LadyHugs
Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
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Monosub,
First, there are no such things as a 'perfect Domme.' Being human, all humans are flawed and imperfect in many ways.
Perhaps, it is wiser to approach another, with the hopes of having at least 7/8 of what you deem 'perfect.'
Second, if you are not 'new' to the lifestyle, you might not be worldly exposed to the "lifestyle." Because a person's 'life style' might share similar traits, I can attest to the fact that each relationship is unique though they may have many common traits to other relationships out in the world and or as near as your local BDSM group, club or such.
Third, excuse me as I chuckle a bit, at the comment of your objection to 'paying for services.' As, I stop chuckling long enough, I must say that being familiar with the "lifestyle" paying is not always 'financial.' There is what is called a "power exchange" that rotates back and forth between a Dominant and submissive in their roles. That is a form of payment, in playing off one another's roles. Barter is often used, such as if I do this, you will do that, e.g. a service, a function, etc., but not always does it involve cash.
Fourth, though in life's early years people tend to write out their dreams, their goals and what to them means happiness, no matter how hard efforts to work with a scripted scene, it never ever works out to be by the 'letter' or ever accomplishes the desire intended. Health, mental and or emotional issues, malfunctions in equipment and or tools, life's interruptions can toss in a monkey wrench into the most well rehearsed role plays around. That said though, writing down what you wish to accomplish, goals and or feelings you wish to experience is just a necessary feed of communications as to help give 'mile post markers' as to how high you want to fly in sub space or meet the challenge within yourself, the Dominant the tether to the realities as well as controling the flow of endorphins and adreniline. But, to achieve spontanious and natural results, scripts are not so restrictive as to not allow a natural impromptu response.
Fifth, in negotiation stages, it is wise to honestly say where your dangers are, such as diabetic, arthritis, seizures, allergies and the like, as this helps the Dominant to adjust their play accordingly. Health and safety are to be primary priorities and from there build a 'scene' or 'role play' from there. It is to end where both can smile and remember the role play/scene as a beautiful memory--not a casualty. In addition, what BDSM/D/s and or S&m experience you have is very much appreciated, and with what tools, toys and methods that get your juices flowing per se. Your 'triggers' good or bad, known up front will only help in the role play/scene. This said though, not one Dominant plays identical to one another. My light might be a feather light to another. My very sadistic side, might be so harsh that it may blow off the cap of what another Dominant may deem as harsh. In addition the sadism can involve mental, emotional as well as physical, so this too must be discussed and done before a scene/role play even starts.
Sixth, a reason why I can't personally play by a 'script,' is that I play from what your body tells me, e.g. body language, skin color changes and temperature changes on the skin, the quickness of the reaction to reach sub-space and such, can't be packaged in a set script. For instance, if you aren't 'leathered' you body may soar faster with the light administrations of a cane on the dorsal vein or any number of my techniques where I tap into the body's electrical system, e.g. nerves and nerve bundles. I have seen others attempt to stick to a script where it was to the point that the submissive/bottom was unresponsive and the Dominant was still whacking them as if whacking a dead side of beef. Thank goodness, others were around to stop the scene, get the sub down and administer to their health. Unknown the sub had taken asprin and beer, so drunk that they passed out while getting their 'fix' on a adreniline high. So, this is why I would caution against demanding/suggesting an experienced Dominant to stick to any script. Again, communicate where you like to explore, what intent you have in reaching said goals, etc., is good communications where assumptions are few and knowledge is the power as to make adjustments as to reach those goals safely.
Seven, I would watch the Dominant in 'action' per se, before I bottom/submit to them. Too many talk the talk but can't walk the walk. The Dominant should be able to have good control over their whips, floggers, canes and torture tools. They should know when the skin is telling them signals to stop, how slow pinch is kinder and less painful, then apply the clamp, verses the quick pinch off and on which is more sadistic. Are the bondage furnitures about sound? Can they hold three times to four times your body weight? Is the whip zone free of obstructions? Are their medical and fire extinguishers visible and present? Is there a way for you to escape if there is an emergency--such as the Dominant going into a medical emergency situation. There are a lot of things to concern yourself and all these can be done with mutual respect.
Lady Hugs
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RE: Finding The Perfect Domme - 
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