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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 3:54:50 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
OP...I apologize for this hijack...you've been given lots of great advice regarding exploring your interests before trying to identify them with a specific label.
I just can't let what follows pass by.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon


Also, key that opens many locks, master key, lock that is opened by many keys, shitty lock



Just so I have this straight...a man who sticks his "key" in many "locks" is ok, almost expected, but a woman who's had her "lock" opened by many "keys" is shitty (your word, not mine)?

You see no problem with the double standardness of this?

I'd like to offer this to you as a bit of enlightenment... A slut versus stud conversation

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 3:57:08 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

There's no reason that you can't experience some casual BDSM play that doesn't include casual sex.  I just got somebody's play cherry over the weekend and it was a great scene.  There wasn't any physical sex involved, but now he has an idea of different sensations that he likes and a hint of what kind of pain he can tolerate.  No sexual contact but it was a lot of fun for both of us.



Agreed.

I think one of the mistakes that many folks make when they're new to this is to assume that it's all about sex and must always end with some kind of sexual contact.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 3:58:09 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		No, I realize it's a double standard, and that doesn't bother me. I believe it exists for a reason. See my previous posts on the subject.

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 3:59:16 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline 		I did read your other responses before posting. Did you bother to read the link I provided?

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 4:00:17 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		In the process of reading it now, yes. But I promise I have heard this sort of complaint/argument before--it's not going to change my views.

EDIT: finished reading it, and like I said it's exactly what I expected. I disagree with about 90-95% of that article.That being said, I don't want to destroy/hijack OP's thread, I already gave her my opinion so I should stop clogging her thread up with meaningless debate over what is nothing more than an opinion.


< Message edited by RaspberryLemon -- 8/8/2011 4:05:58 AM >

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 4:18:15 AM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline
quote:

Exactly who were the guys supposed to be acquiring their experiences with?
oooo ooooo i know this! pick me ma'am! pick me!

_____________________________

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fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 4:58:23 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Only because you called Me "Ma'am".

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 6:41:40 AM   
winspiritsbaby


Posts: 141
Status: offline 		OP...I think a certain amount of play would be beneficial to you, however, please keep in mind that what you do with one person may feel a whole lot different with another.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

seriously???? you've got to be putting me on!

1 - what does having casual sex have to do with how long a guy lasts with a girl he wants to impress? what is the connection? sorry i just don't see one.

2. the key shit - do you mean you think the value of your cunt depends on how few people have fucked it? <please god let her say no>

3. what the fuck does penetration by a phallic object have to do with the value of a girl's first time? wouldn't that make a guy's first pegging just as valuable?

e2a
4. do you really see fucking as being violated?


1. Not casual sex in itself, just the act of having had sex before. I was using it as an example.
2. Personally? As in, mine? Yes. I don't apply that to everybody as I realize it's quite an unrealistic view or expectation to have.
3. Penetration by a phallic object literally alters the physical state of the vagina (hymen.) A dude sticking his dick in something doesn't change his penis at all. So no, I wouldn't say that a guy's first pegging is in the same boat, but in a similar one, yes.
4. Depends. I consider it violation if it's not done in a loving, consensual relationship. As for a dude getting pegged, I do believe that is violating regardless, but for a different reason.



REALLY? Chances are, before a girl has reached puberty she has particiapted in some other kind of activity that could tear or dialate the hymen(i.e. bicycling, horseback riding, gymnastics...etc.) The thought that an intact hymen ensures virginity went out a long time ago, at least sometime before the Atari game systems did.

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 8:56:54 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'm not you so I have no idea. But if it was me, I'd wait for a relationship. Then again I don't get the whole training thing. Makes no sense to me. I'd rather have a relationship with someone first and foremost.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 7:15:39 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		yea, but you're not as indiscriminately slutty as some of us, we're just fucking horny.

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 7:33:16 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I'm not you so I have no idea. But if it was me, I'd wait for a relationship. Then again I don't get the whole training thing. Makes no sense to me. I'd rather have a relationship with someone first and foremost.






The whole getting "experience" and/or "training" thing to me is pointless -- as no two Toppers are the same and it's exponentially harder to unlearn than it is to learn.  Thus, I'm with LittleWonder on this one... find someone you like as a person and want to have a relationship with, then add the BDSM elements as the icing on the cake.



