objectification described by the OP, consider yourselves lucky. I have found this type of behaviour more prevalent from online sources than in real life, but it isn't completely precluded in real life, perhaps just a bit more subtle. And for the others who, in essence, have suggested the OP should just suck it up, my question to you is why? Why should any of us accept boorish behaviour just because it exsits? That really isn't a reason. I don't get the rant. The above bolded line is why. Why ask if should accept boorish behaviour? That means that you are shifting the weight of the problem onto to those who are creating the problem, instead of dealing with it yourself, which mean you only have control of how you respond to things, not how others behave. If someone treats you boorishly or misogynistically or sexist or any other way and you don't like it? Don't accept it. Tell 'em off. Ignore them. I doubt that there is a woman alive who has not dealt with assholes; I have known this since I was 12. The difference between being treated badly and letting it get to you vs. being treated badly and not letting it get to you is your response to this behavior. My question to the OP is why on earth would you say we bring it upon ourselves? quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst My question to you is what is the alternative? Bores exist. People who make assinine assumptions exist. If you don't learn how to deal with it, then what, find a new universe? quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD And for the others who, in essence, have suggested the OP should just suck it up, my question to you is why? Why should any of us accept boorish behaviour just because it exsits? That really isn't a reason. You both have missed my point. I am not speaking of it from the perspective of the person receiving the boorish behaviour but of those who say "suck it up and accept it". When a statement like that is made, it only perpetuates the behaviour and makes it more acceptable for it to exist. I would suggest a response more like sexyred1's in the sense of suggesting how to respond against it rather than saying just accept it because that's how it is.

DeviantlyD -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/7/2011 10:48:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy who said anything about being defenseless? and not every woman is an old biker chick. How about holding the Doms accountable for their actions, is that too much to ask? Wow. I agree with you. Should I be afraid? :D

crazyml -> RE: We Bring it Upon Ourselves (8/8/2011 2:48:09 AM)
At what point in time? I'd say, since the dawn of time, pretty much. Sites like this one, Alt, Bondage.com etc etc (less so Fetlife - because I think you have to be pretty committed to get your head around the user interface) have always attracted men who think they're going to be chokka block with "easy women". Yep, it's a stupid assumption to make - although there are plenty of submissive profiles out there (fake or real) that self-describe as wanton, easy, sluts. The reason I say "since the dawn of time" is because throughout history there has been a tendency for men to regard women who express their sexuality (submissive or otherwise) as "sluts". The girl who wears, and looks fabulous in, a tiny dress is labelled "slut" The girl who chooses to have multiple partners is labelled "slut". There are two things to be done about this - First, there's "Block and hide" for the jackasses who hassle you in cyber space and "Fuck off Jackass" for those that try to do it in meat space. Second, there's the (continued) work that the feminist movement has to do in order to beat down the stupid, sexist, presumptions that are still made by a great number of men, and a small number of women.

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