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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/9/2011 8:14:10 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anita89
Should I play and learn (in a safe environment with friends) or let my future Dom/Master train me, teach me and break my play cherry?

<snipped> I just got somebody's play cherry over the weekend and it was a great scene.  There wasn't any physical sex involved, but now he has an idea of [some] different sensations that he likes and a hint of what kind [and what type] of pain he can tolerate.  No sexual contact but it was a lot of fun for both of us.

I like to say "We are ALL virgins.  Some of us just take longer to figure out how we're going to be a virgin any given night."

I NEVER  heard the phrase "play cherry" until this string.  I think the OP has a misguided sense of what BDSM is "all about."

Think back, y'all...... think way back for some..... LOL!  Think back to your SECOND (NOT first) BDSM experience.  Was that identical to the first?  Of course not.

When a vanilla woman fucks for the first time, that is IT!  The woman's hymen is (usually) broken and there "ain't no getting it back." Right?  The male vanilla virgin is a little harder to describe / define since masturbation for him is so very close to orgasming within a vagina.  And, he might have been jerked off or blown by a male "friend." Maybe he anally penetrated a male "friend." And there's the fruits and vegetables and farm animals that might be a close 2nd to a woman's vagina.

What physical change happens on a 1st BDSM experience?  Probably nothing! 
Back to the subject at hand. Ahem..... (pun NOT intended)

Virgin at being flogged? okay.
Virgin at being bound to St.Andrew's cross? okay.
Virgin to being flogged while being bound to St.Andrew's cross? okay.

Oh, the wondrous combinations......

My short and sweet answer to OP:  There is NO such "thing" as a "play cherry," so how in the world can it be broken?

ETA: Last play was Sunday afternoon with a boy that came to me pretty "advanced" in tit play.  The room we were playing in was very warm.  I got some glasses of ice water (he was bound to a chair) and brought in two extra cubes.  Used a VERY long Ace Bandage <tm> to bind one ice cube on each tit by going around his chest!  Virginity all around.... just have to look for it. LOL!

So, OP, how in the HECK are you EVER going to lose ALL your "cherries"?

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 8/9/2011 8:40:53 PM >

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"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/9/2011 8:33:18 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		I disagree Lance--  I wouldn't exactly call it a "cherry", personally, I never cared much for that term anyway....but I do believe the "first time" engaging in what some of here refer to as "play" *is* an equivalent to losing one's BDSM virginity.  I quite vividly remember my first time--and my second time--both equally as special.  I felt like I had crossed over the threshold from "fantasizing about it" to actually doing it.  It was something that terrified me (I was very young--barely 20) but I knew after that first time, for me there was no going back.

I was fortunate to have a large circle of friends who were very safe, very experienced, and very hot, as well as access to many of the best dungeons around.  The majority of my play as a novice did not involve any sexual contact, and it was just as fulfilling and enjoyable as some of my sexual experiences .  To be fair, when I started doing S/M and sex with someone who I also shared a deep emotional connection, the experience was mind-blowing, but I don't regret the experiences I had leading up to that.

That gave me plenty of opportunity as a novice to explore different sensations and find out what I liked, wanted, enjoyed etc. To the original poster--the only advice I can offer is to go at your own pace and don't be too afraid to ask for/pursue what you really want.  If being a pony is your thing, there are plenty of ways to get into the ring (figuratively and literally) without "popping" your cherry sexually.  Do what feels best for you.

best wishes

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/9/2011 8:59:15 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Anita89
<snipped>
I was wondering if I should learn/explore before I meet someone I want to be with or if I should let them train me themselves?
<snipped>
Should I play and learn (in a safe environment with friends) or let my future Dom/Master train me, teach me and break my play cherry?

Let me try a different "take" on this.

Again, I feel Anita89 (her profile tells us she is 21) has an odd perception of the whole scene.

Anita, MANY people have NEVER, ever found "the someone."  It's more like vanilla dating than you realize.  The play parties are sort of like the clubs that you say you can go to when you're in the right mood, staying home with one of your books if not.

You say you are sure you want to be dominated, but it's like drinking or dancing in a club.  You say you can take it [alcohol] or leave it. You don't drink just because it's available.  When you go to a club (with your friends, I add) you're looking to have a good time, right?  Might dance with a guy or two, maybe see one of them later.... you are NOT hoping to find your marriage partner.  Maybe it will happen, but you certainly don't go to the club only looking for a husband.

Ask your questions of your friends, maybe ask a bottom "How was that flogging?" AFTER the scene is over, I add. LOL!  Try dancing; try drinking... but as hausboy says, "at your own pace."

Oh, and nobody said - READ!  ResidentSadist's suggested list is here: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

ETA: What is "training" to you?  Again, I think you have a misconception.  To me, you seem to think that "training" you has something to do with your reactions to BDSM play.  Could NOT be further from the truth.  "Training" is usually how to serve the morning coffee.  How sweet does he like it, etc.?  You mention in your prfile that your gym is 24 hours and that you'd enjoy working out together with your Dom  - training you might consist of "meet me at the gym at 5:30 PM unless I call to tell you otherwise."  A different Dom might say "We'll go to the gym at 5:30 AM daily.  Be ready in your workout togs to leave at that time."

Training you in BDSM play - again, not sure about that phrase or what it might mean.  And that's part of the FUN!  Each time is different... I'm having trouble thinking how I might "train" someone to "play" a certain way.  Do you train someone how to play Monopoly<tm>?  No, but you agree on the rules and go from there.  BDSM play is more like kids running around - maybe one says "Let's play hide-n-seek," and then they do, and then one says "Let's play catch."