_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 8:12:29 PM   
dreamofthemoon


Posts: 10666
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I'm not you so I have no idea. But if it was me, I'd wait for a relationship. Then again I don't get the whole training thing. Makes no sense to me. I'd rather have a relationship with someone first and foremost.






The whole getting "experience" and/or "training" thing to me is pointless -- as no two Toppers are the same and it's exponentially harder to unlearn than it is to learn.  Thus, I'm with LittleWonder on this one... find someone you like as a person and want to have a relationship with, then add the BDSM elements as the icing on the cake.



!!! What they said. ^

_____________________________

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(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 10:30:13 PM   
sinandhoney


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/23/2009
From: Lincoln, NE
Status: offline 		This was my thoughts when I first started out. I figured I'd rather get a taste of things, no training, so I'd have an idea of what my likes were and things I really didn't like at all. I've looked back at my hard limit list from when I started and honestly I can't recall why some of those things are even on there as they are my absolute favorite things now. I only play casually and only at play parties where I know there are back ups if things go south, but I generally only play with people I know and trust. I'm still looking for a compatible Dom but I don't want to stagnate myself in learning about me and my submission in the meantime. I don't see where the casual sex reference enters, not every Top wants or desires a green sub. Some prefer a submissive with some idea of what they want out of their submission or what they have to offer. It certainly, at least for me as a Sadist, make negotiating a scene easier if they have some idea of what they want me to do, or rather what they'll allow me to do.

I do hope you take the time to get to know and watch people before getting your feet wet. I've never played with anyone I've not seen play before. There are styles of play that do not suit me at all. People that lack finesse or timing and are just in it to beat the shit out of their partner, not a type of play that works for me at all but for some is exactly what they want. And you really don't know until you try it. Even all pain is not the same. I can take a single tail until it breaks skin, but try and hit me with a paddle or a crop and I'm not playing any more.

If nothing else attend demos if possible so you at least see it and are knowledgeable at a basic level. Go to some parties make friends and watch and absorb. I don't think it will be long though before the urge to try something becomes and itch you really wanna scratch.

(in reply to dreamofthemoon)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/8/2011 11:31:57 PM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon
I would think that "breaking your play cherry" to test the waters would be considered casual sex.


Unless you're engaging in sex as part of the play, no it isn't.

I've participated in a number of play parties and none of it involved sex.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon
You are essentially asking if you should go have sex with some people in different ways to find out what you like and don't like before you invest time/effort into dating someone.


Again no. I wonder if you believe that all play parties involve sex. If you do, you are mistaken.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon
But personally, I think that's what dating is for--seeing if you two are compatible. Just because you are involving aspects of BDSM into things doesn't make it different. And hey, if you  date someone for awhile and end up not being compatible to the point where you can't compromise? Oh well. Break it off and try another person. I've always felt that the concept of going ahead (this especially applies to females) and getting "experience" with sex or sexual things prior to actually entering a real relationship was just kind of ridiculous. I see sex and its close relations as something very intimate that should be shared with only a partner you intend to build a relationship with.

But hey. Maybe I am just a prude or too traditional or something. Just go with what feels right to you.


After reading the rest of your post, I'm convinced that you do think that playing at a play party involves sex. There may be some play parties that involve this, but certainly not all. I would be willing to bet that most don't involve sex.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon
First of all, the men have at least the excuse of "I don't want to last 5 seconds when I'm with a girl I want to impress." I don't feel that that is necessarily something that justifies it, but women don't have that kind of excuse.


No offense, but I don't even see that as an excuse.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon
Also, key that opens many locks, master key, lock that is opened by many keys, shitty lock, etc., etc.


Again, I don't mean to offend, but making this sort of analogy is repugnant. If a guy fucks around with multiple partners, I'm not going to consider him a "master". He's a slut.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos
Personally as a dom I'd rather start with a clean slate, and I'm glad, looking back, that my first BDSM encounter was with someone I cared about and not a stranger or acquaintance, but that said it's up to you to decide what you value more. You can't build yourself and your life on what you think a future dom might want from you in terms of experience level, you have to seek out what is going to make you happiest in the long run.


If your first encounter is intimate, sure, but if it's just a public play session, say getting tied up with your clothes on, where there are people present you trust, I can't see it holding the same significance.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I'm not you so I have no idea. But if it was me, I'd wait for a relationship. Then again I don't get the whole training thing. Makes no sense to me. I'd rather have a relationship with someone first and foremost.


I'm guessing you've never been to a play party, which is fine, but participating in a non-sexual way at a play party isn't training.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA


The whole getting "experience" and/or "training" thing to me is pointless -- as no two Toppers are the same and it's exponentially harder to unlearn than it is to learn. Thus, I'm with LittleWonder on this one... find someone you like as a person and want to have a relationship with, then add the BDSM elements as the icing on the cake.


Again, playing isn't training.


To the OP: Hisfreedom, DarkSteven, LadyPact, winspiritsbaby, sinandhoney and even crazyml have some good advice.

As I'd said before, ultimately it is your decision. I encourage you to speak with your kinky friends for another perspective. :)


_____________________________

ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/9/2011 3:47:03 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Indiscriminately slutty....yes, I like indiscriminately slutty, it is a good thing.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/9/2011 4:20:06 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		This:

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon
I would think that "breaking your play cherry" to test the waters would be considered casual sex.


Unless you're engaging in sex as part of the play, no it isn't.

I've participated in a number of play parties and none of it involved sex.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon
You are essentially asking if you should go have sex with some people in different ways to find out what you like and don't like before you invest time/effort into dating someone.


Again no. I wonder if you believe that all play parties involve sex. If you do, you are mistaken.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon
But personally, I think that's what dating is for--seeing if you two are compatible. Just because you are involving aspects of BDSM into things doesn't make it different. And hey, if you  date someone for awhile and end up not being compatible to the point where you can't compromise? Oh well. Break it off and try another person. I've always felt that the concept of going ahead (this especially applies to females) and getting "experience" with sex or sexual things prior to actually entering a real relationship was just kind of ridiculous. I see sex and its close relations as something very intimate that should be shared with only a partner you intend to build a relationship with.

But hey. Maybe I am just a prude or too traditional or something. Just go with what feels right to you.


After reading the rest of your post, I'm convinced that you do think that playing at a play party involves sex. There may be some play parties that involve this, but certainly not all. I would be willing to bet that most don't involve sex.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon
First of all, the men have at least the excuse of "I don't want to last 5 seconds when I'm with a girl I want to impress." I don't feel that that is necessarily something that justifies it, but women don't have that kind of excuse.


No offense, but I don't even see that as an excuse.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon
Also, key that opens many locks, master key, lock that is opened by many keys, shitty lock, etc., etc.


Again, I don't mean to offend, but making this sort of analogy is repugnant. If a guy fucks around with multiple partners, I'm not going to consider him a "master". He's a slut.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos
Personally as a dom I'd rather start with a clean slate, and I'm glad, looking back, that my first BDSM encounter was with someone I cared about and not a stranger or acquaintance, but that said it's up to you to decide what you value more. You can't build yourself and your life on what you think a future dom might want from you in terms of experience level, you have to seek out what is going to make you happiest in the long run.


If your first encounter is intimate, sure, but if it's just a public play session, say getting tied up with your clothes on, where there are people present you trust, I can't see it holding the same significance.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I'm not you so I have no idea. But if it was me, I'd wait for a relationship. Then again I don't get the whole training thing. Makes no sense to me. I'd rather have a relationship with someone first and foremost.


I'm guessing you've never been to a play party, which is fine, but participating in a non-sexual way at a play party isn't training.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA


The whole getting "experience" and/or "training" thing to me is pointless -- as no two Toppers are the same and it's exponentially harder to unlearn than it is to learn. Thus, I'm with LittleWonder on this one... find someone you like as a person and want to have a relationship with, then add the BDSM elements as the icing on the cake.


Again, playing isn't training.


To the OP: Hisfreedom, DarkSteven, LadyPact, winspiritsbaby, sinandhoney and even crazyml have some good advice.