So, are those kids "hide-n-seek" virgins?

How about a swimming analogy?  Nobody is asking you to jump off the deep end.  BUT, I've never heard the phrase, "Oh, I'm a swimming virgin."  I have heard, "Oh, I've never tried a butterfly stroke.  Maybe you could show me how?"

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 8/9/2011 9:26:06 PM >

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/10/2011 5:59:36 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

Virginity is as a gate to a garden of flowers and cedars wherein is laid a great meal. Enter the garden that you may feast.
This is beautiful. However, the smell of cedars is going to make me think of sex from now on. 

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/10/2011 6:33:20 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Learn all you can before you seek a play partners,attend local munches while remaining vanilla, watch, learn, like my granny use to tell me keep your mouth shut and your ears open..Ask around your local area and check on mentors and their reputation, if they can't or won't put you in touch with people that they have mentored then  run..B

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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/10/2011 6:41:44 AM   
Epytropos


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER
if they can't or won't put you in touch with people that they have mentored then  run..B


Seems like we're going to be the last generation to have mentors, then

On a more serious note, mentoring is doing someone a favor. If it takes me any unnecessary effort at all, especially if that effort involves bothering people who I have mentored previously for 'references,' I'm not going to do it. I have to assume I'm not alone in that. In what world is someone asking for help with nothing to offer in return in a position to undertake an interview process?

Hell, I don't even provide references for people who want to play, and they're going to be getting me off. Why in God's name would I ever want to do it for people looking for help?


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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/10/2011 6:53:27 AM   
sinandhoney


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/23/2009
From: Lincoln, NE
Status: offline 		I don't think mentors are the end all and be all. I've never had one, that's what friends are for and why I attend demos. Why would they need references? You're not supposed to play with them, they are supposed to be a guiding hand. Though, at least online, it seems mentor means Dominant with out the relationship.

(in reply to Epytropos)
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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/10/2011 7:43:38 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

that's what friends are for
That's what I always figured a mentor was. A friend more knowledgeable than me.

_____________________________

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Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/10/2011 8:00:33 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		huh....i never had mentors. I never had friends show me how to do anything. I simply took what I was given as his slave. What was there to mentor? He says do something and i do it.

I guess everyone should run from me lol...I'm ok with that though.



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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/10/2011 8:43:14 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		A mentor is supposed to be passing on technical knowledge, like how to properly use a flogger, or do cupping, that sort of thing, aren't they? That's what I always took the term to mean.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/10/2011 10:30:51 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Keeping in mind that the OP specifically mentioned her attendance at a play party recently, this reference thing isn't all that darn difficult.  Most of us who play publicly don't have a huge problem pointing at a person across the room so that person X can verify that we play safely.  Half of the time, a person can be their own reference by watching a top earlier in the evening or from a prior event.  A person may not know all the ins and outs of a scene, but seriously, if a person watches Me play with another bottom and they come away with it without needing to go to the ER or some other negative outcome, chances are, I'm probably qualified to play with the next person who asks. 

I don't tend to call teaching someone a topping technique "mentoring" either.  I do tend to call it "private instruction".  In most cases, if someone asks to learn one specific area, if they have some prior play experience, I can teach them an activity in about an hour.  I won't speak for anybody else, but most of the topping that I do isn't really all that difficult and the basics aren't all that hard to learn.  I'm not saying that a person might not have to practice independently after I've shown them the hows of what they want to do, but teaching the introductory level isn't rocket science.


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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/10/2011 10:38:31 AM   
sinandhoney


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/23/2009
From: Lincoln, NE
Status: offline 		I learn by watching and asking questions. I've never once asked for references because I'm not dealing with people online or who are unknown to me. I've watched them play, paid attention to how they interact in the scene with the bottom or Top depending on who I'm playing with. It's a rare thing for me to play with someone I've not watched before, but I still know people they've played with that I can ask questions if I feel the need.

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/10/2011 1:02:08 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

huh....i never had mentors. I never had friends show me how to do anything. I simply took what I was given as his slave. What was there to mentor? He says do something and i do it.



Exactly.  I've never quite understood all this alleged "learning" people think they need... Topper says, you do. Simple.  Nobody can "teach" someone to be a better sub/slave -- you're either motivated/inspired (mentally/emotionally), or you're not.  On the Toppy side, and for edge players, I can see where getting safety tips would most certainly be helpful... but even here, Google is often a better source to obtaining MANY views/ideas, as opposed to the views/ideas of ONE.



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RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/10/2011 4:40:03 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		I actually do reference checks when possible, if I'm playing with someone who I haven't had a chance to watch before.  A number of years ago (before the internet) I met someone I wanted to play with it while here on the east coast (I was living in SF at the time)--turns out, he knew some of my friends in SF.  Before I setup a play date....I called my friend to check him out.  Found out later--he did the exact same thing on me.  I have no problem with that--that was not at all unusual.  We had a large circle of players (before that term came to mean something else) and it was never out of the ordinary for us to call and check someone out. 

If a person can't provide references (that seems to have gone the way of the dinosaurs) then I play in a public space or arrange to watch them play with someone else first.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: To break play cherry or stay BDSM virginal - 8/12/2011 8:48:16 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		Is this where I say "come here baby, I'll break your cherries". 





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