As I'd said before, ultimately it is your decision. I encourage you to speak with your kinky friends for another perspective. :)






_____________________________



(in reply to DeviantlyD)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/9/2011 5:24:08 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I have already established hard limits from watching others play and listening to a friend who is into edge play.


While I am quite the masochist, I often find it rather psychologically distressing to watch others receive pain.

Also, the TENS and violet wand are both electrical play and I like one but not the other. I adore flogging but hate being paddled. There is only so much one can learn by observation.

Add my voice to the others who say that sex is not a mandatory component to BDSM play. I wanted to highlight LadyPact's words:

quote:

There's no reason that you can't experience some casual BDSM play that doesn't include casual sex. I just got somebody's play cherry over the weekend and it was a great scene. There wasn't any physical sex involved, but now he has an idea of different sensations that he likes and a hint of what kind of pain he can tolerate. No sexual contact but it was a lot of fun for both of us.



(in reply to Anita89)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/9/2011 12:47:25 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD

Unless you're engaging in sex as part of the play, no it isn't.

I've participated in a number of play parties and none of it involved sex.
Again no. I wonder if you believe that all play parties involve sex . If you do, you are mistaken.
But hey. Maybe I am just a prude or too traditional or something. Just go with what feels right to you.

After reading the rest of your post, I'm convinced that you do think that playing at a play party involves sex. There may be some play parties that involve this, but certainly not all. I would be willing to bet that most don't involve sex.

If your first encounter is intimate, sure, but if it's just a public play session, say getting tied up with your clothes on, where there are people present you trust, I can't see it holding the same significance.

I'm guessing you've never been to a play party, which is fine, but participating in a non-sexual way at a play party isn't training.

Again, playing isn't training.



You seem to be overly preoccupied with the aspects of: "sex", "training", "play" and so forth, yet... what you fail to understand is that some of us, who hold a different opinion from yours, get NOTHING... ZERO... ZILCH... NADA from "play" -- i.e., it's fucking pointless waste of time!!! 

For some of us, BDSM, sex, intimacy, training, pleasing, being pleased, control, being controlled, dominance, submission, partnership, love, and so forth (whether our clothes are off or on) is all wrapped up in a single, critical package -- a RELATIONSHIP.  The physical elements are fucking MEANINGLESS without the mental and emotional ties to someone we're ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED with, or seek to be so.

Analogy:  If my best friend (i.e., someone I trust) were to take/hold my hand, it would do NOTHING for me -- and would be no different if said same best friend was the person I engaged in BDSM activities with.  I trust them... but so fucking what?!!  However, if the person that I'm emotionally/romantically interested in were to take/hold my hand... ZING... POW... BAM... FUCKING FIREWORKS!!!

Thus, for some, BDSM is absolutely NOT something we view as being SEPARATE... it's all mixed together with everything else -- and merely the icing (the power elements) on the cake (the relationship).  That's why, for some of us, "play" is beyond fucking pointless and meaningless.  It doesn't "feel right to [us]" to give even someone we "trust" that physical control when there is no mental, emotional, romantic bond.

We don't do frosting... we need the fucking cake, dammit!!!  Granted, some may get a high from the frosting alone (which is fine), but for others... that'd only make us sick to our stomach.  For me, and others, "play" holds zero "significance".  If there's no mental, emotional, romantic connection, I'd rather spend that time bathing my dog.  That'd at least be a win/win... for me and the dog.

The OP asked for opinions... she's gotten them.





< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 8/9/2011 12:52:16 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/9/2011 7:53:11 PM   
AneNoz


Posts: 263
Joined: 4/26/2011
Status: offline 		This is but a lack of experience. A lack is but a thing to be filled. Go and rejoice in your body and take the pleasure within it. My goddess have given it to you to be a thing of joy and pleasure.

Be at peace
Aneka

(in reply to Anita89)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/9/2011 8:06:52 PM   
AneNoz


Posts: 263
Joined: 4/26/2011
Status: offline
quote:

I just think female virginity is more "precious" than male virginity
Virginity has not value, it is a burden to be put down with haste. Virginity is as a gate to a garden of flowers and cedars wherein is laid a great meal. Enter the garden that you may feast. The pleasure therein is from My Goddess, and your joy is her due.

Be at peace
Aneka

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
Profile   Post #: 40
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